


i think i like you but it's complicated

by ivemovedondude



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 2 much fluff, Developing Relationship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Illustrated, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sibling Incest, Underage Drinking, let me know if I need to add something, lots and lots of kissing and almost kissing brace yourself, probably gonna be a long fic ha, school fic, will add tags as it rolls out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:34:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 90,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2256063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivemovedondude/pseuds/ivemovedondude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>john and rose and jade and dave fall in love slowly, like the way the sink faucet drips when some asshole doesn’t twist the knob all the way</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. where it begins and stuff

**Author's Note:**

> hey its gonna be kinda slow at first but dont worry it'll pick it's butt up i swear.
> 
> my name is tess, i just published my first fanfiction, and this is jackass.
> 
> EDIT:   
> hey!!! just as a reminder... i wrote this when i was 17. i know incest is an uncomfortable subject for many people, and i specifically wrote it in to tenderly help me deal with some tender subjects that i wont discuss but relate to the subject. in this particular online social climate it would be so easy to screencap that i wrote incest and smack it onto a callout post, but it's genuinely so much more emotional and complicated than that. im writing this little disclaimer because i truly hope people will understand and empathize, and im keeping this up because it was genuinely a work of healing for me (despite how embarrassing i might find my old writing) and it seems to be a work of healing for others as well. thank you so , so much. this was a delicate chapter in my life and im determined to wring every inch of happiness and jokes i can out of it!!!!

“You're just jealous that I got more candy because I'm cuter.” Dave digs his fingers into the carpet, using his other hand to thumb idly through the massive mountain of a candy stash spilling monstrously over his lap. "Also, I'm in a toilet costume, so there may have been a decent amount of sympathy weighted into that decision.”

John looks at this jerk. He looks at this jerk and so deeply regrets suggesting that he 'dress like a toilet for Halloween because [he's] a piece of shit.' He should have known he would actually do it. He should have known.

But he is a fool.

And now it's a Friday night, Halloween night, and the kids were all spread across Johns bedroom floor like a bag of really festive marbles. Marbles that were decked out in costumes ranging from kind of lame (John the bed sheet ghost and Rose the wizard) to unconventionally excellent (Dave and Jade, the toilet bowl and the piece of shit).

Instantly, Jade glares at Dave with a furious HUFF, gesturing wildly to her costume in silent mannerisms that would make mimes everywhere burst into tears.

“Okay, no! If anyone should get sympathy candy, it should be _me!_ ” She exclaims with a pout. “I'm _literally_ dressed like a piece of shit!! I always get the worst costume. I am never couple costuming with you again.”

“You say that every year,” Dave rolls his eyes from behind thick shades. “If you were better at thumb wars, maybe you would get the better costume.”

“I have WEAK THUMBS, DAVE.” Jade shouts at the top of her lungs and John laughs at her like he can't stop. God, he vividly remembers how last year she and Dave wanted to trick or treat as a pony. Like, a whole pony costume, the kind that needs two people to even wear and everything? Jade totally had to be the ass. Thumb wars were no way to determine these things and everybody knew it.

Rose stands up now, her wizard robe flowing around from under her sweater. It was actually her brothers sweater, but she stole it, because she hates him.

“Oh, I remember the wondrous _struggle_ that is trying to link costumes with Dave,” she sighs, placing her hand delicately on her cheek like she's lost in her memories. “I always won the thumb war, of course, but he's miraculously excellent in the magics of sympathy. He cried to mother and I _still_ ended up being the armpit to his deodorant stick.” She shudders and turns to Jade with the flames of a tortured past lingering deep within her eyes.

“Dave is a very, very dangerous mamas boy.”

Dave shrugs with a grin, popping another candy into his mouth. What an asshole.

It was close to 4:30 AM by now.

Rose collapses, stretching herself across her brothers lap, tucking her arms into her (Daves) sweater. She looked so puny in it, and pretty silly with a wizard robe underneath, but she holds herself with grace as always. Ridiculously pretty no matter what she's wearing, that's Rose. Also an asshole.

“I can't fathom how Mr. Egbert has the patience to contain us every week, ” she sighs with a dark smile, swinging her hand across her forehead as if she were about to faint.

John shakes his head and collapses into Jade's lap, who immediately grasps his hair to play with. “I know! He's too good of a man,” he mutters, Jades fingers twirling away, and the rubber bands wrapped around each digit brush with John's forehead uncomfortably.

“You know, even though I'm in a poop suit, I think this year was definitely better than last,” Jade says, wrinkling her nose. “Less pony costume. Less ass.”

“What, you don't like my ass?” Dave pressed against his chest in mock disbelief.

“I don't like _being_ the ass, you ass!!”

“But you _do_ like my ass.”

Jade chucks a heath bar at his face. It thumps against his forehead and lands onto Rose. “It's an alright ass.”

“You're too cruel, Harley. This is a five star ass. I bet John thinks so.”

John also chucks a heath bar at his face, but this time Dave catches it and unwraps it.

“You two have weirdly good aim. Does it run in the family, or is there a little egbert-harley training course you gotta go through?” He stuffs the bar into his face. “Teach me your chocolate chucking ways.”

Rose rolls her eyes, patting Dave delicately, sarcastically. “Don't feel insecure, brother. If it is any comfort, you are definitely the biggest ass.”

“See, saying thing's like that is why you have no friends, Rose,” he swallows his candy, pointing to her with a half eaten bar accusingly. “...outside these assholes, anyway.”

“Oh, but I adore these assholes,” she stretches her arm toward John, ruffling his hair affectionately. “You all make me appear so much more presentable in comparison. It's quite the ego boost.”

Dave gives her a little shove and sneers.“But seriously. On the matter of asses. Americas Top Model it, right the fuck now, butt version. Who has the best tush in this room.”

Jades eyes widen as she leaps up excitedly, sending John sprawling to the floor. “Butt contest?? Alright, everybody get the fuck up! I'm judging!!”

But before she could get too excited, Rose raises to meet her and delicately presses a finger to Jade's lips. “You judged the last obscenely intimate physical contest, remember?” she says. Jade puffs out her cheeks, but does not remove Rose's finger. Finally, she rolls her eyes and mumbles a (huff) fine!!!!!! to which Rose grins and clasps her hands at

Yeah, this sort of thing happened pretty often.

In four minutes, everybody stands up, facing their backs to Rose, trying not to laugh as she pretends to inspect them carefully. She starts with Jade, lifting her skirt with such an unabashed confidence that John could see Jade straighten her spine in surprise. She must have not thought anyone noticed, though, because in a heartbeat she spins to Rose, striking a sexy pose. She's all “Ooo, Ms. Lalonde!” with lowered lids and puckered lips, and Rose lets her skirt fall with a barely contained smirk.

She doesn't even inspect Dave's ass, just _punches it_ , laughing as he yelps and turns back with a pout.

Rose reaches for John. Tiny pale hands reach around his waist and trace his skin and he finds his face flush and John is not sweating, no, because that would be weird, right? Friends don't flush when their friends—

—yank down his pants oh my fucking god

John gives a little shout, grasping at his waistband wildly and he hears Dave whistle. Bad day for boxers that read juicy on the butt, John. Always a bad day for the juicy.

After her giggling controlled itself, she patted his ass politely and even pulled up his pants for him. She winks, and John is not a difficult man to break. He is red all over. He sits down.

“Not cool. Not cool at all.” (Jade snaps the elastic on his pants. Dave is clapping.)

“Oh, I'm so sorry John, I couldn't help it.” Rose regains her elegant composure and leans down toward him. She drags over a stool and uses it to prop up her elbows, and John carefully watches her white-blonde hair drips into her eyes with a frown.

John holds onto his pants tightly, lest some other lecherous beast he called a friend tried to sneak another peak at his man dignity, and launches into an embarrassed sigh. “Just tell us who won. Also, I am going to spit in your food later, Rose.”

Rose lets out an indecisive sigh, as if she hadn't decided the victor from the start, as if she didn't just unleash John's tidy whities onto the world.

“We all have fantastic asses, that is undeniable. And yours, juicy clad though it may be, is a butt that is not to be taken lightly. However...” She leans in closer and she smells like...like weirdly good. Like candy corn. Like the kind of perfume you would find in a Hot Topic except not shitty.

John's breath catches when her face is literally an inch away from his nose. She cups her hands gently on both cheeks and she gets really close. Really close. Kissing distance close. John can count freckles (which he does, there are 37, which is far less than Dave's freckle capacity, but are still really cute).

All at once, the pounding in his blood dies when she pulls her delicate hands back and gives a sharp shove. At the contact, he bounces backward and smacks into Jade harshly. She laughs, a breathy, musical laugh and announces with a smile

“...I believe your cousin received the better booty genes.”

John lies on the floor with a groan and Jade pounds her fists into the air victoriously and laughs until she cant breathe

and, actually, nobody disagrees with Rose's assessment at all. (not even John.)

 

~ ~ ~

It is pitch black outside and everyone has entered that blissful, delirious state that exists between awake and asleep, snugly fit into their blankets on the floor. Limbs and hair are pressed together compactly, sheets on everything but their bodies.

Dave looks over at John, who is tucked tightly, skin to skin, between him and Rose. Jade is wiped the fuck out, outstretched in what Dave calls the asshole space invader sleeping position. It's Jade's favorite. There is no room at all. This will be the reason she wakes up with bugs on her pillow tomorrow.

He nudges John on the shoulder, who sleepily stirs and shifts toward him reluctantly.

“w..whaa? huhhh h?” He asks with all the elegance a John Egbert could possibly contain. Dave's question pops his slumber like a pierced balloon.

“Hey John. You ever kiss anyone before?” He raises an eyebrow, and John's eyes instantly widen.

 _“What?”_ John snaps out of his sleepy trance and even Rose turns over with interest with one hand still wrist deep tangled in Jade's hair nest. Dave doesn't skip a beat.

“Like, are your lips celibate, or what?”

John yawns. “...What the fuck brought this up?” he asks instead, rubbing his eyes.

“Oh, nothing,” Dave adjusts himself. “Probably the way you acted like a total virgin when Rose flashed your juicy printed baby butt to half of America.” Rose winks and pats John's ass jokingly to play along.

“Why, John,” she cupped his cheek softly, bringing out her best mocking drawl, “are your lips indeed still pure?”

John shrinks and mumbles a no, but Dave flashes him an incredulous glance. “Mackin' on a movie poster don't count, bro.”

“It does too count. It counts in the heart,” he mutters, concealing his face with a mouthful of pillow. Dave scoffs collapses onto his sheets.

“You're stupid.”

“No, you're stupid.”

“You can't say that to me after telling me you think pressing your tongue to some factory fresh movie poster is a validated first kiss.” He snorts. Jade snores agreeably and John sinks further into his blankets.

“Oh, don't worry your pretty princess face, sweet John,” Rose snickers lightly, ruffling his hair like a little kid. Dave pats his arm in a similar manner because they're both terrible.

“You know, we'd be more than willing to sully your chaste mouth any day of the week,” he says with Rose nodding in agreement, winking with pretend zeal.

John makes a _blegh gross dave_ noise, gives him a sleepy shove, and tells him to go the fuck to sleep, which they do. but not before they both blow him a kiss.

~ ~ ~

There is only one force strong enough to wake Dave Strider from the deep, deep, depths of teen boy slumber. And that force is urination. In short, Dave Strider had a bladder, a mission, and a handful of teen kiddos sprawled between him and his destiny to trudge through.

He was so tired and groggy and full of determination to pee that he almost completely failed to realize Jade, who was (still) taking up as much room as she possibly could, was clinging tightly to his waist. Adorable. Dave almost twists his foot trying to crawl out from under her mass carefully.

_gotta mission_

_gotta pee_

The lights burn his eyes as he makes his way down the familiar hallways and by their familiar harlequin paintings, floorboards creaking under each step.

_I have been in john's house exactly three million times I should know where the goddamn bathroom is_

he bumps into a wall sloppily

_that is not a bathroom_

finally, after a good 5 minutes of stumbling, he wakes up enough to cross his last obstacle. The door handle to the bathroom, which he twists with ease.

Click.

Woah. Make that two obstacles.

Rose was there, in the bathroom, straddling an alarmed John against the toilet—they both looked up at him in surprise. They were pressed tight together, roughly clutching at clothing and limbs. One look at John's face, his mouth covered in black lipstick stains, was enough to determine that he was definitely no longer a virginal kisser. A shame. A damn shame.

He squints at the two of them, the light pounding down on his eyes. The first words he utters are “you defiled him? In my sweater?” to Rose, who tilts her head onto John's shoulder with an expression that was decidedly equal parts amused and frustrated.

He waves her away. He waves the pangs of _whoa what_ all away.

He had a mission, god damnit.

“I just....” he points toward the toilet that Rose is straddling his best friend against. “Duty is calling me.”

Rose nods, climbing off of John and tugging him by the hand out of the room, very noticeably not wearing any pants. John passed him, not muttering a single word that wasn’t bogged down with stutters. Finally, he decides on an apologetic pat upon Dave's shoulder before turning back to sheepishly follow Rose. Dave breathes a “Jesus Christ, young people,” but he doesn't even think about it. Mission. Urination.

It hits him mid stream. His best friend and his sister. He nearly flings his piss in another direction, he is so taken aback.

When he lays back down, Jade stirs and sleepily asks him whats hippity happening. Dave squints through the dark and says “I think our little Johnny and sweet Rosie have discovered some feelings.” She goes “huh?” and he goes “they were swapping spit in the bathroom like it was a contest.”

she goes “whoa,” and pretty much instantly falls back asleep on his chest. he goes “I know right.”

whoa.

Dave drifts off back to sleep, and he does not think about Rose's tussled blonde hair curled around her lips, and he does not think about John's fingers clutched around her waist, and he does not think about the faint black stains in the corners of his best friends mouth or bare legs under Rose's (Dave's) sweater.

~ ~ ~

John's hands are soft, with no rough edges, like the worst injury he's ever received in his entire life was a papercut. He slides them up Rose's shirt and they are two 16 year old menaces making out under a pillow fort.

Ten minutes ago, John's ipod was playing “How Do I Live Without You,” but Rose changed it after John began to jokingly lip synch it against her mouth. Five minutes later, the Ghost Busters Theme Song came on and she shut it off altogether.

She sighs, breathing against her boyfriends forehead. He smiled into her neck, and she thinks about his dorky front teeth and she thinks about his thick hair. Absentmindedly, between kisses, she wonders if Jade shared the way her cousins lip trembles when he's kissed the right way. She wondered if she would look at her like this, like she was everything, and she wondered if her hands were as soft as John's.

John presses everything he's got into every kiss. Their breath is shaky and their hands are sliding.

He had pretty eyes. She crushes her lips into his again and again, thinking so much, too much, all about his soft green-

blue. His eyes are blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh the first chapters are p rough because im learning, but i think i pick it up pretty fast. believe in me. love u.


	2. more kissing than necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanksgiving more like thanks, kissing

The holiday clusterfuck had approached Jade with enough force to knock out a herd of cattle. It had officially arrived promptly at her doorstep. In fact, it had just broken through a back window and made itself fucking comfortable if the dozens of fake turkeys and pilgrims scattered amidst Jade's lawn (set up a month prior to actual Thanksgiving) had anything to say about it. Her grandpa took Thanksgiving about as seriously as Jade took Halloween. That is to say, way too fucking seriously.

Bec sits on her feet patiently as she finishes texting John. He's being very polite, as it is already ten minutes past his feeding time.

  
GG: john!! i'm feeling super stuffed inside this house.  
GG: i think i am beginning to feel like everything my grandpa has ever did his taxidermy thing on  
GG: i am so sorry little guys. I know your pain now.  
GG: did you know he actually hunted down an animal for thanksgiving?????  
GG: with his bare hands???!!! (ok, in hindsight, he was probably lying about that)  
GG: he won't even tell me what it was and it was NOT turkey.  
GG: please come over and hang out with my lame butt :(  
GG: which is ACTUALLY the most attractive butt according to our halloween butt contest.  
GG: so please come over and hang out with my attractive butt :(

Exactly one minute later, John calls her with a similar story (involving cake? Thanksgiving cake? His dad is a very sweet but also very scary man) and promises to drag Dave and Rose away from their homemade dinner and down into the hell holiday pits with them. Because he's an _asshole._ He's the worst.  <3.

She scratches Bec behind the ears vigorously, and he bounces upward, excited to be finally get some food in his face. Jade kills a couple minutes of time feeding him when suddenly she hears an enormous CRASH, and out of the corner of her eyes, sees something _leap through her kitchen window._

Bec is barking like crazy and Jade let's out a panicked shout. She frantically reaches for the pantry, yanking out her rifle and knocking over a couple boxes of cereal. Thank you, grandpa. “Never know when a rifle in the pantry might come in handy!” he always said. “Always keep your Apple Jacks next to your ratatats!”

You are a practical man, grandpa. I love you.

She marches over to the site of the crash, flecks of anxiety creeping over her. She's never had a break in before, and she was terrified. Is this how burglaries happen?? Do they always choose windows, or is that an optional thing??  She is just puzzled with this guys methods and—oh my fucking god. Jades nerves melt away the instant she see's Dave's dumb ass under four bags of mulch. Surrounded by broken glass.

“Uh. Hello Dave?” She loosens her grip on the gun. She wants to hit him with it. That was a nice fucking window.

Her treasured friend boy, Dave “huge motherfucker” Strider had broken her kitchen window and crashed into 12 bags of Jade's mulch stash. He was now trapped under them, hiding from her judgmental stare under a pair of askew shades.

“The front door was locked,” he explained casually, glass crunching a little as he shifted. Fuckin' Striders.

Jade rolls her eyes, emitting levels of exasperation Dave had only seen in her when Bec shits on the carpet or like right now when Dave rockets through her kitchen window. She shoots him a disapproving look that almost made Dave wish it was a bullet instead.

“I'm flattered by your dedication, Dave?” She stands over him, very obviously not flattered by his dedication. “But, why didn't you just um...knock?”

Dave hasn't even opened his mouth when Rose and John stumble through the window Dave just emerged from. Jade shoots John a look that's all “did you do this,” and he raises his hands and looks at her with big blue eyes that say “ _I can explain. please don't shoot me.,_ _”_ then his eyes dart to Dave in a way that say _"b_ _ut you can shoot him if you want I guess? I mean, he just broke your window. What a dick.”_

__

__~ ~ ~_ _

John had explained on the way over to the playground what exactly had went down. He had told Dave that Jade was stuck under a bookshelf in order to thoroughly convince him to come over and abandon his homemade turkey meal. Of course, Rose was already on board with the idea of escaping a long family dinner with Mom the Wizard Themed Thanksgiving Enthusiast and did not take any convincing whatsoever.

“But did you have to break the _glass???”_ Jade gestured frenziedly in a direction John thinks is probably toward her house.

“Dave kind of freaked out when he couldn't open the front door,” John explained, pushing Jade roughly on the swing. It was a super brisk day outside. They all tugged on light jackets with silly hats as they stumbled over the playground.“We tried to stop him, but he's a dick and didn't listen!”

“I was a very worried dick,” Dave shrugs, not looking John in the eyes. He wiggles his fat ass down the kiddie slide in a struggle that leave's him with more shame than enthusiasm.

Jade feels bad for him. He had good intentions! Even if he did break her kitchen window and startle her enough to force the fear of good 'ol Grandpa English back into her. She hops off the swing and skips over to join him, and Rose happily takes the opportunity to snatch her swing. It's okay. She can have it. For now.

“Aw, Dave, don't be embarrassed!! I forgive you.” Jade gives him an encouraging pat on the back. Suddenly, she leans in, drops her voice into a well, seriousness dripping out of her lips when she says “But I'm not covering for you when Grandpa asks about the window.” Dave props his head onto his elbows and let out an embarrassed sigh and another muttered apology. Rose mocks him from the swing set, up to her fucking eyeballs in smug.

“I don't think I've seen him this mortified since he walked in on our mother and her boyfriend mid-copulation,” she states, all matter-of-fact, and Dave lets out another one of those low wailing sounds. John stops pushing her for a minute as he recovers from a giant burst of laughter and Dave buries his hands even further into his face.

“Is literally your only talent to resurface every bad memory I've ever had?” Dave wants to puke. “I saw things with my eyes that no one would ever want to see that day.” Rose tosses him a smug look, and he just knows, he can feel it in his very bones, that whatever she was about to say would make him want to strangle her.

“Oh, shush,” she waves him away. Her black lips curved into a grin. “That's not nearly as dreadful as the time I walked in on you.” Dave wants to strangle her.

“Rose, I was, like, 15. I'd prefer you didn't disclose details on account of the ladies present,” he gestures to John, who flips him off. “And, also, you know, because gross.”

“I caught him on _my_ bed, Funky Town playing on full blast, performing the one man tango. ” she ignores him, shuddering, and Jade chokes out an _EW, DAVE._

Dave raises his palms defensively, like a snap, and the greatest american tragedy of that year was that that boys expression was hidden by his sunglasses.

“There you go again. All that awful shit is just fucking floating to the top of my head. Thank you so much.” He raises a finger. “First of all, never ever call it that. Second of all, look, in my defense, it was like, 4am. I was tired, i had a long day, Rose was gone, I had business in the south to attend to, and I didn't even realize it was her bed until she shouted “ _What the fuck, Dave, get off my bed!_ ” and you can imagine how i felt."

“I burned those sheets,” Rose continues.

“I am a poor, misunderstood teenage boy with understandable needs, Rose.”

“The only thing you _need_ is to keep Funky Town as far away from my poor, mutilated psyche as you can possibly manage.”

John points Dave a look that skirts the line between pity and amusement. Rose was ruthless. He needed to bail his bro out of this.

He thinks about Dave on Halloween night, shades discarded, harsh eyes unusually soft when he had asked if John had ever been kissed before. Bingo.

“Alright, alright, move on!!” he waved his girlfriend away. “Dave Strider has never deserved a break once in his life, but i'm giving it to him. Here, I'm kind of curious. I want to hear everybody's first kiss stories.”

Dave shoots him a look that tilted between annoyed and intrigued. “Believe me, I already know way too much about yours.”

Alright. Maybe not bingo.

“But I don't know anything about yours!” John coughs out a nervous laugh. His mind drifted back to Rose on Halloween night, hands on her waist, eyes on her neck. Dave bursting into the scene, exercising admirable skills in both the bladder retention and the cockblocking department.

“Yes, Dave, I don't think I've ever heard of you kissing anyone who wasn't me,” Rose grips the ropes of her swing with amused grace.

“Those were for baby pictures, Rose, and mom was sick for thinking it was cute.”

Rose laughs, full of spite and mocking. Dave folds his arms.

 “My first kiss..." He tilts his head back, like he's struggling to remember. He snaps his head back down with a grin. "...was with your _mom!!!!"_ he laughs and accompanies it with an  _oh SHIT_. A 'your mom joke' grimace twists into John's face. but it didn't end there. Dave coughs.

" _............in an outhouse,"_ he whispers.

"Ugh." Jade suddenly stands up from the slide, brushing off her pants awkwardly. “Actually, it was with me. In an outhouse. That part was true.”

“Surprise! It was with your _cousin_ in an outhouse.” Dave laughs, repeating the same _oh SHIT_ sound effect that has never once gotten old for anyone.

John scrunches his nose and made a betrayed face at Jade, who could only shrug sheepishly in response. “Jade, how could you!” He pouts. “With Dave?? _Really?”_   Rose can only quirks her eyebrows up in interest, her tiny hands sliding off of the ropes.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time!!” Jade exclaimed, leaning on Dave's shoulder. “It was a weird time in our lives for all of us. It was two Halloweens ago. The one where I was, like, in a full dog suit?”

“Oh God, don't give me _details.”_ John shudders in disgust, thinking, _oh god is this how they feel about me and rose_

Jade ignores him. “He tasted like puke a little bit? I think he had way too much candy,” she shudders at the memory and Dave shoves her over.

_is this how they feel about me and rose except if i was in a pukey dog suit_

“oh, shut up you fucking furry.”

Jade dances away and Dave tilts his head toward to Rose, who was sitting quietly in her swing. “Well, what about you, sis? I don't remember you kissing anyone who wasn’t me either.”

Rose snorts and hops off the swing. She catches Jade, who looks up at her in surprise, and grabs her by the wrists. She fucking dips her. Jade is being dipped. John looks on in terror.

 

“Why, it was Jade, of course.” Jade cracks up as Rose covers her in tiny mocking kisses. Dave covers his eyes. “I had no idea our little Harley was such a seductress. It seems she has stolen nearly all of our mouth maidenhood.” (she winks a John, all coy and awful).

“Well, nearly.”

Jade lets out a musical squeak as Rose pulls her out of the dip and into her chest, an inch away from her face.

“Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday,” Rose continues, directing her full attention toward Jade's lips, and John and Dave can do nothing but wince at each other in horror.

“Oh god, oh god no, no details,” Dave protests and Rose presses Jade closer, closer, closer.

“We were 13. It was Jade's birthday sleepover,” she smiled.

“Oh my god, we were in the room,” Dave buries his face into his hands. John buries his head into Dave's shoulder while Rose spins Jade around flirtatiously. Jades ears are bright red, her lips wild with giggles.

“It was December...very cold,” Rose sighs. Her eyebrows shoot up suggestively. “Jade was...very warm.”

“NO!!! no, fuck no,” John stands, snatching his cousins hand and springing her away from Rose's face like a protective big brother. This rescue plan backfires quickly when Jade locks her wrists onto his waist.

“Oh come on, John, are you jealous or something??” She laughs, grinning like she's out of control. “Don't you know?? I've been after your mouth maidenhood for some time.” She leans in mischievously. Oh god, oh _god_ no.

“Well, you're a little late for that!” He struggles nervously against her, but her hands were steel traps again his hips. He swallows audibly. “Jade, are you going to let me go?” He asks with resistance, but he knows the answer. Jade is stronger than she looks and holds his bony structure against her with little effort. He had no chance.

He desperately looks at Dave for help, who only gives him an amused shrug, as if to say, _you kissed my sister so I have no control over the events that occur here_. That slimy bastard.

Jade glances over to Rose for permission, who nods, and with that Jade lunges and John finds himself a mouth full of Jade Harley.

~ ~ ~

They laugh off the evening (except for John, who is not laughing off the evening), wandering back to their family dinners after it got too cold to bear the playground. Jade thinks, in a moment of unbearable affection towards these lunatics, that if she was grateful for anything most in the world, it was probably them.


	3. the dave thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you can make it past this chapter ur gold

The next time the kids all hang out together, its on Dave's birthday, december the third. He and Rose _were_ twins, but their mom evacuated them out of the womb around midnight. They technically popped out on different days. 

They had celebrated Jade's birthday two days earlier and it had been spectacular. John had given her a cat t-shirt because he thought he was hilarious (Jade is allergic to cats). Rose and Dave had jointly given her silly putty and a mug that said “Yiff Me.” She loved them anyway.

Now it was Dave's turn to be passed the ceremonious birthday mantel. 17 years old. Dave was more nervous than thrilled.

Dave and Rose were laying with their backs flat against Dave's bed, killing time playing 20 questions until John and Jade arrived. It was a tuesday (bummer birthday day if Dave ever knew one) and they had only just arrived from school thirty minutes ago.

Dave was resting his head lightly on Rose's stomach, his head bobbing ever so slightly whenever she took a slow breath. “Alright, I've got a another one,” Rose says at last, exactly ten minutes after their last (long) game ended. Dave lets out an exhausted groan.

“Ok, no, I'm done playing 20 questions,” he whines. “You win every time with your stupid obscure writer knowledge bullshit,” Dave turns on Rose's stomach to face her. She meets his eyes with a subtle grin, folding her hands into her cheek.

“Do you ever miss Bro?” She asks. Wow. Alright, wasn't expecting that one. She had to have felt Dave tense up, because her pupils instantly flicker away with hesitation. It was good she did that, too, because her eyes were too sincere, too stable, too piercing into him in a million ways that made him just so not ready to handle this. He sat upright on the bed quickly, sliding her a cryptic glance mostly hidden behind his shades, feeling his jaw tighten.

“I'd rather not talk about it, man.” He forced out a laugh, but his expression did not at all match the way he sounded. “Not on the birthday boys big day, okay?”

Rose just sighs, sliding off the bed and onto her feet delicately. When she spins to meet him, her face has hardened into a cool shell. jiminy motherfucking cricket, she's about to go all serious on his ass, isn't she.

“You never want to talk about it, Dave. But I do. I _want_ to talk about it. I've wanted to talk about it for _four years.”_

she really is about to go all serious on his ass. Here we go. Dave takes a shaky breath, desperately trying not to look her in the eye.

“Why are you even bringing him up?” His voice strains, just a little bit, like the squeak of a violin when you play it wrong. He leans back, lightly clutching his thigh to keep it from shaking, because god oh god he hated talking about his bro. He hated when Rose talked about his bro. He hated this entire situation and he wants to just let it die.

“Because it's your birthday.” She answers, like it's just that simple. She tucks white-blonde hair behind her ears, lips pausing as if she regrets speaking. But she marches on anyways. “And my fondest memories of him are on your birthday. When you opened your closet door. Forgetting that he jams it full of pornographic puppet ass every year.” Her lips curved into a small nostalgic smile. “We would high five afterward, every single time. I miss him.”

A twang of pain in his gut sends his stomach churling, his grip on the edge of the bed suddenly tightens until his knuckles turn bright white. “Yeah, those are fantastic memories. Good old days. Pornographic puppet ass in literally every pair of shorts I owned for months. Is the conversation over?”

“No,” Roses hands fall to her sides in tightly held fists and Dave feels blood rush to his face heatedly. She's going too far and it kind of blows.

“Tell me you miss him too.” Her expression is neutral, but it was held together with this underlying ice that Dave knew meant she wasn't going to let this go. With his arms held limply in his lap, he slashes through Rose's cold stare with an irritated one. He slides to his feet with an edge.

“I just told you Rose, I really don't want to talk about it.” He raises his voice in a poor attempt to intimidate her off of his back, but anyone with half a brain knows how well that works on Rose. His blood felt like it was cooking him from within his stupid teenage body. He really should have known better, but he's an idiot.

“He's dead, Dave.” She let's it spit out of her lips, all ice and frigid truth. Frigid, frigid truth. Ouch double combo.

He's not thinking when he clenches his fists, instinct clouding his reason when he abruptly shoves her into the wall with a heavy  _thunk._ He sees a flicker of surprise in her parting lips, but in half a second, it's gone completely. She does not move, her expression does not falter. He knows what she's doing. She wants him to vent and to talk about it, all that dumb goopy stuff, but he's not going to let that happen. Not on his proverbial watch, he's not.

“Could you just let it go today? Drop it off on some lonely corner to die. Just let it go. Alright?” Dave's head is pounding. Not now. Any time but right now would be really fucking sweet.

“I've ' _let it go'_ for four _years_.” She responds coolly, her head pressing against the wall, her cold, steady eyes locked onto his. “You were _not_ the _only one_ effected, Dave.”

He bites his lips because he knows that, he _knows_ that, but that doesn't make him any less hurt. What a pain. He knows that she's trying to help him, but he's just too full of denial and full of bottled dead father-figure feelings that he doesn't care. She lets him close in around her.

“I know what you're doing and its not gonna work," his voice is low, low, low, and very threatening. Well, as threatening as a growing teen boy can try to sound, at least, I mean he still squeaks now and then. But hey, he's trying his very best, okay. He has no idea what Rose is thinking behind her stony blank eyes and stupid pressed lips. and he's hoping to god she cracks so he can stop freaking out and they can go out for ice cream or something but

“Grow up.” She spits out instead. It cuts him deeper than he expected it to. She is a boulder in her rigid stance and she's braver than he is and he hates that. she knows he wants her to crack so he go back to avoiding his feelings and she just won't budge. But Dave will not grow up, no matter how many birthdays he has, and he slams her against the wall again with more force than he means to. He instantly regrets it.

Because she falls.

She falls, hands outstretched, right onto the table where Dave had kept a dozen empty water glasses Rose had told him a thousand times to put away.

The glass shatters under Rose's skin and she lets out a sharp cry of pain. Dave has never felt more like an asshole in his life.

 

~ ~ ~

 

In silence, Dave rummages through his mom's bathroom drawers in search of hydrogen peroxide. Rose sits quietly on the counter top, unflinching, legs crossed, silent, fingers bleeding all over her clean white shorts.

“I'm sorry,” Dave mumbles, again, eyes locked on his hands as they curl around the bottle. He softly shuts the drawer and places the hydrogen peroxide on the counter by Rose, watching a thin trail of blood trickle down her lip. “I’m so sorry.”

“It's alright, Dave,” she breathes softly, again, for the twelfth time. Despite the cuts and bruises forming on her cheeks and lips, she still somehow manages to look like she rolled right off the red carpet with neatly straight hair and elegant posture. it looks like her fingers were the only parts of her to receive the blunt of the fall.

Dave swiftly continues to avoid her cool gaze when he wraps his hands around hers. He clumsily dabs them with the hydrogen peroxide, releasing a guilty, short lived laugh.

“Yeah, no, I was being a huge dick.” He admits, working as steadily as he could, and Rose's eyebrow twitches up in amusement.

“Yes, the worst I have ever laid eyes upon, but it's alright.” Thirteenth. She looks downward. “I was being harsh.”

Dave cracks a wobbly smile and ruthlessly tears open a fresh box of band aids. Little kid ones, with dinosaurs on them, ones that were shoved in the back of the shelf and long since forgotten by time.

“Hope you like pterodactyls, Rose, because your hand is about to be fucking decked in them,” Dave carefully curls the band aid around her finger and he doesn't even think to mention that her hands are trembling.

“Hm. Are you sure we don't have any brontosaurus?” Rose bites her cheek in pain when Dave's thumb brushes over a cut. “I've always thought of them as the most graceful of the dinosaurs.”

Dave snorts. “The weird ass ones with the long necks? Yeah, like 40 thousand tons of grace right there, definitely.” Rose scoffs.

“Oh, I suppose you prefer T-rexes," She mocks, "Because they're supposed symbols of masculinity and you are so bizarrely fixated on those. You damned manly man stud, you.” Rose rolls her eyes with a smirk. Dave lets himself slip into a laughing fit and wraps the last band aid around her pinky.

“Please, pterodactyls are the fucking shit. T-rexes are a close second, though, so I am definitely still a manly man stud.” He's still choking through his laughter when he finally picks up the bottle again. She can't stop laughing either and she's smiling and Dave lifts his eyes to meet her gaze and whoa.

Rose is really pretty.

Well, everyone knows Rose is pretty, that's not shocking. She's fucking gorgeous. Violet eyes you can melt into, creamy skin and a little cloud of elegance that just sort of permanently floats over her. But on their bathroom counter top, she looks at him with such expression through such a cut up face that his stomach sinks and wobbles into his knees. He tries not to fuck up when he pours hydrogen peroxide onto the towel.

He tells her to stop laughing so he can do his damn job and she says she will, but she still doesn't stop for another minute or two. She's still smirking when he presses the towel at her freckled cheeks and she leans into it unintentionally. His eyes flicker down to her lips and he lets out a soft “oh, shit,” when he realizes those are bleeding, too.

On instinct, he presses the pad of his thumb against her bottom lip to wipe off the blood. He catches the glint of surprise in her expression before he can even think about what he's doing.

 

She's really pretty. Her breath is warm against his thumb. He makes a motion to lean in.

 

BAM, door flies open

 

BAM, Dave snaps out of it.

 

“Rose? Dave?” John shouts in concern, breaking through the bathroom door with force. Dave can't believe he almost did that. Did he really just almost do that. Did he really just

Jade slides in behind John, light on her toes “There's blood all over your bedroom fl—”

She spots Rose's bloody shirt first and her face twists. “Holy shit, Rose!”

Dave bounces away from his sisters side instantly, trying to shake himself off. “Hey, having a moment here?” He jokes nervously, lifting his hands, which were covered in Rose's blood.

John, who hates blood, starts to go pale and Dave knew he made a mistake. He clasps Jade by the hand and starts to bolt.

“I'll get some towels!” He shouts, dragging Jade out of the room with hum unwillingly.

Dave sighs when they turn out, and he shifts to Rose with another dumb apologetic look. She rolls her eyes with a smile and hops off the counter, and when she hits the floor Dave says something, in a mumbling, quiet voice, cramming his hands into his pockets.

“Pardon?” She laughs at him and folds her arms. Every single one of her fingers are decked with pterodactyls, as promised. Dave takes a deep breath.

“I miss him too,” he says. He walks out of the bathroom to go tail down his friends.

Rose beams proudly. She starts to follow them, absentmindedly raising her fingertips over the warmth where Dave's thumb had touched her lip.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I think I'm coming down with something,” John whines, holding his palm against his forehead weakly. Jade slaps his hand down.

“Don't be a pussy, John,” she scoffs, thumbing at the birthday silly putty in her hands. John pouts.

“I'm serious!!” He insists, seizing her hand and slapping it onto his forehead. Genuine concern crosses her expression for like, half a second, but then she rolls her eyes and flicks her hand away.

“You're going to be FINE!”

“I'm DYING,” John exclaims, quickly followed by a surprise sneeze. Dave bolts out of his snot spray range.

“Hey, John, could you try not getting your disease on me,” he frowns, brushing off his shirt because he's an asshole. “I'd prefer not growing a pair of buck teeth and shit movie taste or whatever else comes with your sick.” John pretends like he's going to sneeze on him again and Dave rolls out of range to hide behind Jade.

“Hey, it's my _birthday._ ” He peeks out from over her head. “We signed an anti-prankster contract for this, man. You have to respect that shit.”

They did sign a contract, actually.

It was formed when, on Dave's last birthday, John replaced all of the apple juice stored in the refrigerator with hardcore liquor (which was actually Dave's mothers idea, but nobody was going to tell him that, are you kidding). John thought he would notice, but no, he just kept drinking. And drinking. He got so fucking shnockered that he cried for an entire hour about eating more cake than everybody else, despite it being his birthday, because he didn't want “ _to be a huge dick about it like John_ ”. Then he then puked on Rose's shoes and wouldn't calm down until he was allowed to spoon Jade until he fell asleep. Rose knew something had to be done. And thus the Contract was born.

John rolls his eyes so hard. “What! I just sneezed on you, Dave, I didn't switch your juice on you.”

“We have a _contract._ Respect. That. Shit.”

John makes a face, but Rose pats his shoulder solemnly.

“You really _do_ have to respect that shit, John, dear,” she nods at him from behind her book. John makes a face at her, too, but all she has to do is bat her eyelashes at him once and he melts into a (huff) FINE. Dave let out a _ha_.

“Yeah, that's right Rose, give him a verbal what for,” Dave holla'd. Rose shot him a glare and he shut up.

“So, guys, when do I get to plunder my beautiful birthday loot?” Dave's voice was muted pressed against Jade's back. jade gasped sprang upward with excitement, sending him tumbling.

“Finally!! Let's do it right now!!!”

“Whoa, whoa, slow your roll, girl,” Dave wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her back down. “We gotta get momma Lalonde up in here before I start my serial wrapping paper killer spree, yeah?”

They don't know exactly when, but somewhere after Dave opens his presents (momma Lalonde joined them, irresponsibly offering everyone a sip of her alcoholic beverage. Rose accepted. Dave declined. John and Jade spit it out the second they tried it. As gifts, John and Jade made him a sweet mix tape and Dave almost shed real tears (real tears). Rose knitted him mittens that he will treasure always.) the kids all tuckered out and called it a night, wishing Dave and Rose farewell happy birthdays because holy shit they all had school tomorrow. It was 12:56 AM.

Dave and Rose are alone, once again, an unspoken tension tugging at Dave's nerves. By the time they're tucked into bed and the lights are all off, Dave starts to speak.

“Are we cool from earlier?” He asks nervously. Rose yawns, pressing her pterodactyl fingertips gently in the dark.

“Yes, Dave, we're cool from earlier.”

“Okay, cool.”

Silence.

Dave chirps up again.

“Hey Rose?”

“Yes?”

Silence, again, stupid stupid silence. He can't say it.

“Uh," he gives himself a mental kick to the gut so powerful it would make gym coaches openly weep. "Happy birthday.”

Rose chuckles softly. “Thank you, Dave.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how could they have known that that shower curtain would become so essential


	4. well that was unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sick day, sick day, everybodys really gay
> 
> ps. hey quick warning if vomiting makes you ill you might wanna skim a Particular Section. there will be a warning so

“Jade, you _asshole_.” John's familiar voice cracks through Jade's phone receiver on a late Saturday morning. It has not even been five minutes since Jade had been awakened by Bec's slobbery kisses and Grandpa's call to come get breakfast.

“John?” She answers with a yawn, gripping her phone lightly. “Jeez, you sound like a stuffy nosed heap of shit.” She rubs her eyes sleepily. Bec is sitting on her toes.

“You told me I was fine,” John whines sluggishly. God, he spoke like he had a clothespin permanently clamped over his nose. “You told me I was fine like _three days ago_. You're horrible and a liar and I _am_ a stuffy nosed heap of shit. I'm too weak to move.”

“Shhh, shh, John, gosh!” Jade pushed over her covers, trying to wake herself up. She holds the phone with her chin against her shoulder as she slides into her rainbow socks. “Where's your dad?”

John's voice cracks through with strain. He sounded really bad. He is going to give her so much shit for calling him a pussy.

“He's at some kind of Dadly business meeting about nose tweezers or brief case shapes whatever else fathers meet to discuss?” He coughed out. Jade can't even tell if he's kidding. “He's in, like, Washington. I texted him an hour ago. He's taking the first flight home because he's ridiculous.

“Holy crap.” A sweet but scary man, indeed.

“He's probably buying the entire drug store out of its supply like he did when I was five and had pink eye,” John wheezes out a laugh that fades into a sickly sigh. She remembers. Or more specifically, she remembers the worst second hand embarrassment she has ever, ever been forced to experience. John's voice cuts through her recollation of nightmares.

“Jade, I don't wanna intrude upon your Saturday time, but could you um...” Suddenly, he erupts with sneezes and Jade has to hold the phone away from her ear. “Could you bring over some soup or something? I'm kind of starving since my legs are too achy to operate.”

“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,” Jade hmmm's. She could watch her Saturday morning cartoons with Grandpa, or she could be a good friend. Ugh.

“Fiiine,” she sighs and slides off her bed lazily. “But I can't stay long, okay? I'm only bringing over soup. Me and Gramps were going to uh... watch some stuff today.”

“Are you still watching squiddles?” He rasps from the other end with a laugh. Fuck. “Wait, are you watching squiddles _with_ your grandpa?”

“Shut your filthy mouth. Squiddles is pure in the hearts of children _and_ the elderly.”

“Not judging. Well, a little bit. Anyway, I'm not asking you to stay the night or anything like that, doofus,” John says with fatigue. His poor voice was in ruins. “Just feed me. And pass me the blanket on the other end of the hall. Maybe tell me my sickly face is pretty.”

“But what if your sickly face is actually really gross?”

“Then spare my feelings, you piece of crap.”

John hangs up on her with a click and Jade reaches for her car keys.

 

~ ~ ~

 

John feels like he's going to faint by the time Jade finally rings the doorbell. “Jooohn?” She calls out, barely audible from outside the door. Which was locked. God damnit, Dad.

“Key's under the clown statue,” John strains his voice barely above a whisper. Yeah, Jade wasn't going to hear that.

“It's cool, I know where you keep the key,” she shouts again. Jade is a wonderful person. “Dave and I break in sometimes to rearrange your bedroom furniture when you're not home.” Jade is a horrible person. And now owes you one fuck of an explanation.

She pops through the front door with a click. Moments later, and there she is, an angel appearing over the railing holding a big ass bowl of soup. He thanks every god he has ever heard of. She see's him from the door frame and utters a loud “ _Whoa, John,”_ and let's face it, John knew he wasn't exactly at the height of his sexy here.

Not only was his skin a sickly pale, but his hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. He had dark circles under his sunken eyes that made him resemble a skeleton. Oh yeah, baby. Crank up that sex appeal.

Jade takes a careless step into his room, clutching his god-delivered soup, and cringes when she hears her foot crush something soft. His snot rags. The tissue paper. She was like balls deep in the stuff. John needs to distract her.

“Well, aren't you going to tell me how great I look?” John wheezes and sits up.

“Jeez, John, you look like a gaggle of viruses just took a massive dump on your face _.”_ She says instead, setting the bowl down gently on his nightstand. He grunts and reaches for it.

“I said spare my feelings and here you are, doing the exact opposite of that!” John grips the bowl weakly. Jade huffs.

“Oh, shush, I brought you soup,” She freefalls onto John's bed and looks up at him from upside down, frowning. “I would, um, give you a get-better-hug or something but—”

“But you want to keep all your snot inside your face, ha,” He slurps his soup noisily and looks up at her with sunken eyes. “It's okay, being me right now is pretty awful. So... thanks for bringing this over, Jade. You're #1.”

Jade laughs, rolling over next to him. “Damn right I am!!”

 

They fall into a comfortable silence for only half a minute before, without warning, Jades hand swoops down and clasps against Johns forehead tightly. Her hand felt cool and soft against his burning skin, which she must have felt, because her bubbly expression instantaneously melted into a worried one.

“Gosh, John, you weren't that bad a couple days ago!” She says, holding him closer, patting his forehead over and over to make sure she wasn't mistaking things.

John coughs out a laugh.“I TOLD you I was dying, but _nooooo_! You just weren't having it. Don't be a pussy, John, you said.” Jade lets out a groan and lets go of him, pushing him away from her.

“Oh, shut up,” she slides off the bed, turning around to look at John with a huff. “You're not dying.”

“Are you sure?”

“YES. I'm gonna go get a thermometer and tell you exactly how not dead you are. Do you want me to call Rose and Dave over?” She asks. She puts her hands on her hips and John shakes his head.

“Yeah, I tried Rose. She and Dave are out with their mom,” he says, slurping his soup greedily. “They are legitimately on their way to a nightclub right now.”

“On a Saturday morning?”

“A nightclub two states away.”

“They're so fucking weird,” Jade snorts, turning on her heels toward the door. She stops when she reaches the door frame, throwing a glance over her shoulder, and folds her arms.

“Don't be too sick and leave me alone in the Harley-Egbert-Crocker-English family reunion from hell in a week,” Jade half mutters, half huffs. John makes a gagging noise and pretends to faint.

“You're ridiculous. I'll go get a thermometer. And maybe wash my hands. But then I gotta go! Grandpa and Bec are waiting on me.” She waits for a response, clicking her tongue. There was something in her expression, the curl of her lip, the narrowed eyes, the quirk in her eyebrow that puzzled him. He couldn't figure out what she was thinking.

She almost looked guilty. Reluctant?

John waves her away sarcastically. “Go on, scram, before I get all my cooties on you.”

She giggles, a silly, breathy giggle that reminds John of sunsets and sparkles and all that pure girly shit. Adorable.

She glides down the stairs, quietly humming to herself as she springs forth on the hunt for the thermometer. John weakly clatters the empty soup bowl on top of the nightstand.

Here Jade was, being so sweet to him, and he was taking up her Saturday morning cartoon time. He feels kind of bad about that. He owes her so big.

He reaches into his pajama pocket to pester his girlfriend to take his mind off the sick.

GT: roooosee 

TT: Jooooohn.

GT: rose im sick

TT: I know, dear. How bad is it now?

GT: i don't know. I still feel really achy!

GT: but jade came over with soup, so that's really cool.

TT: Good. I will have to thank her when this perilous traffic ceases and I regain my driving freedom.

TT: Fuck you, Subaru. I know you're the perpetrator holding all of us up, with your indecisive turn signal bullshit.

TT: Honestly. We have lives to attend to.

GT: still going to that nightclub?

TT: Yes. And before you comment, it was mothers idea. She wants us to “Get out,” and “Experience things.”

TT: I have never desired to visit a nightclub in my entire life.

TT: Never once has it occurred to me, from day one, the fetus, until now, the teenager:

TT: Gee! I sure would like to shake my ass to booming music until I can't feel my eardrums and limbs and I’m too drunk to stumble home.

TT: IF I stumble home. My mother has spent days in those grounds of filth.

TT: How much longer will she torment us with these antics, I wonder?

GT: I don't know, rose, it sounds like she's actually pretty genuine!

TT: You're only saying that because you're overly sympathetic. And cute.

GT: shush! you know

GT: I mean

GT: wait

GT: oh god

GT: i'm gonna throw up.

TT: Oh, shit.

TT: I'll call Jade.

TT: Hold on, John.

TT: Or if you can't, at least hold on to the toilet seat. Puke is horrendous to scrub out of carpet, I've had to clean my mothers enough times. Once, Jades, but that is a long story.

TT: Jade isn't picking up.

TT: John?

TT: Oh, balls.

 

Vomit comes hurling out of Johns throat before he can reach the bathroom. He doesn't even make it halfway down the hall. He heaves, one, two, three times and another batch of fresh soup flavored upchuck comes pouring out of his mouth like a sickly waterfall. He can't lift his head off the ground, so he just lays there, embarrassed and really pathetic in his sploshy pile of puke. He breathes heavily, soaking in the air desperately. Before he passes out, he sees Jade over the stairs, thermometer clutched in her tiny hand, and horrified expression blurring away away away

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Holy FUCK,” Jade belts out, sprinting over to John at Olympic speed. She leaps over the puke, grabbing John roughly by the shoulders and pushing him out of it. Shit, he's totally fucking unconscious. Jade pulls back her righteous hand of fury and lets it slap against John with the force of seventeen thousand stampeding woolly mammoths colliding into a glass door all at once. He didn't even stir. He is stone cold knocked the fuck OUT.

She drags him by his arms, panicked and afraid, into the bathroom. She cautiously lifts his legs over the tub and dumps him in. He is completely drowned in freshly regurgitated soup, ew, holy fucking shit. She turns the shower head on cold with as much force as she could manage, furiously scrubbing the puke off her friend's face and clothing with a luffa. He is STILL knocked the fuck out. Oh my god. Oh god. 

He's starting to stir. Oh, thank god. Jade punches the shower knob down and sets him against the bathtub wall, anxiety setting her blood on fire.

They are both dripping wet in their full clothing, wild black hair framing their faces. Jade waits not so patiently.

“John? John?? Wake up, asshole!!” She shakes his shoulders and steels herself for another Harley flavored slap. He doesn't open his eyes, but he does mutter something incoherent? Jade shakes him again.

“John? John, what are you saying,” she shouts. Her wet hair clings to her neck, curling wildly.

“I'm so cold,” he mutters, sleepily wrapping his frigid fingers around Jade's cheeks. He leans in, and weakly, softly, but meaningfully crushes his wet mouth sloppily into hers.“I'm so cold,” a hot breath against her lips.

He's asleep again, falling onto her shoulder heavily. Jade sits in silence and water drips calmly off of her _science rocks!_ t-shirt.

 

What.

 

~ ~ ~

 

What?

 

John sits up rigidly in his bed, slightly damp and shirtless. “What?” He mutters, audibly, this time, pressing his hands against his bare chest in confusion. He instinctively looks toward the hallway. In place of where his puke had once stained the carpet were two sloppily spread towels.

He swivels his head around around anxiously, and there was Jade, pressed against the bed frame by his side, gawking at him in disbelief. She shouts and throws her limbs around him forcefully, wobbling him back a little.

“Holy shit!” She exclaims, pushing him back to get a better look at him. “Do you feel any better?” John runs his fingers through tufts of dark, damp hair, inspecting himself.

“Yeah, actually.” He exclaims, turning to her with faint enthusiasm. “Still really achy, but... I think I got something out of my system?” Jade doesn’t seem to be listening? “Uh...Jade?”

She snaps back into attention. “What? Oh, oh my god, thank god.” She presses her warm hand against his forehead.

“You're still really hot!” she frowns, throwing her fingers back into her lap. John wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, which she punches him for. He laughs, before gesturing to his chest and hair with confusion.

“So um...” He starts. “What the fuck happened?” Jade wrinkles her nose in remembrance.

“You puked _everywhere_!” She shudders at the memory, clicking her tongue in disgust. “I had to run you through the shower to clean you off. _I_ had to jump in the shower fully clothed to clean you!! Ugh. You're a nightmare, you owe me so big!”

John cringes. “Holy shit, Jade!!” He lays back, his head resting against the bed frame. Wow. Embarrassing. He chokes another apology. “I'm really sorry! You're right, I owe you really big for this,” he stutters over his words guiltily. He fiddles with the covers awkwardly.

“Did I faint?”

“Yeah, you were out of this world for like a straight four hours. Rose rang your phone off the hook!”

WHAT. 

John's head whips to the window like it's on an axis. It was already starting to get dark out.

“You've been here this whole time?” He shouts. Jade nods with a shrug, sending John shrinking into the bedframe.

“I um...I guess I ruined what you were going to watch, huh?” John feels so guilty he wants to puke. Again. But Jade isn't mad, she just pats his shoulder sympathetically.

“Hey, don't worry about it. I texted Grandpa. He understands.” She laughs at him, but it's brief. She turned away to chew her bottom lip nervously.

“So...did you have any weird dreams?” She turns back at him with heavy, dripping concern. Her voice was tense. John stares back blankly, uneasy at the unexpected weight of her question.

“Uh...not really?” He props his cheek onto his elbow, trying to remember. Suddenly, his eyes light up with recognition.“Well, I guess?”

Jade turned toward him attentively, motioning for him to go on. John continues. “I...think I was in the rain or something? It was fucking freezing. And um. Dave was there? Yeah.”

Jade's eyebrows shot up so far they almost flew into the sky. “Really?”

“Yes?”

“Wow. So, Rose wasn't, like, there or anything, keeping you warm? Wow. Really?”

“Uh, no?” John stares at her like she just sprouted a third arm and was making fart noises with it. “Just Dave, I guess? He called me an asshole. We hugged at some point I think, because in the dream world we're both secure in our masculinity and can express affection when we feel like a bro needs some hugging. I don't know, dreams are funky. Why are you freaking out about this?”

She stares off into the hallway again, eyebrows fifty feet into the air. “No reason!” she exclaims, very obviously with a reason. Oh, whatever. She'll tell him eventually, maybe. He'll have to get Rose to crack down on her.

She wiggles out of the covers, jumping to her feet with a stretch.

“I should probably get back now, though,” she says quickly. John's stomach sinks when he hears that, and he grabs her wrist lightly without thinking.

“Hey...I know you've done _way more_ than enough,” he starts. Jade sighs with a giggle and collapses back onto the pillow, batting her eyelashes.

“But you just can't resist me?”

John tugs at the strings on his pants and snorts.

“You know it,” He turns to her with enough force in his pleading puppy eyes to woo an entire crowd of children. “Can you please just...stay until dad gets here? He _should_ be back any minute now.”

Jade smashes into her pillow with a defeated laugh. “I GUESS,” she pouts, muted against the thickness of the pillow. “But I'm going to take a nap. My baby sitting butt deserves one!”

John snickers at her, squirming into the covers himself. “You're right. You do.” He coughs nervously, totally preparing to ask another favor.

“Alright, ONE more favor,” He promises, holding up his fingers defensively. Jade lifts the pillow to look at him expectantly.

“You better fucking buy me a pony after this or something, John.”

“Shh. I don't want to be weird. But. Uh. Can I...um...”

“Yeah?”

“Uh,” His eyes dart away and he shrugs his shoulders upward. “Cuddle with you?” Jade makes a _pfft_ sound at John, opening her arms out extra wide for him.

“Cuddle me, dumbass.” He snorts and wraps his hands around her tiny frame tightly. He's shivering just a tiny bit from the water and prays that she doesn't notice it. She sighs, resting her chin on the top of his head.

“Gosh, one kiss from Sugar Mamma Harley kept you coming back for more, huh?” She jokes against his forehead, closing her eyes. With a mocking giggle, she whispers against his forehead “Aren't you overheating? We're kind of laying on every blanket you own.”

“I know there's a shit ton of blankets and everything but...god, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm sick?” John sighs, hot breath into her collarbone.

“I'm so cold.”

Jades eyes snap open.

 


	5. the dave thing part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can you tell i like writing from daves perspective

John and Dave shuffle their feet into the empty school hallway, making soft scuffing noises with their sneakers that seemed to boom against the silence. Dave was asked to walk Jade to the nurse when she felt too dizzy and sick to navigate the hallways by herself. Of course, John insisted that he had to come along. For moral support. Yeah, right, John, you just hate math class, you giant turd.

Dave had half-carried her to the nurse, Jade shooting John an icy glare the entire trip. It was a glare that let John know that it was totally his fault. That he will pay. That he is a dead man. Dave does not pity him.

On the trip back to class, Dave nudges John obnoxiously.

“Hey, do you have any gum on you? I'm dying for some winterfresh right now and I _know_ you always carry that shit.”

John shakes his head immediately. “Nope! Ran out yesterday,” he says quickly. Too quickly.

Yeah, right. He probably has like three entire packs in his pocket. John ducks his head, oozing with all the powers of a deflecting wizard. Oh, he's good.

“You know, I have no idea how she got sick! She washed her hands like, every time we made eye contact,” John anxiously crams his hands into his jean pockets, his feet walking slightly out of synch next to Dave's. “You know what this means, right?” Dave snorts.

“You better get a fucking good body guard,” he laughs, John pouting beside him. “Maybe some stronger locks on your windows? Jadey's coming for ya.”

John punches him in the shoulder. (and then shakes his hand from the pain, because John has enough muscle mass to maybe dent a roll of toilet paper but not a dave strider.)

“Alright, as terrified as I am of Jade right now, this means that she's going to be too sick to go to the Harley-Egbert-Crocker-English family reunion from hell in a couple days. I'm going to have to go alone,” John whines. They're dragging their feet to delay the inevitable point in time where they actually return to class.

Dave grins. “It's hard to imagine you all in the same breathing space. It seems super surreal. Like, do you just...run around baking and shooting stuff?” He pauses for thought. “Shooting baked stuff?”

John shudders, rubbing his eyes from under his square-framed lenses, reliving the nightmare that was his memory. “Yes.”

“You're shitting me.”

“No.”

“Seriously?”

John exhales. “Just, memories. So many memories of me and Jade, huddled awkwardly in the corner in fear. Watching them interact under the same god forsaken roof. Too many memories.”

“Have any embarrassing photos?” Dave smirks, leaning into his side. John hunched his shoulders and flinched away.

“So, how was the night club thing?” He asks instead. Oh, fuck no. He will not abscond from this. No way.

“I will find those photos, John,” Dave warns. John ignores him.

“I heard Rose actually had a really good time?”

“I will find those photos and I will frame them.”

“Which is great, because she sure was complaining about it a lot!”

“I'll kiss them every night before I go to sleep. Put them in a scrap book. Show them to my co-workers and grandchildren."

“But I'm glad she enjoyed herself! Because, you know, I love her.”

“Look, Dave Jr., the stuffed head of a cupcake John shot clean through the sprinkle.”

“Dave, I swear to god, I will go into detail about Rose and I last night.”

Oh, he's too good.

“You're not going to win, John,” Dave sighs, but he moves on anyways. Johns powers of deflection were too strong. “But yeah, she bitched the whole way. I was excited for it, but it turned out to not really be my thing, go figure” He shrugs and crams his fingers into his hoodie.

“But Rose? Rose got fucking _smashed_ with Mom. They got so crunk on the dance floor that I saw one of the bodyguards cry. Like, legitimate tears were dripping down his face, I have never seen a beefcake so emotional.”

John does this gigglesnort thing that is so unattractive but incredibly endearing.

“I found them in the men's bathroom trying to pee in a urinal,” Dave continues, taking out his phone and sorting through his fresh new blackmail pictures. “I think I might finally, actually have enough blackmail material to match up to what Rose has of me.”

John is losing it, clamping one hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to not alert teachers. Aw. “No way!” He snorts. “She has like, two whole photo albums of shit you're never going to live down!”

Dave looks him dead in the eye and stops walking. “I'm not kidding here. I was Pounce dave Leon on a quest for the holy fountain of Rose Fuck Ups and god dammit, fate fucking delivered.” He shows him his favorite picture. The one where his his relatives unsuccessfully tried to initiate the Cha Cha Slide with a gaggle of drunk strangers.

John can't breathe. Looks like he's appropriately distracted.

It's time.

“Alright, this is gonna be a little weird,” Dave says suddenly, turning to him. John wipes the tears out of his eyes and stops to face him, goofy grin on maximum overdrive. Here goes.

“Wha—“

Dave unexpectedly swoops in, pinning John's wrists against the locker with a _clang_.

 

~ ~ ~

 

John is starting to panic. Dave has his hands pinned against the locker, tightly, and they are definitely not out of public view. John darts his eyes everywhere that isn’t into Dave's shades. There is a gaggle of youths _right_ down the hallway. A teacher was even visible through one of the classroom windows, busily stacking papers. They were even right below a camera.

What the fuck is he doing??

“Dave??” John asks. Dave isn't listening. He darts forward, quick and simple, but so so complex and when he presses his chapped and boyish lips against John's the only thoughts running through his mind that aren't _holy fucking shit_ are _I have a girlfriend I have a girlfriend I have a girlfriend I have a—_ His wrists went limp under Dave's.

He didn't mean to, at first, honestly he was just freaking out. But somewhere between his stomach slapping into his knees and his hands going clammy, there he was, dumbass of the day, kissing back instinctively. Dave is obviously caught totally by surprise by this, because he stumbles backward almost instantaneously. He looks shocked for half a second, but instantly regains his cool with a casual shrug.

“Before you freak out, Rose told me I needed to kiss a boy first before she would even touch my math homework.” He explains with his hands raised. “I wasn't expecting the kiss with a return to sender, but, hey, thanks I guess.” He waits for a reaction, and boy, is he getting one. All the blood in John's entire body has rushed to his face.

After about thirty seconds of silence, Dave sighs and pulls him along. “Come on, our teachers probably going to send out a squad of teacher assistants or something looking for us all over the school like last year.”

John is gaping in awe. His lip is trembling and his knees felt like they were going to give in. Shit. He just keeps staring at his mouth. He's trying really hard to think super Rose thoughts, but nothing's coming out. He's just sort of standing there.

“I love Rose???” He finally manages to choke out, and Dave turns back with an amused grin. No. Not good enough. He's still so smug. Throw levels to overdrive.

“And _women, generally??_!!”

Thats right, totally CRANKED that straight up.

But Dave's just laughing at him, tilting his head like it's all really funny, which it's not.  “Alright, okay, no, you're not doing that sexuality crisis bullshit right now, okay?"

"No, we're doing that," John insists, crossing his arms, and his face is warm and this is so many flavors of pure terrible right here. "Let me have this."

"No, it's just not happening, it's dumb. Look, I'm sorry for totally embarrassing you but—” He stops again, pausing in thought. “Wait a second.” He spins on his heels, suddenly verily angry when he approaches him.

“Hold the fuck on, you tasted like _winterfresh, you fucking asshole,"_ He holds out his palm in front of his face and John's whole word is crumbling before his every eyes.

John is so _FUCKED_.

“Cough that shit up, John, ” Dave narrows his eyes.

John weakly reaches for the three gum stashes in his pocket and hands it over. His hands were still trembling. This was not how the day was supposed to go.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Dave is at home, snapping high quality photos of sandwich mold in his bedroom. Rose wasn't here, today. Come to think of it, neither was mom. Just him and his sandwich mold.

_Snap._

He doesn't really remember getting this sandwich out, or when he discovered it was moldy, but he's honestly a little too busy to remember stupid dumb shit like that.

_Snap._

Dave is leaning back to admire his work when suddenly, entirely unexpectedly, dark skinned hands reach out from behind him, wrapping around his torso tightly with a light giggle. A light, feathery Jade giggle. He drops the camera with a surprised shout and 180's his head like it was on fire.

“Woah, _Jade?”_ Yeah, that's Jade. Bright green eyes focused on places they really shouldn't be focused on. Dave is really, really confused.

“How are you—the doors are locked. Shit, did you _Dave_ me? You mother _fucker_. Is my kitchen window okay?”

Jade doesn't respond. She tugs his shirt up with soft fingertips and presses a wet kiss to his bare back, sending shivers up his spine. Uh.

“Woah. Okay, you know, I'm actually really not complaining about this but,” Jade snaps the elastic on his sweatpants. “I actually am really concerned about the state of my window.”

“Shut up, Dave! I'm busy!” She laughs, pressing kisses to the nape of his neck and what the fuck is happening. Dave tries to turn around, but Jade has him locked in place.

“We're not _doing_ anything are we?” He gestures to her nervously. “Because, look, I know we make out a lot, but my last contact with vagina was, like, birth. I don't think that my sexy resume is ready to be turned in. I need more time to A _HH_ ,”

 _John_ is there, hands gripped onto Dave's hips.

“John, holy _shit_? Jesus, who the fuck taught you to say hello?” But he doesn't really think about it, because he's at his side, kissing his neck delicately, working his way up smooch by smooch as Jade works down. “Or how to _knock_? I don't think you assholes are good at either.”

“Are you seriously complaining right now?” John shushes him with quick, sweet sweet pecks. Just as winterfresh as the day in the hallway. Wow. He turns his face away before he can even think about kissing back. Was his sandwich even there anymore?

“Guys, um, not to throw a wrench in, whatever the fuck this is, but,” Dave is trembling with every soft, bone aching touch. “A little context would be—oh fucking _chri—._ ”

Rose cuts him off. Rose is there. Alright, this is too far. It's too far, but she kisses him roughly, a desperate want on her tongue when it presses against his mouth. He doesn't even care about the sandwich anymore. Her soft hands travel down down down until she hits the hem of his boxers and she keeps going down down down until shit, shit shit _shit_

 

A magnificent pony breaks through the wall, a wondrous, awe-inspiring pink bow wrapped tightly around it's mighty mane. It's hooves were dripping with maple syrup.

It approaches Dave, grace and swagger emphasized by every trot of its glorious feet. Dave is completely unwilling to look it in the face. He sighs.“This isn't real, is it.”

The beast licks his face, a deep, powerful voice boomed through Dave's ears.

“Haha, you're kind of fucked up.”

 

~ ~ ~

Dave's eyes snap wide open, his only visual being a nest of black, thick hair in his face. His arms were wrapped tightly around Jade, fiercely spooning her until he realized his left arm was completely dead and numb from her body pressure. Her head is tucked tightly under Rose's chin, who's hand is gripping Dave's shirt lightly from across Jade's sleeping figure.

Oh, yeah. Jade is staying over while her family is at that reunion thing with John.

He will probably never be able to look her in the eye again.

Dave tries to peek over through the dark at Rose. She's muttering in her sleep, as always, fingers wrapped around the hem of his shirt like she used to do during a nightmare when they were kids. Her lips are parted ever so slightly and Dave doesn't want to think about it. He gently uncurls her fingers, which lay limp in his palms.

Yeah. He's not going to think about it. He's gonna get some fucking hot chocolate and think about how much he's not thinking about it.

He hugs Jade into him a little tighter, shaking her slightly. “Hey,” he whispers. Jade turns over, toward him, and oh god she looks so tired and sick and small. He feels pretty bad for waking her up when she flutters her eyes open sleepily. Too late, she's going down with him.

“Jade, come get hot chocolate with me,” Dave half whispers, half whines, pulling Jade closer into his chest. “I'm completely awake and I want hot chocolate. Get hot chocolate with me.”

Jade nuzzles her head sleepily into his chest. She whispers back, a soft “no” shortly accompanied with an even softer “go fuck yourself.” Is she asleep again? Wow. Just like that. Alright Jade, emergency measures activated, you giant sleeping bag of fuck.

Dave rolls backward, taking Jade with him as they tumble off of the bed and smash into the carpet together. Her elbow slams into his side and her little limbs collide with his awkwardly. Jade is definitely awake now, seething and sleepy from on top of him.

“DAVE,” she whisper-shouts through her teeth against his shoulder. She sits up, her butt squashing painfully into Dave's arm. With a grunt, he pushes her lightly, and she falls ass-backward onto the carpet with an _oof,_ scowling upward at him. He stands up quickly, cautiously looking over his shoulder to check if Rose was still sleeping.

Yeah, she was. She always was when she had someone sleeping beside her—it used to be the only sure fire way besides fucking knock out gas to get her to actually sleep as a kid. Just snuggle up next to her and BAM, girl is out of the park. She was still muttering sleepily, something about sales profits and an inappropriate usage of a velvet pillow. Rock on, Rose.

He turns back to Jade, who is very sick, very tired with sunken eyes, and very angrily glaring up at him from the floor. He offers an apologetic smile and holds out his hand, which she takes aggressively.

“What the fuck, Dave??” The whisper-shouts continue. Dave shrugs.

“I wanted hot chocolate.”

“You couldn't do that _alone???”_

“It's dark, Jade.” Dave whispers sarcastically with a powerful roll of the eyes. “I need someone to hold my hand.”

Jade exhales out an _UGH_ , murmuring a soft “you're ridiculous,” but she drags Dave by the wrist into the pitch black hallway anyway.

 

~ ~ ~

 

With the kitchens soft light pounding in her eyes, Jade sets the mug down against the coaster lightly. God, she feels like shit. She feels like shit if shit had an intestinal system and could shit. Her nose is running, her bones feel fragile, and she burns from the inside out with the fury of a thousand deities ignited by John giving her this diseased fuckery. If he didn't kiss her, this wouldn't even be kind of a problem.

She lets out an exasperated sigh, blowing the steam from her hot chocolate into the air impatiently. Dave sits down in the wooden chair next to her, leaning slightly against her shoulder with his own cup in hand.

“Alright, it was shitty to wake your poor, sick face up,” Dave admits, cradling his prized and handsome sweet bro mug beside her. “But admit it. Somewhere, deep down, beneath your mucus and bodily fluid and drool and stuff, you totally wanted hot chocolate.”

He pauses dramatically to take a satisfied sip. “I don't actually feel bad at all about it, by the way. I am woken up five times a night by your stupid snoring ass every time you stay over.”

“Oh, shut up, you big baby,” Jade crosses her arms. Admittedly, the hot chocolate felt really nice on her sore throat, but she wasn't about to give him a reason to justify waking her up!!! “No way!! I like sleeping!” She huffs, slurping her cup defensively. “I wasn't sighing at your rude awakening, though.”

Dave raises his eyebrows from above his shades (which he put on just to go into the kitchen with?? what a doof). “Oh really?” He sips from his horrendous mug and slips her an interested glance. “Come on, tell me what's up. We have hot chocolate and it's three am, this is practically a therapy meeting set up all on it's own.”

Jade laughed at him. He's a doof, but he's the sweetest doof in the whole wide world. Jade lets out a dramatic sigh and slides her face against Dave's shoulder. His skin is nice and cool against her burning forehead.

“Well. It's just that...” she mutters. “Gosh. Well, you know how everyone's been kissing on each other lately?”

Dave pats her head lightly. “Uh, yeah? We've been doing this kind of weird joke smooch thing since the dawn of our friendship.”

“I know...but...”

“I mean, you're the one doing all the kissing. You're like homewrecker #1. If I had to choose anyone ever to wreck a homie, it would be you, Jade. Maybe Rose. But mostly you.”

“Shhh, I'm confessing,” she mutters. “It's different now, though! Rose and John are dating. I can't joke-kiss them without feeling super guilty.” Dave gives her sideways glance, more serious this time.

“Are you talking about when you playground kissed John? Did something...happen, or...?”

Jade nods against his shoulder. “John sleep smooched me, thinking I was dream you.”

“Woah, _what_ ,” Dave exclaims, way louder than Jade thinks he meant to, because he immediately slaps a hand over his shit eating grin and shoots a glance down the hallways to his bedroom.

“God, is that _how you got sick_?”

Jade lifted her head up, staring him down suspiciously.

“Yeah, and he doesn't know. Why do you look so happy?” She asked, eyes narrowing. His eyebrows bounced into a neutral at the speed of light, sound, and Jesus Christ combined.

“I'm not! This is a shocked expression,” he says a little _too_ quickly, pointing a little _too_ helpfully at his face. Jade is so super suspicious, but he recovers quickly. “What are you trying to insinuate here, Jade? That I want John's gross cooties tainting my sweet lips?”

“Well, you certainly did the other day in the hallway!!”

He frowns, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Hey. Rose did my math homework for that smooch. It was a sacrifice for the sake of furthering my education.”

“She said kiss a boy, not kiss her _boyfriend_!”

“ _You_ kissed her boyfriend!” Dave laughs, counting the times on his fingers. “Twice now! I think we all have.”

Jade throws up her hands in exasperation and groans. “This is exactly what I'm talking about! Why do I feel so _guilty_ now?! I had joke kissing rights before, what the heck!”

Dave laughs at her. “It's hard to tell if you are actually just joke kissing all of us sometimes,” he says, cocking an eyebrow. Jade sinks. They _are_ joke kisses! It's just a friendly thing she likes to do. That's all. Dave shrugs.

“I think we're all just being dumb and young and have uncontrollable mouths,” he puckered his lips jokingly and leans over her. She pushes him away with a smile, earning her a snort in response. He flings his arm around her.

“Seriously, I really wouldn't be too worried about it. No one's been upset about your 'joke' kisses and we're all still best buds. Except for John and Rose. Of whom are now best buds who frequently coat each other in saliva. Like us, but officially dating.”

“ _Blegh,_ gross, Dave.” Jade sighs into her mug. It was pretty much empty, but she chugs it back to get the last drop anyway. “I just don't want anyone to be... accidentally hurt or anything.”

He slides her a look that makes her nervous, but she darts her eyes away and leans into his shoulder. “I've been worried about it since they started dating. I love us all! I don't want us to fall apart if they don't work out or...” she looks away from Dave guiltily. “...If we ruin it?”

Jade doesn't see it coming when Dave places his hands against her cheeks, gently turning her head toward him. His finger pads are rough against her skin and it feels kind of nice. “We're not going to ruin it, okay?” He says, and he sounds so so concerned. He drops his hands and leans back.

“Besides,” Dave drawls, gulping down the last of his hot chocolate. “They're so ridiculously affectionate. I think they were like that even before they started dating. If they break up, we'll all just go back to being really cool buddies.”

She gives him a light hug, sighing into his chest. She didn't feel too much better about it, but she was glad he was here. “You're the best, Dave,” she mutters.

He shrugs. “I know,” he says, returning the hug. He smells so strongly of chocolate and drool. Fuck it. Jade kisses him on the cheek. Dave looks up at her, startled.

“What was that for?”

“For being the best!” Jade's laughing, taking their empty cups to the the sink. Dave stands up and joins her, his hands balling into fists in his squiddle pajama pants pockets.

“See, you just did that joke kissing thing again where it actually seems genuine.” She rolls her eyes, and standing on the tip of her toes, she holds his face delicately and plants a huge wet kiss on his face. When she lets go, he's got a faint red under all his freckles, but he's smiling like an idiot.

“I was worried you were feeling left out, Dave!!” She flicks his nose and makes her way back to the bedroom. He lets out a heavy sigh behind her, muttering something totally incoherent.

 

~ ~ ~

 

An hour or so later, they were both tucked back into bed. It had taken awhile, because Dave only falls asleep after about a years worth of conversation. Jade was finally, _finally_ drifting off to sleep, when suddenly

“Hey Jade, are you awake?” He whispers to her, nudging her arm slightly. God, no. Jade glanced over her pillow with an exasperated sigh. It's almost pitch black, but she can just barely make out the blurry shapes of Rose clinging to Dave's arm.

“No,” she whispers back with a yawn. “I'm sleeping, Dave, go away.”

“Alright, cool," he persists anyways. "Can we switch places?”

Jade groans with annoyance.  _“Ughhhh._ Why?”

“You know how Rose sleep talks?”

“Yeah. She never shuts up. Is it bothering you? Because I'm not sacrificing my beauty rest on your behalf!”

Dave unleashes the most pissed off sigh Jade has ever heard.

“She's fucking whispering the lyrics to funky town into my ear, switch places with me I swear to god."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "i think i like you but it's complicated" more like "will guarantee like 18 smooches per chapter"


	6. not to spoil anything but there's drunk karaoke in this chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> everything stays entirely platonic and there is no illegal consumption of intoxicating beverages
> 
> (long chapter alert)

When John makes it back from the reunion, it's Christmas eve. He steps up to the Strider-Lalonde residence fully dressed in a bright punch-me-in-the-face-red Santa suit, complete with a cheap beard that fell to his knees and a gift sack so heavy that he could only just barely balance it on his shoulder. In short, he looked ridiculous, but exceptionally prepared were he to enter a local mall.

Even Jade manages to forgive him for leaving her alone and diseased when he bellows, “ _Some gifts for the ho, ho, ho!_ ” and pushes a brand new bass guitar into her chest, a joint present from all of the Egberts (plus a 50$ giftcard from Nanna). He was ready to make some fucking amends. He had Jade's forgiveness so totally in the palm of his hands.

After Momma Lalonde finished gushing over how John looks SO ADORABLE in his santa suit and finally quits asking if his dad was still “as foxy as EVER??” she had them share dinner with him and recount his reunion horror stories. It had been a few years since Ms. Lalonde's long-term boyfriend, Dirk (who was Bro. Which was complicated.), had died, and she was definitely showing signs of being ready to move on. To John's dad. She was very obviously checking out John's dad. Very obviously, very frequently, very tactlessly checking out John's dad. It was a whirlwind of awkward on John's behalf, especially because he knows his father actually _checks back_. He was _not_ about to be step siblings with his girlfriend, no way! Pseudo incest was _totally_ off the table.

They had had a very pleasant Christmas eve together. The break from overwhelming schoolwork and stress was welcomed and needed.

John suavely smooches Rose under a plastic mistletoe and Jade cackles when she plummets snow down Dave's pants.

And then came the grand finale of the holiday cluster fuck season. New years.

 

~ ~ ~

 

The Strider-Lalonde household was one full fucking household on New Years eve. Egberts and English-Harley's scattered amidst streamers and party favors, talking excitedly about celebrations and new years resolutions and seven different flavors of parental shit. There was alcoholic beverages everywhere. Mama Lalonde's type of party.

Mama Lalonde's type of party that Rose planned to thoroughly neglect with her friends via hiding in the basement.

It hadn't been easy to plan, but the second her mother turned her back, Rose crept into the alcohol cabinet and stole enough booze to inebriate her and all of her friends for the next four hundred years if they even survived it.

She had a mission today. Everyone had seen her and Dave drunk, of course, but it remained to be seen John and Jade even a tiny bit tipsy. Not yet. But today? Today, she was determined. She would destroy them. She would take them down.

This fact is made particularly inevitable when Jade slaps her hand against the table and demands they accompany their alcohol with a drinking game.

Jade is very, _very_ bad at never have I ever.

As it turns out, so is Rose. That wasn't planned, but Rose can hold her alcohol very, very well. Jade can not. She's red in the face after one glass, spitting her wine between gaspy giggles and falling all over every lap in the room.

“Never have I ever...” Jade slurs so, _so_ badly. It's glorious. Exactly how Rose imagined, a complete lightweight with a new penchant for hugging absolutely everything with or without a pulse. She's all dizzy and loose, tangling herself around Dave, wild from losing several rounds. She jabs a finger into Dave's chest aggressively, tossing her head back with suppressed snorts. God damn. Jade is like an electric city, lit up from head to toe, loud and in your face but genuine and passionate and also spilling wine all over Dave's shirt.

Jade giggles again, bright and pitchy, striking Rose right in the gut. “Never EVER, ever, _ever_ have I ever been unable to unhook a bra!”

Dave squeaks out an indignant noise, giving Jade a quick, playful shove and a grimace. “It's not like I can practice that shit at home or anything," he whines. Jade wiggles her eyebrows, watching Dave exhale shakily. "That's not _fair.”_  

Rose's eyebrows shoot upward. There's no way her innocent, virginal brother would even _dare._ She's seen him handle school crushes. He thought belching out Terezi from the third grade was an efficient method of expressing attraction. Granted, they had a very prosperous elementary school marriage, but he would never make it that far in a high school relationship.

But no, wow, he takes a very long sip.

Rose spits out her wine like a fountain onto him, letting out strings of hysterical laughter over Dave's uncomfortable sighs.

She wipes her mouth delicately on John's shirt through large breathy gasps and snorts. John covers her outburst for her, recoiling in drunken surprise. “Dave, who's boobs did you try to defile _?”_

Jade is absolutely chortling, kicking her feet on her side and taking big, drunk breaths. She smells like alcohol and tears. “ _Mine_!!!”

The only other girl that could possibly be seduced with Dave's belch show. of course.

Rose can see red burn into John's cheeks—she felt something burning into her own—and he throws a blanket protectively over his cousin. “You're never seeing Dave again,” he whines to her, shooting a pout to his best friend in a way that so perfectly illustrated _how could you_. Rose tosses her brother a smirk, trying, but not really succeeding, to look unsurprised.

“Would you care to explain, Dave?”

He stutters, hands flailing like a fish out of water.

“Alright, look, we didn't go any farther than that, I swear,” he says, and Jade drapes her arms around his neck with a toothy grin.

Rose smirks, eyebrows raised as she turns to John mischievously.

She smiles, all sweet and polite, siezing him gently by the chin. “Come on. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Dave.” John's expression melted from amused confusion into raw horror when he realized what she was going to say, and oh yes, John, she's going to say it, and he desperately tries to cover Rose's mouth before she can—

“John can't unhook a bra either.”

Dave gags and John cuts the room with a long whine, bitterly seizing his cup and tilting it back.

“Rose, you didn't. Rose, _no,_ ” Dave shouts, spinning his head around sharply to face her. That's right, asshole.

“Rose, yes,” she winks with a quiet smirk. "He fails with precision nearly every time." John can't look her in the eyes and Jade is still laughing, but it's different this time. Her giggles are low and skirting flirtatious, hitting Rose heavy with it's low pitch. She unwraps herself from around Dave and stumbles into Rose's lap, sloppily brushing her fingertips against her neck. She's gentle and smooth, like her hands were made from feathers.

“Roooose,” She's red and so so close and so so in her face. “ _I_ can take off a bra.”

Rose lets out a small, short and teasing  _ha,_ returning her low lidded gaze. “Really, hm? I'm not quite certain I believe in you, Jade.”

“I can!” She insists, pressing closer, the sweetness of candy and wine heavy on her breath. “I have _tons_ of experience in the bra removal department.”

Rose hums all low and taunting. “Well, I'm afraid you will have to prove it.”

Jade snorts, about to retort when John suddenly wraps his arms around her waist. He slides her off Rose's lap and holds her into his own protectively. She laughs into John's arms and tries to wiggle out of them. John rolls his eyes and doesn't let go.

“No,” he tells her. “Bad drunk. Worst drunk.”

While he's distracted, Dave fills Rose and John's glasses to the brim. They snap their heads toward him when he clears his throat and quickly says “Never ever have I ever made out in John's bathroom,” he slides John a cruel, betrayed glance. “Ever.”

Rose laughs into her glass, a burning warmth starting to build in her chest when the wine slides down her throat. She snaps a smirk at John and kisses his cheek as he sips his own glass with embarrassment, so thoroughly adorable and so thoroughly red.

“At least it wasn't in an outhouse,” John mutters, nudging Jade mockingly. She tilts her head onto John's shoulder.

“Do _kisses_ in John's bathroom count?” She asks with a low grin, and John chokes. Dave slides Rose a panicked look.

“If you kissed Dave in my bathroom, I swear to god, Jade—”

Jade laughs, fingers barely concealing the bursts of laughter on her tongue. “Noooooooooope! Wasn't Dave.”

John holds up his palm. “Stop. I don't want to know. I don't want to know.” He frowns. His eyes flicker back. “Tell me.”

Jade refuses, sticking her tongue out and turning away. Hm. She will have to wrestle this out of her later. But for now—

“Never have I ever grabbed someone's boob,” Rose cuts him off. Jade has already started pouring her glass. “...mistaking it for an arm.”

Dave let's out a small shout, but dives his head shamefully into his cup anyway. Jade clinks her glass with his, gulping hers down with suppressed giggles. Dave rolls his eyes. “It was _one time_ , Rose!”

“ _Seven_ times for Jade,” Rose smirks, watching Jade chortle happily and wipe the wine off of her lips with the side of her palm. “By my last count. Nine times for John.”

John shrugs and doesn't even touch his glass.

“You're my girlfriend! I just sort of do it on purpose.”

Rose takes his arm, pecking him on the nose gently and leaving a black stain, taking special note of Dave's squirming discomfort. Jade wiggles out of John's arms and makes a leap for her cup.

“Never have I ever flashed anyone!!” She shouts, quickly chugging back the rest of her glass. John looks like he wants to pick her up and flee when he sinks his forehead into his palms.

“You can't just say never have I ever when you totally have evered, Jade,” he mutters through his fingers, but cackles at him over her glass with an intoxicated gurgle.

John shoots a pointed look at Dave. “Never have I ever vomited on Roses shoes from drinking.” Rose and Jade shriek out an _OOOOOOH_ at Dave, who shrinks into himself and takes a sip. He points toward John weakly.

“You switched the juice on me, man.”

“Why didn't you _notice,”_ John laughs into Rose's shoulder like he cant breathe. Dave lifts his arms in exasperation.

“God, I don't know! I thought it was a different _brand.”_

“Oh, poor Dave can't hold his liquor,” Rose coos, pinching his cheek sweetly.

Dave shoots Rose a dirty look. “Hey, don't disrespect your elders, Rose.”

“You're an hour older than me, Dave.”

He ignores her. “Thanks to my deteriorating age, I have a _weak stomach_. You just watch Rose, it'll happen to you, too. Your iron stomach will collapse with age and I want to watch it happen.”

Rose rolls her eyes and clinks her glass down. The alcohol was really starting to take effect, her head had gone light and fluffy and her neck still burned from where Jade had touched her.

“All right, last round,” she decides, resting her head against John's. She slips Jade, cackling and on the floor, an amused expression. “I fear Jade is fit to burst should we not halt our teenage tomfoolery. Would you do the honors, dear?” Jade giggles, seizing the wine bottle and filling her cup carelessly.

“Give us a good one,” Rose smiles. Jade _pfffts_.

“Neverrr have I ever...” She slurs, thrusting her glass upward, and John has to steady her in case she topples backwards. “...had a sex dream about anyone in this room!” She laughs loudly and unstoppably when she finishes off the glass she just poured. Fuck.

It was one time. A pang of guilt smacks Rose when she remembers it.

Theoretically, she can pretend like she totally didn't have very weird tentacle wizard sex with all of her best friends at once. No one would actually know. Rose excels at fibbing. But Rose is an honorable woman, and if she was going to maintain that title, she was going to take that motherfucking drink.

Glancing around calmly, she takes a nervous sip disguised as a confident one, eying the others carefully. John and Dave glance away from each other, embarrassingly choking down the rest of their glasses. Dave in particular looked very, very anxious.

Oh.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jade doesn't know how, or when, but somewhere during the “How Do I Live Without You” section of karaoke, her shirt came off. She was just so distracted. Dave was really, reallllly good at karaoke, a soft, gentle singing voice that was low and pretty and Jade just wanted to make out with it.

Rose was also really good, her vocal chords were like harp strings when she played them, beautiful, pretty, confident and Jade loved it every second of it. Jade and John, however, were not that good. It wasn't their fault!! John was more of a piano guy, Jade was more of a guitar girl. They didn't need stupid, wonderful singing voices, no no nooo.

Jade shrieks and pounds into Dave's arm, all “Daaaave this is your SONG,” when Funky Town starts to play on the big screen. Dave lets out a long groan when Rose wiggles her eyebrows at him. Jade falls onto the floor, her lungs collapsing inward with her uncontrollable giggles. Wow! Dave has a really nice ceiling. And really nice arms. Really nice arms that scoop her off of the floor and toward his chest, hands that were warm and firm against her bare back.

She watches him slide a defeated smile toward John and Rose. “Yeah, um, I'll look after wild child here,” his voice booms so close to her ears and he is like, super soft. She strokes his cheek. SO soft. Dave shoots Rose another _look._ “I'm just going to take her into the guest room, try to sober her up and avoid this god awful music selection you have. You guys have fun with that.”

Jade thinks she hears the humming of Rose's approval, but it's so hard to tell voices apart when everyone is singing and so loud loud LOUD

Suddenly, she's moving!  She let's her head fall back, her curly, wild hair dangling mid air. She feels Dave sigh above her. Her head bobs slightly with each step he takes, letting a smile spread across her face like an infection. Her head plops lightly onto the guestroom bed pillow. Dave sinks down next to her, watching her intently as if she's horribly inebriated or something.

She sits up, sliding over to him and clinging onto his arm goofily. “Am I drunk?”

He snorts.“No way, you're clean as fuck. Sober as hell. I would trust you to drive us literally anywhere.”

Whew, that's a relief. She wipes her brow, collapsing into his lap. “Thank god! Rose said I’d be a complete lightweight. I totally just showed her.” Dave looks like he's trying really hard not to laugh, but Jade hasn't said anything funny yet. She figures it must just be her natural inborn hilarity and he just can't help it.

“Yeah, you totally just did,” he agrees, patting her face lightly.

Way in the distance, Jade hears John's unmistakeable voice belt out “WON'T YOU TAKE ME TOOOOOOOOOO??? _FUNKY TOWN_??????????????????????????” followed by Rose's usual melodic tune all shrieky when she rips out a OH WONT YOU TAKE MEEEEEE??? TO FUNKY TO _WWWNN_??? Dave groans into his palms.

“Sweet fucking lord, they're doing this on purpose,”

Jade snorts at him, a happy, drunky snort, nuzzling into his stomach. She was decidedly really fucking cold without her shirt, greatly appreciating the heat generator that was Dave Strider. They listened to the soothing sounds of their friends belting out lyrics for several minutes before Jade pops a question.“Dave, you know how you kissed John?”

He shrugs, tangling his fingers into her hair.

“Yeah?”

“Was it nice?”

“Pft. Yeah, about as nice as not doing math homework feels.”

Jade laughs!! Ha, what does that even _mean._ Dave is so funny. “I want a nice John kiss,” she says, wrapping her tiny hands around his waist. “He didn't reciprocate my first one and the last one was kind of pukey.”

Dave smirks. “You want a gross cousin kiss?”

Jade shakes her head. “It's the challenge of it! I just want a not-awful John kiss!” She opens her eyes, and jeez, the room was spinning! She squints up at him.“Haven't you ever wanted a nice Rose kiss? Rose kisses are so nice.”

She feels him tense up, but he's calm. He scrunches his nose, all _no Jade, ew, no way_ , mumbling something soft and entirely incoherent into Jade's hair.

“Speak uppppp,” Jade whines, but Dave puts a finger to her lips. “Sh, my drunk little Harley,” he whispers, and she clings to him a little tighter.

“They're so nice!” She mutters anyway. “Her lips are so soft, and yeah, like, covered in black goo 24/7, but she's such a good kisser, Dave. I recommend it highly _._ ”

“Hey man, don't make me go all protective big bro on you,” he warns lightly, flicking her forehead. “I'll go out and get my shotgun right now. Keep your evil sexy girl sorcery away from my sister.” She laughs, pressing herself up onto his lap to face him.

“Can I use my evil sexy girl sorcery for...... _something else_?” She meant for it to be flirty, but she slurs it really badly and just sort of hopes its charming. He raises an amused eyebrow, motioning for her to go on. She slides her arms around his neck.

“I want a nice _Dave_ kiss, too.”

He laughs, shifting his hands out of her hair and down to her waist. He scoots her back a little bit.

“Hey, you get tons of nice Dave kisses,” he says, a smile playing at the edges of his lips. She huffs and pushes him back onto the bed easily. His head hits the pillow with a soft thunk, the bed springs squeaking just a little.

“Dave, no you don't get it,” she laughs, pinning him down gently. She removes his shades delicately, and he sighs against her palm.

“Jade...”

“Shhh, I’m speaking!” Jade shifts from on top of him. “Remember when you were all, 'wah, wah, Jade, I can't tell if you're _joke_ kissing us or _real_ kissing us,'” She does her best Dave imitation, sitting with horrible posture and giving her best southern monotone.

Dave groans, rolling his eyes with a frown. She loved actually being able to see them! They're so red and totally impossible.

“What about it?” he humors her. Jade places a soft smooch to his forehead, all innocent and silly, with just a tiny edge of heat.

“I think my kisses might be a little genuine,” she mutters, pressing her lips against his carelessly. There's a burning from the wine left lingering on his mouth, which she goes out of her way to taste. The little electricity that shoots through her with the touch makes her feel dizzy and light and impossible. She crushes into his lips again and again, and they're not serious kisses, like it always was with Dave, but there's still hints of neediness and insistence when he bites on her bottom lip. She felt weightless pressed into him.

It had only been a minute or two of sweet, sweet Dave kisses when he suddenly pulls away. He gives her a heavy sigh and sits upright.

“You know I love you and everything,” he says, straightening up and patting her cheek. He takes his glasses back and slides them on. “But you're so totally wasted.”

Jade pouts, giving a desperate little whine and her voice drops. “I'm being serious!! I think I _like_ you! I think I like all of you...it's just...”

A pang of realization hits her like a punch to the stomach, and with it, her eyes slowly widen. Was this a realization, or was this a drunk thing?

“Not...simple?”

The thought was even kind of sobering until Dave cuts through it with his jibber jabber.

“Alright, okay, sure drunky. You know,” he says, leaning into her side. “John already wants to shoot me for having all of our occasional sloppy makeouts. And I don't wanna mack on you when we're all kind of drunk, so.”

She sighs, collapsing into his chest. Cuddles were ok, too. “Yeah, it's okaaay,” she whines. “You owe me kisses later, though.” He laughs, pulling her into his arms.

“Alright, fine. Maybe later.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

John and Rose burst through the door ten minutes later, John loudly declaring his victory against Rose in his karaoke tournament. They were all so proud. Except Rose, who mostly just wanted to win.

After Jade had appropriately sobered up (and put on a shirt), the kids all joined their families on the roof to celebrate the new year. They were surrounded in so many party hats and confetti that Jade feels like she's gonna suffocate. Her friends press into her side, chatting with each other excitedly, smiling at their families, waiting eagerly for the ball to drop. But Jade was lost in he absentminded after-drunk thoughts.

5....

Jades eyes carefully follow Rose, and she loves the way she smiles behind full, intoxicatingly black lips and how she likes to pull her close to her just to push her away as if to say _not yet, but perhaps later should I feel like it_

4....

She thinks John is super sweet and considerate and sometimes he opens doors for her and leans in like he's about to kiss her, but at the last second, remembers a little something tugging at the corner of his mind and aims for her cheek instead.

3....

Dave made her feel light and invincible, his kisses were playful and frequent, but she knows he has distant thoughts bothering him when they're together. It was the kind of thing that stopped him from actually asking her out, like she knows he's planned to for awhile now. It was the same kind of thing that stopped her from asking him out.

2....

This wasn't a drunk thing, was it?

1....

Jade sinks into the cheers of her friends and family, welcoming the bright and shiny fresh-out-of-the-oven new year. Oh, man.

 


	7. this episodes all about rose. everythings all about rose. as it should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> eyyy another vomit warning in this chapter B(
> 
> p.s. thanks for the insane kudos levels?? wow you people are great. i feel an immense sense of both overwhelming gratitude and intense romantic attraction toward all of you. thank you and stay gold, my sweet little poptarts.

It is three o clock in the morning, the dead still of night. Or at least, it would be the dead still of night, if John would stop fucking snoring.

But he he doesn't. His nasal cavity hums vigorously from the couch, distantly distracting Rose from where she sits across from Jade, drunk and losing horribly at go fish.

It had been a long night.

John and Dave are passed out on the sofa. Their bodies are pressed tightly together under four thick layers of wool blanket, which Rose knows they really only used to conceal the fact that they were totally cuddling. She made sure to take pictures.

Jade is sitting across from her, nursing a wine bottle like it was her little alcoholic baby. It was actually pretty endearing, but the way her fingers clung to it made Rose deeply worried.

Jade had been acting oddly ever since they arrived back from celebrating on the roof, despite every event planned proceeding perfectly without a single hitch. Before the ball dropped, she genuinely seemed to genuinely enjoy the light shows and her mothers improvisational break dancing battle with Mr. Egbert. She was having fun. She was enjoying herself. . Why she was upset now was anybody's guess.

Rose supposes that perhaps the night had only gone exceptionally well for herself. After all, she had given John his first New Years kiss and finally wedgied Dave on camera, just like she's always wanted.

But once they returned, Jade ran straight for the bottle. John and Dave immediately crashed on the sofa and barely managed to squeeze in a single goodnight before flopping into the pillows like the weaklings they were.

Now Jade was tipsy again, but not giggly and affectionate like she had been before. She looked sad and frustrated and also like she was about to take it all out on the entire remainder of the booze. Nerves ripped at Roseat the sight of her. So despite her exhaustion and inexplicable desire to curl up with John and Dave, she forced herself up in order to keep an eye on her.

Initially, she did not want to drink. She fully intended to stay sober enough to appropriately monitor her behavior like the caring and responsible friend she was. However, after quite few punches of silence and brooding from Jade, Rose's spirit and determination levels were dangerously low. She figured a sizable quantity of wine might keep them raised.

She needed a lot of raising.

Now, it was three am, and they sat across from each other playing shitty card games and barely making eye contact. Rose was more likely to win the fucking lottery than to win Jades secrets.

Toward the end of their game, Jade carelessly pours the very, very last of the bottle into her mouth. This was honestly getting out of hand. She carefully decides it's once again time to pry, leaning into the table with determination and delicately placing her cards down into her lap. This was it. She was going to either get her to talk or get really wasted trying.

“Would you finally like to tell me whats been on your mind, Jade?” Rose parks her cheek into her palm, concentrating distantly on her manner of speaking. This is what she would have liked to have said in hindsight.

What actually comes out is “Tell me yur stupid drunky drunk probbem, Jude.”

Jade wipes at the corners of her lips, all stumbling and stammering. She fumbles with her glass with red fingertips with a sigh.

“I don't _wanna.”_

“You _gotta,”_ Rose stumbles forward in her seat, hands stretching toward Jade like a flower toward sunlight. She feels words trip out of her mouth, and there's a sincerity deeply embedded in her tone that is entirely watered down by her inability to pronounce shit. “Please. I feel so guilty. Is it that you're not enjoying tha _party?_ ”

It's ridiculous. Both of them are so verbally incompetent and ridiculous and Jade stands up with what looked like all of her concentrated effort.

“Rose, you're a...a _super sweety pants_ staying up with me and all, but,” she sets the glass down with a clink. “You're just not going to get it!! I don't even get it!”

Rose's eyes narrow in frustrated concern with such distinct punctuality that Jade has to turn her face away. This is so _frustrating,_ it's been a tired series of _hours_ now. She lifts her heavy head from the table, beginning to stand as well, or, wobble at least.

Peering over at Jade, Rose can make out through several fuzzy shapes and blurs that Jades lips are quivering. She looks so tiny and withdrawn, all soft and cute and. Wait. No.

She shakes her head, throwing out her wooziness, and with it, her homosexual tendency.

“Jade, _stoppit_ , youre bean _petulant,”_ Rose is slurring so very, _very_ badly. This is not at all how she has planned this talk out. This was supposed to be far more coherent, for starters. She stumbles onward anyway, as brave in her words as ever. “I need to make sure you're _alright_!”

Jade sighs with annoyance, pressing her back against the wall with arms folded. “'m sorry, Rose,” she mutters. “No way.”

They fall into a bitter silence. Rose quietly realizes that Jade is not going to open up. The room is spinning and performing backflips and Rose is _so_ mad at herself for drinking so much now, stupidly believing it would help her unwind.

She's quietly seething when she finally breaks the quiet and pushes in her chair. She stacks their glasses, each clacking against one another in cacophony. She takes the bottle, too, chugging back the rest of it before holding it shakily into her other hand. Jade peers over at her quizzically from the wall. Her hair is loose and unwinding around her and Rose feels tugs of pinching annoyance and inexplicable attraction beginning to surge up. Fucking shit.

Feelings from her stupid crush on Jade, from ages and ages ago, left to rot in the dust were suddenly flooding back to her again. She instantly regrets staying up, reluctantly reminded of Dave calling her drunken state "a vehicle for [her] repressed emotions emerging through, like, fourteen walls of obtuse bullshit.”

“Rose, what're you doing?” Jade asks, eyes just barely following Rose as she stumbles toward the stairs. Rose tries not to look at her directly and focuses on her diction with all that is left of her humanly power.

“Mother would be rather suspicious if a herd of teenagers were all passed out around four bottles of wine,” she rolls her eyes because it's obvious and Jade is being stupid. She gargles out her final string of sentences. “I'm destroying the evidence and then I'm going to retire to bed,” she spits out with effort, taking small, careful steps toward the stairs. Fuck. Focusing on her footsteps is far harder than she anticipated.

“I don't think you're sober enough to carry all that,” Jade says, wobbling toward her. Fuck off, Jade, Rose _has_ this.

Rose does not actually have this.

Her knees buckle and refuse to carry her, and when she takes her first big step up the stairs, she trips, nearly dropping every glass and stumbling backward onto her drunk ass.

With a defeated, breathy sigh that smells like one glass of wine too many, Jade takes the glasses and sets them down gently on the staircase, far away from Rose. She's quiet, sitting down flatly on the steps to arrange them in a less precariously stacked position. Rose collapses onto the stairs, too, tired and so very unsteady. She scoots in closer, softly, hesitantly, peering downward and away from her spilled dishes and pride.

Jade finishes arranging the glasses and parks them to the side, sighing as deeply as an ocean when she pulls Rose into a warm, sympathetic hug. The wild curls of her black hair tickle Rose's skin softly.

“Okay, I'll tell you, you drunk bag of crap,” she slurs, pressing her head against Roses shoulder with a pout. Rose perks up attentively, very poorly managing to hide her enthusiasm behind wide eyes. Jade lets go, sinking her back against the wall with a defeated smile. “You're probably gonna hound me with dumb passive aggressive antics until I do anyways.”

"Correct, but..." Rose is trying with difficulty to shake her failing sense of awareness but not doing a very good job. She locks her fingers together anxiously. “Thank you, Jade.” she manages to choke out.

Jade lets out this long, shaky, anxious breath, turning her body to Rose forcefully but with her eyes still pinned to the floor. “I don't know how to say this,” she puffs out her cheeks. Suspense quietly rips at Rose, but she waits patiently.

“I guess I'll start small? Okay,” she mutters. She drags her eye up to finally meet Rose's. She takes another deep breath. That's right, just drag it out. We have all evening.

“Rose, you love John, right?” She asks very quietly, very softly. What a dumb question.

“Of course,” Rose says sloppily, wooziness seeping into her vision when she leans into her shoulder. Jade is nothing but cloudy face in front of her, even if she squints. She shrugs. “I believe I do, at least. I think he loves Dave too, though. I mean, look at them,” she jerks a jagged thumb at their sleeping bodies wound tightly together on the sofa. Dave is drooling everywhere. It's endearing and it stabs at Rose with how much she cares.

“Oh my god, maybe _I_ love Dave,” she jokes, crushing her palm into her forehead with a smile.  She turns to meet Jade's eyes, all sad and big, and her expression softens.

Jade leans into Rose anyway, soft, quiet, and painfully drunk. Her lips are quivering when she asks

“Do you think maybe you love me too?”

Rose doesn't know how to respond, focusing on the blurry figure of Jade closing in on her, holding her chin steady, eyes wet and intoxicated, she looks so small and sad and tired and Rose whispers an unsteady _maybe._

Jade leans in to close the space between them and she smells strongly of wine and heavily repressed emotional baggage.

~ ~ ~

 

Jade hasn't even told her what's been up with her crazy moping, but she likes this girl so much and she's just so scared and gutless, bones aching with want and her heart wretches when she leans in and crushes into Rose.

It was a small, heated kiss that lasted half of a second before an inkling of sobriety forces her to realize what she was doing and she launches herself back, smacking her head against the wall painfully in panic. _Fuck._ She fucked up, she _so_ fucked up. John is going to _hate_ her. Jade swivels her head away in pained embarrassment.

“ _Woah,_ ” Jade yanks her eyes away from Rose's shaking lips. “I'm so sorry!” Jade is so horribly embarrassed and still only inches away, Roses eyes still left wide open like windows. She turns toward her hesitantly, stutters bursting out of her mouth like some kind of verbal sprinkler.

“Man,” she clutches at her hair nervously. “That was fucked _up._ I'm _so_ sorry. I shouldn't have _—hellommph,”_

Much to her surprise, Rose cuts her off, shoving her head back against the wall with a thunk. She's pinned by the mouth, messily kissing with unexpected heat and a type of craving that left Jade with an intoxicating rush. She breaths out against the touch, hurriedly, awfully, stupidly pressing back into her.

Nervousness and tension flush out of her body like a waterfall, and she just lets it flood, digging her fingernails into Rose's skin for support until her knuckles turned white and her lips shook. It's all fluid, Rose clutches Jade's hips against the wall, heatedly sliding a hand up her shirt, unhooking her bra with one twist and pressing feverish kisses to her neck and cheeks. Her blood is rushing and pulsing and pounding, their kisses so sloppy from wine and want, their touches a little too groping and a little too desperate.

Rose kisses a little like Dave, all the same gentle touches and bold teasing, but Dave's kisses were soft and playful and easy. Rose kisses are hard, demanding, with all rough edges and neediness flickering into every connection with intense urgency. Her teeth press against Jade's lips with persistence, sliding her tongue against her bottom lip pleadingly.

Somehow Roses hand slips into Jades pajama pants, roughly squeezing and reaching and Jade accidentally lets out a soft squeak when her fingers manage to slide past the elastic band of her underwear. It's all pressure and sliding and woah, woah, woah, wow. She digs downward, and _fuck_ yes, and wait, wait, wait, fuck _no_ , why is she _leaving_

In a flash, Rose jolts her hands back. She mutters out a slurred “oh, _fuck,”_ barely audible, springing herself away from Jade and spinning on her heels into stumbled run. Oh my god, _no_ , not right _now._

“Where are you _going_?” Jade whispers through her teeth, and it slips out as more of a plea than a question, wobbling softly as she followed after her. She was so fucking dizzy. She should not be standing.

But Rose doesn't respond. She bolts jaggedly toward the bathroom, one hand clamped tightly over her mouth, the other hand flinging the door open.

Oh.

Jade follows her into the bathroom urgently, the bright lights searing into her eyes when she stumbles in and

_Oh._

Oh _noooo._

Vomit everywhere. Rose, kneeling in vomit, continuing to vomit everywhere. Jade shifts her weight onto her other foot, weighing herself against the door frame and shielding her eyes. Oh man, she is way too drunk for this shit.

“I didn't think my kissing was _that_ bad,” she mutters, staring in awe at the horrible scenery unfolding around her. Roses response was a heavy heave of puke into the toilet. Alright, then. She stumbles for the towels, flopping them onto the floor with exertion. God, everything is so difficult to manage right now. She yearned for simpler times, when nobody was puking and everybody was making out.

Rose heaves again, this time with a heavy sobbing sound. Oh, no, oh no. Jade stops mopping up the vomit, hands instantly wrapping around Roses shoulders delicately.

“Hey, hey, sh, it's ok,” she says, alarm waking her cloudy senses up. Rose is crying and shaking and Jade has never, ever seen her this unraveled before. She felt like she was looking at the raw core of her and it scared her down to the bones. She turns Rose to face her gently.

“Hey, hey, shut up,” she whispers through Rose's panicked gasps, patting her shoulder lightly. “Wanna talk?”

Rose lets her head rest against the toilet seat, hair squishing against the wine colored vomit. She looks sick, about as wobbly as a loose tooth. Jade cringes. God, there's puke everywhere. Looks like she has another John situation on her hands.

Jade clutches at another towel, gently dabbing at Rose's trembling lips to wipe off the vomit. Her grasp instantaneously sharpens when Rose's sobs suddenly morph into hysterical laughter.

“I'm fucked up!” She laughs and sobs, clutching at her filthy hair with wild eyes. Jade wipes her chin and cheeks softly, delicately. Her grip was still weak and her aim was unfocused, but the dizziness was finally beginning to fade.

“No, you're not!” Jade says as firmly as she can manage, swiping the towel across Rose's arms and hands. She takes absent note of the shallow little scars running up her fingertips. “Okay, we totally probably shouldn't have done that, but you're not fucked up! We're just, uh,” Jade feels her face heat up with guilt. God fucking damnit, sobriety.

“Okay, we're kind of fucked up.”

Rose darts forward, wrapping her arms around Jade's neck and attempting to land another smooch, but tragically missing and smacking the side of Jade's lips instead. Jade springs back at the connection, clutching the towel fiercely.

“ _Rose_!” Jade scolds, pushing her back against the toilet. “We literally _just_ established that we shouldn't do that!”

Rose is smiling with guilt, curling her knees up into her chest. “I've kissed everyone else in a bathroom, I figured I might as well make you feel included.”

Jade lets out a frustrated sigh, furrowing her brows steadily when she returns to dabbing. This is all so ridiculous.

“You're silly,” she whispers aimlessly. “You know, I think I’ve cleaned everyone's vomit now except Dave's,” she mutters, eyes refocused on Rose's lips. She presses her finger pads across her cheek, tossing a puke covered towel into the bathtub. She seizes another one, scrubbing weakly at the sides of the toilet and the cracks in between. Jade slides Rose a consoling smile through quick swipes. “Maybe if you kiss Dave in a bathroom, it'll make him puke. I can clean it up, and then both of our bingo cards will _finally be complete_!!”

Rose lets out a cute, tiny giggle, sliding her eyes away. Her mouth twists into a scrunch and she spins to heave into the toilet again, words garbled and incoherent as puke passes through her lips instead of words.

“I liked you for so long, you know,” her voice muffled from the lid of the toilet. “I cannot believe how much effort I wasted in my futile attempt to work up the nerve to tell you.” Jade's eyebrows shoot up, but she says nothing. Rose continues, head bent over into the bowl.

“I was going to ask you out. Before Dave could. But then Halloween,” Rose heaves. Jade tries not to think about all of the ass that has been on the very surface her friend is puking into. “when John _seduced_ me with his stupid, charming buck teeth and his horrible, gut wrenching pick up lines.”

Jade feels a pinch of nerves she didn't know could be pinched and doesn't know what to say. So she cleans and listens.

“Did you know he honestly tried to woo me with the 'are you from Tennessee' line? It fucking worked. That is so _stupid._ How could I do this to him, Jade?”

Jade stutters, starting to speak but interrupted by another squishy waterfall.

“I'm really messed up, Jade.”

A garbled, gaspy heave. Jade cleans quietly, guiltily. “No you're not, Rose, you're just—”

Rose cuts her off, pressing her forehead against the toilet bowl rim.

“I want to fuck my brother.”

Oh.

“Woah, what?”

“I'm a terrible girlfriend.”

She lies limp for a silent, solid minute, hiccuping softly into her arms. Okay.

“Shhhh, Rose,” Jade mumbles after a minute of quiet weeping from Rose. She wipes the finality of the vomit off the counter. “It's okay, I want to fuck your brother too.”

She tosses the vomit rag into the trash bin, nudging Rose slightly. No response. “Right, alright, not want you want to hear. Rose,” Jade pulls her shoulders back, sending Rose falling limply into her arms. “Rose, you are my very best friend, and I can understand you're not feeling the best right now!”

Jade wraps her hands under her legs and hoists her up because she is super strong and used to carry Rose around for fun, so this is nothing to her. She holds her firmly, pressing dainty lips to her forehead gently.

“It's alright, it's okay to feel the way you do. You're not fucked up! You're not fucked up.” Jade said those words over and over into her forehead until she realized she was trying to convince the both of them, not just Rose.

She is unwillingly reminded that she is hopelessly in love with all of her best friends.

Jade carries her back into the main room of the basement, where John and Dave are smooshed against one another. She plants Rose down at the foot of the sofa gently, Rose not looking her in the eye as her head slides onto a pillow. Jade stepped away, reaching for a blanket and gently draping her with it. Rose spoke up before Jade could slip away, weak and barely coherent from the pillow. She sounded so small.

“Stay with me?”

Jade smirked at her, flipping off the lights. She sighed in the dark, sliding under the covers with her. Rose wraps her pale arms around her tightly, her wet eyes fluttering against Jade's skin like butterflies. Jade nuzzles into her shoulder, winding herself tightly into Rose's grasp.

“Of course.”

~ ~ ~

Dave wakes up with the worst hangover he had ever experienced. The only hangover he had ever experienced, but the worst one by far. His eyelids squeeze open against a small puddle of his own drool, cheeks smooshed inelegantly against John's rising and falling chest. John was still fast asleep. There's a string of saliva springing from John's shirt from where Dave pulls away, and uh, yeah, he was never going to mention that to him. He leans back groggily and ow, wow, he's going to need his shade's on stat. Feeling sluggish, he squeezes his eyes tight again, deciding fuck it and landing snugly back into John's chest.

Suddenly, the blanket is ripped from his body. He lets out a disgruntled groan at the unwelcome breeze when pale hands begin to shake him briskly.

“Awaken, oh sleeping beauty,” his sister monotones dramatically, swooping down to peck John's forehead and ruffle Dave's hair. John flutters his eyes open sleepily, giving her a goofy love struck smile when she cups his cheek and whispers something into his lips. Gross.

Dave kicks her away, sliding to the floor heavily. He gropes the nightstand from over John's table, grasping his shades tightly and roughly shoving them on, eager to block out the intense light mercilessly stabbing at his eyes. Finally, a practical use for these things.

Rose smirks, pinching his cheek mockingly. Ugh. “Aw, Dave. Is someone experiencing their first hangover?” She bats her eyelashes because she's a terrible person.

“Fuck off,” Dave grumbles with a yawn, slapping her hand away sleepily. She laughs at him, pulling John off of the couch and onto his feet.

A wild Jade pitched shriek cuts though the room, and everyone snaps their head toward the stairs when she jumps over the basement railing, landing with a heavy _thump_ and rolling to her feet.

“Pancakes are done!” She yelps, scrambling back up the stairs frantically. John pulls away from Rose, shouting with renewed consciousness and sprinting after her vigorously. Dave experiences a variety of affectionate emotions that he has decided to attribute to his throbbing headache. Rose is just beginning to calmly walk her way up the stairs, but Dave grabs her wrist. She spins to face her brother with one eyebrow cocked.

“Wait, teach me how to deal with this,” he whines, letting go delicately. An amused smirk spreads across her tiny black mouth and ugh she's about to be smug again, isn't she.

“How to deal with what, Davey dear?”

Dave rolls his eyes. Here we go. “This hangover thing?”

She shrugs, giving him a sympathetic pat. “Keep your shades on. Act very hard as if you're not suffering horribly severe consequences as an after effect of inebriation, would you?”

Dave exhales painfully, following Rose pathetically up the stairs. He trips on a wine glass.

When he reaches the top step, he notices a brand new shiny lock on mom's wine cabinet, a pink sticky note stuck above it reading

 

_dave + rose_

 

_U R SO GROUNDED XOXOXO_

 

_-mom <3_

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

~ ~ ~

 

John is the first to leave after pancakes. He wants to spend time with his dad on new years, which is cool and all, but that means Jade is going to leave too, Dave doesn't want to be stuck with his angry mom and gross sister.

John pecks Rose on the lips sweetly, singing out “ _Bye, losers_ ,” when he steps out the door. Before the door can shut, Dave stops it with his foot.

“Hey now, wait a minute, wheres my kiss?” He deadpans, entirely serious, Jade sliding out from behind him.

“Yeah!! Where are our smooches?” She huffs, tapping her foot impatiently. “Spread the love, dude. Why does Rose get all of the kissing benefits?”

Rose nods solemnly at them in quiet agreement, but John groans. He flips them off as he stumbes into his car. “Seriously, _every time_ I fucking leave,” he mumbles, and with the start of his engine, he's out of there.

Jade waves him goodbye, but soon reaches for her coat as expected. She was going to leave Dave with his gross sister and angry mom.

“I've gotta go, too,” she says, kissing Dave and Rose on the cheek all saccharine like she always does. She gives Rose this weird, awkwardly intense stare, and for a second Dave thinks she's gonna choke. She takes quick, small steps backward, uncertain and wobbly as she speaks.

“Hey, Rose, do you uh, remember anything from last night?” Jade asks, swinging her coat on anxiously. Rose frowns and lifts a finger to her lips in thought, but after a second or two, she simply hums and shrugs her shoulders upward loosely.

“Unfortunately not much,” she pulls a loose hair out of her eyes, tucking it neatly behind her ear. Jade's expression is the most unreadable expression Dave has ever witnessed, completely blank but completely twisted at the same time. “I remember you were feeling unwell. I attempted to stay up in order to weasel the information out of you, but alas, I must have fallen in battle.”

Jades eyebrows shoot up, and she gives this little nervous chuckle caught between relief and distress. Dave doesn't understand what's going on between them, but he's not sure he wants to.

“I guess you did!!” She laughs, inching toward her car in a manner reminiscent of a dog with it's tail tucked between its legs. Rose crosses her arms.

“Is something the matter, Jade?” She calls out slowly from the front steps, detecting the obviously uncomfortable tension radiating out of Jade like a big, obviously uncomfortable tension beacon. “Don't tell me I did something embarrassing I have no recollection of.”

Jade pulls down the window as she drives away, shouting “See ya tommorow!”

Her car turns the corner and she's gone.

“Alright,” Dave says, turning to Rose after Jade was completely out of sight. “You totally did some stupid shit.” She scoffs at him, clicking the door behind her shut and stepping daintily onto their welcome home rug.

“I suppose I must have,” she mutters, worry etched deeply into her tone. She leans against the door with her arms folded and slides Dave a cryptic look.

“I do hope she tells me what it is. I hate being left in the dark.”

Dave shrugs. “You must have done something _really_ stupid, because mom put a lock on the booze bin and left us this cute little fuck you note,” he slides the pink sticky note to Rose, who seizes it roughly with wide eyes.

She glances over it and immediately sinks into her palms. “The glasses,” she peeks sheepishly through her fingers. “I must have fallen asleep before I could put them away. I'm an idiot.” Dave smirks out an _aww,_ patting her on the shoulder like an asshole.

“Admitting is the first step, Rose. I'm proud,” he says, but Rose pushes his hand away with a heavy scoff and an intense eye roll. She tilts her head in annoyance.

“Fortunately, my idiocy comes with the price tag of the occasional wine glass. Your idiocy is permanent.”

Dave shrugs nonchalantly and Rose sighs and leans her weight against the door. She looks so tiny against the frame, like someone could just pick her up and throw her. She folds her arms.

“Also, could you perhaps cease attempting to steal kisses from my boyfriend? I realize that he is bewitchingly irresistible, but it was horrid enough the first time you did it,” her glare was sharp enough to pierce bone, but Dave laughs her off.

“You just don't want to be totally fucking served at your own stupid passive aggressive mind game again. How was my math homework?” He snorts, and Rose hides her little black smile with her palm.

“Refreshingly easy. Simplistic. I'm not surprised that you were unable to complete it.”

“It was a difficult day for me, alright?” Dave rolls his eyes. “But whatever. Your shocked face when you found out is worth every line of bullshit you can chuck at me.”

“You must be _very_ easily amused, Dave, because my 'shocked face' was entirely unmoved.” She brushes dust off her shirt daintily with a scoff. “Your boyfriend snatching attempt was entirely expected. You only like to pretend that my reaction was strong in order to protect the crumbling remnants of your dignity.”

“Sure, Rose. You don't care now. But you care when I _go into detail,_ ” Dave takes a step closer, watching Rose's mouth twitch uncomfortably.

Her smug expression drops. “I don't want to hear this, Dave.”

He leans into her, all low and obnoxious, whispering out his words with a barely contained laugh.

“You were right about John, by the way, he does this cute lip trembling thing when you—”

“ _Dave,”_ Rose's eyes widen. Boom. She makes a grab for him, but he springs away just in time. He sings, all taunting, “ _I kissed your boyfriend, I kissed your boyfriend_ ,” until Rose catches him and tucks him into a headlock.

He wriggles out after several minutes of effort, finally managing to break free after biting her wrist. He presses his palms into his chest sarcastically at Rose's annoyed glare.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” He rolls his eyes behind thick shades, stepping up to her jokingly. “Where are my god damn manners today. You jealous? Did you want a Dave kiss?”

Rose grunts out a disgusted _ugh,_ flicking him on the forehead hard enough to send him stumbling. “Get away from me, you disgusting entity I have the misfortune of calling my brother,” she deadpans, but Dave doesn't waver. He swings even closer toward her.

“You  _do_ ,” he puckers his lips jokingly, and he must look really fucking dorky because pops of laughter escape Roses mouth in short, infectious bursts, causing Dave to laugh too.

It's all light and stupid for half a second before Rose finally looks up. She stops giggling the instant his arms absentmindedly wrap around her neck, and she stares at him closing in, a deer in headlights. everything seemed to slow to a rigid stop and the levity begins to die.

“Are...” She mutters, eyelids dropping. Her hands press against his chest curiously, slowly. “...You being serious?”

He's not sure. He sways, solid in place, his lips parting and he leans in closer closer closer and-

no no no no come _on_ man

With a spark of burning panic at the realization of what was about to happen, he stops himself just in time, swinging his lips off from their original course and flawlessly upward to plant a horrible, wet, sloppy kiss on her forehead. He pulls away quickly with a laugh scrunching his nose up at her expression.

“Gross Rose, I was just fucking with you. No incest.” He leans back casually. The first thing he notices are her fingers quivering, shallow, faint scars running up and down the sides and a pang of guilt stabs at his gut mercilessly. He drags his eyes back toward her face and hello

Rose's face is flushed—frantic, even, wide eyes and parting lips and for the first time in his life, he hears her stutter.

“Y-you...,” she coughs out, and oh my god, she's fucking choking. Her skin floods back to it's natural pale color before Dave even has the time to comment, her expression snapping to its neutral cool in seconds. “You should count yourself fortunate that I'm in a monogamous relationship, Dave.” She grins. “Were I not, I would steal Jade from right under you.”

“You _couldn't,_ ” Dave frowns, but he knows the truth.

She flattens out her pajama pants, inspecting hands with nothing on them. All her fluster had evaporated as if it had never appeared in the first place. “Oh, I definitely could. It's not like I haven't won the hearts of girls you liked before. Besides, Jade...” Rose smiles tauntingly. “Jade and I have _history._ ” Dave pauses.

“Alright, truce,” he raises his hands and backs toward the stairs casually. “Don't go breaking more hearts than you already have, okay?”

He tramples up the stairs before he can hear Rose's response, briskly shutting his door and flopping onto his bed anxiously. That was the fourth time this week he has almost kissed his sister.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if dave hired a therapist this fanfiction would be a lot shorter than its going to be


	8. a lighthearted intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapters are going to begin to come out slower....i am sorry, for i am but a tiny senior in highschool with loads of schoolwork
> 
> ....but heres some fluffy fluttery fuckery before we hit the halfway point of this trainwreck of a fanfiction
> 
> (ps!! happy END OF GIGAPAUSE yeah???)

It's valentines day.

It's valentines day and Rose is in English class, legs neatly crossed, palms elegantly propping her cheeks up, eyes downward and not at all on the board. She usually gave an earnest attempt to pay attention when a teacher is speaking—but no, not today. Today, she had promised her heart and soul to writing, her pen gliding across the paper as her teachers words glide past her ears. Her toes curl in her sneakers and she lets out a very heavy sigh—weighted with itching thoughts, aching with a nagging feeling that she should be remembering something.

Something...stupid. Something soft. Something like flickers of Jade pressed against her, so fluid and hazy it almost seemed to be born out of a dream, which...she knows wasn't. She exhales gently, guilt weighing her eyelids down. Weighing her down until she remembers Dave's burning kiss, her heart ridiculously racing in her throat with a mixture of relief and curling anxiety when he planted it to her forehead and not her mouth. Weighs her down until she felt so confused and heavy that she hardly felt like writing anymore.

She was yanked out of her thoughts like gravity when the door to her classroom spontaneously bursts open. Rose snaps her head toward the intrusion, the blueish silhouette of a super familiar someone stumbling through the doorway awkwardly.

“Excuse me, sorry!” John waddles into her classroom with all of the confidence of a baby duckling, the eyes of a million intrigued students grateful for the brief distraction glued to his back. He gives the teacher an uneasy, apologetic smile, both of his hands subtly tucked behind his back, and Rose lets an amused grin play at the corners of her lips. She bats her eyes at him all exaggerated as he approaches her desk, tapping her pen down rhythmically and staring up at him with lingering amusement.

John clears his throat as he stands in front of her desk, choking out guilty, anxious laughs toward the teacher. There is a special sort of stillness in the air between every fragmented sentence he speaks before he even begins to speak them.

“I'm only going to be a second, sorry!” He explains much too quickly, eyebrows tilting up much too hopefully, and the teacher exhales in annoyance but waves him onward anyway. He is so good at charming his way through silly situations that it almost made Rose jealous.

“Why, hello, John.” Rose smiles, tilting her head delicately into her palm. Staring up and down at his mysteriously concealed hands, Rose thinks of how unusual he appeared. John never cut class, not unless Dave or Jade had peer pressured him into it after a few solid good hours of prodding. A small, intrigued smile crept onto Rose's lips that she made no effort to conceal.

“What brings you to my humble classroom this evening?” She uncrosses her legs, speaking low and musically, and he lets go of a shaky breath and steps forward.

“Alright, hold onto your socks for this,” he says with deadly serious furrowed brows. “Because I'm totally about to knock them off!”

Rose rolls her eyes lightly, a faint smirk tugging at her lips. “Consider my socks secured,” she leans back, and John begins to untuck his hands, hesitating ever so slightly when he meets her eyes.

“I'm serious, Rose! This is going to be so amazing and not at all cliché. I'm like a romantic Jedi, okay?”

Rose lets a grin slip as she leans forward. “Truly?”

She slides her pen down, pretending to be occupied straightening her papers. “Well, don't leave a lady waiting like this, my sweet heroic Jedi of wooing. It seems as if this heavy suspense has left me dangling. Do hurry before I tragically fall to my doom, yes?”

He laughs, finally uncurling his hand from behind his back, revealing a single bright red rose grasped tightly between his fingers. He offers it to her shyly.

“A rose for...uh...my Rose?” He shrugs, grinning like a huge dork, and a surge of affection instantly surges through Rose's blood. She scoffs, instantly bursting into a smile and clutching the flower into her hand delicately. Wow, cheesey as fuck. She grabs a fistful of his shirt, dragging him forward and planting a huge, gloppy black lipped smooch on his cheek.

The classroom erupts into a crowd of both _awws_ and _uhhh?s_ and even one particularly rambunctious _GET A ROOM, SKANKS._ He doesn't even wipe her lipstick away, how sweet.

“You're a sap, John,” she whispers, nose deep in flower. He pulls her in for a small, warm hug and just as quickly pulls away. Rose feels...thrilled. Excited. Interested. An event such as this had never happened to her before and she was overcome with it's cheese coated surrealism.

“Happy valentines day!” He smiles apologetically at the teacher once more before turning toward the door. He's only just starting to make his way out, sneakers slowly thudding against the tiles, when all of a sudden a certain someone bursts through the door that forces him to halt in his tracks.

It was Jade.

Rose settles her flower onto the desk, lifting an eyebrow curiously at John as if he knew what the fucks happening, but he only shrugs and makes an expression that can only be described with multiple question marks and an absurd level of slash face emoticons that could make a grown man weep. Jade doesn't seem to care.

“EXCUSE ME,” she announces loudly, cutting through the air with her sing song voice and earth shattering smile. Her slippers confidently stride with purpose right on past John's confused expression, right on past the teachers irritated expression, and right on past a classroom of both confused and irritated expressions.

She slam dunks an _entire bouquet of roses_ onto Rose's desk as if it were intended to go through a basketball hoop and this was the final score that was going to take her team to fame and glory. Proudly peering down at Rose, she grins, dramatically gesturing to her flowers. “I bear gifts for the lady!!”

The entire class is staring, now, all gaped faces and open eyes, and Rose is laughing, taking the bouquet with a wide smile. She shakes her head hopelessly when Jade points to her cheek, closing her eyes and leaning in expectantly.

Rose caves in, planting a gloppy kiss onto her cheek as well. John pouts, squeezing between them and wrapping his arms around Rose protectively. Jade tosses him a mean look that he immediately deflects with a raspberry.

“Jade,” his eyebrows furrow accusingly, whispering heatedly. “How are you _here?_ You're fucking _home schooled._  I mean, how did you even know what room we were in? How did you even enter the build—”

but John is cut off with the door flying open _again_. Before Rose even has the time to blink, an entire gaggle of freshman are piling into the room, filling it with limbs and confetti and—

Dave fucking Strider.

Dave Strider sitting on the backs of four underclassman, each carrying him slowly into the room with very visible effort. Two kids were throwing roses in front of him, two kids throwing confetti toward the back of him.

“Hey,” he says casually, cradling two bouquets of roses in his arms like trophies. Rose sinks into her hands from laughter, her jaw growing a terrible ache from smiling. Even John is cracking up at the sight of it all, despite still protectively clinging to her frame.

“Alright, let me get one thing straight,” Dave says, sliding off the backs of the freshman and swinging the bouquets into Rose's arms smoothly. “I'm not trying to woo you. I just wanted to one up the crew.”

He pats John and Jade on the back sympathetically, of whom are both pouting and snorting in abrupt disbelief. He leans in between them, mouth pressed to both of their ears.

“Step up your game, amigos. I just stole your girl,” he whispers. He darts back and plants an awful, sloppy kiss on Rose's cheek and strides right out of the classroom, stopping only once to slide each freshman a ten dollar bill.

 

 

The classroom is entirely silent.

After a full minute of shocked quiet, the teacher breaks it, hands crossed irately.

“Do _any_ of you have passes?” He shoots a pointed look toward John and Jade as well as the gaggle of freshman. Jade yelps out a strained “ _HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, ROSE_ ,” and bolts out of the room alongside the scrambling youth, giggling wildly as she slid down the halls. John quickly follows, pressing one last kiss to Rose's forehead and muttering frantic apologies as he slides after his cousin.

Rose stands, showered in her namesake, deciding maybe she likes valentines day after all.

~ ~ ~

 

On some unimportant February afternoon, John finds a sickly kitten lodged in the snow outside his house.

Johns heart sank as he approached it. It was absolutely tiny, with thick black matted fur just barely visible under all the piles of white. He was meowing so terribly.

John _probably_ shouldn't touch strange, boney, diseased looking felines, and he should _probably_ just call a vet or something, but. His eyes. How they sparkle.

“Hi little dude,” he coos, picking the little beast up tentatively. It quickly dawns on him that he has no idea how to hold a cat, so he ends up just sort of cradling it baby style? He's never held a baby, but he's pretty sure that's how you do it. It peers up at him with giant, weak eyes and meows softer this time. Sooooo precious.

“Geeze, buddy, you look kinda messed up!” John squints, glancing over his matted fur and messed up patches of flesh peaking through thin hairs placed above his eyes.

He looked sort of...mutated? The skinless patches appeared as if they were extra eyes on his forehead or something. He meows again, which John decides sounded a little offended, so he immediately shifted his tone in a vague effort to correct his mistakenly blunt language.

“That's alright man, I don't judge,” he assures him lightly, carefully trying not to insult his new friend again. He holds the cat into the air by the armpits in a desperate attempt to hold him correctly.“My friend Dave looks pretty messed up, too, but I still think he's pretty okay.”

The cat starts to purr, so John thinks he must totally be sweet talking him right. “I'm gonna call you Dr. Meowgon Spengler,” he decides without even a second thought, stroking him lightly behind his ears. Oh, yes. He was going to be such good fucking friends with this tiny animal.

Despite the warmth of the good doctors fur, Johns fingers were beginning to go numb from the frigid cold from standing in the snow with a t-shirt and pajama pants for so long. Snowflakes drift past his eyes and land coldly onto his nose. Slowly, it dawns on him that he has no fucking idea what to do with this cat.

So he calls the first person he knows who would.

~ ~ ~

 

Rose is startlingly good with cats. She strolls through the front door a heartbeat after John had called her, sets down her heavy bags of cat food, strips off her white winter coat with grace and immediately seizes the cat from John's inexperienced grasp. She was like some form of magical cat whisperer, with Dr. Meowgon purring wildly at her touch and care, and John wasn't jealous or anything but he totally found him first so this wasn't fair.

After an hour of caring and feeding him, they agreed that Rose should be the one to take him to the vet.

They relax on John's living room sofa, quietly observing their feline child with awe and worry. Rose is the first to break the silence, her chin tucked tightly into her hand. John knows what she's going to do before she does it, and even gives his eyes a little prepared roll (which she completely ignores).

“His name will be Vodka Mutini,” she announces lightly, a little smile peaking out from her black lips when John groans in protest beside her. “Mutie for short.”

John tilts his head back, pouting ever so slightly. “No. No way! You do this every time we find stupid cute animals. You become this...terrible...shitty... _name-seizer._ You are _not_ gonna seize the Dr.'s name.”

“Oh, _really_?” Rose sits up in amusement, leaning into cushion opposite to John heavily with a stupid smirk. Her hair pressed upward messily against the pillow when she began to speak. “I believe I've _earned_ the right to name seizing after the 'Casey' incident.”

“Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer is a cool name and all, Rose, but it didn't fit a beautiful salamander princess like Casey! _”_ John stares back indignantly and folds his arms, Rose kicking him playfully in the leg as her response.

“It's a noble name for a rising lizard sorcerer, of whom I loved and nurtured into a fine young salamander warrior. You kept him, his perceived gender, _and_ his name, and now I will exact my justified revenge by keeping Mutie and his adorable kittenly presence, _”_ she declares with finality.

John pouts, arms crossed curtly, but he knows he can't really argue that. He did kind of steal Casey.

Doesn't stop him from guilting the fuck out of her about it, though.

He does his best to look pitiable, all _look rose, look at my sad sad eyes and my pouty boy band lips please give me this fucking cat_ , but his attempts are futile. because Rose sighs, deep and low, reaching upward and cutting him off with a kiss that left his heart fluttering and stupid when she pulls away. “Do you agree now?”

He snorts, pushing her back. “Oh, come on,Rose, I'm weak but not _that_ weak.You know you can't win an entire cat with bribery kisses.”

She dives in again, a longer, warmer kiss than before, patting his cheek sweetly. “Now?”

“No way!” John reaffirms indignantly, keeping his arms crossed but his lips pouted. “I could totally use another smooch, though.”

Rose pulls him inward with vigor once more and blows the grossest _,_ wettest, most horrible raspberry to his face that is so awful and slobbery that John wants to take a shower into next week. He instantly recoils, scrunching his nose in disgust and pulling out of her grasp wildly. Finally, he wipes off the lipstick and saliva frantically as she sits back to laugh at him.

“Fine, fine!!” he spits between swipes and giggles. “Oh my god, you're gross, keep the stupid cat.” He hopes the hurt in his voice would strike pity into her heart.

But Rose Lalonde has not a heart to strike pity into. She pinches his cheek sweetly, all “Don't be a baby, you'll move on,” with a polite smile and a stroke of the cat. John sighs, but leans into her anyway.

“Hm,” Rose says after a minute or two of silence, thoughtfully rubbing her lips and absentmindedly coating them in black lipstick. “You taste very...winterfresh?”

Ugh.

John squirms uncomfortably at the mention, but knew what was coming, so he immediately let loose a sigh before digging around his back pocket for the gum. She holds out a demanding palm, just like Dave had all those stupid months ago, staring him down with amusement and expectancy. He quietly decides that he's never going to kiss anyone again when he places a piece from his pocket into her hand.

“You cannot have been dating me this long,” she laughs, unwrapping the gum with tiny white fingers. “And still possibly have retained hope that you can withhold gum from me, John,” she pops the piece into her mouth with a black lipped smile. John shudders.

“ _Ew_ , okay, I'm so uncomfortably reminded of Dave right now,” he groans into his palms at the unexpected war flashback. “I think I’m going to start switching brands or something! It's that bad.”

She laughs, swinging her legs over Johns and leaning into his shoulder, chewing slowly. He can tell just from her eyes that she was about to say something terrible. He can feel it in his very core. Her voice is soft, amused, horrible when she says it in a low voice.

“I doubt it. I heard you kissed back.”

John chokes.

“ _No,_ ” he exclaims, still totally choking, eyes wide with panic that said _motherfucker,_   _do not pass go_ , but she's persistent as always. Fingers cupping her stupid cheeks and a stupid, teasing smile on her stupid lips, she pops her gum.

“Oh _, really?”_

“ _Really!”_ John's fingers grip into the couch as Rose prepares to inflate another gum bubble. She wraps her fingers around his shoulder teasingly, sending shivers up his spine.

“Dave likes to slip details occasionally when he's feeling annoying, you know. Which is always,” she hums softly, completely ignoring his pleas. “He frequently maintains that his intentions were pure. A kiss just long enough to earn math homework rights, that's all.  According to him, you were surprisingly  _very_ much into it.”

John is going to actually strangle Dave when he first realizes the jig is up, but in truth, the jig was up long ago. He knew the second Rose started speaking that that jig had launched itself into outerspace. That jig is chilling with the stars, now. He missed that jig like a lost child.

“Okay, yes,” he admits, palms raised. “But it was an _accident._ I was confused. I would kiss that boy under literally _no other_ circumstances, alright?"

Her eyebrows tilt up, all smiles and amusement, clutching his skin with mock enthusiasm. He can feel a storm rising out of her eyes. He can feel it in his bones. He's going to hate this.

“So it is in fact true. Ooo, do tell,” she whispers, and he hates this.

“Was he as good as Jade says?" She parks her chin on his shoulder lightly and he continues to hate this. No. "What did he _taste_ like, John?” 

 _Nooooooo._ John shakes her away with a loud _blugh!!!!_ noise that had enough energy in it's revulsion to power all of earths electrical appliances, put hundreds of companys entirely out of business, and inspire thousands into a cultic lifestyle that praises his repugnance.

“Ew, Rose, _gross!”_

“Come on," she's leaning in all close and in John's space, "Indulge me.”

“Do you really want to hear what your brothers gross, terrible mouth was like?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“How about I kick you out of my house and you can tell me what the middle of _dead fucking winter_ tastes like?"

Rose is laughing now, eyebrows wiggling wildly, not at all mad like he thought she'd be. She's all light and sweet and John feels guilty now.

Because what he did was like, sort of cheating, wasn't it? Rose had never done that to him. He's so stupid.

She must sense his guilt, because she pats his leg understandingly with a smile. A minute of comfortable silence passes before she looks up at him again.

“Go to prom with me,” she says so so simply, so sharply, watching him with narrowed eyes expectantly. John's eyebrows instantly pop upward, a goofy smile beginning to form on his lips and an unexpected excitement firing through his blood. He can't believe this.

“ _Really_?” He turns to Rose enthusiastically, because wow, he never thought she'd want to go? He even had a cheesy proposal planned that he canceled and everything because he thought she'd have to politely reject him. He leaps upward and off the couch in disbelief.

“I thought you said prom was a thinly veiled grab at the wallets of students who just want to conform to the cultural expectation of their high school experience?”

“It is,” she responds curtly with a shrug. “But...I know how deeply you care for ridiculous, awful dancing events with terrible, awful music and borderline satanic disco lighting. It's the high school experience. Why not?”

John seizes Rose by the wrists vigorously, pulling her up and clutching his palms to her waist. He spins her in two complete celebratory circles and just as quickly tosses her back into the sofa with a grin. “ _Yeah_! Yes. Yeah, let's do that.”

She laughs from the couch, John covering her face with celebratory smooches until Dr. Meowgon—or, _Mutie_ now, whatever—interrupts them with a quiet cry for attention. Rose leans forward and scoops up the thing into her arms carefully, turning to John with ruined hair and lipstick.

“I should probably take Mutie to the vet before the sun sets,” she smiles. She clicks her tongue, the way Jade does sometimes, and pulls on her coat carefully. John frowns.

“You're just going to drop the prom bomb on me and leave?”

“Yes,” she shrugs, pulling him in with a smirk. “Thank you for having me over.”

She kisses his cheek, smearing goo all over his face for the twelfth time that day because she's terrible. He doesn't even stop her anymore, he just lets it happen, because he is a broken man and they're all going to die some day anyway.

He smudges it off when she's not looking and watches her go, little cat cradled in her arms, waving goofily with his heart in his throat.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is the beginning of PHASE TWO, see ya in like the FOREVER AND A DAY it takes me to write it. peace


	9. did someone say prom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (the answer is yes)
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for waiting guys B)

Prom starts at 8:00 pm, they hit the mall at 4:00 pm, and everything that has the potential to go wrong goes so, so wrong.

It starts off stupid. They went last minute prom shopping, Rose and Jade hopelessly trying to find inexpensive formal wear for themselves while simultaneously trying to convince Dave to choose something that isn't stained with ketchup or fermented dead juices.

The search for what seems like all day, endlessly trying and discarding dresses and suits until the cows have come home and the bread has been baked and they have all heard the same Kelly Clarkson song twelve times far too many over the stores speakers.

The search is lengthy and perilous, but eventually, they do squeeze Dave into a really nice formal suit. It's slim and neatly tailored and perfect, but holy shit did it come with a legion of complaints or what. He made shopping into a new layer of hell. They're all no, Dave, a bright green terribly patterned suit isn't funny, you're just an asshole. Dave, put the stilettos down, you're not wearing those today. Dave, don't _fucking touch that sequenced piece of—god DAMN it Dave,_ but really, no one can tell Dave Strider how to shop.

After a couple hours, digging through old clothing racks and countless calls upon employees, and even despite Dave's countless setbacks, they found what they were looking for and were super prepared to leave.

They were reasonably ready. John had already decided to go in his dads old suit, which you can bet your fucking ass made that old man proud. Tears were just barely restrained from spilling out of Mr. Egberts eyes when John stepped out the door that afternoon, waving goodbye with the gray little thing neatly tucked into his arms. It was just a little bit too broad for him around the shoulders, but in a charming way that's just enough to pass as acceptable.

When Rose comes out of the dressing room, Dave isn't prepared. She asks him to zip up her dress, which he really doesn't want to, because it was bright orange with glowing yellow embroidery, snug and fit against her frame when she moves in a million ways Dave doesn't want to talk or think or be reminded about ever again. He's grateful when Jade struts out in a gorgeous sparkling black dress that reminds Dave of the universe or a pretty bowling alley rug or something and offers to do it for her and holy shit, all of his friends are attractive.

In the end, he ignores their wishes and buys the bright green suit; it looks kind of like the entirety of the 90's gave birth to it and then immediately took a massive, steaming dump right on it's face. It was so neon. It was so terrible. It was so perfect.

They're ready to go, so Jade suggests they change in the bathrooms since they won't have enough time to to do it at home. So they do. Rose and Jade disappear around the corner into the womens restroom, and John tugs Dave's sleeve toward the mens.

 

~ ~ ~ ~

 

The malls bathrooms are more than a little bit grungy. The walls, which were covered in torn and peeling wallpaper, the exact dull beige color every mom seems compelled to paint their living rooms. Something was leaking out of the corner of the wall that seemed to spark an unspoken vow between everyone who wandered in to never, ever speak of it.

Dave took one look at the stalls and knew that he would never, no way, cross my heart and hope to die, no no no, never ever willingly shit here. None of the toilets had been flushed, or cleaned, in what looked to be at least twenty thousand years. Dave and John were forced to plug their noses as they peered into the empty stalls.

That's okay. That's totally fine. Dave holds back his puking urges unexpectedly well, all things considered, and he slides into his gloriously neon suit with it's abnormally large pauldrons and absurdly long tail coat with relative ease. He takes one good hard look at the mirror and knows, deep within his bones, that he has made the right choice today. Even if literally no one else could see that besides him.

John steps out after him, bright and sunny in his Dad's suit, the only spot of color on his outfit being a small and bright blue tie waving around his neck like a noose. He strikes a ridiculous pose, one hand in the air, the other on his hip.

“How do I look?” He asks, posing as still as he could manage, hands in the air like he just don't care, and Dave can't help but snort as loudly as possibly.

“You look like a fucking dork,” he answers curtly but lovingly, turning back to the mirror to adjust his clip on bow tie until it achieved just the correct level of swaggy. John takes his criticism like a grown man and punches him right in the pauldron.

“Okay, yeah! It's me! The one wearing normal prom stuff! Whatever,” he rolls his eyes indiscreetly and does not help at all to readjust the pauldron. Dick.

He leans against the worn wallpaper of the bathroom wall with his arms folded, eyes spinning to meet Dave's brightly. “Seriously. It's a big night! Give me some feedback or I'll be forced to kick you out of my best friends club.”

“Woah, let's not get crazy here. Just hold on, princess, let me look at you,” he drawls back like a bite. He sets his palms flat on the cracked sink and pauses thoughtfully to analyze this jerk friend, waiting impatiently as ever.

It really _was_ a nice suit. Fit pretty nicely, even if the shoulders are a little too broad—neatly buttoned up, gray and orderly, nice and pristine, reads “I am here tonight to moderately enjoy an occasion with my fellow peers.” It's working alright. But what stops him are the shoes—bright green sneakers and even brighter socks. This fucking menace.

He was probably staring too long, because John is suddenly waving a hand in front of Dave, as if he were either testing his vision or very vigorously exercising his arm.

“Dude, my eyes are up here?” Attitude dripped from John's voice and Dave pushes him away like a bug.

“Sneakers to a prom. Nice,” he laughs. Folds his arms and judges. John wilts.

“Too informal?”

“Dude, look at me,” Dave gestures to his terrible outfit with a single swoop of his hand, a nearly imperceptible smirk beginning to poke through his face. “Don't worry. I'll distract our peers from your terrible fashion crime so your pristine reputation isn't damaged.”

“I thought it would...I don't know....balance it out?”

“Sure it does. You're fine. You're totally fine.”

“But you were all, 'sneakers to prom. Nice.' like it was something you would do,” John scrunches his nose, sliding his glasses further down the bridge. “I want to go as far away as possible from what you would do!”

More attitude! The nerve. Dave clutches his chest. “First of all all, ouch, second of all, you really are... fine,” he frowns at Johns incredulous stare and points reassuringly. The toes of his shoes click against the bathroom tile sharply when he shifts to move.

“Don't worry. It's... charming, I guess. Well,” he inspects the suit closer. God, it was far too neatly buttoned. His fingers twitched to fix it.

John notices and lets out another sigh, more dramatic this time, but Dave tugs at his suit with a sneer. “Here. Let me fix this shit.”

John pushes him away. “No way! My shit looks fine.”

“Shut up, John.”

John's lets out an exaggerated sigh, but ultimately shuts up. Dave unbuttons and tucks and fusses at until John pushes him away, but even then, he hovers back over one more time to pull out his tie. Finally, John gives up, letting Dave ruffle his hair back to it's usual i-stopped-caring-about-the-world mess.

“There,” he takes a small step back to inspect with satisfaction. “That's more you.”

The room is silent all except for John, hesitantly adjusting himself in the crookedly hung mirrors. He straightens and unstraightens out his suit again until he turns back with a dissatisfied pout.

“Thanks, I guess,” John looks up with amusement, exhaling, and Dave is close enough that he is instantly hit with a wave of his gum scented breath.

Dave is already processing a retort, laying his palms flat on the cold, suspiciously damp sink counter, when suddenly he realizes. John's breath is very noticeably not winterfresh. Dave's mind is totally blown.

So, totally without thinking, he impulsively jolts his hand from the counter and into John's pockets. With a start from John, he yanks around until he finds exactly what he's looking for; a pack of _Bubbleicious._ Fucking _Bubbleicious_ _gum_. This was a dawn of a new and terrible day. Satan had come knocking at last, like a girl scout cookie delivery girl, but instead of some dope ass thin mints, he had delivered his watermelon scented armageddon.

John smacks his hand away in annoyance. “Could you not just root through my—”

“Holy shit, did you switch gum brands?” Dave cuts him off, fingers locked firmly around the gum brand that John had obviously switched to in his palms disbelievingly.

John stops, eyes widening, and Dave swears to god that he hears him choke. He adjusts his tie nervously, opting to turn away and focus his attention on the mirror instead. His face was nervous and darkly cast in the dim lighting of the bathroom.

“Uhh—” was all he managed to shrug out, but Dave was having none of it.

“That was my _favorite_ fucking brand, who am I going to mooch off of now?”

“I don't know, buy your own gum!!” John snapped, but Dave is not listening. He corners John into the wall.

“Oh, fuck no.” He pokes an assertive finger into John's chest, who slides against the grimy surface of the wallpaper and groans in annoyance. “I didn't come here today to be _insulted_ by your _terrible_ _taste_ in gum.”

“I would be really surprised if you did??” John rolls his eyes.

“Shut your sassy mouth, John. What the fuck is this?”

John looks down at the gum in Dave's hands, arms folded. Without warning, a million jabs of nerves stab at Dave from when he smooch attacked him in the hallway. He was even getting the same kind of urge, distantly, like really all he needs to do is just sort of lean in. It was surreal and he hated it, but at the same time— John sighs again, and pushes him away with a grimace.

“I don't know why you're so worked up about this.Leave me aloooone,” he whines. But Dave does not leave him alone. He does like, the exact opposite of that.

Dave leans in and presses a small, stupid stupid stupid peck to his lips. It's warm and full and quick, and Dave has no idea why the fuck he did that. John pulls away blinking, and has pretty much the same expression of why the fuck did you do that.

It's silent. It's too silent. They're just looking at each other, stunned and embarrassed. There was literally no reason to do that, whatsoever, at all. Dave feels his guts reeling when

 

_FLUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_

 

Out of the god damn blue, a sudden and powerful toilet introduces itself _,_ erupting ferociously from one of the stalls 

“FUCK,” John yelps, exchanging panicked glances with Dave before bolting the fuck out of there.

 

~ ~ ~

They sat in the mens aisle, waiting for the girls in terrible terrible silence.

Dave sent the text to Rose and Jade asking where they went, but it turns out they took SO long in fact that they were ditched completely for starbucks. Jade sent him a million apologetic hearts, two frowny faces, a smoochy face, and a thumbs up emoji.

Rose said he should suck her dick and stop whining, that they were on their way.

Dave and John don't talk about it. Even worse, John won't look him in the eye.

~ ~ ~

 

Prom starts at 8:00, and it's already 7:30. 

They're exiting the mall, making good pace and everything until Jade gets an unbearable craving for ice cream and decides to stop along the way out for Dip n Dots. It's okay. It's like a fifteen minute line, but she's so determined and John just can't say no to that face.

That's fine, it's no big deal, they can still make it but no wait, John had a bite of Jades dots and went back for his own like the vortex of piss he is but it's FINE.

It's cool. It's fine. They're on the way _now,_ cruising down the highway at the speed of finely steamed molasses because Rose's car, which is also Dave's car, just had the fuel light switch on and they're too busy arguing about who didn't refill the gas to hustle it up. It's fine. They have plenty of time. Rose pulls over into the nearest gas station and they're still fine.

But it's cool. It's great, in fact! They're on the road again and everything is smoother than butter, the air is singing and the sun set and everything is fine. They're about an hour late, but they're going to be cool.

They really do think everything’s going well, too, they're doing just fine just before life rises above them, a baseball bat swung over its metaphorical shoulder. It stares them dead in the eyes, KO's them in one fell swing, and tells them to get real, banana peel.

Jade is passionately winning the alphabet road signs game when Dave cuts the fun and friendly atmosphere with a cool headed announcement.

“Hey. The breaks aren't working,” he says. Dave is SO calm and SO cool headed in fact that none of the kids even recognize the seriousness of the situation immediately. They're on a long stretch of road, surrounded by trees and stars and a sinking sun, no cars to be seen, and they sit in silence for a good solid minute until Jade pipes up in disbelief. They're going 60 miles an hour and not slowing down, nothing in their way but a weak wooden fence separating them from a grassy hillside.

“What?” It escapes her mouth in a whisper, barely audible and dripping with confusion.

“I mean, don't flip your shit or anything, but everybody might want to get the fuck down. That fence is about to be my tires bitch.”

It clicks. John is the first to react.

“Holy shit!” he leaps back and Jade scrambles to settle him down. He's fidgeting like a maniac, but Rose turns back calmly. Her words are soaked with an edge of alarm.

“It's alright. That fence looks worn down. This isn't going to be too serious, we're probably just going to roll into the hills or—” Slashing a glance at Johns chest, she finally realizes why Jade is so panicked.

“ _John, put your fucking seat belt on._ ”

“It's not clicking in!"

“You're not wearing a _seat belt_? _”_ Dave spins to the back seat in panic, but Rose seizes his head into her palms and forcefully faces it back to the road. John stutters on in panic, desperately scrambling for anything soft that might lessen the impact. “Seat belts so we can be safe, asshole! Did Dora the Explorer fucking teach you _anything_?”

“ _Dave,_ ” Rose warns him, eyes wide open and teeth clenched into a snarl.

“ _I never needed Dora until now!!_ ” The frantic sound of repeated clicking of John slamming the belt into the buckle does nothing to decrease the panic. Dave slides his head against the back of his seat.

“Balls.”

The fence is rapidly approaching the windshield, close enough so that Dave can see the chips in the wood through red paint.

“Shit, what do we _do_?”

It is at this moment that Jade loses her fucking mind. She's practically ripping her hair out.

“Everybody shut the FUCK UP!” She shrieks. She stamps her foot down on the car floor and everyone who knows better knows to shut their god damn mouths. She siezes John by the shoulders. “I FUCKING GOT THIS!”

Jade shrieks just seconds before impact, throwing her body weight against John, spreading her arms wide and clinging to the back seat like a shield.

Everybody’s screaming and Dave can feel pricks of panic stabbing at his skin. All the screams and the thudding, thunking sound of metal slamming into the wood begin to deaden around him, and the last thing he remembers before getting a cold hard airbag straight to the kisser is how super pretty the moon looked tonight, like damn

~ ~ ~

 

Jade is really tired, and Dave is not helping.

“Dave, get the fuck up!” She yells, pushing his unconcious body from the steering wheel with no luck.

Dave stirs, ever so slightly, but he's definitely not going to get the fuck up anytime soon. Jade huffs, puffs, and tugs at his arm again and again to no avail. None of these other assholes were helping, either—Rose was inspecting the fence with interest and John was standing around lost in thought, looking grim in the soft moonlit glow.

Jades voice is hoarse and dry, but she still feels like screaming. If Dave isn't dead, she's going to kill him herself.

“Get up, get _up_!! You're _heavy_!” One more hard yank and she finally drags him free from the drivers seat, but it does little to help. He simply falls, heavy and cumbersome, his body colliding with force into Jade. They're thrown clumsily into the cold wet grass with Jade tossing out another frustrated scream.

Rose spins to her, taking cautious steps toward the commotion. She halts overtop of them, hovering with amusement and glowing in her bright orange dress. Like a sun in the center of all of the dark. A beacon.

She doesn't offer help, but she does laugh.

Jade peers up from under Daves weight and watches Rose smirk as she steps over them delicately, shutting the front car door with gentle grace. John snorts, wandering over and hovering above them in interest beside his girlfriend.

“Jeez, the airbag really knocked him out cold.” He laughs, giving Daves unconscious body a small kick on top of Jade. “That wasn't even that bad of a crash. I thought it was gonna turn into a seatbelt psa or something but—It was like...a thud and a stop. Is the car even dented?” He swivels his head toward the red-violet vehicle that Rose was carefully inspecting. She strokes it gently.

“She's got some minor dents. A few scratches,” she sighs wistfully. Her hands drop to her sides in quiet acceptance. “Nothing major. Neither Dave nor mother will be pleased, though.”

Jade grunts in irritation.

“Are you going to help me up or what?” She huffs, struggling mightily to push Dave off of her. “Dave's fat ass is CRUSHING ME!!”

John mocks her words back at her but bends down anyway, the tiniest trace of guilt in his body posture shining through when he hunches down, but he does as she asks. He rolls Dave off of her lightly and Jade scrambles to her feet, gripping John's hand with a squeeze as she does so.

This was going to be her first school dance, but she's ever so quickly realizing that that this shit night is probably not going to let that happen. The car isn't in any condition to go anywhere. She spent all her money on this rad as fuck prom dress. Also, Dave is unconscious.

John shuffles his feet when Jades finally standing, brushing grass irritatedly off of her universe dress. He's bumbling and awkward and Jade can understand why, but jeez! She's got shit to do! Take a breath, man!

Finally, he does take a breath, and lets it out slow. The air is so chilly that she can just barely see it dissolve into the thick air.

“Thanks for, um...saving me?” He chokes out with a wince. He's always been kind of terrible at expressing gratitude, but she thunks her forehead against his shoulder and sighs.

“Any time,” she lets out a grim giggle, folding her arms tightly. “Even if it turns out we weren't actually in all that much danger!”

“Yeah...I guess we kind of overreacted! Ha.” John pulls away from her stare with an uncomfortable laugh. His face is starting to adopt a reddish glow, visible even through the dark by the time he finally continues. “It was still...really nice.”

“Pftt,” Jade pffts and waves her arms idly. “You're so dumb. You're welcome!”

He looks like he's going to respond, when suddenly, a pained grunt tears through their idle chatter. All eyes swivel to Dave, who's awake now, pushing himself off the grass in a daze.

“Did we make it to prom?”

Rose is the first to rush to his side, and she takes his arm slowly to help him stand. He gives her a confused look, his shades promptly pushed into his hair. “Did we make it fucking anywhere?”

“I don't think we're making it to prom, Dave,” Rose laughs out the words quietly, sadly, slowly dragging him to his feet and shooting a pained glance at their stopped car. Dave clings to her arms and realizing slowly, stands with rigid posture.

He clutches his head, clearly still woozy from the airbags violent introduction to his face. And for awhile, there's this moody, heavy silence in the air. The night is all cool and brisk, with the only thing visible in the sky besides a bright, full, shining moon are the gray clouds slowly passing over it like blankets.

Without warning, rain strikes. It falls down on their silence like icy cool daggers, piercing their last shreds of optimism. Jade peers down at her skin where heavy drops of water pool in beads on her bare arms and hands. She thinks at first, _that's kinda neat_ , but at second, _god, if you're there, fuck you._

The rain is gentle, light, and cold, but it feels so intensely bitter when it lands in her glasses and clothing and hair, and silently, they all share a quiet, understanding, pissed off silence. Dave looks disheveled as he clings to Rose for balance, water sliding his shades back into his eyes, which he quickly slides back into his hair again. Rose in turn also looks out of place—make up is running down her pale cheeks and lips that she makes very little effort to wipe away.

Even John is tense next to Jade, with his stupid unruly hair beginning to soak and stick to his forehead. A hot, searing frustration runs through her cheeks, welling into her eyes, but she stops any tears from actually falling. She pulls off her heels and throws them to the ground.

They're all dolled up with no where to go.

They remain in a sad, tired verbal stalemate for what seems like an eternity when finally, Dave lets go of Rose angrily and crams a soaked palm into one of his ridiculous bright green pockets. “Seriously, fuck that,” he mutters, pulling out a shiny but worn down red ipod.

He spins around, and Jade looks on in confusion when he jams it into the car window. He sets it down all neat and nice against a tiny ledge next to the steering wheel and maxes out the volume.

“A million stupid car accidents couldn't keep me from this shit,” he mumbles angrily into the car window, fiddling with the ipod on the stand until he was thoroughly content with its fixture. “Stupid weather and stupid brakes trying to mess up this stupid night.”

[He presses play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0aHUZx2ROo), turning back to stare at them expectantly. Nobody moved.

“Why the fuck are you all just standing there? It's prom. Come on,” he jerks up and seizes Rose by the hand, pulling her into him suddenly. She presses against his chest hesitantly, ambivalent and sad and confused, but he looks determined. The upbeat nature of the music slowly begins to creep and overflow into the gloomy atmosphere.

Jade's hesitant, at first. The rain had shifted into a heavy fall and she was feeling far too sad to move. The grass feels cold and wet under her toes when she takes small steps, and while she's trying so hard to move, her limbs simply didn't want to.

But she watches Dave. She watches him get so goofy and into it, sliding his hips like his car didn't just crash into a fence, watches him move rhythmically, like liquid, and get really into it, like the rain wasn't soaking him to the bone. He pulls Rose in along with him, all _come on come on_ , spinning her and laughing until his goofiness spread like wildfire. She wiped the mascara off her cheek and burst into laughter, suddenly smiling brighter than Jade had seen her smile all night. Her orange dress flowed around her like air and she looked so, so bright.

Before she knows it, Rose is dragging John in with her with both palms, encouraging him with small, jerky movements. His expression, so sad and slow, was beginning to crack ever so subtley until Dave steals him from Roses arms and snaps him into a dip. He bursts into an enormous grin and it's so infectious and bright and beautiful and he pulls Jade into their pile with his hands brightly outstretched from under direct moonlight and damp from rain and she can't take it anymore. She leaps in.

Rose softly hums, with her hands wandering down John's back and Jade is getting down with it, closer and closer intimately moving and sliding against anything and everything. John is doing this dorky half twist thing that is far more endearing than an actual cool dance move, but it's fucking wonderful and the air is electric and Dave is shouting something totally incoherent.

Cars are whirling by them, the sun has completely set and there's nothing but intense moonlight and a shit ton of rain falling onto their heads, sliding down their skin, falling into their smiles.

It reaches the point where Jade feels like she's gonna faint, because Johns clammy hand is clasped in hers so gently and Daves ragged breath is so close to her ear that she's shivering and Roses lips, damp with rain, are sticking to her shoulder and in that moment she felt better than she thinks anyone could ever possibly feel.

They jump in puddles, screaming, yelling, singing, dancing and so so so alive.

By the time the rain subsides, their clothes are so ruined, and they never notice how much time passes.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

~ ~ ~

 

No one knows what time it is, but it's dark. It would be pitch black were it not for the shining force that was the moon casting a soft glow on all of the trees and all of their bare limbs. It had stopped raining only minutes ago and everyone was still soaking to the bone.

Dave may not know what time it is, but he knows Jade has climbed on top of him. She's sopping wet in her glittering black dress, softly kissing and smiling and laughing when she leans into him. Her hair is clinging to her forehead with rain and sweat, but so is Dave's. He clutches at her waist and time is fluid.

Rose and John are asleep beside him, curled into each other, skin glowing pale in the moonlight. John's elbow presses into Dave's shoulder gently and Rose's breathing is just heavy enough to feel from where he and Jade were laying.

Dave presses one last kiss to Jades forehead before she rolls off of him and carelessly collapses into a muddy patch of grass. Her laughter sounds like bells, if bells also snorted obnoxiously every time they rang.

It was soothing.

“Geez, Dave, why are you always making out with me?” She breathes out, one palm draped across her forehead.

Dave snorts and shrugs beside her. “I'm only using you to get close to your dog.”

“I _knew_ it!”

She smiles and loops her hands around his neck, sighing into his neck with a grin. They fall into a comfortable silence, nothing but the sound of everyone’s slow breathing and also a flock of geese squeaking violently overhead of them, but they're trying to ignore that. Calm and quiet.

Dave watches Jades eyes slide over to John and Rose and her soft breathing transforms into something more like slow sighs.

Suddenly, she rolls into him again. Presses a palm against his chest.

“Hey Dave, do you ever get jealous of John and Rose?” She asks so so so suddenly, closing her eyes and exhaling, and Dave feels goosebumps form slowly up his arms. He shrugs again, holding her cheek to his shoulder.

“You mean...of their relationship or whatever?”

“Something like that!”

Dave hums in thought. “Sort of, I guess, but not really. It's complicated.”

Jade is quiet, but the distant honking of geese is getting louder. He speaks up again. “Why? Do you?”

She makes a _pfts_ sound _,_ slapping her hand against his chest like he told the worlds most intensely hilarious joke and she is congratulating him for his amusing behavior.

“Sort of, but not really!! It's complicated!” She starts laughing, her entire body shaking ever so lightly in the cold, sort of like a chihuahua when it needs to pee. She nuzzles her nose back into Dave's chest, and he chokes out a few laughs alongside her.

“See, this is why we all have to stop making out with each other. It's not helping the whole complicated thing,” he muses and runs one hand through Jade's soaking hair. “We're like a shitty dramatic teen soap opera with less pregnancy and murder. I mean, look at us.”

Dave stops and presses a sloppy and terrible kiss to her face, immediately sending her limbs scrambling away with a BLEGH DAVE EW, wiping off the Dave slobber with the back of her hand. He laughs, sitting up with her, crossing his legs casual and criss cross apple sauce. “We're prime motherfucking examples of shit that makes this complicated. We're like, a giant, romantically frustrated herd of wild teenagers.”

Jade giggles and leaps up on to her feet. “No way! That's ridiculous! We're all super platonic! Come on,” she stretches down a hand, offering Dave off of the ground. He takes it, noticing how fucking strong she is all the time to just casually lift him off the ground.

But Dave's limbs are exhausted from the dance. He exhales long and slow when he's upright, letting go of Jade tiredly.

“Why are we standing now?” He whines, wiping bits of wet grass sticking to his ridiculous neon green pants. “The ground is really comfortable and you are interrupting that comfortable with all of this standing bullshit.”

“Because you're going to dance with me!” She puffs out her cheeks and holds out one palm. Dave stares at it with a frown.

“We just danced,” Dave leans his head back with a groan. “I'm tired.”

“I missed the first and only school dance I have _ever_ had the opportunity to attend. I want more dancing, Strider, and I want it now.”

“But—”

“Shut up and take my fucking hand, Dave!”

He does. He takes her hand, but she has clearly never danced formally before, and he has clearly never cared to learn a slow dance, so they just sort of do their own thing. Spinning slowly and laughing softly, their toes are bare against the wet grass as they make small talk.

They're having fun and actually starting to get really into it when Rose suddenly stirs, muttering something in her sleep into John's shoulder. Dave's groove is thrown off ever so slightly for reasons he just doesn't fucking know.

At Jade's curious silence, he lets out an exaggerated sigh and starts to speak.

“Can I tell you something you may or may not find kind of revolting?” Dave mutters, sliding his palms down down down until they hit the curve of her waist, slowing her dance down to a steady rhythm. Jade moves her mouth open like she's about to speak but he cuts her off. “Actually, don't care, you have no choice,” he says, and she rolls her eyes.

He sighs, looking away, still swaying. It takes him a good minute, crickets chirping in his long pauses, but he just decides to come right out with it. Jade's a good person. She'll understand. Breathe in, breathe out.

“I think I've... got a thing for Rose... or something.”

He winces at the words as they stumble out, but he's not disappointed. Her eyes instantly light up. She impulsively twirls her feet faster and curves her mouth into an “oh!”

“Oh, thank god! Me too!” She beams. Dave pauses. Wait, okay, maybe she understands too well.

“Wait, what?” he stutters, and she shrugs.

“Well, actually, I sort of made out with her recently. Maybe I did a little more than that? I can't really remember.”

Hold the fucking phone. Hold the whole god damn service. Dave feels his skin tense up.

“You _what_?”

“I was drunk! It was the New Years Party!”

He held out one palm. “Woah.”

“Oh, come on. It could have been John or even _you_ if it Rose wasn't the one staying up with me.”

“Oh, holy shit!” He stops dancing and throws his head into his palms, Jade's bell laughter filling his head mercilessly. He looks up, his red eyes muted in the dark, whisper-shouting in amused disbelief. “At least I have some restraint on my incestuous urges, oh my _god.”_

He drops his arms to his side. “Wait. New years? Oh, fuck you, we were in the same room _again?”_

“Yeah!”

“FUCK you, man.”

Jade is chortling, snickering her terrible ass off, mocking pouts and trying to give him forgiveness kisses, but he holds out his palms in front of him. “Don't touch me.”

“Oh, come on!! You've kissed John before!”

“At least I have the decency to commit my romantic felonies in the privacy of my own home.”

“It was at a _public school, you asshole_!”

“It wasn't right in front of your innocent, pure eyes!”

She huffs, puffing out her cheeks. She pushes past his palm and plants the make up smooch anyways, which he squirms out of with an _ewwwww!!!_ She sighs with a grin.

“I don't see how it's that bad. You and John were fuck deep in snuggles right in front of our innocent, pure eyes.”

“We were not snuggling.”

“You were snuggling. That was snuggling.”

“It was not snuggling. Your definition of snuggling is wrong.”

“It was snuggling, dave!”

“You almost fucked my _sister_!”

“You're lusting after my _cousin_!!”

“It is _not_ lust.”

“You like John.”

“He's alright.”

“You _like like_ John.”

“First of all, you are twelve, second of all, any chance i had with that boy ended when i kissed him today, alright?”

Instantly, Dave clamps his hands over his mouth, because just like that, the cat has now gracefully rocketed out of the bag. Way to go Dave, you stupid motherfucker, you.

It's almost worth it, though, when Jade fucking  _leaps_ backward with tiny red lips parting in shock as she gasps out a massive " _WHAT?_ "

Dave slaps his palm into his forehead, regretting every millisecond of every second of every minute he had spent forming that sentence. When he peers through the cracks of his fingers, Jades expression did not ease that regret at all. He groans and feverishly shifts away.

“Jesus, I don't know. I don't even know. It was an accident, kind of.”

He's certain he's all red in the face, and really thankful for the fact it's almost pitch black out here. He can see Jade though, because who couldn't, she looks like she's going to burst. And she does, actually, like a balloon, she bursts into an enormous fit of laughter. She's uncontrollable for like five solid minutes, sliding her head into Dave's chest like she can't breathe and Dave thinks for sure that she's going to wake John and Rose up.

Finally, he stops her, taking her by the shoulders lightly. “Hey, hey, shut up, I'm confiding my shit in you and you're letting me down.”

She catches her breath, snorting unsteadily and slamming her fists into her side. “Okay, okay!” she laughs again, and Dave is just so done.

“Why are you laughing so hard?” He whines, because this is incredibly unfair and he wants nothing more than for her to just stop. She sucks in a gallons worth of air and exhales.

“I'm so relieved!” She shouts, letting tiny giggles escape, but she's mostly regained herself. She bounces excitedly in place. Her eyes are bright, green and sunny, visible even through the dark, her smile humongous when Dave tilts his head in confusion. She reiterates for him, flailing her hands in tiny circles.

“You're fucking in love with us you massive sack of dicks!!”

Oh.

Ohhh.

Dave feels like his entire world had just pressed the pause button, and he starts to speak slowly.

“Woah. Hold it,” He says, stopping her gently from bouncing. “If you bounce any more you're going to become a fucking pogo stick. Chill. I'm _not_ in—I’m not in love with anyone.”

She bounces up anyways, planting a warm and full smooch right on his lips, which he instinctually leans into. She pulls away bright and glowing. “You are!”

He just doesn't know what to say. He doesn't even know if she's actually wrong.

“I wouldn't say I'm in _love_ with you guys, okay? Slow your roll.”

She groans in irritation, but lets him finish.

“It's complicated. There are like, a ton of emotions, alright?”

“I see right through your repressed incestuous bisexual bullshit,” she hums. Dave scrunches up his nose in disgust.

“God, why do you say things like that?”

“You and Rose are seconds away from making out. John is a massive anime school girl around you. You have to _see_ this!”

“You're _gross._ ”

She holds up one finger. “I want you to think about it at least, okay? I bet you four million dollars that you're going to cave in.”

“Ew, no. You really think i'm going to seduce my best friends into cheating?”

“Uh, I mean, I did.”

“Touche, but no, fuck you.”

She's so determined that it's almost irritating. She smiles all big and bright and taunting until Dave sighs again.

“Jade, I know how you feel, but it's just...it's not going to work out like that.”

Dave instantly regrets it, because her chest falls, and that spark of life flickers out of her eyes. Dave's stomach twists in pain, but she punches him in the arm with a weak smile. “If you realize I'm right, you have to talk to me, okay? I...you...you just have to tell me, okay? I like you all. You know. Like, really bad!”

He grins, shaking his head. “I know.”

She slides her hands back onto Dave's waist, but doesn't look him in the eye. Her eyes dart up, and she's all “Well, I've got one out of three, right? How hard can two more be?”

“Just don't touch my sister,” Dave snorts and sends her into a spin, dipping her, but she only giggles.

“Too late!”

He drops her, and doesn't call a tow truck for two more hours.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH this was a doozy. time for phase two, yeah???
> 
> (heyy might be another hiatus: i gotta go get my laptop fixed up n stuff. we'll seeeeeee)


	10. gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gayyy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy merry holiday clusterfuck guys!! have a happy new year ok and also read my chapters and tell me you like me on a deep, personal level. thank u all

 

When prom ended, so did contact between John and Dave. It was terrible.

Dave knew why, and he was endlessly ashamed about it, but like, dude, come on. It had already been a week and that bucktoothed motherfucker can't do shit around him without this awkward, shuffling, side stepping wiggle.

He almost acts like an ex you don't want to make eye contact with as you pass in the hallways, with his head tucked down and his arms stiffly stuck at his side. On Monday, Dave managed to catch his eye across the hall and John just about turned heel and sprinted the fuck away, completely dropping everything in the attempt. He even left behind his sneaker. Dave threw it at his head.

Even when Dave _does_ manage to steal a confrontation, John clams up. He's all eyes darting to the walls, “I'd stay and talk, but I have to go meet up with Rose! My girlfriend! Your sister! Good ol Rose!” and his eyebrows do that little nervous tilt up thing and he scuttles away. Dave sticks chewed Bubblicious gum onto his backpack when his back turned.

He still comes over all the time, just the same, just like Jade, but he's careful to sidestep Dave when he answers the door. In some ways, it's even worse than the hallway stiffness, because Dave can just _hear_ him and his sister having fun and talking from the other side of the wall and ew ew what was that noise god no, shit no. he plugs in his headphones and his ill beats wash this stupid, embarrassing tragedy away.

Thankfully, the following week is very, very different. Wednesday, John says hello. Thursday, he asked how his day was. Friday, John actually calls him. On the telephone. With words! Dave can hardly believe it when he snaps up the phone, scrambling from over a fresh pile of homework.

“Yeah?” Dave answers, settling his papers cooly, because he totally did not leap to the phone, no, he is all level headed indifference toward this asshole and his antics. John answers from the other line with contrasting hesitation that is levels beyond irritating.

“Oh. Dave?” John's stupid, crackling voice sounds out wobbly from the receiver, sending Dave's teeth gritting. A pang of feeling that can only be described as _ughrggrgh_ drops into Dave's stomach like a sack of bricks when he sighs and flattens his papers back down.

“Oh, hey. You. John,” he exhales. His slides his finger over the end call button to prepare for the inevitable. “Rose went to Jades house. They're having a movie night or something, so you can't whisk her away.”

Theres a sort of distinct silence for a minute. John doesn't say jack shit, so Dave rolls his eyes. “Okay, bye,” he shrugs, but John's reaction bullets out before he can even think to click end call.

“No, no! It's okay, I want to talk to you,” he blusters, his words falling downward like spirals into a ditch filled with stupid. Dave can hardly believe what he's hearing, but he pinches the bridge of his nose and holds the phone back to his ear with an incredulous air.

“Really?”

John takes a deep breath. “Well...Yeah.”

“Wow,” Dave remarks, setting himself to his feet. “Woah. Wait, hold on, let me just mark this on my calendar.” John sighs.

“Okay, you sound pissed. Look, I know i've been kind of...avoidy, lately...”

Dave burst into a fit of laughter, snorting relentlessly into the phone and taking long breaths between each chortle. "Oh my god," he dabs at his eyes with a hoodie string because he is filthy, “I walked into your room yesterday to talk to Jade and you literally jumped out of the fucking window.”

“I panicked.”

“We were on the _second floor._ ”

“...There were bushes.”

“There was also a _door_.”

“Ugh! Look, door, bush, in times of need, it doesn't matter!” John pauses with irritation, and a faint jingle of keys can be heard shaking through the line. “Alright. I'm coming over. We should probably deal with this sometime, right?”

Dave raises his eyebrows, switching the phone between his hands. He plops down on his bed with a thoughtful sigh and the bedsheets bounce with him. He laughs, shifting over to his back. “Did Jade make you call? She made you call, didn't she.”

“No!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Dave!”

“No, wait. Was it _Rose_? Did Rose make you call?”

John lets out a frustrated groan and hangs up, and Dave guesses that settles that. He lets the phone fall onto his pillow with a grin.

 

~ ~ ~

 

He doesn't ring the doorbell, like always, he just waltzes in. Says hi to Dave's mom like always, just plops onto his couch like always. Even raids his fridge first, like an asshole, like always.

But he's here, and not even for Rose this time. The living room is bright and sunny with the windows open, light streaming onto the pillows and couch and walls, a setting that did not at all match the anxiety creeping through Dave's gut. He was dreading this inevitable conversation.

But, there he is, flopping onto the couch beside him, sandwich in hand, and he let's out this enormous sigh that sounded like he's been holding it all of his life. He looks Dave dead in the eye through square lenses.

“Okay. So about prom,” he chokes out, and it's like three hundred pounds of weight broke through the atmosphere and torpedo'd smack first right the fuck into Dave's face. He lets out a whine and throws his head back into the cushions. At last, it has come. The dreaded. John smacks his arm.

“Oh, don't be so dramatic, Dave!” John swats at him grumpily and Dave doesn't lift a single finger to defend against him. John chews on his cheek, slouching inward. “Come on! Communication is good! We love communication.”

“Communicate THIS.” Dave holds up both middle fingers high into the air.

John returns the gesture with a frown, narrowing his eyes into a blank and dull stare. Dave sighs, turning to meet John reluctantly, teeth gritted in preparation.

“Okay. So, you mean whole kissing thing,” he starts with a groan. Raises an eyebrow. “That really _is_ what your shitty avoiding shenanigans are about?”

John flinches, very slightly, and his hands launch out in front of him. “Yes, okay, i'm sorry!” palms waving rapidly in his explanation. He leans into the couch cushion with his eyebrows furrowed. “I might have freaked out a little.”

“Oh, yeah, just a little. Don't worry about it, though. You hid it pretty well.”

“I'm sorry! I really am!” He looks up, and his eyes scream “genuine,” but also “punch me.”

He looks down, and Dave gets that stupid wrenching feeling twisting around in his gut again. Guilt, or anxiety, or disappointment, or something. Guiltappointment. Something dumb like that. The point is, he's feeling it, and it fucking blows, and when John looks up, eyes bright with nerves and yeah, yeah that is guiltappointment god fucking damn it. John stutters.

“It's just. Your sister. You know, the one I am in an active relationship with?? It was totally uncool of you to do that.”

Dave grits his teeth in deep shame and regret. What a stupid day. John opens his mouth, peering down at the floor like the ground was going to open up and swallow him whole, looking terribly too much like he wants to keep speaking.

“I'm really flattered, dude, but,” he starts to look up and Dave frantically wants to end this. He swishes his hands around so rapidly he probably breaks some kind of serious psychics law.

“Look. Hey now. Woah. Look, just, don't sweat it. Don't even go there. Let's not have this stupid conversation. It was a terrible, weird accident,” Dave's eyebrows furrow in irritation. This is the conversation. They are really having the conversation. He was almost content to just leave it at the terrible silence. “That was just...we're friends, dude. I'm not trying to take you from Rose, I see you as a friend, that's it, okay?”

Johns eyebrows raise slightly and the long since built up anxiety and guilt looked like it just popped within him. He shifts, tangling his fingers into his wild hair uncomfortably. “Just friends..? Oh. Uh. Good. Oh, man. Oh, whew. I didn't want to ignore you but, I...”

John snaps his eyes up. “Okay, look. It's just been weird.”

Dave snorts “No kidding.”

“So...we're good?”

"Completely."

"We're fine?"

“Yeah, if you don't leave me hanging again.”

“ _Pft._ ”

They share a stifled chuckle, and just like that, the problem is gone. John shifts his eyes toward the door, a slight discomfort sneaking into the atmosphere like a shadow. Between the two of them, it seems like it's quiet for a long awhile, tension like jello you need a machete to cut through. Dave's head rests calmly into his palm, his cheek offsetting his shades just a hair. John coughs.

“So, now that the uncomfortable confrontation of the day is over...” John slides his eyes back over with a toothy smile. “Want me to kick your ass at mario cart?”

Dave snaps his head up instantly, thankful for this terribly forced distraction.

“Princess Peach is going to use your King Boo's stupid face as a fucking mop.”

They leap off the couch in a tangle of limbs and race to Dave's room. John wins.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Rose pulls strand after strand of Jade's ridiculous, unruly hair, forming braids just the way Jade taught her when they were still children with plump, fumbling fingers and clumsy mistakes in their techniques. Rose never did quite get the hang of it.

They were draped across Jades bed, legs flat on colorful stuffed animals and mulch residue, television screen lights flickering gently against their faces. Potted plants overflowing with leaves and flowers hung steadily on the window sill, and Rose flashes back briefly to when they were kids and Jade gave away basil and buttercups like they were her church pamphlets.

In Roses's palms, Jade's hair is dark and tangled and loose and terrible, like it's always been. She lets out little, calmed, pacified breaths despite Roses' repeated yanks and pulls, her arms wrapped around legs drawn to her chest. Rose finally tugs a knot loose with her fingers and Jade winces.

“Still can't braid for shit, huh Rose?” She laughs, turning her head enough so that Rose can see she's talking but not enough to disrupt the braiding process. She's flinching through her smiles at every clumsy tug, and Rose snorts in retaliation. “It's been a few years,” she smacks at her shoulder. “My hair's never been long enough to braid. I'm trying to relearn, be gentle on me.”

Jade tosses her head back, throwing her eyes theatrically, adorable and silly.

“Oh my god, more like you should be more gentle with me! Is my head bleeding??” She collapses into Roses arms like someone punched her into it, and Rose laughs at her. Jade pouts. “You've been at this for a half hour! Give it up!!”

“Absolutely not,” Rose pushes her back upright with determination and an amused grin. She dives her fingers back into the half tamed nest of Jade hair, combing in and out and in and out. “You are the one who first set me upon this path. I will not fail now. I will _win_. Now, sit still.”

Jade sticks out her tongue. She tilts her head all the way back, facing Rose upside down, reaching her hands to cup Rose's cheeks lovingly. Her fingerpads are filthy from digging through the weeds all morning, and Rose has passing thoughts about what kind of flowers she had planted this year. She brings out her deepest, silliest voice. “You can't win this. It's hopeless. Look at you!! My hair has already won!!!”

Rose hums incredulously and straightens Jade's head to the front again. Jades words are the words of a quitter. But Rose Lalonde is no fucking quitter. She twists, again and again, twist, no, wrong way, god damnit, alright, right way. She would get this _right_.

Jade lets out a pleased sigh at Rose's determination. They fall into a comfortable silence, and Rose even manages to finish a single braid before Jade starts to speak again, whipping her head around like a snap.

“Oh, hey—” She starts, and Rose is forced once more to adjust her head forward. Despite the fact Rose can only see the back of her head, she is absolutely certain Jade's rolling her eyes. Jade continues on anyways, hands flying with her words. “You owe me five entire bucks by the way. John actually called Dave.”

Rose drops her grin like an anvil and raises her eyebrows. “Oh, _damn it._ ”

Jade starts to crack up, kicking her bare feet against the bed in her fit. “I know, right? You didnt really think he was just going to ignore him forever, did you??”

Rose frowns, tucking her black lips inward as she picks up Jade's braid again. “On his own, absolutely. You must have had a hand in pushing him. It's not nice to cheat, Jade.”

Jade gasps in mocking, fingers flying to her cheek in disbelief. “No! Not me! To slant a bet? I am not so evil!!”

“Oh, please, Jade. There is more evil in your pinky than there is in all of hell.”

Jade snorts and parks her chin on her wrist. “Geez! You're just too sweet to me.”

Rose lets out a tiny smile. “I try.”

They break into a small fit of laughter together, and Rose drops the hair again. She's not giving up, she insists, she's just taking a break. The raised eyebrow Jade throws her when she turns around tells Rose what she really thinks.

“Either way, you owe me!” Jades eyebrows wiggle wildly, and she leans sweetly into Rose's shoulder. The light streaming in from the window catches tiny patches of her cheeks and lips, and her front teeth bite down on her bottom lip as a palm decorated in colorful rubber bands stretch in front of her expectantly.

Rose pushes the hand away with a slight grin. “Hm. We'll see,” she mutters softly, grasping at Jade's tangled hair again. Jade pouts, but lets her finish. “I might have a dollar or two lying around in my jacket. However, lets get back to the movies, first. I am eager to learn how our grim faced squiddle protagonist is effected by the sociological breakdown of his entire village, whom he loved and cradled so dearly before the accident stripped him of authentic emotions.”

Jade's eyes, green as grass, light up oh so brightly when she leaps off the bed in a scramble for the remote. “Oh my god,” she fumbles with the buttons when she wraps her fingers around it. “Oh my god, that's the best part.”

They squeeze together against the back of the bedpost, the side of Jades head buried into Rose's collarbone, her sweater slipping off the edges of her shoulder. Only half of her hair is actually in braids, but she looks so absolutely delighted about undersea squid cartoons that Rose doesn't think she even notices. Another patch of light catches her lips and Rose is captivated.

Jade laughs at the squiddles torment, and Rose does not focus on the screen at all.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Hours had passed before Dave and John could blink, before they could put down the controllers for as much as a piss break, before they realized the sun had gone down and the room had steadily darkened around them. The flickering multicolored lights from the screen were the only thing brightening their faces in dim lighting.

Finally, for the eighty millionth time that evening, King Boo crossed the finish line just seconds before Princess Peach. Through John's victory screeches, Dave delicately sets down his controller. He gently lowers himself onto the floorboard, his head thudding onto the wood, and does not utter a single word. John says it all for him.

“Who's the mop now, loserrrrr?” John gives him a light kick and Dave groans in defeat. John is so busy doing this butt wiggle victory dance that he doesn't even see it coming when Dave wraps his fingers around his ankles and yanks him down.

He falls, crashing onto the wooden floor with an _oof_ , and they crack into a fit of stupid, snorting, uncontrollable laughter.

When their breaths settle from the fit, their arms and legs flat on the floor side by side, chests rising in the dim lighting of the flickering television screen settling on their cheeks. The awkward tension had finally died. It was lying peacefully in it's grave, dead, buried, gone, rotting flesh peeling off its bones. It was so, so goddamn TOAST until John opens his stupid beaver mouth.

He sits up, folding his stupid hands into his stupid lap and turns to face Dave with a grin. He uses a single ghost print sock to kick him.

“Hey,” he practically mumbles, giving Dave another little kick. “Was I good?”

Dave turns, still flat on the floor, to face him. Breath still jagged from the laughter, he raises an eyebrow, all “What?” and John rolls his eyes.

“Was I GOOD. Was I a good kisser?”

Instinctually, Dave's lips tighten, and it's all downhill from there.

“Oh, _Christ,_ ” he groans, throwing his hands into his forehead and turning to his side. His feelings sank to the pit of his gut again, and you know, if a whale decided to crash through the window and swallow him whole, that'd be totally fine. John clearly does not understand his yearn for whale swallowment, because he's just there, flat on his palms, laughing his ass off.

“God! That bad?”

Dave groans in response again, louder this time. “I can't believe you're resurrecting the unspeakable. It's dead. It's gone. It is resting with the other dead shit, like my hamster from the fourth grade and your dignity. Necromancy is immoral, John.”

John leans toward him, shaking Dave's shoulder back and forth with his words. “Come on! I just want to know. From one true bro to another. What if I'm terrible, and Rose was just being polite all this time?”

Daves sighs, flipping over onto his back entirely, staring John dead in the eyes behind his shades. “Wow! Go ask her, I don't _know,_ will you drop it?”

“Okay, okay,” John shrugs with a grin, but his face suggests that he is secretly planning on not doing that.

Dave clamps his fingers over his cheeks in shame, and there's a silence. John's still smiling like a dork, Daves hands still haven't detached, and they're still sitting in the dark, in quiet, in tense, tense quiet until he finally lets out an exasperated sigh.

“You were alright,” he grumbles finally from underneath his palms, and John leaps over instantaneously. Dave is ninety percent certain he has never jumped so high in his life.

“WHAT DO YOU _MEAN_ ALRIGHT,” John smacks him with a dislodged pillow. Dave shouts and chokes on breathy laughter as he raises his arms over his face in loose protection.

“You _ASKED!_ ” He chokes out between each pillow smackdown and fits of boyish chortling.

John groans and drags his fingers down his face. “Oh my god. It's all over. I'm a mediocre at kissing.”

“Aw. Come on, it's really not a big deal, dude,” Dave offers, scrambling to sit up. John is frowning like he has never frowned before, so intensely that Dave is certain his face is gonna get stuck like that. He pats him on the back like a one-two rhythm. “You're breaking my heart over here.”

John turns his head away theatrically, a hand draped across his forehead. “Dave, no, you broke MY heart over here. You're a bad friend. You let me down.”

“I mean like, its not like I was even kissing you that long,” Dave rolls his eyes, administering yet another reassuring pat on the back. But John was not pacified. He flings his palms to his forehead theatrically.

“Don't look at me, Dave. Don't look at my mediocre lips."

Dave laughs again, wiping away the tears from laughter welling in his eyes. He chokes out his words. “Alright. Alright, fine, I don't know. Maybe you could try being less...tense in your kisses? Although, that was probably because both times I planted one on you, I caught you totally off guard.”

John turns his head with raised eyebrows. “See!! That is definitely the answer. The problem is you.”

“I'm gonna kick your ass, John.”

“ _Pffffffffffft_ ,” John pffts, throwing his weight against the posts of the bed, arms folded. There's another quiet that Dave is endlessly grateful for until it stops existing.

“So,” John asks, inching toward Dave again. “It _was_ a bad kiss?”

“John LET IT GO.”

“I'm just asking! Maybe we should try again. It might be better, I don't know.”

Dave whips off his shades, because what the fuck. John waves his arms explanatorily.

“No, no, no. I'm just curious! You know, for science.”

Dave stares him dead in the eye. Squints a little. Parks his hands onto his knees.

“You're asking me to kiss you?” The question drops out of Dave's lips and hangs in the air with the weight of an anchor. John glances at him nervously, and all is still, silent, hesitant between them. John takes a moment to swallow. He looks down.

“Well. Uh. Yeah,” he sputters.

Dave can't fucking believe this. He raises an eyebrow. “My eyebrows are raising because I don't fucking believe this,” he says, and John throws down his hands.All the pretend evaporates. His eyebrows furrow in frustration, and his face adopts this bright red around the cheeks. He takes a deep breath and does not look Dave in the eye, half shouting his words.

“Alright, LOOK _,_ ” he shouts, raising his hands in defeat. Dave leans back in surprise, and John still can't look him in the eye. “You wanna know why I ignored you for so long? Because, I really liked when you kissed me, and that's weird. Because I want to kiss Rose. The whole bathroom thing. It was sort of really great and that's _weird_. The whole hallways thing was sort of great and that's _weird._ I was so guilty and it sucked!”

John looks up, but Dave doesn't know what the hell to say, because damn, this went in literally every direction he did not anticipate, but he doesn't need to because John The Verbal Sprinkler keeps going.

“SO, YEAH, I freaked out a little! Because! Unexpected. Also, because Rose! I still really like her and don't want to end things between us! I just want to look at you without being so confused and maybe if we do it again, it might help me figure it out, okay?”

He takes a deep breath, and Dave lets out the one he was holding. Holy shit.

“So... what, you need to make out with me? To see if you're actually not straight?” Holy shit.

“Yes,” he mumbles, holy shit, folding his arms curtly. “Also. Because i'm GREAT at kissing, and you need to KNOW that.”

Holy shit.

Dave snorts. Half of him is thrilled, overflooded with butterflies and goopy shit, but the other half is drowned with guilt and disbelief. John's sitting on the hard wooden floor beside him, clearly retching in his own anxiety.

Dave doesn't know how you could be that dense, but whatever. John chews his lip, looking down, looking all around, looking everywhere but up, the multi-colored lights from the screen flying past his face in the dark. His hair is flying in every direction.

Rose might kill him. Jade might kiss him.

Dave cocks his head to the side, and with about a seconds worth of careful consideration, he decides fuck it and leans forward. What can he say? John's got a charm that really melts a dude to the soul.

 

He smashes into his lips just like before, just like in that really terrible, smelly bathroom, just like in that empty, echoing hallway, but different. For one, there's no moss on the walls. For two, he's more comfortable. Less anxious, more serious, but more time to focus on the details. At first John's shoulders shoot up in shock, but it isn't long before the the tension melts away and his shoulders slump back down and his mouth falls into a tremble.

John's the first to pull away, flustered and awkward in the dark, because he's John and Dave doesn't think it's possible for him to do anything smoothly. Dave pulls back laughing his ass off, slinging his arms back to their respective sides.

“See, this is what i'm talking about with the tension,” he chortles. "It's like your whole face just goes _'blegh!' i'm uncomfortable!'_  and then dies."

John shudders as he looks up with furrowed brows. “Alright," his fingers clench, "Okay, shut up, this was the THIRD god damn surprise kiss, so shut your stupid mouth.”

Dave punches him on the shoulder, shaking out his words. “OH, i'm sorry,” he parks his chin onto his hand, grinning like an asshole. “Would you like a stupid _totally expected_ kiss to heal your ego?”

John rolls his eyes. “Yes, please.”

He laughs, and just like that, its warm again. A feeling that strikes Dave right in the chest. Repeated tiny, testing kisses, hesitant but full, and nothing in the room makes a single noise save for the click of the ceiling fan and mario cart music jingling so far in the distance its like another reality. It isn't long until the tiny kisses heat up into longer ones, ones with more pressure, small hints of teeth pressing through until Johns shoulders loosen and his palms grip at Dave's cheek even as he pulls away.

“What the fuck,” John breathes out, inches from Dave, heavy lidded, goofy grin spreading across his face like a blush. Dave snorts and pats him on the back sarcastically.

“It's called bisexuality. Welcome.”

Using John's head to lift himself off the ground, Dave sways on his feet. He ruffles John's hair smoothly and slickly slides out the door. “Alright, asshole, bring up the game. I'm going to get pizza. Tomorrow, you can return to your girlfriend and purify your homosexual sins with renewed confidence in your sexuality, you hear?”

John laughs, stretching as he scrambles to stand up. “You're such a dick, Dave, but...thanks. We're still cool. We're still friends.”

“You love me,” Dave deadpans loudly from the hallway, shuffling his feet down the stairs. He halts in his tracks the millisecond John is out of eyesight and yanks his phone from his pocket.

His fingers shake like shit when he clicks on Jade's name.

TG: jade.

TG: jade. jade jade jade.

TG: look I know you're probably way busy making out with rose or whatever you two do in your free time that doesn't involve me

TG: but I just got john to admit hes got gay feelings.

TG: like. for me. or boys. or god i dont care point is the dude digs me

TG: and hey im not making any promises but this whole poly thing is starting to look like a really nice goddamn painting in my minds eye right now

TG: jade cmon talk to me you love talking

GG: oh hey dave!!

GG: i'm uh, a little busy

TG: oh thank god there you are

GG: dave i'm

TG: don't get me wrong though. im still the polyamorous grinch. nothing is going to convince me to kiss my sister but like

TG: I dont know. what steps of progress would you consider this, even

TG: did I win the willing to kiss a boy badge

TG: and the next tier is just incest or

TG: what is even the plan with this

GG: the plan? ooo we should have an official operation name!!

GG: how about....the poly plan

GG: B)

TG: why do we speak

TG: why do I speak my words to you

GG: yes the poly plan!

GG: perfect.

GG: anyways, this is great!!

GG: and ordinarily I would talk your stupid ass silly about how cool this is!

GG: nfortunately i'm a little bsysuy,

GG: ingd I hav e to go

TG: busy doing what

GG: BYE

TG: talk to me, jade, I miss our talks from the good old days.

TG: you know, where you just talked to me, and were never busy, because I was your #1

TG: i mean how do i even talk to that boy after we just

TG: you're not even here any more are you

TG: wench

 

~ ~ ~

 

Jades fingers tremble when Rose seizes the phone from her hands, her fingers smooth when they come into contact with hers. The movie ended so long ago, but they were still on the bed, still in the dark. Jade's braids undone. Rose's hands under her shirt. The credits with their sinister, haunting melody flashing on the screen.

Rose tosses phone onto the floor, where it bounces into the blankets. “Jade, how rude,” she smirks.

Jade starts to form a retort, but Rose leans back in and holy shit here they go again. Black lips press tenderly to her neck and trace all the curves. Jade has to cover her mouth to stop herself from waking up the dog.

The phone buzzes demandingly from the floor, but no one will notice it until the next morning. 


	11. more rose in this chapter. god bless rose.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise twist in this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!!! cool news, for me, at least. ALL ART has been updated, redrawn, or actually filled in. they are now 1000 percent better, faster, and stronger and in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER NOW!! so if you wanna go back and browse through em, they're up. You can look at them. Admire them. Make out with them. 
> 
> (to make it easy, all of the COMPLETELY new art is in chapter 3, 6, 8, and an additional piece in 10!! the rest are snazzy redraws and touch ups. thank you so much!)

 

It's about three in the morning when Bec kicks Jade in the nose so fucking strongly that she jolts awake and smacks Rose right in the eye.

Realizing that it's dark and also that she's tired, her initial response is sort of this pained groan and a desperate wiggle away, pushing Bec to her side with sleepy irritation. Rose covers her face with a pillow and three nose breaking kicks later, Jade lets out a defeated, groggy yawn and actually sits the fuck up.

She realizes after a few swipes at her desk that her glasses are not on the desk at all. They are, in fact, still right there, right on her stupid face. Bec bats at her one more time, going for the gold, and she whines but she knows deep down that it is hopeless and that dogs will always win the battle. They are too powerful.

So she stretches her hands up, looks around in the pitch dark, and scratches away the dried drool on her cheek. Smacks her lips dryly.

Then like an anvil to the face, her eyes snap open and she whips her head over to Bec at lightning speed with a sharp gasp.

“ _I forgot your walk!!_ ” she screams at her dog, because oh man, oh holy shit, last time she did that he shat so much all over the dining room carpet that Jade didn't see sunlight for four hours until it was all completely clean. She stares wide eyed at her poor, terribly neglected Bec, who sort of sits down and wags his tail impatiently in a manner that effectively communicates, like, _damn_ do I gotta piss.

When she scrambles up, she instantly loses her footing and falls (pathetically) off of the bed. She collapses onto the floor and entirely forgets that Rose was still clutched loosely at her side. They clutter to the floor in a tangle of limbs, skin smacking the carpet with a _THUMP_ that would shake the heavens, and Rose is so going to really hate her when she wakes up.

Jade's surprised by how dark the room is—it's nearly pitch black all except for the piercing bright red Netflix menu screen flickering the title _Tangle Buddies 2: Tangle Harder_ over and over. She finally manages to squint her eyes open, squirms with effort out from under Roses fat ass, no time to check for carpet shits, and leaps up to the wall to grope for the light. Her fingers finally snag on it, flick the switch up, and instantly fling back to shield her eyes from lights bursting to life.

She stumbles to ruffle Becs fur before managing a sloppy grab for the leash, clicking it onto his collar hurriedly. She jams her feet into a pair of bunny slippers and flings open the door with wild abandon, stopped only by Rose's room-clearing cough.

“Jade,” she laughs, squinting up at her from the floor through the bright lights, covered in the fallen blankets and stuffed animals. She points matter of factly. “Put on some pants.”

Jade sleepily snaps her head around. She looks first at Rose's smug grin, then as realization finally starts to creep in, she darts her eyes down at her own pantsless legs. They were without pants. They were in fact, pantsless legs.

As her lips tighten, she stiffly waddles back into her closet. Rose winks at her with no end until she's entirely dressed.

~ ~ ~

 

“I swear to god, Bec takes forty one god damn shits a minute,” Jade breathes icily out into her palms, and she can even see her breath, even though it's early April and should not at all be this cold. Bec happily trots ahead of Jades feet but she can only narrow her eyes at him, dumping her third doggy bag into the nearest trash can. “That is too many shits.”

“Oh, it's good for the flowers,” Rose chuckles from beside her, tugging at her jacket sleeves loosely and tossing an amused glance at dearest Becquerel. In the streetlight, Rose can see Jade's birds nest of hair clearly, and instantly comes to the conclusion that the tangles in her hair must be both sentient and reproducing. They spill over her eyes, squinted from sleepiness, and all down her shoulders so hunched in the cold.

Apart from the orangey glow of the streetlights, the sky is pitch black with no stars and the concrete was like a block of solid ice under Rose's bare feet.

Rose watches Jades cheeks shift from brown to black to orange under the passing lights carefully while Jade takes a nice, long minute to let Bec dig up her neighbors garden. It gives Rose a chance to look at Jade, I mean, really, look at Jade. The tussled dark hair, the cheeks so red from the cold, the curve of her pink lips and dark neck. Bec rolls around in his own excrement and Rose can only think, wow, what a babe.

“Yeah, that's for puking on my herb garden when I was six,” Jade squints and mutters to herself when Bec urinates on the neighbors garden gnome, and Rose smiles fondly.

“Someone puked on your herbs?” She asks with an amused smirk. “Did your poor garden ever recover?”

“Yes,” Jade clenches her fists without turning to face her, grinning proudly at her destructive dog and gritting her teeth. She drops her voice to a whisper. “But _his won't._ ”

Rose snorts, and without thinking, she reaches over a steady, pale hand to grasp at Jades. Her fingers are ice cold from the weather when Rose's fingers brush against them, but they still intertwine with hers. Jades expression melts into a soft smile as she turns to look at her.

“Hey,” she mutters, releasing Rose's fingers hesitantly and tearing her eyes back over toward the piss gnome. She chews her cheek lightly with her teeth. “That's the last time, okay?”

Rose hums in response. Bec yanks Jade forward from the leash lightly, a sign to tell them that the deed has been done and it is time to go forth. They scuttle their feet hurriedly to Bec's beat, and Rose presses into Jade's side with a sigh.

“Right,” She breathes, pushing hair behind her ear hesitantly. She doesn't know how to feel about these newly developed emotions. Normally, it seems so easy—you like someone, you go after that someone.

What do you do when you like more than one someones?

You take those emotions by the balls and you rip their fucking faces off, that's what you do, and that's exactly what Rose is counting on.

Jade huffs in the cold, gripping her hands against the leash nervously. “Hm. I get the first time, we were kind of wasted,” she explains, shifting her eyes down. “But this time was totally sober. Totally sober and totally, totally terrible. I really like you, Rose, and this isn't really as relevant but I really like your butt too, it's very soft, however, I refuse to have my poor stupid cousin hurt in this process!!”

Rose smiles, but flinches with guilt. “I know, I know,” and she forces herself to settle her eyes on Bec. The thought of breaking John's tiny dork heart because of her doesn't settle well in her gut, and she lets out a sigh. Jade, on the other hand breathes in a gasp.

“Haha! You _shit._ You piece of shit! I _knew_ you actually remembered!” Jade shouts, repeatedly punching Rose in the shoulder with her free hand until her wrist dropped from exhaustion. She looks up with a pout that reads betrayal in eighteen different languages. “You're such a _jerk_!! I panicked for like a week around you!”

“Oh,” Rose feels her face grow hot, but she conceals her embarrassment with a smirk, tilting her head onto her cheek. “Was it that bad?”

“Every time I looked into your eyes, I was reminded of the color of all of the vomit I had to sponge,” Jade gagged, scrunching her nose in pained remembrance. “Wine and regurgitated mac and cheese like... _lingered_ in my nostrils for two weeks, Rose. Oh my god, it _lingered_.”

Rose has a hard time trying not to burst into a fit of giggles, and she has to clamp her mouth shut. “I...wow, I'm sorry,” she smiles, fumbling loosely with her fingers. “To be fair, I don't remember vomiting at all. Only the parts where I tried to touch your boobs. The rest is a blur.”

“Oh my _god,_ ” Jade hide her face into her hands and Rose can just fucking _see_ the solid s-m-h in her eyes. She looks up with the same exact expression. “Oh my god.”

Rose chews her lips when she turns her head up. This whole adventure had been just too wild of a ride. “Look, I don't plan to make it a habit,” she explains firmly. “If it happens again, which it will not, John will know.”

Jade quirks her mouth sideways, and Rose could already see the worry itching into her brows. She lets Bec pull her along in the frosty air, a slight wind blowing her dark hair back into her face, and she lets out another wobbly laugh. “Well, I'm sure as shit not gonna make any advances,” she turns to her, eyes bright, but her eyelids droop with every word.

“But sometimes, you do this cute little thing with your eyebrows, and its just, wow, sometimes it's just so hard to not look at you're stupid, cute...”

They walk steadily, but slower, and as they pass yet another streetlight, Jade is illuminated under it. Bright and beautiful and sunny and silly. Her lips stutter when their her eyes flicker away. “...face...”

Rose can see Bec yanking at the leash, held firmly in Jade's grip, but it's like her feet are stuck. And there she is, dickwad of the hour, the cheating asshole who kisses her again, a spark of warm skin on warm skin in the cold and she doesn't know why. She does it, she thinks, to remind herself, this is her last opportunity in the whole world she will ever get to do this again. Jade pulls away, sputtering, looking down, letting Bec pull her halfway down the street as she struggles to catch up. Rose laughs at her mercilessly.

“Geez louise!” is all Jade can manage, toes colliding against the cold sidewalk to match Becs sprint. She turns around with furrowed brows, slowing her sprint to a jog. “No more! Stop it with your damn wily feminine charm.”

Rose laughs out a “Don't worry, don't worry,” shaking her head on the way to reach them. Jade pants when Bec stops to sniff some flowers, finally giving her a chance to catch her breath.

“You know Dave and I have a thing, right?” She breaths out heavily, hands slapped onto her knees, turning to look Rose square in the eye. “Isn't that... weird for you?”

“Pfffft,” Rose snorts out, folding her arms with narrowed eyebrows. “Of course not. I _enjoy_ watching him squirm when I flirt with you—he always looks like his stupid little pursed lips are about to pinch off of his face and fly into the sun. It's delightful.”

Jade laughs, looking up with a newly brightened smile and a loud cackle. “I know, right?” She fiddles with her thumbs. “What a cute little jerk.”

Rose laughs to herself thoughtfully, playing with a smile on her lips. “I think I might have mentioned this before on our night of drunken teen antics, but I think even John has a crush on him.”

“Ha,” Jades eyes widen, perhaps too happily, and she visibly lights up. “Yeah, but I thought you were kidding! You...really think so?”

“Absolutely,” Rose nods with certainty. “He gets about as doe eyed around him as he does around me, lately.”

And it's true. Despite the fact that Dave and John's lack of contact was John's fault, Rose could tell he still sorely missed him. He said that he was nervous that Dave has romantic feelings for him, and that's why he's giving him space. But, he gave little signs. Little hitches in breath when Dave walked by. Tiny hums in thought when Dave texted back. It made Rose smile, even, watching John getting all boyish over a crush again.

Jade grins. “Innnnteresting,” she says, dragging the word out and toying with the leash in her hands.

Bec finishes his routine flower sniff and picks up his speed, dragging the two along, and then it's quiet for awhile. Their skin got used to the cold, so they were actually beginning to enjoy the occasional nipping breeze as it bit past their ears. Bec runs ahead, past corners and sidewalks, and when everythings completely calm, Jade breaks it. She's almost uncharacteristically shy for a minute when she finally speaks up again. “Alright, alright, Rose,” she mutters. “What exactly _are_ your romantic intentions toward all of us, hm?”

Rose freezes, wind blowing her hair back when she stops to think. She briefly considers breaking into a dead sprint toward the other direction, maybe leaping into the woods and living out the rest of her life as a cavewoman thriving on hunted squirrels and peeing on leaves. The question jumping out of the blue absolutely unbalances her, and she practically stammers.

“I...can't explain it. I just...” She finally sighs out. It's not too late for the woods, but she remains still.

There are probably a million ways to say that Jade is like a bright ray of sunshine, like a burst of energy that fills up a room, someone to kiss until she can't breath. She wants to say John is like a breath of fresh air, silly but stable, a force of gravity that holds her in place with a goofy charm, and then Dave. Dave, a sense of infuriating levity, mind bogglingly stupid like a rubik's cube you're one block short of completion with. She wants to rip it open to figure him out, to undo the buttons and touch him right where- WOAH, woah wait, woah woah, fuck, Rose puts her mind in park and just fucking holds it there. Shit. Woah. Metaphor overboard.

She distracts herself by biting her cheek and decides to settle for the ambiguous. Her nails dig fiercely into her jacket sleeves.

“I believe I may indeed harbor feelings of affection toward all of you of equal levels,” she decides on the words carefully, holding her head high, exhaling just to watch her breath dissipate in the air. “It's..it's just really....”

Jade tosses her head back with a snort, releasing a smile that shows all of her teeth.

“[You think you like us but its complicated?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FPimCmbX8)”

Rose breathes out in relief, chuckling to herself. “Precisely.”

Jade fills the air with one of those Jade laughs, high pitched like a hyena but with the charm of a bell, and it clicks an infectious smile onto Rose. The wind continues to strike at their flesh until Jade speaks up again with a bright eyed grin that totally does not match the nerve striking alarm to her question. “What about Dave?”

And BAM, it's like Rose's mind was a disc with a little scratch in it, and her whole brain just glitches right the fuck out. She whirlwinds backward to broken glass cutting into her fingers, and Dave leaning so so so close over a cold bathroom counter like a brick to the face.

Memories of Dave, panting lightly after she chased him around the stairs, him chanting about how _I kissed your boyfriend, I kissed your boyfriend,_ holding her close in a stairwell, leaning in again, not kissing, why doesn't he ever just lean in and just

She scuffles her feet to an awkward shuffle.

“...What _about_ Dave?” She tilts up an eyebrow, keeps her cool, curves her mouth into a smirk. “Are you inquiring as to my romantic intentions toward... _my_ brother?”

Jade yanks on Bec's leash to call him back for the walk home, and turns back with a slight grin.

“I guess this _is_ kind of a weird question, huh?” Bec strides to Jades feet, sitting impatiently. Jade scratches his ears, hair spilling over her shoulders when she looks up. “I mean, uh...but yeah?”

“Dave is my terrible, pukey, garbage brother, Jade, nothing more.” Rose declares with light little laugh, smile lighting up her face in amusement. Jade tilts her head inquisitively, and the streetlight hits her green eye in a way that illuminates them into a warm hazel. She hums, shifting her feet to start walking back cautiously. She fumbles with her fingers.

“Well, duh!” Bec picks up his feet again, tired of sitting down, and he tries hard to pull her along lightly. She laughs. “It just seems like sometimes...”

Rose darts back again, Dave, goofy grin and rough finger pads, holding her gently by the waist in a damp, bright green suit, muttering _hey hey hey, watch out rose you might actually be getting the hang of it_ , when they dance next to a broken down car in the rain. Rose grins at her, eyes crinkling softly in the light and a laugh on the tips of her lips.

“Are you implying I have feelings for Dave _other_ than that constant, intense urge to strangle him?” She grins, because it's ridiculous. Her fingers drop to her sides, I mean, just last week he sold a chunk of her hair on ebay for ice cream money. She wouldn't kiss that boy if he was the only thing standing between her and three shit worths of solid gold.

Jade nervously turns her head away, presumably giving up the battle. Thank god. “...Anyways, don't worry about it,” she laughs. “All that matters right now is that I like you and your dumb face, but we have to leave it like that. For. Awhile. Ugh, Lets just get back!! This walk is cutting into my sleeping time majorly!!

Rose rolls her eyes. “I don't, by the way,” she shouts after Jade, sprinting ahead. “The strangling urge is always there! It stops at nothing!”

They laugh, and it's kind of pathetic, but she looks up at Jade with her wide eyes and carefree gestures, pink lips so full in the dimly lit orange street light, and thinks fuck it, fucking fuck it god damnit fuck.

She looks up, eyebrows turned inward, stretching out and grasping Jades sleeve tightly. Jade whips her head around nervously.

“One last time?” Rose mutters, and the question hangs in the air heavily. Jade looks into her eyes questioningly, trying to crack this uncrackable code, but she can't. Rose sighs, and looks up again. This is the last time, she tells herself, last time, forever, and she tilts her eyebrows up suggestively. “I'll buy you a weeks worth of dog kibble.”

“Shit, yes!” Jade leaps up and practically pounces on her. Rose loses her balance when Jade jumps into her arms, fingers colliding smoothly into her cheek, planting one last kiss that warms her from top to bottom and melts away all of the uncertainty. They press together, kissing with more pressure, and they only stop when Bec lets out a long stream of terrible, warm pee on Rose's foot.

Rose stops in her tracks, Jade still pressed tight against her hips, and lets out a sigh.

“Thank you, Bec,” she says, leaning down to scratch his ears, and Jade slaps her hand into her face in embarrassment.

 

~ ~ ~

TT: Dave.

TT: Please, tell me.

TT: How the fuck are we going to tell them we're moving to Texas?

~ ~ ~

 

When Rose gets home the next day, she's surprised to find John leaning back on the couch, a box of donuts in one hand and her television remote in the other. He instantly lights up a bright smile full of chocolate crumbs when he catches her eye, and he leaps off the couch to greet her. She smiles, pressing a soft peck to his lips in hello, and pulls back to find the taste curiously winterfresh.

“Hi,” she ruffles his hair back, and he returns the gesture in kind, goofy beaver teeth filling his grin. All of her guilt from earlier sort of ebbs and flows at the bottom of her gut, but mostly, she's just happy he's happy. He holds up the box of donuts.

“Hey! Want some?” He says, his mouth totally full and crumbly and disgusting. Rose snorts, but Jade interrupts her before she can even start to form a retort.

“Don't mind if I DO,” Jade snatches the box right out of Johns hands and into her own, toppling down into the couch smoothly. Rose rolls her eyes when she stuffs two in her mouth at once, and turns her attention back to John.

“I suppose you and Dave have reconciled?” She asks him, eyebrows tilting up curiously, and John shrugs with a grin.

“Yeah, I came over and we talked things out. Cried a lot, embraced passionately with the sincerest of apologies, you know how it is,” he wipes his hands messily on his jeans, which Rose scoffs at. “He's in the shower, now, and I am on his couch.” Rose laughs out a sigh, dropping her bag onto the floorboards with a _thud._

“I'm glad you've finally come to your senses,” she murmurs, sliding by the couch in a smooth motion to ruffle Jade's hair before shooting him one last narrowed glance. “You _were_ being a bit of an ass,” she announces, and John laughs nervously, tugging at the loose strings of his hoodie guiltily with eyes like a kicked puppy.

“Yeah...” he says, fiddling with the strings in his thumbs without looking up, and now shit, Rose feels bad. “Uh...yeah."

Rose slides him a knowing look, something sympathetic and understanding. She sighs, parking her hand onto her cheek "John, I know you're sorry," she mutters. "I'm just giving you a hard time. Because you deserve it. A little bit _."_

John huffs in kind and returns the look with furrowed eyebrows and a crinkled nose. "Yeah, but you are so cruel about it! Too cruel!!"

She responds with an eyebrow wiggle and a wink, something that probably reads _Not as cruel as your mom last night_.

Jade leaps off the couch, giving up watching these dorks work, and roughly shoves a donut into John's mouth.

“Hey!!” She interrupts, ignoring John beginning to choke horribly on a frosted pastry as she turns to talk to Rose. She wraps her arms around her neck loosely, bouncing with her words eagerly. “We should go out tonight! Make the most of a Saturday, come on!”

John finally swallows the donut, choking out tiny pieces and flipping off Jade as high as he could possibly throw his fingers. Rose, however, simply nods in agreement, gently removing Jade's arms from her neck.

“I agree,” she laughs, making a start to pat John on the back lovingly. “We haven't been anywhere fun together in awhile.”

John takes a deep breath and reaches out both hands to cling onto his girlfriend dramatically. “Oh my god, there are crumbs in my lungs.”

Rose laughs, but Jade pushes him aside with determination. “Let's go downtown,” she whines, shaking her shoulders. “No, wait, let's...go to the park! Wait, wait, no! Let's go to the _mall_!”

John finally pretends to die, falling face first into the carpet with sprawled limbs. Jade takes a moment to kick him over, and Rose's hair bobs ever so slightly when she tilts her head. “Absolutely. All of those. Tonight,” she laughs, and Jade looks up from John's corpse to fist pump the air fiercely.

“Alright, it's settled. I'm just going to go get my lipstick,” Rose turns with a wave and Jade releases her fists from the air to give her a cheerful thumbs up. Rose spins on her heels, leaving Jade with her choking/dead cousin to squabble over the remainder of the donuts, and off she goes.

She turns the long, spindly halls of her house delicately, passing all the family portraits and wizard paintings as she takes her steps. She takes a deep intake of breath when her sneakers squeak up the steps to the upper level. The banisters were black and spiraling, like the kind you would picture flashes of lightning flickering against in a horror movie, and Rose absolutely loved them. She was going to miss them in the move.

Before she reaches the top step, she can hear her brother performing an act she cannot describe as anything other than ear shattering yodel screams. As she gets closer, her eyebrows raise higher, approaching the bathroom steadily until she's just close enough to make out the familiar words Dave's belting.

“I'M THE SHIT WITH NO MAKEUP, DON'T HAVE TO CURL MY HAIR UP”

Ah, yes. Nicki Minaj.

Rose stifles a laugh when she presses her ear to the door.

“ALL THIS BOOTY HERE, MINE, I'M A DOLLAR WORTH A DIME,”

She folds her arms, smiling to herself. He goes on for like, a solid minute, belting the chorus like it was church gospel, but she's waiting for the verse.

“AND SAY I KNOW I'M CUTE, I KNOW I'M FLY, YOU ASK ME WHY, CAUSE I'M THE SH-”

“-It,” Rose belts heartily from outside the door, and she kills it. “Beat 'em like they stole something, beat 'em like they stole something, all this booty here got them dreaming, let me hold something,”

“ _Rose_ ,” Dave drops his voice into hell and deadpans from behind the door, but he's muffled by the trickling water of the shower head. Rose knocks on the door to the beat of I'm Legit.

“Lemme, lemme, hear that boy. Lemme, lemme, rear that boy. Let me get the most expensive car and let me steer that boy,” Rose laughs out the ends of her lines, and Dave groans loudly.

“Hey, man, could you not interrupt a dude's private, naked sing alongs?”

Rose laughs, something high pitched and silly, and continues to knock against the wood of the door. “Real big pretty titty, shut down any city, If you want the kit kitty, gotta get the key for me, all new everything plus pay the rent for me, if we in the wilderness bitches pitch a tent for me—”

“Rose, stop stealing my verse right now or I will _break you_.”

Rose covers her smile with a tightly pressed palm, tracing her fingers to the doorknob.“Oh, sweet Dave, I apologize for wounding your ego. I'm coming in for my lipstick,” she shouts, but she can hear Dave begin to protest before she even finishes the sentence.

“Yeah, well, you can do that when I'm done being exposed and covered in soap,” he yells from over the water running, but that means nothing to Rose.

She twists the knob effortlessly and struts in, only slightly surprised to find it unlocked. She's instantly hit with the warm breeze of steam overflowing from behind the curtain that coats her skin in a layer of condensation. She closes the door behind her with a click and Dave yelps.

“God DAMNIT, Rose,” he groans. “Are you in here right now? Are you really—” He shouts, peeking from behind the curtain with disbelief deep in his eyes. He takes one look at Roses smug ass smirk and instantly darts behind it again, slapping his palm into his head and muttering a soft “ _jesus fucking christ,”_ with furrowed brows.

“Oh relax,” Rose snorts, beelining for her make up drawer. She pulls it open lightly and begins to rummage through, crushing pale fingers over a million arrangements of eyeliner and blush. She avoids staring at the curtain at all costs, humming thoughtfully as she searches. “Don't be so squeamish. I have no plans of gazing upon your puny unmentionables today.”

He flings out a pale middle finger from behind the curtain, but she doesn't care. At last, her fingers wrap around her favorite shade of black lipstick. She turns on her heels, so distracted by her success that she doesn't even notice the shower head rising from behind the shower curtain until it sprays her entirely from head to toe. She lets out a startled yelp as the warm water collides into her and rushes down her skin, and Dave let's out a series of terribly satisfactory chortles at her misery.

The shower squeaks to a halt when he turns it off, and peeking from over the curtain, he lets out an even louder laugh when he see's the blank, fuming expression on his sisters face. A hard frown forms on Rose's lips as water and annoyance soaks her down to the bone. Her clothing droops heavily on her skin, and she quietly, calmly, slowly slides open the lipstick. She draws it across her mouth completely nonchalant. She has to give that one to him. That was a good one.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” Dave tugs the shower head back onto the handle with a shit eating grin, squeaking the nozzle to a halt. “Hey, if I say I'm sorry enough times, would you toss me a towel to preserve my modesty?”

Rose can't believe this guy. She looks dead him in the fucking eye, yanks all of the towels from off of the rack, and fucking bolts. Dave gasps.

“ROSE, NO,” she hears him scream in anguish from behind her, but he's too late. Rose is gone. She darts down the hallway at the speed of sound and tosses the towels down the stairs, watching as they unfurl and spread from the top railing. She can see John and Jade from there, and they look up in surprise at the multitude of towels spontaneously raining down around them. She waves, and thinks one lands on Johns face, but she's too busy laughing and running away to take notice.

To her surprise, she can hear Dave's shouts already coming closer from behind her. When she spins around, sure enough, Dave comes _bolting_ after her all dripping wet, shower curtain wrapped tightly around his waist, and _angry_. Rose has to cover her mouth to keep herself from snorting when she turns a 90 degree angle and sprints.

She runs through the hallway in a circle at least twice before Dave finally catches up to her, tackling her down right in the doorway of their bedroom. They both fall to the floor, screaming and shouting and laughing in a flurry of tangled freckled limbs when they crash onto the hardhood floor. They wrestle for awhile—Rose gets two cheeks full of boney Dave elbow three times, and she kicks him in the nose at least twice. Finally, after what must have been ten minutes of unbelievable struggle, Rose manages to get a solid grip and pins him down by the wrists. She tightly straddles his waist to the floor to keep him from moving.

“Did you really use the _shower curtain_ to cover yourself?” Rose laughs, panting hard and out of breath as Dave tries to wiggle out from under her. Her lungs burn from the exhaustion, but it is thoroughly worth it to see her brother so horribly uncomfortable.

“It's not like I had a plethora of god damn options, now, did I?” He breathes hard, and finally stops squirming. He thuds his head back onto the wood dramatically, and Rose rolls her eyes with a grin.

“I really liked that curtain,” she laughs, leaning back, her wrists tightening against his. “A shame we have to burn it, now. A damn shame.”

“Oh, har, har, I have a dick and it touched the curtain we all bathe behind,” Dave squirms again, gritting his teeth. “My heart bleeds for you. Get off of me.”

“Only if you answer my riddles three,” Rose mocks, raising her eyebrows with a grin and clutching her fingers down harder for emphasis. Dave sort of groans and kicks his feet a little, so she takes that as a yes absolutely.

 

 

“Firstly, would you like to go out with the rest of us tonight?” She asks casually, water dripping down her skin. “Jade is determined to leave the house. We will probably see a movie. Perhaps egg her neighbors house?”

“Duh,” Dave rolls his eyes. “What, no actual riddles? That's disappointing. You're disappointing. Next.”

“Thinking of real riddles on the fly isn't easy, Dave,” Rose hums and strands of damp blond hair falling into her face. Her arms are starting to get tired from pinning Dave down so tightly, and she tries to subtley loosen the grip. “Regular questions will suffice for now. Question two, how did you and John _actually_ reconcile?”

“We made out,” Dave answers instantaneously. Rose's eyebrow twitches up, but suddenly, she feels herself break into a knowing smirk.

“I _knew_ it,” she affirms smugly, and Dave can only look up with a tight frown. There are tiny circles under his eyes from lack of sleep that Rose notes lightly.

“You know I'm being serious, right?” He asks slowly, eyelids lowered. “And you're cool with it?”

“Absolutely,” Rose answers instantly. “John had a question he needed answered and you answered it for him. It works. Also,” Rose shrugs. “I fucked Jade.”

Dave sputters and his jaw flings the fuck open. “Wait, you _what_.”

Roses's shoulders fall, and she chews her cheek with annoyance. “I didn't say it was a smart or morally sound decision, but it happened.”

“ _How_?”

“What,” Rose snorts, wiggling her eyebrows. “Would you like me to draw you a diagram?”

Dave's face instantly scrunches at the suggestion, and he coughs out his words as they stumble out of his mouth. “ UGH, No, no, ew, fuck,” he shakes his head and looks up again. “Jesus, smartass, I meant  _why._ ”

“I won't be able to do that ever again in a few months,” Rose shrugs. “I'm an opportunist.”

“Rose, holy shit, that's so fucked up.”

“A so-fucked-up  _opportunity_.”

“Seriously. That wasn't okay to do to John,” he narrows his brows and twists his mouth into a frown. Rose tosses him a look, which instantly makes him grit his teeth and backpedal in thought. “Okay, I know I just made out with him, but still. He is a being with a tender soul. The moral is there despite all of our blatant disregard for it,” he grins, and Rose sighs.

“We'll talk about it later. But this does, in fact, bring me to my last question,” she muses, but then her mouth fades into a solemn black line. “You never responded to my texts, you know,” and her voice drops firmly. Dave can only sigh, shifting his head uncomfortably to the side, motionless on the floor.

“Yeah, I know.”

Rose exhales. “Don't be an asshole. We need to tell them we're moving. We only have three months.”

“Yeah, but that's stupid,” Dave straightens his back against the floor. “Let's just...wait until after John's birthday, okay? Wait until he's not about to celebrate his birth to drop the bomb. Does that seem fair?”

Rose loosens her hold on him, shifting her eyes to the ground. “I suppose.”

“Can you let me go, now?”

Rose sighs. “I suppose.”

Rose climbs off of him, scuttling to the floor to sit with her legs crossed beside him. Dave pushes himself off the floor, up, too, shower curtain drape shuffling as he shifts to sit up. He bumps her shoulder with his and grins.

“What's wrong with your face?” He asks, pointing to what Rose can only hope is her morose expression. She lets out a sigh and falls into a tight smirk.

“Oh, you know,” she looks down at scattered papers on blankets from her side of the room. She makes a vague gesture at the air and sighs. “Texas.”

“Hey, Texas isn't so bad,” Dave shrugs, rubbing his newly freed wrists. But then he pauses thoughtfully and turns back with a grimace. “Nevermind, it's pretty bad. But hey, let's try to be optimists about this shit for once?”

“Oh, of course.” Rose falls onto his shoulder with a _thump_ , and they sit, hunched like that for what seems like forever until Dave sighs. He slinks one arm around her shoulder, gripping her arm just a little as an attempt for comfort. She lets him use his free hand to brush her dripping hair out of her eyes.

“After all,” Rose sighs dramatically, lifting her chin to look Dave in the eye, “You'll be here.” Her grin is thick with playful sarcasm. She bats her eyelashes in an exaggerated fashion and exhales out a shaky laugh, which Dave mimics.

“Shit, yes,” Dave snorts, gesturing wildly with his free hand. “We could make a little shrine to the harleyberts when we settle in. It'll be just like home, except with less cheating and heartbreak scandal.” Rose lets out a wobbly laugh at him, and his breath is warm on her forehead, and she feels almost exactly like that moment in the bathroom so long ago with the pterodactyl fingertips and Dave's rough thumb pads.

“We could ride our horses to school everyday, just like the locals,” he nods, leaning forward, words slowing all the way down. Rose smirks, face leaning just as close, looking him right in the eye.

“Will we adopt southern dialect?” She snorts, looking down, “Perhaps resign our wardrobes to the ways of the cowboy?”

“You bet your fucking buttons,” Dave murmurs and leans in.

His lips are still damp from the shower, and Rose immediately pulls away with eyes wide and mouth tightly pressed in a line. Dave practically bounces backward, seemingly realizing what he just did.

“Shit,” Rose says it like a whisper, flinging her hands to her face.

“Jesus,” Dave turns his head away in wild embarrassment. He makes a motion like he's going to stand, but Rose stops him instantaneously and seizes his face in both palms.

“ _Shit_ ,” she repeats angrily and she yanks him inward.

“Oh- _mdm,_ ” Dave yelps in surprise before smashing into her lips for a second time.

 

~ ~ ~ ~

 

John yanks the towel off of his head. He doesn't know why Rose threw about seven of them over the banister and onto his face, but he knows it will probably be mentioned in a really long talk they'll have later. He shifts on the couch to face Jade stiffly, his face twisting into a confused frown.

“What the fuck is Rose doing?” He looks at Jade, then up at the banister, then at Jade again, who just shrugs. She opens her mouth to form a reply when suddenly, John's ears snap up at the loud _BANG, THUMP, CRASH_ noises sounding overhead. Something makes a sound vaguely resembling a yell, but it's quickly muffled.

“The fuck?” Jade looks up too, now, lightly scooting off the multitude of towels from the couch they were sitting on and onto the floor.

“They better not be trying to kill each other,” John mutters, putting his feet up on the coffee desk like a slob. “Because I promised Ms. Lalonde that I wouldn't let that happen before she went to work today. The irony would kill me, and then you'd be the only one left!”

Jade laughs at him, and flops into his lap. The back of her head rests on his legs lightly, and she feels like a sack of feathers. John absentmindedly runs his fingers through her hair.

“Do you ever think about Dave's butt?” Jade says after a little while, her eyes serenely closed as she presumably dreams of ass. John laughs, giving her a head a light shove.

“What??”

“I wish mine was that round,” Jade continues, clenching her fist to the air, and John sort of rolls his eyes, because wow what a Jade thing to say.

“Well, I wouldn't know if—actually, you know what,” John pauses for thought, flattening his elbows on Jades forehead to prop up his cheeks. He furrows his eyebrows in deep realization. “His ass is _really_ fucking round,” he mutters distantly. Jade lets out her own sort of snort laugh at him.

“Ha!! You would know, wouldn't you?” Her eyebrows wiggle. John tightens his lips in mock annoyance, totally brushing her off. Totally brushing her off, that is, until she starts chanting.

“See, I said that, because I know what you and Dave did,” she says the words at the corners of her mouth, so softly that John could barely hear her at first. But then she just keeps fucking going. “I know what you and Dave did, I know what you and Dave diiiiiid,” she chants again, and again, and again, louder, and John freezes with a frown.

“Oh my god, did Dave tell you??” He whispers in alarm with wide eyes, but she just stares back with an amused grin. She paps his cheek politely.

“Well, yeah, duh.” She laughs, rolling her eyes and making an arm waving motion. “Don't worry about it. I understand! I mean, sometimes you just gotta kiss your friends.”

A long silence. Johns mouth is clamped shut until Jade speaks up again.

“I mean, i've kissed Rose a couple times,” she probably means it as consolidation, but really, she totally just made it worse. Johns stomach does four backflips and a flying kick into outer space.

“ _WHAT_ ,” he yelps, and Jade rolls her eyes at him from his lap.

“Oh, come on. You even kissed me once! We're all kind of weird and cross kissy here.”

John's minds freezes, thoughts racing at a million miles an hour, and all of them are a single, loud  _What?_

“ _WHAT_?” John then verbalizes, raising his arms, and suddenly Jade's eyes widen in hard realization. She covers her mouth lightly, clenching her teeth and staring upward.

“Shit. Did no one ever tell you about that?”

And you know, John really doesn't know how to react at this point. Everything is surreal to him, now, and it's like he's walking through a building on fire but no one tells him it's burning until there are third degree burns on his dick. So his mind sort of simplifies into a singularity. A singularity of _what._

“ _WHAT??_ ”

“You know, when you got sick out of your mind and puked everywhere and sleeptalked and then kissed me,” she tries to explain with deeper specifics, but it's not really helping. It is really, really not helping.

“What _the fuck,_ ” John decides to switch it up a little, staring into space with a look on his face indecipherable to the most educated of scholars. Wow, just, what the fuck.

“Yeah, what the fuck is right! You try being smooched by puke lips, ew.”

“No, I mean what the fuck, stop dropping these bombs on me!”

“You even mentioned something about Dave—”

“Oh god, stop," John covers his mouth with one hand, but quickly looks up a second later. "Youre dicking with me, right?”

“Scouts honor, dude.” She reaffirms with a straight face, tying to hold up the sign, but it looks more like a fucked up peace sign than an actual girl scouts symbol.

John holds his face like a dying child in his arms. “Oh my god,” he mutters into clammy palms. “Oh my god, what have I become.”

Jade laughs at him, because she's terrible, and she reaches one arm up to ruffle his hair. “Hey! The kisses-everyone club isn't so bad. We're all good kissers here! I am a safe judge of that. ”

“Get offffff,” John makes a motion like he's about to shove her off of his lap and onto the floor, but Jade doesn't seem to get the warning whatsoever.

“Want me to prove it?” Her eyebrows bounce up and down and yeah there she goes, thats it, she's done, John gives her one hard shove and she flies to the floor with a cackle and an OOF!! She looks up at him from the floor with the biggest shit eating grin John has ever seen, and he's seen Becquerel literally eat shit before. Her hair is everywhere, now, and she has to pull it out of her eyes to look up at him, and she looks so silly and ridiculous and

“You're so terrible, but so adorable. How the fuck do you live with yourself,” John laughs, folding his arms over onto his knees with a grin.

He swears he can see red in her cheeks for half a god damn second, but then she drags her hair out of her eyes, strikes a poke from the floor, and shouts “THATS ME!” She clutches the side of the couch in a somewhat pathetic attempt to get back on, but John shoves her off again.

“You're not allowed back on the couch,” Johns scrunches his nose in pretend disgust. He grabs for the pastry box, latching his fingers around a jelly donut before pelting it at her. She catches it, sticks her tongue out and flops back onto the floor, laughing into a soft sigh. She's so terrible. So wonderful.

John presses his head against the back cushions thoughtfully and closes his eyes.

“Man, what the fuck are Rose and Dave doing that they're taking so fucking long?” He mutters.

~ ~ ~ ~

 

She holds Dave down to the floor and it's like he is god damn playdough in her hands. His knees are feeling so dead weak right now, and really, the fact that there's only a thin spread of shower curtain between his genitals and his sister makes this whole situation just super unfortunate.

They're pressed together and suddenly hes pinned to the wall, to the floor, to wherever the fuck they're falling because take it from him: spontaneously intense acts of passionate incest get all kinds of weird.

Roses kisses were nice, though—warm, full, soft, like pressing your lips to the tips of a flower petal, but then she bites and sucks and pulls with this hint of unexpected heat and pressure and wow he totally forgets the soft flowery parts. Their skin slips together from the cold water, but it's all smooth connections and sliding edges and damn

Daves heart is racing, his blood trickling downward to the bone, nerves and the low pangs to his gut flip his stomach inside out. Her fingers slip into the shower curtain, and her tongue glides roughly against his lips, down his collar bone, past the skin and the woah fucking _nelly_ thats low.

In short, Dave's freaking out.

Because kissing his twin is like he was kissing himself or something, which in theory is _awesome_ , but for the most part is just...really weird. Its not him, but it's him, him with fuller lips, him with cuter hips and rounder thighs that shiver at every low touch and every scrape of teeth at the neck.

She's all breathy and shaking, which not gonna lie, is kind of hot, but also, does that mean _he's_ all shakey and or breathy? Is this a twin thing? He can't tell when he's caught in these moments. Fumbling with the cold latch of the bra from under her shirt, he makes a mental note to himself to ask Jade or John who's actually better at this.

In a second, Rose is all soft moans and hard scrapes and connections, pressing against his chapped boy lips over and over, and he feels his heart fucking skyrocket. Her breath hitches and her fingers clutch against his back when his fingertips brush her thighs, and from then on out, it's all downhill, man, it's all downhill.

Fingers and skin are sliding, making it harder to focus, making it hard to _woah there,_ pale fingers everywhere everywhere and holy god damn moly, someone call a priest, because church is where Dave plans on spending the rest of his life when this is over

~ ~ ~ ~

“Screwing, probably,” Jade shrugs from the hardwood floor, and John rolls his eyes.

“You're fucking gross,” he groans and throws another donut at her. It bounces sadly against her chest and plops onto the floor, and in that moment, an unspoken vow is taken to totally just leave it there and let Dave deal with it.

Just then, as the donut layeth, Dave and Rose turn the corner of the hallway simultaneously. They're all tight lipped, eyes blank straight ahead, not speaking and um. Rose's hair is three miles in every direction, lipstick scattered messily across her chin, clothing soggy (what the fuck did she do, jump in a pool?) and sagging heavily on her body. Dave was as nonchalant as ever, calm as ever.

They sit down on the couch wordlessly, on opposite ends, and John and Jade exchange suspicious looks.

“Sooo,” John breaks the silence, waving his hands nervously. “What happ—”

“We had a disagreement,” Rose cut him off softly, sliding her eyes to John like butter knives. “But it's settled, now.”

She attempts to spark up a conversation with him that isn't Dave, something about Mutie child support money, but Jade doesn't pay attention. Instead, she sits up, dragging her hands to her knees as she peers up quizzically at Dave for answers. He turns away, eyes tooootally guilty behind his shades, stretching his neck until she can see the mountain sized bruises speckling all red purple from his neck.

Jade's eyebrows raise so fast, so quickly, that they soon transcend into a distant galaxy. Slowly, she purses her lips, rises from the floor, and plops herself on the arm of the couch next to Dave. John and Rose don't even notice her, too busy trying to fill the silence with cat talks, and she whispers so quietly and with such a low, gravelly pitch into Daves ear that she can feel him shiver.

“If Rose has been fucked by _all of us_ , when I, president of the poly plan, _still haven't been fucked by all of us_ ,” she whispers, “I'm going to drop kick your dick so far into outer fucking space they will need to pry it off of a god damn satellite.”

Dave swallows. He buries his head into his hands and quietly kisses his dick goodbye.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its about to go down


	12. god this is so many words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like it took forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry for the huge wait!!! this chapter took a REALLY LONG TIME, not only because its my biggest chapter, but also because when I first finished it my computer crashed. It corrupted my entire writing document. I lost my story outline, my FRESHLY FINISHED CHAPTER, and my heart, but i'm determined to see this through so don't worry! It just might take a little longer since I have to rewrite everything from scratch.
> 
> thanks so much for reading!!! really! it's a lot, so I chucked in three whole illustrations because i love and cherish our powerful, irrevocable friendship.

 

GG: sooo.

GG: poly plans a go????

TG: jade im gonna kick your ass

GG: oh my god!! oh my god that means IT SO IS

TG: I swear to god jade I will throw my phone at you

TG: itll fly across the room and just smack you right all up in your stupid smug face

TG: and then youll cry and ill collect the tears into a tiny vial and then drink them

TG: I will fucking drink them jade

GG: ok yeah but

GG: poly plan is sooo a go right??

TG: ugh

TG: ok yeah

TG: it so is

GG: hahahaa YES!!!

GG: lmao though

GG: “im dave strider and i'm NEVER kissing my sister!!!”

GG: more like

GG: “im dave strider and i'm a big baby!! and totally kissed my sister!!” lol

TG: jesus christ dude thats it

TG: here I fuckin come

TG: prep the tear vial asshole

Jade snickers from behind her phone like a jerk and darts her bright eyes toward the kitchen. Sure enough, five and a half glorious seconds later Dave Strider flings open the door like it was but a gust of air and stomps on through. He glares. She winks.

Here they are, 13th of April, and it's a beautiful day! Light streams in through the open windows and settles over the walls and furniture like dust—the rooms are warm, bright, and sunny, and even the grass is considerably less of a shit brown than usual. To top it off, every god damn ceiling is decked in streamers and every god damn table is buried in confetti, which in other words, means birthday birthday birthday!

They had all already danced over all of the usual dumb birthday rituals. They shared all their happy birthday wishes, popped some multi-colored confetti, and eventually gathered around John and his _forty motherfucking cakes_ to sing that stupid little birthday tune we all detest and yet vehemently cling to as a valuable and time-honored tradition. Mr. Egbert towered tall in the center in his My-Child-Is-Developing-Into-A-Fine-Young-Man shirt, gripping the largest of all the pastries with a firm, fatherly grasp. He even belts out the cha cha chas in that masculine parental baritone, and you know what, that's how you know its a real party.

So then came present time, Jade's favorite time. She leaps at the chance to shove her gift-wrapped stuffed rabbit (...the taxidermy kind, haha, sick,) right into John's fumbling arms. and he fucking takes it with an eye roll. He doesn't  frown, and he doesn't even gag. Obviously, John is incapable of experiencing joy anymore, and Jade feels just a tiny bit of pity for him before they move on to the other gifts.

He gets a cool business-like watch from his dad, a beautifully knit sweater from Rose, and then Dave's. Fucking Dave's. A preserved cow fetus, wrapped in a cute little bow and everything.

And he thanks them all. Even Dave. Even Jade (score).

The party started hours ago, but somehow Rose and John are still trapped in that god forsaken kitchen in a desperate scramble to figure out cake storage. They scurry from pantry to pantry, and you know, how you could bake forty god damn cakes and not even sort of think about where you're going to put them, Jade will never understand. She and Dave are supposed to be helping, but Jade abandoned them a half hour ago and Dave ditched ten minutes into it to go kick Jades ass. Jade raises her _yiff me_ cup to her lips in anticipation.

So Dave stomps on over, plopping his ass into the cushions beside her and looking so thoroughly, thoroughly disgruntled. Jade slides her phone back into her pocket with more smug delight than any human being should ever have a legal right to possess, and Dave lets out this deep, Davey sigh. “You really think this plan is gonna work, huh?” He asks with raised eyebrows, and Jade breaks into a hopeful grin.

“Yeah!!” She gives him a tiny punch on the arm. The first thing she notices when he slouches, like the turd he is, are the massive splotches of frosting trailing down his shirt sleeves, pant legs, and wow, even his shades had a thin dusting of flour from working the kitchen. She tries not to giggle when she continues, folding her hands into her lap neatly. “I mean, it really, seriously could. Look at Rose! She's practically already on board with it already, she just doesn't know it yet.”

“That's totally possible and all that, but, uh,” Dave mutters. He crams his fingers into his pockets and turns to face her, and she notices the tiny pocketfuls of sprinkles lodged in his hair. “What if we're actually just really shitty mistakes?”

Jades expression drops instantly. Her mouth twists into a tight frown, because GEEZ what an OPTIMIST, but she holds her tongue and scans his expression.

Honestly, Dave looks like he just needs a box of oreos and a really good fucking nap. When he lifts his shades with his pale knuckles to rub at his eyes, Jade can see the little dark circles tinting his skin vividly. She scans her eyes over his posture and paling skin questioningly, but as if he can sense what she's thinking, he bats her stare away.

“I mean, do you even know how she feels? “ He lets out another Davey sigh that sends Jade chewing at her cheeks anxiously. He grins at her, eyebrow raised. “Or did she legitimately, actually, for real tell you all her deep, dark poly secrets and that's why you're shitting yourself with confidence.”

“Well...yes? Sort of,” Jade puffs out her cheeks, sinking further into the couch at Dave's anticipating stare. Jade sighs, tilting her hand onto her cheek. “She said it was complicated!”

And then instantly, Jade hits his grump button. Dave lets out a loud groan and rolls his eyes from behind his shades. “Ugh, god,” he mutters dramatically, yanking his palms out of his pockets so he could properly clutch at his face. He holds his head elegantly, raising his voice into a formal high pitch to mock Rose.

“ _It's complicated_! Wow,” he mocks, shoulders hunched and nose in the air, but then he grumbles into a disgruntled frown and grumpily shoves his hands back into his pockets. “That is so...that is SO silly.”

“Dude,” Jade knocks her elbow into his playfully and politely dusts a cake crumb from his neck. Dave is being sooooo dramatic about this. “What is the deal?”

“Pffft,” Dave turns to her with a tiny smirk, one of those subtle expressions he whips out that tend really stick with you for awhile. They're the kind of expressions that your eyes tend to linger over without you thinking about it, a sort of lasting softness. He shrugs, tellin it to her straight up. “Man, I don't know, just, like....” he laughs, but he tilts his head back in thought.

“I think that besides being pretty much the most useless denotation of feelings ever, its just plain god damn silly.” His voice adopts this slight passion to it when he turns back at Jade, like this issue, right here, right now, is the most important thing anyone could possible be concerned about ever. Rose's word choice. It is apparently essential. She gives him an incredulous look and he quirks his lips to the side.

“Oh, don't look at me like that,” Dave scoffs, and Jade continues to look at him like that, because Dave is an enormous baby. He shrugs, scrunching his nose tightly as he continues. “I don't know, dude, it just makes me feel uncomfortably like i'm in one of those shitty teen soap operas. Like the kind where all they do is sleep around with other shitty teenagers and pointlessly withhold information from one another, and break into song and start drama and— _fuck_ , wait, god _damnit._ ”

Dave stops himself so he can promptly slam dunk his head into his palms. “ _Shit._ ”

“Yeah?” Jade pats his arm, trying to hold back her laughter with all of her strength.

“That's us,” Dave still doesn't look up.

“Yeah.”

“ _Shit._ ”

“Yeaaaah.” Jade laughs over his misery with the sweet, sweet smug satisfaction that being right will always afford you and Dave sinks further into his hands with a groan.

“Okay, totally moving on from that embarrassing epiphany,” Dave clears his throat noisily, parking his chin tight into his hand and turning to face her with reluctance. His eyes connect to hers from behind his shades, a muted red color that Jade wishes she sees more, and he rolls his eyes at her smugness.

“Well, speaking of shitty teenagers and their shitty teenage drama,” He starts, lips curving to the sides. Without warning, a small sinking feeling collides into Jade, because oh god, she already knows what he's going to ask. A tight frown pulls the corners of her giggles down—he furrows his eyebrows, and yup, here we go, here we fucking go. “What's this I hear about you and Rose performing the four legged frolic? It's been a straight fucking week and I still don't know jack shit about that terrible sexy business.”

Jade bits her lip and turns her eyes to the side. She's not sure if there's really any protocol for telling your sort-of-boyfriend that you sort-of-banged his definite sister who also happens to be your definite cousins definite girlfriend who likes her brother sort-of, so she fixes her eye on a ceiling fan, mutters out some wobbly gibberish and calls it a day. Dave pffts.

“You're not mumbling your way out of this one, Jade, I kissed my sister for you” He snickers, and Jade takes a deep breath, clearing her throat. What a jerk!!!

“Uh...” She bounces her eyes to the wall. “We were watching tangle buddies?”

“What?” Dave laughs. But it is not a joke.

“Jeez, I don't know!” Jade shrugs, rolling her eyes. “We were just...watching Tangle Buddies and one thing led to another, I guess.”

“Jade, ok, look,” Dave laughs, parking his elbows onto his knees with disbelief. “When you watch Tangle Buddies, _'one thing'_ doesn't fucking just ' _lead to another,'_ oh my god.”

“Well it did!” Jade huffs, crossing her arms, and Daves eyebrows rocket upward.

“Oh come on, there's literally nothing in that entire family friendly, beloved-by-kids-classic that makes people start craving some genital attention.” Jade snorts, but Dave just keeps on rolling, jesus, parking his elbows onto his knees. “It should theoretically be fucking _impossible_ for Tangle Buddies to lead to sex, but here you are, breaking the laws of the universe like they're just some stale ass pasta noodles in your weird, weird little hands,” he looks at her. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Dave, ok, look,” Jade mocks him, clicking her tongue sarcastically. “That character development was really inspiring!!”

Dave snorts. “So inspiring that you had to bump it with your cousins girlfriend?”

Jade furrows her eyebrows with a huff, rolling her eyes and playfully shoving him back. “Yeah, well what's your excuse!!” She asks, and suddenly, his grin dissolves into this beautifully raw shame. He recoils back to raise his hands in front of him.

“Hey, woah, woah, it's not like we _banged_ ,” he fidgets his fingers wildly, desperately, back straightened in a newfound defensive position. He slides his eyes to the side and clenches his teeth and oh yes, sweet god, yes, he's going to talk about it. “Look. there was just a lot of....dubiously sexual interaction.”

Jade nods. “So you guys banged?”

“No!”

“But she touched your dick, right?”

He frowns, and he's silent for a minute in his slouch with his fingers crammed deep inside his pockets, but it isn't long until he lets out this long, shaky sigh. “...Yes.” He mumbles at last, and Jade tilts her head in bewildered amusement.

“So you.. _sort of_ banged?”

Dave groans, throwing his head back against the cushions. “Look, Jade, I'm really not emotionally equipped to handle this conversation yet,” he says, turning to face her. “I'm diving out. Nope. No way. I'm a motherfucking turtle and you are about to say hello to my motherfucking shell.”

“Mhmmmm,” Jade picks up her hilarious mug and takes a long, suspicious sip, nodding ever so slightly with him. “Mhmmm.”

“You stop with your suspicious humming and put your hilarious mug down right now,” Dave scrunches his eyebrows. “Because we're switching gears to seriousness now. Im talking bring your fanciest god damn brief case to this pta meeting serious, because seriousness is about to drop the office papers and wreck the fucking lounge.” Dave exhales with frustration and looks up at her. “Can I talk to you about something?”

Jade puts on her most stoic of expressions, sliding her hilarious mug onto a coaster with utmost seriousness. She gives but a single nod of her serious head, and politely gestures for him to continue. “Let it all out, my dude,” she says sternly, and Dave lets out a shaky breath.

“Okay, so, the Rose thing is probably destroying my life,” he begins, swiveling his head to face her, and shit, Jade doesn't fucking doubt it with those eyebags. Damn, son.

“I feel terrible about it,” he continues, “Just...terrible. Like just took a shit right on my carpet and didn't even wipe myself after, just pulled up my stupid khaki trousers, waddling away as if pressed for time to take his next dump.”

“Ew.”

“You love my imagery. Not done,” he adjusts his ass against the cushions. He sighs again, and his voice gets all tense and stressed . “Its just—I gave Rose this whole spiel about how she shouldn't cheat on John, especially because of his fragile, glass like emotional well being that we all must cradle like precious gems or whatever, right?”

“Right,” Jade nods, gesturing for him to continue, and he frowns.

“Next fucking thing I know, shes touching my dong and cheating on John with _me_ , i mean _shit_ , what degree of fucked up hypocrisy of me is that?” Dave exclaims, his eyebrows knit together harshly and his hands bouncing with his sudden exclamations, and Jade presses her tongue to her cheek.

“It's uh,” she stutters, tilting her head. “Pretty high up there, Dave.”

“Yeah, I know,” he shudders, and he presses the back of his head against the cushions. “Its like I was doing fine. I was minding my own god damn business and some asshole slapped the crown of motherfucking infidelity on me. Then suddenly I'm king of cheater town, where all we do all fucking day is run around sipping on chilled adultery and cooled unfaithfulness out of cute little bendy straws and shit,” Dave says in like, one breath, and throws his cheek back into the heel of his palm. “What im trying to say is that this is such _buns._ ”

“Yeah” Jade nods, because really, this IS such buns. She thinks about her own mass of untamed shitty guilt that was so enormous and so tangled that shes thoroughly convinced it's going to become sentient and start to reproduce. “I know the feeling.”

“And I know Rose feels bad too,” Dave continues, bumping her shoulder with his. “Don't let her fool you with her elusive indifferent coy bullshit. She's doing a shitty job trying to hide it by knitting all her feelings out.”

“Shit,” Jade gasps. Realization clicks the gears in her head and she snaps up. “That's why she made me four hats this week??”

“ _What?_ ” Dave whips his head around to face her Jade thought he was gonna snap his neck. “What the fuck, she only made me _three_.” He throws his head against the back of the couch with his arms crossed, and Jade snickers. He lets out a breath of air.

“Well, whatever, John's got us both beat,” he sighs. “She made him _eleven scarves_ last night alone and wouldn't look me in the eye until each one was completely finished and individually gift wrapped.”

Jade looks down. The news floats through her ears and sinks into her gut, and damn, she hasn't seen Rose make that many stress scarves since Bro died. Jade's alert mode just zoomed into full blast, but she manages to shake herself off and nudges Dave's shoulder lightly.

“It's ok!” She chirps, a bright tone that she hopes is reassuring. It's not. It's not reassuring at all. She sounds nervous as fuck and she knows it, but she grips his arm cheerfully anyway. “I think we all feel like assholes here. I mean, I signed up for cute fluffy consensual poly stuff, not to be a huge jerk and cheat!! So we're gonna take our dumb asses and we're gonna do something about it.”

“Yeah,” Dave mumbles, parking his chin onto his palm in thought. He glances toward the kitchen absentmindedly, listening to the kitchen sounds of Rose and John scattering and letting out a teeny sigh. “Yeah, i'm gonna tell him.”

“Wait, right now??” Jade sputters, and Dave snorts.

“Oh, fuck yes,” he laughs, raising his eyebrows at her. “Lemme just march right the fuck back in there. Take John by the shoulders and look him dead in the eyes, all 'Oh hey Johnny, pal of mine, just swung by to tell you your best friends fucked your girlfriend in the same two day time period. By the way, your hair looks _stupid_. Happy birthday.' We can take turns slurping up his tears like fine wine.”

“ _Pft_ ” Jade giggles sarcastically, slapping him square in the shoulder with a light smack. “I get it, dumbass!” She rolls her eyes back, slapping his shoulder again, and Dave flinches from her slaps with snorty laughter.

“Hey, hey,” Dave bats her hand away goofily. “Sorry, sorry, don't hit me you bucktoothed jerk you know I bruise easily.”Jade lands one last smack and they crack up at themselves, the way they always tend to do, filling the air with their stupid, breathy snort giggles until their jaws ache from smiling.

When the chuckles die down, Dave flops into Jade's lap with a airy little sigh, his head smacking against Jade's thigh heavily and his legs swung over the arm of the chair. His sneakers dangle over the cough, and Jade seizes the opportunity to dart her fingers through his choppy hair, fingers falling in and out until they're smiling and quiet. For a second, all she can hear is pots and pans clacking in the kitchen and brief intervals of John belting out lines of cheesy songs that shouldn't exist.

She stares down at this asshole in her lap, leaning down and letting her untamable hair spill over into his face. She glances her eyes down, suddenly very aware of every single dumb freckle that dots his dumb cheek and every singly dumb acne scar that decorates his dumb nose, and she sighs.

“We seriously need to stop making out with everything with a pulse, huh?” She mutters, eyes closed, and Dave grumbles under her fingers.

“Yeah,” he murmurs. His chest had fallen into a steady rise and fall. A few seconds of silence, and he snaps his eyes open. “I got it. Boom. Lets fucking take vows of chastity.”

“Pfffffft,” Jade scrunches her nose, smiling when her teeth clack together with a tiny giggle. She looks back down at him, patting his face gently with her hand, laughing. “Okay, that's cool. Wanna make out first?”

Dave snorts. He scrambles himself upward, using his elbows to prop himself against the couch back so he can sit up. He swings he feet back around until they're solid on the floor and tosses a casual arm around Jade's neck, spiraling her into a giggle fit when she's pressed against his neck.

“Um, no, excuse me, did you not just hear our new vows dude?” Dave presses a palm against his chest, furrowing his eyebrows and trying his best to look genuinely offended, but Jade can't stop herself from laughing. She bats her eyes and covers her teeth with her fingers, but he presses onward looking disgusted. “What are we, a pack of untamed trollops? Hopscotching freely through the wilderness? No, you god damn harlot, we're fucking sophisticated chaste folk now.”

Jade rolls her eyes and holds back her smiles. “Oh, yeah of course Dave! How could I be so lewd??” She seizes his hand from his chest and squeezes it, intertwining her long fingers with his boney ones. She bats her eyes. “Are handholds ok?”

Dave stares at their hands for a long moment intensely, and then to Jade, and then back to the hands, his expression completely nonchalant. “Jade, I never knew you had such a filthy mind,” he whispers and Jade just loses it.

“God, you're such a dork,” Jade snorts out a silly, little gaspy laugh, struggling to call him names between fits of giggles. She doesn't even think about it when she darts forward, planting a quick soft peck on his lips. She darts away with a warm smile, feeling sappy and silly, and he's all smooth skin and sandy freckles just inches from her face and he cant keep up his stoic facade anymore. His eyes glaze over her gooey smile and his nonchalance completely crumbles.

“Hey, woah,” he snorts, sneaking his hands around her back, and hes like laughing and cracking up like he's ten years old again and they just made the worlds best fart joke. “Was that lip contact? What the fuck?”

“Damn right!!” Jade giggles, and she darts forward again, another tiny kiss, and then another, and then another. She wraps her arms around his neck. She leans in for another one and feels him smile against her mouth, and it's all silly and light and soft. She laughs, tilting her head like a sass queen. “Whatcha gonna do about it?? Cry?”

“Aw fuck, that's it,” Dave laughs and dives toward her. Jade shrieks and chortles as he suddenly plants a million pecks onto her cheeks, nose, forehead—everywhere. He pelts her with rapid fire chapped boy lip kisses, smooching sloppy and gross and constant. She's so busy kicking her feet and bursting with laughter that neither of them even notice Rose approaching the couch until it was way too late.

 

 

“Hello,” Rose's melodic voice rings suddenly in Jade's ears. Jade freezes at the sound and spins to face her, and yeah, shit, there she is, leaning over the arm of the chair with her elbows propping her cheeks up. Dave drops his smooching spree fucking flat up, letting out a tiny yelp when he sees her.

She must have been just as unexpected to him as she was to Jade, because he fucking stumbles off of Jade lap in a scrambled kicking frenzy and crashes to the floor at the sight of her. Jade has to clamp her mouth shut with both hands to stop herself from laughing, and Dave groans loudly from the floor.

Rose giggles, a subtle sound that's cute and taunting, something that makes Jades heart start to do that stupid pounding doki doki garbage. She's trying so hard to ignore it, but then she notices the soft cake smudges running up the side of her dress, the neatly applied make up, mindlessly noting how much her hair has grown over the months and god fucking damnit. Rose absentmindedly fiddles with Jades hair, gosh, eyes fixated on Dave with amusement. “Oh, damn,” she smirks. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No, no way,” Dave mutters from the floor, sitting up on his palms quickly with a hard frown. “You're just fucking golden. Best timing. I love you.”

“I know,” Rose smirks, one hand still propping her cheek up and one hand twirling through Jade's hair. She darts her eyes between the two of them quickly. “So, would one of you sweet, sweet slackers _actually_ begin to assist us in the final batch of cake storage?”

Jade and Dave stare at each other, but nobody moves. Jade doesn't want to see how deep that pantry goes. Dave frowns like he would rather spend four hours grating cheese and singing church hymns than stacking cakes. Rose rolls her eyes and sighs, releasing Jade's hair gently to walk over to her brother.

She yanks Dave off of the floor in one smooth motion, her hand gripping his arm tightly because Rose is fucking strong. “Fine,” she looks him over once and lets out a little laugh, black fingernails digging into his arms tightly. “Back to the kitchen for you, Dave.”

“What?” Dave whines in disbelief, and Rose tugs him forward. Jade snickers at them from the couch, and he resists her pull weakly, but Jade suspects that deep down he knows this is a battle he will never win. Still, he pulls back, shaking his head. “No fucking way, Rose, no fucking way. I have cake frosting in crevices of my nostrils that no cake frosting should ever be in and I am not adding to the pile.”

“Aw, poor Dave,” Rose pulls him with more force, and Jade giggles at Dave's outraged frown.

“But Jades been on break twice as long as I have,” he whines, feet dragging across the hardwood floor, “What the fuck.”

“Doesn't poor Jade deserve a break after your devastating smooching assault?” Rose slides her eyes to Jade with a sympathetic pout and a very obvious wink. Jade nods enthusiastically, crossing her arms, and Dave groans.

“God blessed me with these pouty boyband lips, Rose, you cannot shut this down,” he insists, but Rose pulls him onward.

“I can fucking try,” she mutters, not loudly, but just loudly enough for Jade to hear. Jade grins and gives Dave a tiny little wave as the last of him is dragged back unwillingly into the bowels of the kitchen.

“Have fun Dave!!” She laughs. Dave's middle finger disappears around the corner.

Jade snickers to herself, stretching her legs out wide over the couch now that Dave's ass is no longer occupying it. No one's bothering her, nobody's making her stack cakes. This could be an opportunity.

~ ~ ~

It isn't long after Dave re enters cake kitchen hell when they all start to hear it. Sharp, terrible tunes, loud and cutting through the room like a knife in all of it's potent badness. John instantly recognizes that it's the piano, but good god, what's happening to it. Dave snaps up attentively after the first batch of chords miraculously ceases.

“What the fuck?” Dave darts his head up from the last batch of cake storage, straight up smacking his dumb head against a shelf.

“It's most likely Jade, discovering the piano,” Rose chuckles at him, something weirdly elegant and cute, and slides her handful of cakes into the pantry neatly. She dusts her hands lightly—ignoring Dave clutching at his freshly bruised head—and turns to John with a smirk. “Unless you have friends over that aren't us, John.”

“Ha ha, friends that aren't us,” Dave laughs, holding his bruised head and poking John in the ribs with his pointy demon elbows. John sighs, and shoves him away roughly with a scrunched nose.

John dusts off his hoodie, all lightly covered in frosting and sprinkles, and winces as a series of disharmonious melodies clunk together that desperately seem to form into twinkle twinkle little star. He exhales softly, looking toward the study in pain. “Someones got to stop her,” he whispers with a squint. “Someone.”

It is at that moment that Dave and Rose immediately drop what they're doing to turn to stare at John. John doesn't really know what's happening at first, so he just fucking stares back. So they stare back, all with their pointing, accusatory eyes that scream “ _it must be you, it must be you_ ”, and you know what John's not sure he has real friends anymore.

So he rolls his eyes, shrugging his shoulders up with a grimace. “Gosh, guys, I guess i'll do it!” He shrugs with as much passive-aggression as a man could possibly lift and sink his shoulders, throwing the cakes down into Dave's arms carelessly. “I could use a break, anyway, jerks!!”

“Oh, you brave man you,” Rose flutters her eyelashes.

“Too noble for this world,” Dave nods in agreement, cupping his cheek with his hand.

John flips them off and walks backwards into the hall without breaking eye contact. Finally, he stops at the study, pressing his ear against the door carefully, and yeah, still bad. Still terrible. Oh, Jade, how you try.

John flings open the door, and yup, yeah, there she is, it's Jade. Jade spinning around, face flushed and pale with embarrassment, hovering over the piano guiltily.

John looks at her very firmly and gently closes the door behind him. He takes a deep breath and does not break eye contact. She stares back, unmoving with a blank silent stare, and John sighs. “Jade,” he says quietly, carefully. Sometimes you just gotta be blunt in this cold, dark world. He exhales again, looking her dead in the eyes with a frigid frown.“You're terrible.”

“Jeez!!” Jade folds her arms with a huff. “Well, come one John!! Let it all out!” John winces, but she hasn't thrown anything. So far, so good. John briefly considers relaying tough messages as an official career.

He rolls his eyes, giving her a small smile, walking over to meet her. “Okay, that was a little harsh,” he admits with a shrug, approaching the piano bench where Jade sits with her arms crossed. The rooms all bright and sunny from the light streaming in through the window, which is pleasant and warm, but also it highlights all of the clown paintings with such eery poignance that he cannot look away. Oh, the horror.

Shaking off the harlequins, he puts one hand on Jades shoulder, as lightly as one would comfort a weeping widow or Dave when he loses at monopoly. “I love you,” he says, closing his eyes, a second before he snaps them open again. “But you're terrible!”

Jade punches him in the arm, as hard as her fist could possibly hit, which is actually pretty hard. He winces, laughing through gritted teeth, knowing bruises will form, and hunches up his shoulder until Jade's fury subsides.

“It's not my fault that this instrument is terrible, and also that you are terrible, and also that this instrument is terrible,” Jade flings her arms up. “Where the fuck are the frets on this thing, John! Where are my fucking frets!”

John snickers to himself, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets with a grin. “It's not bass, Jade!”

“Yeah, I know!” Jade recrosses her arms with a huff. “I detest it.”

John leans against the top of the piano, face in his sleeves with a smile tucked into his elbow. He looks up at her with his cheek pressed to his arm and grins. “Well, what made you want to start playing piano all of a sudden?”

Jade shrugs with a sigh. “I don't know. It was here! I was avoiding cake duty!” Her frown wobbles at the corners of her mouth. “And I've always wanted to learn. I didn't think it'd be so weirdly hard.”

“Okay, okay,” John laughs, lifting his cheek from his elbow to look at her. She looks back at him with raised eyebrows and terrible, terrible hair. She really looks like she wants to play, her lips jutting out in a slight kiddish pout and her eyes glued to the little black and white keys.

Her posture drips with disappointment. John sighs, drifting his eyes to the side.

“Do...you want me to teach you?” He rubs his hands against the frame of the piano casually, with a shrug, and Jade instantly freezes.

She snaps her head up to stare back wide-eyed at John, eyebrows raised, and neatly uncrosses her arms. “Wait, what?”

John darts his eyes between Jade and the piano, gesturing to the keys with one hand.

“Yeah! I'll teach you, if you want!” He says again, shifting his body to slide his hands over the keys. “I mean, we have some time to kill, and I would love to stop stacking cakes for three god damn minutes. I can show you how to get started, and you can stop banging on the keys like an animal. It works out!”

Jade frowns at first, but then registering the offer, almost leaps the fuck out of the seat with excitement. “Oh! Yeah, let's do that!” She perks up, her fists raised to her face like she was about to punch out the fucking sky. John snickers, taking a step over the piano bench and then immediately shoving her over. Her elbows smack the side of the seat with an oof, and John plops down beside her.

“Scoot over ass face, I'm about to teach you like, real chords and shit.” John wiggles her over with his butt, not even taking the time to let her reposition because he's an asshole.

John's side presses against Jades as he adjusts the music stand. He squints over the keys with familiarity, fingertips gliding over them like little treasures.

He thinks about how his old man taught him how to play this thing, and when he places his hands over the keys lightly, he's struck with all of the memories that came with learning. Most of those memories involve being terrified of the clown mural that was totally observing every fucking stroke, but hey, the actual learning is a fond memory too, he guesses. He spins over to Jade enthusiastically, who still looked frustrated and a little like a dog when they've rolled around in some weird shit for too long. Her hair was in every direction, tangled and terrible, and it made John want to throw a brush at her. He grins, glancing her over.

“Okay, so most people need sheet music or something, but I can play by ear,” John announces proudly, turning his attention back to the keys. He puts one hand on the piano, one foot on the pedal, wrists up, and looks to Jade with a tilted head. “But, let's start simple.”

He slides back to the piano and starts to press down the keys to a super basic, super tiny, light melody and Jade's eyes instantly light up with recognition. Her mouth forms a little “oh” as she observed John's progress.

“Ah!” Jade perks up after a few notes, leaning into the piano with a smile. “The stupid little birthday song!” John pffts, not looking up, but he nods. He doesn't really do much with it. Just the simple stuff, light single notes with his right hand, beginners edition, but Jade studies it with both palms pressed together at her lips like those stupid little notes will save the world. John finishes the first verse, flicks up his fingers, and turns to Jade with enthusiasm.

“Here, you try,” He gestures to Jade brightly to start, but she jerks back and can only look at him with wide, lost eyes. She hesitantly places her hands where his were, roughly, but doesn't move them.

“Wait, what keys did you press?” She stammers after a second, darting her eyes between John and the piano and trying desperately to find her place. John snickers, but takes her hand gently. He guides her hand to the right keys, using his fingers to lightly press hers into the right notes. Her hands are rougher than his—probably from gardening and all that climbing she does—but they're still tinier and it takes everything John has in him to not point it out. A few seconds of small guidance from his fingers, and she lets out a quiet “Ohh,” returning to the notes with renewed determination.

After a few tiny plucks at the keys and more than a few taunts from John, she actually gets the basic melody down really, really fast. She's always been pretty musically gifted, so this isn't even kind of a surprise. When she finally plays it through, maybe five minutes later with no hitches, no help from John, her face lights up with the brightness of an entire city and it strikes John with a sort of accomplishment in his chest.

“I fucking did it!!” Jade giggles at her success, eyes wide open, suddenly seizing John's hands into her own and slapping them onto the piano. “Oh my god, holy shit, let's play funky town for Dave.”

“Dude,” John snorts, whipping his head toward the door from over his shoulder and then back to the piano. Jade has the best ideas. “Nice.”

Fortunately for John, he's been already been trying to learn funky town for months for literally the sole purpose of irritating Dave. He's still shaky with it, a few chords he hasn't got down, but Jade is vibrating with excitement beside him and he can't just let his audience down!! He cracks his hands with a laugh and starts out his melody, all wobbles and hesitant key strokes at first, and it takes him a few tries, but the upbeat notes start to kick in and he friggin nails it.

Soon, the whole room fills with won't you take me to, funky town, oh wont you take me to, funky town, everything light and energetic with the air of it all. Jade's mouth is hanging open from awe and excitement, and she starts laughing uncontrollably beside him. The song gets stronger, John bouncing his hands between chords with confidence, all dramatic wrist flicks flairs and tricks. Jade starts belting out lyrics between her giggle fits, shoulders smacking into John rhythmically as he plays beside her. John even slips up a few times playing it out because he's laughing so, so hard with her. And shit, it isn't long until they hear Dave, in the distance, muffled, but unmistakably screaming out “SCREW YOU GUYS” all the way from the kitchen, Rose clapping loudly from behind him. John and Jade are fucking losing it, and their laughter spills across the room in silly, chortling messes.

Finally, at the end of the song, Jade finds her grip, breathing hard from laughing so bad and she clings to John's sleeve to catch her breath. Her bright eyes are all crinkled, and her bright smile never stops when she looks up at him, breathing harder than she had been a minute ago.

“Okay, okay!” She laughs, pulling John's sleeve down, and John has to dab at the tears forming in his dumb waterfall eyes before he lets her go on. She flops her fingers onto the piano keys, turning to him with big eyes. “Now teach it to me!”

John holds in the rest of his laughter with a barely stable smile. “Isn't this song kind of complicated for a fresh out of the oven piano player? You literally just learned how to play happy birthday,” he says, grinning through his hard breaths.

But Jade just shakes his shoulder, all bright and bubbles, determined to win this. “John, I cleaned your puke.” she emphasizes, giving him another rough shake. “You are going to teach funky town to me!”

John rolls his eyes, but he figures, whatever! “Fine!! Gimme your dumb hands,” he laughs, seizing Jades fingers and dragging them to where the song begins. Her hands are terrible and rough to the touch, but warm, and he feels his skin start to heat up at the contact. He shakes it off when she places her fingers on the white keys.

“No, no, start here!” John instructs her, hands covering hers. They start off with short, choppy strokes, John mumbling techniques and rhythm into Jades ear as he forms base chords. Pretty soon, Jade gets the beat no problem, her thumb and pinky pressing the little black keys with as much bounce as she could manage.

****

She's pretty solid for awhile until the melody kicks in, and Jade's starting to get it, but she loses the groove and gets so lost with it that John ends up just playing all of the harder portions using her hands. He chortles the whole time, hands pressed against hers, making ridiculous faces as they play into the melody, and she can't stop smiling. They're cracking up by the end of it all, filling in the missing grooves and fuck ups with shouts and HEYYYY!s, Dave's distant frustration becoming even more and more audible as they went on. They're bouncing the keys and their shoulders to the beat and it was infectious—pretty soon they're so fucking beside themselves with their chortling that they actually have to stop to take a laughing break.

Jade's breathing so hard from laughing that she crashes into Johns shoulder, eyes squeezed shut and the air filled with her tiny cackling, and John has to wipe tears from his eyes using his hoodie sleeves.

She falls over herself and into John's lap—making them laugh harder—and it's only then that the mood slows down.

She looks up at him from his lap, and suddenly, everything's weirder. Her smile's still there, but more faded, more... sad. He somehow gets the feeling he should brace himself. She slides her head up, sitting upright, and looks him in the eye with this sudden weight that throws John off balance from all of the levity. She sighs. “Alright, dude, I need to tell you something.”

“It's too late to tell me about your lack of piano playing talent!” John laughs, shoulders hunched to his ears and palms flat on the piano bench seat as he grins. Jade rolls her eyes with a smile, punching him lightly in the shoulder. Then the smile fades. She has to take a deep breath, and turns away with a tight frown.

“John, no, dumbass!” She keeps her eyes closed, clenching her teeth. “I kind of fucked your girlfriend.” the words rush out of her mouth a little too quickly, like, way too quickly, and John flinches back.

“Holy shit,” He turns his head to the side, uh, wow. “Okay, yeah, that's not what I was thinking you were going to say at all.”

“And by kind of, I mean definitely,” Jade fiddles with her fingers nervously. “I kind of definitely fucked your girlfriend.”

John grits his teeth, shoulders hunching downward, and um, okay? Wow, he's not sure what he's feeling right now, a kind of wretching, terrible stabby feeling? He sorta sinks into himself “So...for real? Definitely? You two...”

His stomach twinges when Jades hands fly up to her face with guilt. She runs her fingers into her hair with wide eyes.

“Aw geez! I'm so sorry! I know, I know, it's so terrible!” She stresses, turning to face him completely, fingers squeezed against her face. John doesn't really know what's happening with his emotions right now, but it's really not on the brighter side of things.

“Yeah that's...wow. Ouch!” He feels his shoulder sag, those words kicking him in the gut a little. He's not even mad, or anything, just... surprised? Jade looks horrified, so he sighs, giving her a reassuring weak smile. “So that's why she knitted me, like, eleven fucking scarves, huh?”

He runs a hand threw his hair with a shrug. “I mean, eleven! Eleven fucking scarves! Damn.”

Jade looks like she's about to cry and doesn't answer, just keeps staring with wide, guilty eyes. John plays with the strings on his hoodies.

“I guess this is the thing, then, huh?” he sighs, looking at his hands nervously. “Bummer.”

Jade bites at her lips, looking away. “Okay, I know this is terrible, but please don't break up with Rose!” Jade looks up again, hands waving with her words. Suddenly, she's speaking at lightning speed and John has to strain to keep up with her. “I mean! It's your choice, obviously. I wouldn't blame you. But it was my fault! She tried to braid my hair and did cute things with her eyebrows and I am a weak woman, John. Im a weak, terrible pal. A terrible cousin. So at the very least please stay friends!”

John snaps toward her with newfound realization. “Woah!! Chill the pasta, Jade!” He says, shoulders hunched upward. “Just hold your horses!! Cradle them gently in your arms and just listen to me, ok?”

Jade exhales, fiddling with her hair with scrunched eyebrows, waiting for him to go on. John takes a deep breath.

“Look, Rose is like, the wind beneath my wings or something,” he rolls his eyes with a weak smile. He pats Jades arms softly. “I'm not going to just up and break up with her all willy nilly! I mean, the cheating sucks, but can't we just talk it out?”

Then, Jade's eyes widen slowly, and her hands drop instantly from her hair and into her lap. “Wait,” She tilts her head. “You just...wanna talk it out?”

John hunches his shoulders, frowning a little, but he looks up. “Well, yeah. I also know she's had a crush on you since the dawn of time. You belched the alphabet in fourth grade and it was just all over. No one could compete with your gaseous charm. Competition flattened, you fucking won, dude! So, if she wants to work something out, I'm down.”

Jade's face is all red, from embarrassment or shame or both John couldn't tell, and she has to lift her glasses to rub at her eyes. She takes a wobbly breath and her fingers return to her hair, fiddling and twisting it lightly, but less nervously and more with relief. “God fucking damnit, John.”

“Oh my god,” John laughs, knocking her shoulder with his. “What did I even do?”

Jade rolls her eyes, knocking his shoulder back, and gives him a stern look. “No, dumbass, I mean you're too fucking good.” Then she sighs. “Seriously?? No sudden surging feelings of teen betrayal and heartbreak toward me or...?”

John laughs with a shrug. “Yeah, I guess, a little? Only because you didn't tell me about all this stuff!! I mean, gosh, all this sneaking around,” he crosses his arms, turning to Jade with a crooked grin. “Really, everything will be fine when she tells me what happened herself. And I have faith that she will, because I love and cherish our relationship, okay?”

“You're fucking goofy,” Jade laughs, and John grins.

“Plus this totally makes me kissing Dave okay, by like, a lot,” he looks to Jade, who looks back curiously. “Seriously. I could kiss him right now if I—No, _stop that_ , it wasn't a serious—” fluster fucks up his voice when Jade bounces slides him a sleazy smile. Ugh.

“Okay, look, point is I'm...fine with it. Sort of,” he feels his face flush. “I'm okay with you guys having a moment of passionate lady love or whatever happened, but not telling me is terrible and is not how you treat people!”

“We wanted to tell you immediately!!” Jade huffs, crossing her arms with a pleading tone in her voice. “It's only been a week. We wanted to wait so we didn't ruin your birthday, but here I went, spilling every bean in the fucking jar, right on your birthday, so...”

“Actually, good point.” John laughs, “Why the fuck _didn't_ you wait until after my birthday? I mean, you made it this far. What broke you?”

Jade turns her head away in a snap, slouching a little, only to snap back. “You're teaching me piano!!” She gestures to the piano with such passion, clenching her fists to herself. “You can't just teach piano to me _without knowing_ that I stole your girl, John!”

“Oh, please, of course I can,” John scoffs, elbowing her in the ribs lightly. He exhales with a grin. “You people all think I'm so fragile, sheesh!!!”

Jade laughs, a quiet little giggle shrugging to herself, fluttering her eyelashes sarcastically.

“It's because you are fragile, John! So fragile and delicate,” she laughs, looking up with a grin. “Remember when you cried for like, an hour at the end of Tinkerbell? Rose had to make you hot chocolate to make you stop, oh my god.”

“Look man, Tinkerbell fucking saved spring,” He insists. And he totally did not cry for an hour. It was like ten minutes. At most. It was a long day. He was tired. Things happen at that hour of night that should never happen, and that thing happened to be crying at childrens movies. He snaps his head up with a frown at Jade, smiling smugly at him. “And it was fucking inspirational.”

“Okay, sure,” Jade laughs all high pitched mockery, and she thumps her head heavy against his shoulder. She looks up at him with big eyes, something suddenly somber and quiet in her chewed lips.

“So we're cool?” she mutters, wild hair spilling into John's lap. “No hard feelings?”

John snorts and shakes his head. “Jade you may be a terrible girlfriend stealing asshole cousin. But you are, in fact, my terrible girlfriend stealing asshole cousin,” John pats her back sympathetically. “Also, you owe me so fucking big for this. I'm talking, do my fucking chores for a week owe me. I'll talk to Rose about it, and then we'll be all good probably, okay?”

Jade laughs, pulling him into one of her weirdly strong hugs, tight and warm when her arms press against his back with the strength of ten thousand dinosaurs merged with ten thousand other dinosaurs. Point is, her hugs were fucking strong.

“You're too good, John!” She laughs against his neck, and the breath sends John's hair standings on its ends. She hugs him tighter. “And i'm so sorry for being the, in fact, terrible, girlfriend stealing cousin.”

John laughs, patting her back and nuzzling into her shoulder, and just as quickly as she hugged him, she pulls away, hands gripping John's shoulders tightly. She gives him a stern, firm stare. “It won't happen again,” she promises, her eyebrows furrowed, and she lets go. John nudges her reassuringly.

“Hey, wanna bet how long until Rose runs out of yarn to stress knit until she finally breaks down to tell me?” He wiggles his eyebrows, reaching into his hoodie to feel for a crumpled ten dollar bill. “I'm betting on tomorrow. By scarf _eleven_ , she has to be running out, I mean come on. How much yarn can she even afford?”

“You're on!!” Jade gasps, immediately bouncing up to dig through her pockets. She hurriedly pulls out a twenty dollar bill, shoving it in John's face with renewed vigor shining in her eyes. “Rose is the queen of bottling emotions! I'm betting on a week at least.”

“Oh please, Dave has that title and you fucking know it. I have this bet in the bag.” John chuckles, and Jade does too, small little giggling gasps with their faces too close and too bright.

They're so close that, really, he doesn't even think about it when he suddenly leans forward and presses his lips clumsily to hers. It was kind of one of those weird accident kisses that happen when you first start dating them and are used to saying goodbye with a smooch, you know? It felt like the natural thing to do, all sweet and quick, but weirdly wonderful, and he pulls away with his nose scrunched and a bright grin.

Jade pulls away too, blinking, blank faced and confused. She looks up at him for answers, her eyebrows furrowed, and then John realizes he doesn't have them. Why the fuck did he do that. He just shrugs. Lying has never not fixed things. “It was a revenge kiss,” he guesses, grinning, and Jades expression is priceless.

“Oh, REALLY!” She shouts all joyous and amused, flinging her arms around John's neck tightly and knocking him off balance. She leans, pressing her mouth to his tightly before John even has time to react. His eyes fly open, heat rushing to his face, and her kiss is faaaar longer than his tiny one. She kisses with more pressure, with softer lips, and she breaks into loud laughter before she even pulls away. She giggles again, arms still wrapped around his neck, and grins when she looks at him. “Well, that was a counter revenge kiss!!”

“You can't counter revenge kiss my revenge kiss when you _started_ it, you dick!!” John scoffs, trying to recover, but he's so bad at this what the hell is even happening right now. He's terrible at thinking on his feet, and he laughs and thinks fuck it, because who cares anyways. He presses his hands to her waist, rolling his eyes. “You've upset the delicate balance of revenge kissing, congratulations.”

“So what?” She wiggles her eyebrows, leaning in gently and knocking her forehead against his. “You gonna fix it?”

She snorts, smiling wildly, and he leans into her with his stomach doing backflips and his blood rushing to his face. He presses back to her lips, with more pressure, wrapping his arms around her waist lightly, kissing through her smile, kissing through her giggles, and soon they're both laughing uncontrollably again.

John can't breath by the time she pulls away, laughing so hard it hits straight through his gut, shivers through his spine, and he thinks that Jade is probably one of the prettiest girls in the world. He takes her hands lightly, when the giggles subsided to short bouts of chuckling, and he places them back on the piano. She turns to him with a bright smile that lights up the whole room, with raised eyebrows and red cheeks, breathing hard.

His arms squeeze against her skin with short puffs of laughter, and he tries to settle his breath. What the fuck “Hey,” he coughs through his smile, placing her fingers on the right keys with a suppressed laugh. “You're not going to learn funky town through all of this gross pda. Come on.”

She nods vigorously, but bouts of breathy laughter break through her teeth, all “Yeah, yeah, whatever!” John plays her fingers to the beat of funky town through all of his smiles, and even though his heart is pounding in his chest, he suddenly feels lighter than he had been feeling in a really long time.

Four minutes later, Dave bursts through the study door and threatens to destroy the piano.

~ ~ ~

After all of the excitement from Johns birthday party had finally died down and the cakes were all properly stacked, the four of them elected on a celebratory sleepover. Dave and Rose's basement was the biggest, Dave insisted, so that's exactly where they hauled ass. Rose wanted to fucking smack him.

Because now, thanks to him, she had to suffer the inevitable, unbearable multitude of Egbert-Harley joking, all “Haha! Wow, did you do something to the furniture?? Everything feels so much spacier!” and “Ha ha, where did all of these boxes come from? Are you moving or something?” as they loosely inspect and shove the boxes lying around carelessly in the basement.

It was hard enough scrambling to hide the For Sale! sign from them, but having them poke around the boxes was just too fucking unnerving. Dave and Rose could do nothing but stare at each other wide-eyed, sweating bullets indiscreetly and forcing really nervous laughter.

So here they are now, packed tight together on the couch staring at a screen with all of the intensity that four teenagers locked within a Mario Cart competition can possibly contain. John squishes against the arm of the chair, Rose leaning into his side softly—Jade sat crosslegged between Rose and Dave, and Dave sat on the far end of the couch. He was the only one casual about playing this shit—a wiimote tightly gripped in his hand, feet are outstretched on the table and cheetos graciously dribbling from his slackjaw face. Beautiful.

Three seconds later and she loses—they _all_ lose — to Dave once again, and she sinks into the couch with a heavy sigh. John whines and starts a new round, but Rose spins to face Jade at her side. She looks entirely entranced by the screen, her brows furrowed and her eyes deeply squinted, but Rose nudges her shoulder anyway.

“Jade, I've a question, ” she offers cautiously, starting the game strong by rocketing her cart ahead of them all. Jades hums in response, her bright green eyes focused intently on the screen, eyebrows furrowed into a scrunch. Her expression was so serious that Rose wanted to laugh, but instead she breaks into a fond smile and tilts her head.

“I was wondering how long will be staying at your vacation home this summer?” She asks cautiously, tentatively, praying with the intensity of a thousand nuns and a rock solid master priest that they wouldn't be over the moving date.

“Oh, man!” Jade breaks contact with the screen and spins to her with a delighted gasp, flying back and forth between the game and Rose. “We can stay the whole summer, if you want!!” She laughs out, but Roses lips instinctually twist into an anxious frown. Jade rams her cart into John's, joyously, mercilessly, and Rose bites her lips through John's screams.

“Wouldn't that be so cool?” Jade turns her attention to the game dreamily, gripping her controller tightly. “We haven't stayed the whole summer since we were like, really fucking tiny,” she looks so hopeful and it's honestly, truly heartbreaking. Rose chews at her lips, smashing a blue shell into Dave's cart viciously.

“Maybe not the whole summer,” she mutters into her hands as Dave shrieks from the other end of the couch. She twists her cart around a banana peel flawlessly, jerking her hands unsteadily at the movement. “Perhaps...a month? A week?”

Her suggestions are soon proved useless, as Jade seems to forget the conversation entirely when she crosses the finish line and erupts into an enormous victory screech. She nearly throwing her controller down in delight.

“WHAT IS THIS!!” She screams, leaping to her feet. “In your face, suckers, Jades in the lead!!!”

Dave punches her knee and she instantly falls back to the floor with an oof. “Its only round one, big shot,” he laughs as Jade scrambles to regain her controller. “Keep your eyes on the prize.”

Jade makes a pfft noise, gripping the wiimote with a determined grin. “We'll see chump!!” She says, and John laughs mercilessly.

“You're the chump!” John shouts, and he rockets ahead of all three of them. Dave and Jades jaws drop open, but Rose only giggles.

And sighs.

Rose adores her friends. She adores hanging out with them, she adored talking to them, and she adored watching them tear each other apart in fits of mockery that no chorus of snapping could ever truly do justice. But suddenly, having them all in the same room again was...really weird, and it's not because she has now had sexual relations with exactly all of them. Although, that might be part of it. Okay, that is definitely part of it, but there's more than that.

She's always wanted to be with them, to be around them. That's undeniable. They bring her back down to Earth, they keep her steady and stable and raw. There's this stupid, strange tug of pining toward them she can always feel beneath her skin when she's not paying attention.

But now, it's weird. Now, it's like every touch isn't enough, every exchange of words leaves her lingering. It's actually completely ridiculous.

On top of that, guilt has completely consumed her. She now spends all of her hours hunching over her desk, lips twisted into a tight, ticking frown as she twirled her fingers around the yarn, over and over, losing sleep and time to devote herself to the task.

It didn't take long for Dave to notice. At first, it was the occasional, silent, sympathetic pass of a juice box whenever she fucked up a stitch or groaned back sobs of irritation. When Rose started forgetting to eat, Dave would every time, without fail, slide a lunchable and a handful of oreos onto her lap before wordlessly sliding away.

The kicker was the consistency. At night, every night, Rose often feels so distressed and tired from knitting that she passes out at her desk, a work in progress scarf spilling out of her lap and twisting around her ankles. But in the morning, every morning, she wakes up with a blanket tucked tight to her shoulders and Dave's wiry arms loosely clutched around her waist. It became a nightly tradition that neither of them would ever acknowledge verbally.

And it was strangely sweet. Rose wanted to rip out her hair.

And now the same asshole who silently wraps her in blankets and feeds her forgetfulness just stole her god damned mystery box.

“Oh, woah, sorry not sorry” Dave boasts and boosts his cart forward, chortling obscenely, and Rose chews back her frown.

It isn't long until she catches up, though, knocking his dumb ass right the fuck over with a blue shell she had been saving. Saving just for this glorious, glorious moment. She screeches ahead of him with a cackle as Dave screams from the other side of the couch, and soon, oh soon, John was the only thing standing between her and victory.

They exchange outrageous quantities of smack talk, John taunting her viciously and Jade screaming expletives Rose has never even heard of in the desperate struggle to get back to first place. John seems to be winning at first, but in the critical moment just seconds from the finish line, Rose is sent exactly what she needs.

Mutie, that sweet, beloved, precious cat jumps down from the tops of the couch. He lands with little tiny paws too cute, too holy, and too perfect to exist that smack straight into Johns controller and flings him right into the hills. John screeches at the top of his _lungs_ , Dave and Jade collapsing into themselves with a groan, and Rose cackles when she seizes the finish line.

She instantly breaks into a victorious grin, her friends groaning in defeat around her, and she instantly drops her controller to nuzzle Mutie softly in appreciation.

John grumbles into the air, stroking the cats back roughly. “Look what you've done to Dr. Meowgon,” he whines, and Mutie purrs against his wrist softly. He looks up at Rose with a heart melting pout, but Rose has no heart to melt. “You've corrupted him into your tiny, Mario Cart _minion_. What is wrong with you! How are you raising our child like this?”

“I've done no such thing,” Rose digs her nose deep into Muties black fur. He smell vaguely of fresh kill, but Rose is trying to focus on the positives here. “He simply knows where the true allegiance lies.”

John mocks her sentence back at her, which Rose playfully rolls her eyes at. He keeps pouting and whining, all up until Mutie nuzzles himself against his hand lovingly.

It's then that he darts up looking completely enamored, gasping audibly. “Aw! Look!” He coos, scooping up Mutie and cradling him like a baby. “He misses his one true parent!!”

“Oh, hush. He likes me best” Rose smirks into his shoulder, scratching Mutie behind the ears, and Dave scoffs from the far end of the couch.

“Oh please, Rose,” he rolls his eyes. “I'm the one he claws awake at 6:00 am every god damned morning to feed him. He may be slowly skinning me alive, but the dedication obviously means i'm the favorite.”

“Well, I don't care who's the favorite! I'm _allergic_ ,” Jade scrunches up her nose. She had been scooting farther backward into Dave every time the cat even looked at her. Every time the cat even glanced at her, with his giant, beautiful kitteny eyes. She holds her head away, gripping the wiimote tightly and shuddering. “Whoever the the favorite is should carry him far away from me!”

“What?? But Muties cool,” John gasps, darting his head up and clutching Mutie tight to his chest in defense. Jade makes a blugh noise, pulling her knees to her chest, and John nuzzles even farther into his fur. “Oh, Whatever Jade,” he scoffs. “We should kick you out. Mutie could be your cooler replacement.”

“Roooose,” Jade whines. “Tell John to take the cat upstairs.” She shakes Rose lightly by the shoulder and points to John, who frowns in kind.

“Roooose, tell Dave to take the cat upstairs,” John whines right back, using Muties paw to point to Dave.

“Roooose, over my gorgeous, dead body,” Dave pops another popcorn kernel into his mouth nonchalantly. Rose knew right there and then that it must be him. She grins slyly, leaning over Jades lap and into Dave's personal space.

“Dave, oh favorite one,” Rose rolls her eyes, furrowing her eyebrows. “Won't you spare sweet Jade's allergies and deliver Mutie up the stairs?”

“No fucking way,” Dave says simply, “I'm not touching that thing.” Rose has many tricks up her sleeve that she is fully prepared to deploy, many involving embarrassing middle school picture scrapbooks, but unfortunately there is no need. John comes to her rescue.

“Dave,” John says, and he holds up the cat high into the air from under his cute little cat armpits. His large cat eyes peer around with what Rose regards as vague discomfort, but all cats expressions pretty much look the same, so who knows, he could just be hungry or something. John sways him gently in the air for emphasis.

“Don't fight it,” John whispers, and thats it. The cat stares into Dave and Dave stares back.

Rose doesn't know what Dave saw in that cats eyes that day. But he crumpled. He crumpled immediately.

He just grumbles, wordlessly snatching the beast out of John's arms and cradles him like a baby. Rose hears him march up the stairs, a tiny frown on his face as he mutters nonsense into his fur, and she laughs.

John is skin tight against her, Jade's energy is infectious, and Rose feels her heart sink to a bottom of a pit over these terribly wonderful people she can't have.

~ ~ ~

Jade was the first to fall. She is out like a fucking light, I mean, straight out of this world with her scrawny limbs sprawled all out and over the couch and her hair spilling into the floor. She went the full mile—snoring, drooling, muttering—and absolutely no one was heartless enough to move her. They agreed that getting a shit ton of blankets and toughing it out on the floor was the only way.

They kept their voices low as they hovered over her, disputing quietly about how they're going to sleep, until Dave yawns in defeat.

“What if I just took a fucking shower?” Dave stretches, tucking a quilt over Jade's shoulders lightly. “What if I just took a fucking shower right fucking now?”

John snorts. “Its four in the fucking morning, dude,” he whispers back, and Rose smooths her hand through Jades hair thoughtfully. Dave shrugs.

“Yeah, and my hair is fucking filthy, dude,” he clutches at his choppy locks for emphasis, pulling it out dramatically for them to examine. “Do you see these streaks of grease? I have a reputation to uphold here.”

John shoves him away playfully, and Dave stumbles over himself, laughing.“I'm gonna go,” he rolls his eyes, already starting down the hallway. He turns back once after he grabs the door to look at Rose suspiciously, a single eyebrow raised. “Rose, i'm serious right now, okay? If you have any last minute make up you wanna grab before I venture on my naked soapy journey get it now because that door is about to be so bolted.”

John looks between the two of them suspiciously, but Rose groans and crosses her arms. “It seems as if my usual urges to _paint my entire face at four in the morning_ have faded for now, thank you,” she snaps back dryly, shooing him along with her hands. “Hurry along before they rise again.”

Dave makes mimics what she says in a high pitched voice before quickly dashing into the bathroom, because he is just so absolutely charming. Rose sighs heavily, but the second Dave is out of view she nudges John's arm. He nudges her back and snaps up with an amused smirk.

“What happened with you, Dave, and the bathroom?” John raises an eyebrow, shoving a thumb in the direction Dave scrambled off in loosely Rose ignores the surge of shame and irritation pulsing  through her. She, instead, sighs, shakes her head, and looks up with the full intention of completely ignore what he just asked.

“I have something for you,” Rose deflects so fucking hardcore. She chuckles softly and digs through her jacket pocket, shuffling through crumples sticky notes and gum until she finally pulls out a handful of red sharpies. She grins at John, eyebrows raised, flickering her eyes between him and Jade lying sprawled on the couch. He looks at her with an expression so god damn warm that it would melt raw iron.

“Oh my god, we’re drawing on Jades face,” he gasps, one eyebrow raised, grasping at the markers loosely in Rose's hands to inspect them. Rose nods.

“Yes, we are.”

“Dude, these are all red,” John furrows his eyebrows, but then the realization clicks and his head snaps up. “We’re drawing on Jade’s face and then blaming it on Dave.”

“Yes,” Rose uncaps the red marker, something mischievous in her eyes when she tucks it into John's palm. “We _are_.”

“Dude,” John clutches the marker with boyish enthusiasm, already rushing toward Jades freshly christened doodle board of a body.

She looks so peaceful, so serene, so innocent. They are monsters.

“I fucking love you,” John kisses Rose on the cheek quickly and sweetly, drawing his first line across the bridge of Jade's nose, and soon Rose darts down to do the same.

~ ~ ~

Dave takes really long showers. I mean, really fucking long showers. It's already been half a fucking hour and John and Rose have already officially run out of Jade skin to scribble on. There she is, sprawled out on the couch, completely decked in half a dozen dicks, a realistic rendition of Nicolas Cage's face, and at least fourteen thousand sweet bros. It is beautiful. It is magnificent. It is probably going to result in some serious ink poisoning.

Rose ditched her jacket to the floor twenty minutes ago and markers are spraying out of the pockets like an inky waterfall. She intertwines her fingers with John's beside her, leaning back to admire their work on a glass table that is far too delicate to support their heavy butts.

They sit cross legged like they were in the third grade again, drawing superheroes in the dirt with tiny fidgeting fingers on the playground. They're listening to the soft sounds of the water from Dave's shower sprinkling in the distance and the soft click of the ceiling fan, staring proudly at their masterpiece, and Rose falls into John's shoulder.

“I used to scribble on the walls like this when I was a kid,” she sighs softly in the silence, trapped in nostalgia, tangled in sudden surging memories of bright red markers on bright white walls. She fiddles with John's fingers against the glass table and stares at a beautiful patch of squiddle warriors scribbled sloppily onto Jade's arm. “and I would always blame Dave.”

She slides her eyes back to John, who sits still with an amused expression, listening attentively. He tilts his head back, “You got away with it?”

Rose shrugs. “We were very picky children. He never chose a color that wasn't red, and I never chose a color that wasn't purple. I figured I had, at the very least, a decent chance at being believed.”

“Wow, you're a dick,” John leans into her with a laugh, and he always laughs so genuinely, with a smile that shows all of his goofy teeth. He bumps his shoulder into hers playfully and Rose snorts.

“Why, thank you,” she flips her hair sarcastically, grinning back at him. “You’re too kind! I believe my face is flushing. How skilled with your compliments, John.” He lets out a pfft sound and grips at her hand tightly.

“Oh shush, you guys are fucking mean,” John rolls his eyes. “Seriously! I think the worst I've ever done to Jade was like, put mayonnaise in her toothpaste?” he thinks about it for a second, fondly, but waving it away when he turns back to face her. “Anyway, did it really ever work?”

“Only once,” Rose admits with a shrug. “And then he urinated in my shampoo bottle.”

“Oh my god,” John clamps a hand over his mouth, immediately spits into a tiny fit of chortling again, throwing his weight against her in suppressed gaspy giggles. Rose rolls her eyes and shushes him with a smile to avoid waking up Jade. Soon, John snorts end with a breathy, happy sigh that strikes Rose suddenly in the gut.

Spinning her eyes to the floor, she briefly swishes the idea of confessing to him around in her head. She chews at her cheeks, and John always looks at her like he's always one breath away from calling her the wind beneath his wings or something. It piles into goopy nausea in the pit of Roses stomach, and Dave hid her knitting needles this morning so god fucking damnit why not.

She's so very tired of secrets. She takes a deep breath.

“John,” she mutters, and here goes nothing. She pulls herself away from his arm to sit parallel to him. “I need to talk to you.”

John raises his eyebrows, gesturing subtly for her to go on. His stupid goofy expression makes Rose feels a little crushed on the inside and she lets out a sigh.

“I'm afraid I have errored on the account of faithfulness,” she says slowly, and John doesn't react. His expression doesn't change at all. Did he not hear her? Rose clears her throat and continues, sliding her eyes to meet his. “John. I totally cheated on you with Jade.”

John suddenly gasps, his mouth forming into a weirdly delighted “oh”, and wow this is really not taking the turn Rose expected at all. She scrunches her eyebrows, straightens her back, struggling to recall how she rehearsed this and takes another breath. “I deeply regret my actions, and while it breaks my heart. I completely understand if you wish to discontinue our—”

“Yes!!! Jade, is going to be so _broke_ ,” John cuts her off with a laugh, clenching a fist at Jade sprawled out on the couch menacingly. Rose blinks. What.

“What,” she verbalizes, staring blankly between the two, and John pfffts.

“Oh my gosh, Rose,” he rolls his eyes, Rose frowning in a glorious mixture of bewildered and confused, but he goes on. “I already know you and Jade uh...” he makes several vague gestures with his hands, but gives up with a shrug. “...did...you know, things??”

“Sex, John.” Rose looks him dead in the eye, speaking flatly. “I had sex with your cousin. You know?”

“Oh, please, Rose,” John gives her a small push. “Eleven fucking scarves.”

Rose widens her eyes, snapping her head to the side. “Damn,” she mutters, eyes wandering the floor in thought. Just, _damn_. “I suppose I need less glaringly obvious nerve tells.”

“Well, I mean,” John shifts, laughing at her lightly. “Okay, it probably helped that Jade already had her guilty confession session with me.”

“Oh, of course she did,” Rose rolls her eyes with a soft chuckle, parking her chin into her hand. She tilts her head toward him, eyebrows slanted upward, uncertainty read in the quirks of her lips. “Well...in any case, any feelings of discontent or trust in this relationship are understood. If..if you want to—”

Without warning, John's scrawny noodle arms fling around her into an unexpected bear hug that would crush a lumberjack. Before she knows it, she's choking on 100 percent cotton, and John is patting her back roughly.

“Shut your stupid, beautiful face, Rose,” He declares, and Rose can't fucking believe this. John snuggles her deeper into his cottony bosom, and she chokes for breath, still unbelieving this.

“It's like Troy Bolton said, dude. We're all in this together,” he nods into her shoulder, and Rose struggles to breathe. She just can't believe this. Actually, she who is she kidding, this is the same boy that somehow managed to flawlessly incorporate 20 straight minutes of ghostbusters dialogue into his spanish presentation and still actually pass the class. She can totally believe this.

“There's more—” Rose tries to speak, nearly gagging her tongue off at the mention of Dave. But her cheek squishes against Johns pillowy noodle chest when he crushes her further, and Rose can tell he's probably had this speech prepared for awhile. So she holds her tongue and let's him roll on.

“It's ok! You fucked up! We all fuck up,” he continues, squeezing, and Rose yearns for the days where she could remember what air felt like in her lungs. “You know, just the fact that you came to me to talk about it makes everything a lot better. Honestly, things have been pretty weird lately, and i'm only surprised that you broke first?”

“Oh,” Rose chokes. Seconds later, and John finally pulls her away to look her in the eyes, all sincere and determined-looking from his embrace. Rose pulls away with her hair a freshly tangled mop and choking over herself in a desperate struggle to regain her breath. She gives herself a final, sturdy cough, pounding oxygen back to her blood and looking up at John weakly.

“So, you're not....” Rose pauses, folding her hands into her lap when her breath settles. “You're not angry? You're not even going to sternly scold me?”

“Nah, I’ve been thinking about it. I understand.”John laughs nudging her shoulder with his. He furrows his eyebrows, squeezing at Rose's hand against the glass table. “But I AM mad that you didn't tell me immediately, so, like, no kisses for a week.”

Rose feels her frown bubble into a smile, and she darts back with a mocking gasp, palm raised to her lips in delighted shock. “John! How cruel.”

“I know, I know,” John shrugs, goofy grin, dusting off his shoulders all casual and heavy fake sighs. “But sometimes you just gotta be tough in this cold world.”

Rose snorts, a few small relieved sounds that can't help but burst out of her, and she feels fifty times more light than before. She fiddles with his fingers in her hand, breathing out, and it's like ten tons of stress breaths out with her. John nudges her shoulder.

“Okay, also” he starts out, turning sheepishly to his side. “While we're laying everything out, I should probably mention that I kissed Dave. But I can explain—!"

“I know,” Rose rolls her eyes, grinning smugly. John's face falls flat.

“How—” John starts, eyebrows furrowed, but Rose cuts him off curtly with an eyebrow wiggle.

“Jade,” she laughs, and John's face drops entirely.

“Oh my god,” John darts his eyes to his cousin on the couch in disbelief. “Oh my god, Jade has such a big fucking mouth” he hisses into the air, clenching his fists, and Rose laughs at him.

“Is this where your legendary sexuality crisis occurred?” She raises her eyebrows, squeezing his shoulder playfully. “A tender embrace under the soft screenlit glow of luigi tossing banana peels?”

“Okay, no,” John makes a small disgusted noise and turns away, crossing his arms. “And it was King Boo, okay? But jokes on you it happened in your room.”

Rose winks and John looks like he hates her, nose twisted into a scrunch.

“Would you like to explain to me,” he mopes, shaking his head into his arms. “Why the entire planet knows everything about my love life before me??”

“No one wants to wound your fragile and delicate feelings, dear,” rose flutters her eyelashes. She strokes his arm softly for emphasis and John bats her hand away.

“A man cries at tinkerbell one fucking time,” he whines, and dives his head into her shoulder. Rose laughs, chuckling dainty and sweet at his misery and rolling her hand into his hair. She can't help but adore how goofy he is, and he huffs out loud at her cooing mockery.

“Well, how about this?” John lifts his head, uncrossing his arms and planting them back on the glass table. “Did you know I kissed Jade today?”

“No,” Rose hums. A knowing smirk plays onto her lips when she turns to face him. “But I'm not particularly astonished. You _have_ noticed everything getting progressively, irritatingly more complicated between all of us?”

“I know right!” John exclaims with a gasp, smacking her arm with his hand. “Oh my god! who’s even done who so far? It’s like we need a fucking scorekeeper.”

“I'l form an ad on craigslist,” Rose nods solemnly. “Someone to stand by with a clipboard keeping record of who's screwed who would certainly come in handy these days.” She lets out a tiny laugh, sinking into John's shoulder, and they share a tiny fit of goofy laughter.

She wraps her fingers around John’s arm when their laughter settles, her soft smile beginning to harden into a mischievous one. “So,” she holds him in her grip, light enough to tell him she's harmless, but hard enough to say you cannot escape this conversation no matter what you do, you cannot run, you cannot hide, she will find you. She stares him down. “Enlighten me about your newfound, undying attraction to your cousin.”

John bolts backward, just a little bit, but his mouth flings open, and he scrambles to defend himself. “No it wasn't like that!!” He gasps, spinning his head to turn to Jade and then back to Rose. “It was like, a revenge kiss! For her kissing you!”

“Mhm,” Rose nods, smirking, and John whines.

“Rose, no,” he insists, and gives her a tiny shove that doesn't even budge her. “Thats like me asking you if you find your brother attractive!”

Rose tightens her lips, furrowing her eyebrows painfully, but she's quick on her feet and lets out a tiny scoff. “Why, who doesn't?” She bats her eyes, smiling all coy and watches John's frown intensify. “After all, he's simply a more masculine version of me. I’d have to be blind not to recognize our outrageous sex appeal,” she insists, one palm pressed to her chest dryly.

“Oh my god, shut up,” John rolls his eyes, “I will tickle you, Rose, I swear I’ll do it. I'm not attracted to my cousin!"

Rose winks.“I'm attracted to your cousin,” she laughs. John lets out a battle cry and tackles her over the table.

Their butts slide off of the table and dangerously crash to the floor, and through the will of fucking God, that glass table did not shatter. It wobbled—or dare I say—defied _every god damn known law to fucking gravity ever_ , shucking all of the items casually laying atop it flinging to the floor in a wild frenzy.

Jade's yiff me mug is the first to spiral to the floor, splashing water onto the carpet in a fluid motion and soaking so much of it before rolling beneath another table and into another dimension. Wiimotes, papers, coasters—everything flew off of the table including John and Rose, but Rose can’t seem to find the will to care, right now.

They collide into the carpet with a heavy _thud_ , laughing and screaming as he slides his hands all over her skin. Rose lets out a series of gaspy giggles, shrieking and clutching wildly at every bit of vulnerable skin he could possibly target. John's fingers fly across her sides and her thighs and her neck, lightly poking at every patch of exposed skin that they can, laughter filling the air as the tickles send jolts and shivers throughout her body. She kicks her feet wildly but John is a unrelenting and merciless tickling machine.

Only minutes into John's ruthless reign, she finally manages to grab a tight hold of his arm and yank him to the floor roughly. He screams as he falls and she laughs triumphantly, his nose smacking face flat into the floor beside her.

Rose can't see Jade from where she's laying, but she's pretty damn certain Jade just slept through it all. That hardcore bitch.

John chokes out a laugh, rolling to his side and full of breathy laughter and bright eyes crinkled from smiles and amusement. He flips himself onto his back, staring at the wooden ceiling and panting heavily. He looks at Rose, bright and beautiful, something that Rose will never admit turns her bones into fine mush.

“You know,” John laughs in between hard breaths. “Whatever you've done to your house, I think I like it! It's way more spacey.”

Roses winces, still all breathlessness and panting from exhaustion. But her smile, breathing in and out, chest rising and falling, fades into a contemplative hum, and her eyes drift south.

She's kept too many things from him long enough, and she's so, so tired of secrets. Her face feels flushed and warm from the tickle fight, and she takes another deep breath.

“John,” she exhales, and how bad could this possibly go? She turns her head to the side, locking eyes. “There's a reason there's so much more space around, you know.”

John laughs, squeezing at her palms, and suddenly this is so much harder than she thought it might be. John looks at her in amusement, eyebrows sliding upward, and he snorts.“What, are you secretly selling all your moms stuff and opening up a mom stuff black market?”

“No, but that is an excellent idea,” Rose laughs, and she's confident. No she's not. She's not at all. But she can pretend to be confident. She takes a deep breath, leveling out her breathing, and here's goes absolutely everything. She looks him lovingly in the eyes, all blue and bright on her basement floor, and drops her subtle smirk hesitantly.

“I'm moving,” she mutters, and John's eyes snap open.

“What?” He darts up, and Rose wants to take it all back right then. She briefly contemplates pretending it’s a joke, but how fucked up would that be, right?

“To Texas,” she slides her eyes back to the floor, and John's only getting paler.

“ _What?_ ” He repeats, and he looks so confused, so lost, and shit this is really fucking heartbreaking.

“In the summer,” Roses eyes are pinned to the floor and she can just feel the air in the room drop. John lets go of her hand, slowly scrambling to sit up. His eyes hadn't left her face, but she winces to meet them.

“Rose, that's really far really soon,” he says, his voice breaking just a little toward the end. Rose chews at her cheeks, propping herself up by her elbows to take his arms.

“I...,” she stutters out some meaningless sounds, but what can she even say? She wanted to delay this for so long. So she purses her lips, taking his arm again lightly. “I know.”

“I mean, you grew up here!” He exclaims, eyes wide, hand tangling through his hair. “I mean, Rose, we all grew up here. _Why_?”

“It's my mother,” Rose hurries to explain, and she knows it won't help, but she's trying. “She has business there. It's... also very likely much healthier for her to move away from where Dirk died.”

John doesn't say anything, he just  exhales and  slumps onto her shoulder heavily, and Rose flings a hand around his neck to support his sudden weight. “Wow,” he whispers into her shoulder, and his voice sounds so weak and sad. “Dude, I'm really bummed.”

Rose doesn't know what to say, so she just holds him, sighing softly. She wraps her fingers idly around his wild black hair and feels a little sick. John clamps a hand around his mouth tightly and lets out a tiny sob.

“Uh,” he starts to choke up, trying to mumble through his bony fingers, “Rose, I don't think i'm taking this well?”

Something in Rose sinks, and she wraps her arms tighter around him. She feels her bottom lip involuntarily begin to tremble, and truly, she just doesn't know what to do.  “Shit,” he says, and his voice even cracks as he says it. He returns her hug tightly, pressing his forehead to her shoulder with this stupid puppy dog sadness that made Rose want to kick herself.

Rose totally regrets everything. She presses her cheek to his neck, softly, sadly, and can't bring herself to say anything. She strokes his back in little circles until his breathing slows.

He’s finally starting to calm down, but it all goes downhill when they hear the faucet squeak to a halt and John snaps his head up with unfortunate realization.

“Oh, god _damnit_ , that means Dave's moving too!” he groans, sinking back into Rose's shoulder. “Aw _man_.”

A couple minutes of John clinging to Rose choking back sobs, and Dave steps out of the bathroom in his terrible heart printed onesie and a layer of condensation still present on his shades. Rose is going to so kick his ass when this is over.

He walks almost all the way over, eyes glazing over the two of them in confusion, but his feet only halt when he sees the glass table mess. He has to park his shades on top of his head in order to really take it in.“The fuck?” He mouths, eyes travelling quickly between the overturned cups and remotes to the scattered papers. Finally, he spots John clung against Rose's frame and raises his eyebrows in confusion. Rose tightens her lips at him.

“Rose, what—” he exclaims at first, but falls into a whisper when he remembers Jade's unconscious tangle of mass on the couch. He doesn't even comment on her status as a human doodle dickboard, he just swivels his head back to Rose and John and recoils back a little.

“Rose, why the fuck is John crying?” He furrows his eyebrows. “Did you show him my middle school photo album? Because you fucking swore—”

“Dave, no,” Rose darts her eyes between Dave and the back of John's head in a desperate attempt to communicate without making herself speak. “I...just told him.”

“Fuck,” Dave's eyebrows rocket upward, and he freezes in his tracks. Rose now takes the time to really soak in the fact that he's wearing a onesie in such a trying time, and then immediately really regrets taking the time to think about it. God, it had tiny heart prints. God.

“Wait, okay, the summer thing, or...” Dave stumbles over his words, gesturing to his crotch indiscreetly. “You know. The unfortunate thing.”

Rose almost fucking gags. “The first thing, Dave, are you kidding me?” She glares, and Dave takes the time to suck in the air through his teeth.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath, twice, three times. In a snap, he slides to his knees in front of them urgently, arms outstretched. “John come here you fat sack of ass, we're doing this,” he monotones.

John takes a breath, pulling from Rose's arms sheepishly to face him, and that's when Dave strikes. He yanks him into a strong hug, squeezing John into his chest with a tight frown. John stiffens at first, but it isn't long until he grips him back, smooshing his head onto his shoulder.

“Geez, sorry, this is embarrassing,” John mutters with a breathy laugh into Dave's shoulder, and Rose can see he's trying so hard to keep his smile, but also that he's losing that battle so hard.

“No, dude, crying's great,” Dave insists. He pats his back in soft strokes, parking his chin into the nape of John's neck with a sigh. “It's like evacuating your feelings onto the dance floor. Just blubber it on out, bro, you'll feel better.”

“Oh, please,” John mutters, but then he makes one of those soft choking crying sounds. He mumbles several expletives, gripping the back of Dave's shirt tightly, before it all crashes out in giant breathy sobs that crush Rose to the core.

The tears spill out like a faucet, and John is gonna fill a god damned swimming pool. Dave pats his back in smooth, rhythmic motions, and Rose strokes delicate fingers into his hair. He sobs for a minute or two, steady, until Dave mumbles into his neck.

“See?” He laughs, and John groans in annoyance. Sobby, sniffling annoyance. Dave grasps at his hair, mumbling into his neck. “Let it all out, man,” he says, “You don’t have to be embarrassed. News like this fuckin sucks.”

John--after punching him on the back irritably--he sobs a little more, and they sit sorta quiet like that for a while. John mumbles out the occasional quiet “ugh my stupid blind eyes are all teary,” and “guys im FINE my face just DOES THIS,” but no one responds to him past small faint smiles.

Dave and Rose lock eyes, mutually concerned expressions darting rapidly between John and each other in rapid succession. With Dave's shades parked on top of his forehead, it's much easier for Rose to see the deep set dark circles around his eyes, and she briefly wonder if they’re because of her.

Dave catches her eyes studying his softly, and he sighs. He shakes his heads at her, mouthing the words _we can, under no god damn circumstances, tell him about the unfortunate handjob_ , which she mouths back with a hard frown, _The unfortunate handjob? Really?_ , to which he mouths back _don't you snap at me, you made john cry I will call the unfortunate handjob what I want._

Rose rolls her eyes, and Dave slinks he looks back down at John. “Faster back pats Rose,” he says dryly, and shakes his head. “Don't you know how this works? Who raised you?”

John lets out a tiny laugh between sobs at this, clenching his teeth and pulling away from Dave lightly. He wipes at his eyes with the heel of his palms and lets out another bout of shaky laughter, Rose clutching his arm for his stability. Dave keeps his hands on John's shoulders, fingers pressed down in concern, and gives him a stern look.

“You feeling any better homie?” He asks, and Rose is actually kind of struck by how serious he looks. John shakes his head, smiling like this is the most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to him.

“Not really, but you guys are really sweet,” he says, and Dave nods understandingly. Rose clutches at her skin with one hand, reaching out to touch his arm with the other.

“John,” She pauses, gripping his arm lightly. She takes a wobbly breath. “I wish I...” She trails off, and she wants to say she's sorry, obviously, that she should have told him sooner. The words are right on her tongue, but John cuts her off before she can continue with a gentle kiss on the cheek and a weak laugh.

“Oh stop, you're fine,” he waves her away casually. His eyes are all wet and bright and Rose feels so heartbroken, but he gives her another kiss to the cheek. “I still love you, dumbass,” he follows up.

John collapses backward onto the carpet with a sigh, and Rose winces as he unfortunately thunks right into the exact spot where the water soaked the carpet. He doesn't say anything at first when his head hits the water, just tightens his lips and let's out a grossed out, pained groan. But he doesn't even move.

“If its cool with you guys, I think I'm just fall asleep right here on your damp carpet?” He grumbles, lips tightening into a frown as his head no doubt absorbs all of the gross carpet water. He's flat on his back, arms spread out like a starfish, and he closes his eyes. “I don't really feel like moving.”

“Shucks yo, don't even ask,” Dave gestures to the floor openly, grabbing some blankets from the corner of the couch and tossing them over John’s body. “Mi damp carpet es tu damp carpet, dude.”

Rose is practically shaking when she stands up to flicks off the lights. She stops at Jade’s couch and rolls a hand through her hair, softly, lightly, like a non verbal goodnight wish. When she thinks about having to tell the same news to her, anxiety burns a hole in her gut and she promptly flicks off the light. With a sigh, she dives back on the floor next to Dave and John, wiggling under the blankets and squishing onto the damp carpet.

A half hour later, and Rose still can't sleep. It's pitch dark black and quiet, but she's kept awake by all her thoughts. Her thoughts, Jade's soft, rhythmic snoring, and the sounds of Dave muttering small words of comfort against Johns forehead. Rose's fingers tremble viciously for a pair of knitting needles.

Also, funky town is stuck her head, and no matter what she sings to herself in her head she cannot for the life of her drown it out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets play how many fucking side profiles can i draw of rose in one entire fanfiction


	13. gay 2: the gay strikes back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <3 X2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! oh my god did you know someone super sweet and super cool made a fanmix for this fanfiction?? well then hey look at this!!: http://8tracks.com/caddyl/shut-up-and-take-my-fucking-hand by caddyl.
> 
> god if that isn’t the sweetest damn thing. look at it. shout out 2 u dude, i love you.

 

_WHAP._

_WHAP WHAP._

_WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP._

Johns eyes flutter the fuck open. Through his vague, sleepy traces of thought, he can just barely sort of faintly register that something is slamming horribly against his bedroom window. But right now, it’s dark. It’s dark and his head is heavy, so he doesn't fucking care if it’s  _God_ tapping on his window, that motherfucker can just sit this one the fuck _out_. He squeezes his eyes shut again, turning irritably to his side and trying to block out the sounds through the forces of sheer willpower.

_WHAP._

Okay the forces of sheer willpower are doing jack fucking squat.

_WHAP_

_WHAP WHAP_

John squeezes his pillow tightly over his head.

_WHAP_

God. Damn.

_WHAP_

_WHAP_

_CRASHHHHHH_

John’s eyes snap open, and approximately half a second later he hears the distant and horrendous cry of a panicked “ _OH FUCK_.”

God. God, he knows that familiar frantic _i-completely-screwed-up_ shouting combined with that stupid window breaking tendency all too well. John whips his head sleepily toward the window. There is hell in his eyes.

“‘I’m gonna do it,” John grits his teeth and throws his pillow down. ”Today's the day I finally kill Dave.”

With a dramatic sigh, he swings his legs over the bed, pressing his foot hard onto the carpet without thinking. His foot instantly brushes against something sharp and cold and--he squints through the darkness—and is that—is that broken fucking glass on his beautiful fucking carpet? He nudges it with his toe and yeah, yup, that's broken fucking glass on his beautiful fucking carpet.

He rolls his eyes open, stumbling to adjust to the darkness—but he's able to make out the vague shapes of shattered window and the vague shape of what he assumes is a rock laying in the center. Turning toward his window he sees, yeah, uh huh, a nice cracked and jagged hole right in the center of his once beautiful window.

Honestly, Dave’s accidentally done weirder. Like the time he literally burned a dick-shaped hole through fourteen of John’s shirts, or the time he landed them both in detention because he literally picked John up over his head and threatened to physically throw him into another student, or the time he tried to engage in a freestyle rap battle with the principal. Can John even really be mad at this point? After all of these shenanigans? After all of this? The answer is yes. Yes, absolutely.

He groans, shuffling gently around a mess he can barely fucking see until he reaches his tragically ruined window. He promptly yanks it open with all of his noodle arm might, flinching when the chilly night air crawls across his skin like ice. He squints down, and wow yeah, there he is, asshole of the day, the blurry figure of Dave Strider grinning somewhat nervously with his hands tucked tightly into his jean pockets. A small pile of rocks lay around his feet and John is going to strangle that boy, he’s going to fucking do it and no fucking jury would convict him.

“Dude,” John drags a hand down his face, no doubt setting a record for sighing the deepest sigh a man could possibly sigh. He parks his elbows on the edge of the window sill and peers down with nothing in his eyes but fresh, revolted disappointment. “What the fuck.”

“Uh,” Dave lets out a shaky laugh and--wait, god, is that asshole wearing shades? is that asshole really wearing shades in the middle of the night when it is pitch fucking dark outside i mean-- Dave points vaguely toward John.  “I think your window’s broken.”

“Thanks. Thank you,” John squints through the dark, desperately trying to make out the blurry figure of his asshole jerk garbage friend. The world is a cruel, dark place without his glasses. Dave seems to shrug his shoulders up nonchalantly, or at least John thinks he is?? He can’t see at all. It’s an action he would most likely doing at this moment in time.

“Well, now that I've made my incredibly charming introduction, you got a minute?” Dave wiggles his eyebrows in a manner he probably thinks is cool, but it is not, because it is some ungodly hour of the night and there is a large hole in John’s window.

John lets out a defeated sigh, parking his palms into his cheeks against the window sill gently. He stares into the cool night air for a second or two, then kind of figures that squinting around at everything just isn’t gonna cut it. So he grumbles a grumpy   _“give me a fucking moment”_ into his palm and quickly darts back inside.

He wraps his fingers around his glasses on the desk and slides them on. Instantly, the broken glass and rocks scattered on his floor are crystal clear and god why the fuck. He tip toes around the wreckage with the delicate nature of a fairy princess and sticks his head out of the window again, once more feeling that tremendous springy chill of May. Dave is still there, except now his dumb expression is visible with unfortunately perfect clarity now. He’s wearing a gaudy christmas sweater.

It is. The middle. _Of May_.

“Did you ever pay for Jades window, by the way?” John settles the glasses on the bridge of his nose, leaning his bare forearms on the windows edge, and Dave shuffles his feet in a way that tells him everything.

“Look man,” he says, and god that’s always one big ‘dave is about to deflect the fact that he fucked up!’ tell if John ever knew one. ”I don't like to dwell on the past,” he shrugs, and yeah, sure you don’t you vandalizing mountain of overflowing garbage.

“You totally didn’t,” John tosses him an incredulous look. “You’re totally ignoring it.”

“That is past nonsense, John. And the past is something that we literally just established that I don’t dwell in. Pay attention.”

“Okay,” John rolls his eyes, raising his arms lightly to pull down his shattered window. “Well good luck with that. Goodnight, asshole.”

“Hey--hey, hey hey hey, woah, fuck no,” Dave waves his arms around, and he looks so goofy from all the way down there. “Stop that. I’m serious, put your stupid scrawny arms down right now. You’re taking a walk with me.”

John sighs. He sighs so hard. Honestly, his relationship to Dave is just one massive sigh at this point? Dave himself is the human embodiment of someone exhaling irritably. But he looks down at this terrible boy, dressed warmly in that his stupid and genuinely distressing gaudy christmas sweater and his stupid, terrible shades and he just can’t believe this.

“Dave, god.” John sighs at last, rubbing his eyes, “What time is it?”

“Time for you to take a walk with me.”

“Dave.”

“John.”

John shakes his head, because Dave is an embarrassment, and raises his wrist to his face. He squints to make out the numbers on his fathers birthday watch--Why did he go to sleep with this thing on? Because he’s a damn good son, that’s why--and when the numbers register, John almost screams.

“Dave!" He throws his fists down.

"John!" Dave throws his fists up.

John flings his hands over the window sill. "It’s _three in the fucking morning._ ”

“Yeah, also known as: ‘the time John shimmies his dumb ass down the balcony and takes a walk with me’ time.”

“No,” John says flatly. “That’s not what it’s known as at all. Why the _fuck_ are you here?”

John squints through the dark to give him a look, and Dave instantly lets out a sigh. He takes a moment to rock his heels back, running his bony fingers through patches of sandy hair, and John quickly runs his eyes over the dots of freckles on his arms. He flickers his eyes back down when Dave starts to raise his head up, and his hands begin to follow his words hurriedly. “Okay dude, the things like this,” Dave says at last, and John instinctively tightens his lips. He knows where this shit festival is going.

“I know your feelings have been six feet down a dumpster,” Dave frowns, and ugh, here we go, the _come-out-of-your-room-dude_ talk. John bites at his cheeks, eyes darting to the side heavy with guilt, but Dave just keeps going. “I can smell your depression with my gross best friend hyper super smell and it dies tonight, John. It dies.”

John doesn't say anything, so Dave does for him.

“You can’t hide the sads from me John. We’re talking about it.” Dave furrows his eyebrows and stares up. “So just shut the fuck up and just take this dumb three in the morning stroll with me, okay?”

John frowns, staring back. They kinda just look at each other for a minute, John peering into the dark abyss that are Dave’s ridiculous sunglasses, and presumably Dave peering back maybe? Who knows, i mean, John can’t fucking see shit past those things anyways, but regardless it’s kind of intense. And Dave looks so adamant about it and ugh, fucking ugh.

Finally, John gives in and groans, rolling his eyes and flinging his hands up.

“Ugh,” he squeezes his eyes shut and dangles his fingers over the window. “Fine!”

Dave bursts into a grin, and his sudden enthusiasm is so disgustingly heartwarming that John has to gag and shove his head back inside his room. “Let me get my shoes and glasses and whatever, and--ugh,” John kicks a fragment of window out of his path. “God.”

“What?” Dave shouts from below, and John shoves his head back out the window.

“Oh, I don't know Dave, maybe its all the glass on my floor!!!!”

“Oh yeah,” Dave shouts back. “I think I broke your window, by the way.”

John aims to kill when he yanks the nearest flip flop from off of his floor and chucks it at him.

~ ~ ~

John’s barely half way out of the door when Dave snatches him by the arm and drags him out.

He pulls him into the cold, laughing, all “ _fucking shuffle dude, it’s cold, do you want my pretty ass to freeze_.” He yanks him along in quick strides and John just barely manages to close the door behind him before they’re firmly on their merry way. It’s all mild outside, with only a slight chill rushing through John’s t-shirt sleeves and spreading over his skin from the wind. He sorta wishes he changed out of his pajamas, now--not like Dave was giving him any time to do that--and his skin is icy from the chill.

They walk for a little bit, John trying so hard to ask the basics. You know, questions, like, “where the fuck are we going” and “why are you wearing shades in the middle of the night,” but Dave is a persistently deflectant motherfucker and he always has been, so of course John gets absolutely no good fucking answer. He does, however, manage to confiscate Dave’s shades after the fourth damn streetlight he almost collided with.

There’s nothing that distracts you faster than an earful of Dave babble, so by the time John realizes they've even been walking for 20 minutes, he’s almost completely forgotten they even had a destination to start with. Dave’s all fast talking, full of gestures and no fucking answers what-so-ever, and John knows him well enough that he can see bits of nervousness peaking through the babble. Then, mid-sentence, completely without warning, Dave halts in his tracks and forces John to stumble into him.

“There it is,” Dave stares off to his left, and ugh god finally. At last. John glances over toward where he’s looking and

“The...playground” John stares. The playground? Yeah, it’s just the playground. Scratchy worn down swings and tons of words carved into plastic. John raises an eyebrow. “Okay, Dave?”

But before John can even turn to ask questions, Dave's straight up bee-lining for the slide, shouting loud enough to wake the dead and the deads neighbors as he sprints across the mulch.

The playground.

John shouts after him, but i mean, come on, it’s a playground, what was he thinking? no one can stop him. He rushes after him anyways, stepping onto the mulch softly, lips pursed to the side in confusion. He looks around.

His eyes sweep over the spinny tops and the worn swings and the monkey bars and oh sweet loving lord, here comes the god damn nostalgia train to smack straight first into him and break all of his bones. Sure enough, nostalgia crashes over him like a wave and suddenly, he feels small.

He stares at the dirt for a second, and thinks, yeah it’s probably the dirt. The dirt is good dirt, old dirt, dirt that many a second grader hath tread upon in hardcore games of _don't-touch-the-lava tag_ and _catch-me-if-you-can._ This was the elementary holy land, gap-toothed sanctuaries filled  with bruised knees, sun soaked smiles, and a million tiny limbs battling for the last good kickball. There’s always a rush of youthful air to the playground, like someone wraps your sense of age into a blanket and gently chucks it out the window, and really, playgrounds are downright magical.

He shouldn't be surprised. They still come here sometimes after all, but man, the feeling just _stays_. That feeling of air rushing through his hair as he freeze tagged some sucker was always going to linger here. John looks up at Dave, who had already climbed to the highest peak of the playground and wrapped his arms around the highest bars of the tallest slide, and he thinks he might start to see why he brought him here.

John sighs. He marches over, climbing up the dirty plastic slide instead of using the stairs because he may not be in elementary school anymore, but that is simply the only way to get to the top and everyone knows it. He ducks under the top bar connected to the slide and wiggles up to squeeze next to Dave.

John curls his fingers around the top of the slide next to Dave and looks around--oh shit, wow--he can see the whole playground from here. fuck, was it always like this? The streetlights cast heavy shadows over the swingsets and spinny deally thingies, all dark and heavy, but it’s not even creepy. It’s kind of really pretty.

He turns to Dave curiously, watching the wind roll through his stupid hair, and he looks so much more tired and raw without his silly shades on. Wind and nostalgia silently fill in the cracks of their conversation, and it’s quiet for a little bit, at least it is until Dave spins to his side.

“Hey, remember when I totally fucking owned at freeze tag back in the day?” Dave snorts. The tiny circles under his eyes are getting worse, but John doesn't say anything about it. Instead, he chokes out a laugh, punching him square in the arm.

“Uh, yeah, I remember you getting mulch shoveled down your pants and then you being sent to the nurse crying?”

“Haha, yeah.” Dave laughs out, breathing out into the dark, parking his face into his elbows. “Totally owned it.”

John quirks his mouth into a faint smile and he sinks down to sit at the top of the slide. He pushes off scratchy plastic with rough hands to hurl himself downward--and it’s way too small for his ass, now, but just as fun as he remembered! His feet touch the mulch with grace, and he instantly spins around with a grin.

“Okay, Dave,” John says, looking up at Dave from the edge of the slide. Dave looks down at him from the top, standing with his hand propping his cheek up with a raised eyebrow. John raises his hands with a shrug. “I give up.”

“What?” Dave snorts, and John adjusts himself.

“I mean,” John parks his ass on the edge of the slide, crossing his legs. “I give up trying to guess what your deal is. Why did you bring me here at three am on a school night, dude. Why?”

“Because I missed your handsome and stunningly attractive face, John. The playground was a ruse. I wanted to lure you into the the pits of the night to steal a few romantic midnight glances for myself.” Dave shrugs, and John rolls his eyes.

“Dave, that’s stupid.”

“You caught me. Actually, the good lord spoke to me in his ominous, hushed morgan freemany whisper. he said he chose me to fulfill his work. I have to slay you in the name of Jesus when the clock striketh dawn and I’m just stalling right now.”

“Dave, i’m pretty sure that’s sacrilegious.”

“Okay, fine, it’s just because you've been sad,” Dave looks blank, like the answer is simple and clean, like this was a well known cure for the sads or something and John’s just been missing out all this time.

“Uh?” John squints. Who is this boy. Who is he, really, and why did John befriend him. He shakes his head, and he will never know. “But three am on a school night? Ugh, couldn't you just...i don’t know, _call me_? Go, ‘gee John, you sure look mopey lately,’ instead of, you know, ‘John, open up motherfucker, or i’ll smash all your windows and force you to like, play on some swings and shit!”

“Oh come on.”  Dave snorts. He adjusts himself to sit at the top of the slide, and before John realizes what he’s doing, he pushes himself down. In a blur of movement, his dumb feet collide into John’s stomach with a THWACK and an OOF, and they go sprawling to the mulch shouting and laughing. Johns hands smack into tiny prickles of dirt, and Dave's laughing when he pulls himself back into a criss cross applesauce on top of the slide. He parks his palm into his cheek.

“Don’t be an asshole, you know that you haven’t been answering your stupid phone,” he says, and John winces. He cocks his head to the side. “There’s only so many ways a dude can try to say _‘hey bro, sorry i’m moving across the fucking country, come out of your room,’_ and ' _for the love of the lord get some god damn fresh air_ ’ before he fucking snaps and smashes a few windows.”

John tightens his lips. “Alright, yeah, I’ve admittedly fallen into some reclusive habits,” he bites on his cheek guiltily. He pushes himself off the mulch, dusting dirt off and grass off his pajama bottoms with jerky sweeping movements, and walks toward Dave. In a flash, he shoves him over and squeezes beside him, sliding him an amused glance as he plops down.  “But that doesn't mean you should disrupt our very important growth and sleeping cycles here!”

“My gorgeous ass, it doesn't.” Dave laughs into the air, adjusting back into place, folding his arms onto his knees. He frowns, lips slanting to the side. “I had to get you out somehow, John, holy shit. We've all been doing this shitty little mad scrambled jig in a desperate to cheer you up. Dude, Jade doesn't even know what's up with you.”

“Oh,” John looks down. He sort of forgot Jade was the odd one out on this whole 'moving' information, and he squirms uncomfortably beside him. “Shit, sorry.”

“It’s fine.”Dave shrugs, but the frown is still there, still tugging his mouth down. He sighs. “And yeah, I guess breaking your window and throwing you into the bitter night to go fuck around on a slide was a dumb idea, but, you know what? A start is a start.”

“Yeah,” John drums his fingers against the back of his neck. He _has_ been avoiding everyone. I mean, it's been 2 or so weeks, he wasn’t exactly subtle at this point and he should have known it--he had four missed calls from Rose just _today_. He sighs, fumbling speechless, and Dave tilts his head back and collapses in a slouch onto the slide. He slips down a little against the plastic.

“I knew the moving would probably hit you hard but,” he breathes out in the night air, hands folded over his sweater. He spins to John sternly, face like stone. “John, you’re so fucking _sad_. I watched you shovel those like, giant sized gushers--your fucking _favorite_ \--into your sad, sad little mouth the other day and you didn't even look _slightly_ delighted. It was fucking weird.”

John laughs shakily, stretching his legs as he stands up. It’s true, oh god. He treads across the mulch, grabbing the ropes of the swings and plopping down, sending himself into a steady sway. He pushes his feet off the ground, hands firmly grasped around the swing ropes, exhaling softly to shake off his thoughts. “Well, how are you feeling about all of this?” He gives himself another push and looks up, hoping desperately to shift the weight of the conversation off of him. “This was your home your entire life. Aren't you bummed?”

“Oh, fuck yes” Dave jolts up like he’s offended. Maybe he was. “John, duh. What kind of half baked existence will I live without my favorite pair of bucktoothed assholes hanging around me? Making three am waffles and shit, telling me i’m intolerable and that I should not try to put hot sauce on fruit and--ugh,” Dave clutches at his chest. “This is disgusting. I’m starting to feel things.”

“You really shouldn’t put hot sauce on fruit, Dave,” John purses his lips into a faint smile quietly, Dave parking his head into his hands. John sways in the air slightly, awkwardly paying with the strings on his pajama bottoms until Dave speaks up again.

“Hey,” he sighs, looking up with a sort of solid look to his eyes. He adjusts himself on the seat of the plastic slide, leaning forward.  “You’re not going to tell Jade, right?”

John’s instantly recoils. “No, oh my god,” he nearly falls off the swing in disbelief, gripping the ropes tightly. “I don’t have anywhere near that level of willpower, are you kidding me?”

“Well, I guess that’s good,” Dave rests his elbows on his knees. “This is something we should really tell her ourselves.”

John hums in agreement, trying desperately to block the memory of him collapsing onto an unfortunately damp carpet with tears in his stupid, sad little eyes. He doesn’t want to say anything, but every instinct he has tells him that Jade wouldn't take it better than him at all.

He hops off the swing with an _oof_ as his feet smack the mulch.

“Speaking of Jade,” he says, wiping his hands into his pajama pockets. He looks up at Dave seriously. “Is it going to be hard to tell her? Considering...you know, you guys are kind of a thing?”

Dave looks up with a frown, tilting his hand into his hand, eyes sliding off to the side, but says nothing. John freezes in place. He doesn't know what was going on between them, but the very last thing he wants is to get it wrong.

“You guys are kind of a thing, right?” John asked tentatively, and Dave lets out a small smile.

“Uh,” Dave shrugs. “Yeah. I guess that's one way to say it.”

“God, what does that _mean_?” John laughs, and Dave shrugs intensely.

“Jade is just. _Jade_.” He furrows his eyebrows, stretching his hands in front of him. “I _love_ that asshole. She’s one of my best friends, duh, except we make out sometimes?”

“You make out sometimes?”

“It happens,” he shrugs, lying flat against the slide.  “She’s...yeah, she’s going to be hardest to tell. Partially because we're kind of a thing, mostly because she’s sweet. And funny. And adorable. And it’s kind of hard not to feel extremely attracted to her.”

John mutters under his breath, and he doesn't even think about it when he tosses his head down and mumbles out a “Yeah, I feel that.” He only realizes his (very audible) implication when Daves eyebrows suddenly shoot so fast up John thought they were going to detach from his face.

“Shit, wait, no” John corrects himself, face flushing, fuck, but it’s too late. Dave’s eyebrows have already rocketed into the sky. His eyebrows are chilling with the stars and John is in too deep. He’s at the bottom of the well. The well is his new home, and the slushy water he now dwells within is his new family. It’s over. His entire life is over. It’s just him and his slushy water family, now.

“No, no, no, what’s that about Jade?” Dave stares at him intensely, grinning just like Rose does when she’s grilling John for all the sad details of his early childhood. John already knows he can’t fake this shit worth a fuck because his life is over, so he sighs, hunching his shoulders to his ears sheepishly and making his new slush water family proud.

“Dave. Okay, I’m going to tell you about this,” John frowns, Dave looking more and and more smug each second ugh--John snaps up. “But if you tell anyone I’m going to have to take the law into my own hands and _drown you_. Are we clear?”

“Fuck yes we are,” Dave grins, bouncing to his feet in quick steps to meet him. He leans an elbow against John’s shoulder, demony and pointy as ever. “Come on, John, whisper your dark secrets into my naked ear.”

“Stop that,” John bats his hand down, rolling his eyes. He looks down, exhales, and lolls his head to the side of his shoulder in shame. “Alright, so. I... _am_  really attracted to her. A little bit?” He winces at his words. “Okay, don't look at me like that, a lot a bit. Ugh.”

When he looks up, whoop there it is, Dave clamping his mouth shut with one hand, eyebrows shot up to the heavens in delighted amusement. Ugh.

“Oh, _man_ ,” Dave mutters between his fingers, and John frowns.

“Shut up, I know it’s stupid,” He insists, swiveling his head around. “Ugh, like she’s just..so _fun_ and _energetic_ and--” John looks down, muttering to himself angrily. “Weirdly, _weirdly_ hot.”

Dave suddenly bursts into a laugh, turning his head downward, and John pushes him away in desperation.

“Shut the fuck up, holy shit!” John sighs in exasperation. “You are the least supportive friend in the world, and I hate you.”

“I’m not laughing _at_ you.” Dave continues to laugh, at him, and John frowns. Dave grins. “I’m just- _god_ , you have no idea, dude.”

“I know it’s weird.” John whines, dragging his cheeks down with his fingers. “It’s weird! It’s fucking _weird_ when you're attracted to a relative! I’m trying really hard to bury it, so if you could refrain from laughing that would be fucking swell.”

“Ha,” Dave wipes an asshole tear out of his asshole eye, gasping for breath. “God, no, it’s okay. I've been there, I've done that. ”

John stops in his tracks. “What?” he jolts back suddenly, eyes wide.

Dave also freezes. Staring back as he no doubt realizes what he just said.

Silence. Wind pushes John off of his feet for a second. “Uh,” he chokes out after awhile. More silence.

But before John can say anything, Dave suddenly yanks his phone roughly from out of his pocket.  “ _I’m going to tell Jade you think she’s cute_ ,” he shouts, fingers colliding with his phone at lightning speed, and John instantaneously shouts back.

“ _WHAT?_ ” He recoils, instinctively jolting forward to clutch for Dave’s phone. He knows this is definitely some sort super shitty distraction, but the panic of Jade knowing his deep dark terrible feelings shoots straight to his brain and he can think of nothing else. He grabs for it, but Dave holds it far away from his face with his long noodle arms because he is a cruel, cruel dude.

“I’m going to tell her you want to _hold her hand,_ ” Dave mocks, and he’s typing--is he actually typing--oh my god he’s _actually typing those words_ \--

“ _DAVE_ ,” John gasps, finally reaching out far enough, and slaps the phone out of Dave’s hands. It clatters to the mulch with a THUMP, and John immediately steals the opportunity to snatch it. Dave shouts, but John sprints in the opposite direction.

“ _JOHN, GOD DAMNIT_ ,” John hears Dave scream from behind him, but he fucking decks it. John tucks the phone tightly in his fingers, cold metal sliding in his cold hands, glancing over his back once and only once to see Dave chasing after him like an angry blonde bespeckled beast. John rushes around the swingset, twice, laughing as dirt flings in every direction. Dirt spits at the edges of his heels and he feel unstoppable.

“ _STEALING MY PHONE WON’T CHANGE YOUR INCESTUOUS FEELINGS, JOHN_ ,” Dave shouts after him, scattering mulch everywhere, and he’s so close, he’s so close behind him, and John could be toast but it’s like he’s just barely staying ahead out of sheer willpower.

“ _WELL GETTING IT BACK WON’T CHANGE YOURS_ ,” John screams back, eyes squeezed tight and words choked back by air and laughter. His knuckles turn white from clutching the phone so tightly, and he bolts another lap through and around the playground.

**  
**

Wind whips by his ears and through his hair and he’s in third grade again. He’s in third grade again, sprinting as fast as his twiggy legs could carry him away from Jade (whom everybody KNEW had cooties, it was science, and everybody KNEW it). He’s in third grade, and he’s laughing, twisting wildly to avoid colliding into the poles and metal monkey bars, and it’s dark, and the cold air is cutting through his skin so bad he can barely feel his fingers. he’s choking on his screams and shouts and laughter, and Dave is too, grinning and hollering and right on his heels.

He’s in third grade again, and he’s invincible.

Invincible, that is, until he trips, wildly, dramatically, twisting on his own two feet and crashing to the mulch with a pained OOF. Dave can’t stop himself in time and instantly smashes into John’s falling figure, flipping forward with a scream and curling into a shameful starfish formation face down in the dirt, panting and gasping wildly for breath in shame and pure joy.

John’s nerves are on fire, breathing hard from laughter and exhaustion when he flips on his back beside him. They’re too busy laughing and breathing and choking to say anything for awhile, so they lay on their backs on the dirt, chests bouncing in and out from enormous gasping inhales and exhales.

His breathing hasn't even regulated yet, and John’s pulse is still pounding, but Dave takes the time to punch John hard on the shoulder. John’s laughing and wincing in pain too much to mind  that Dave had successfully pried his phone back from out of John’s limp fingers.John is all grins and smiles, taking a deep breath to balance out his rapid gasps, and staring upward. It’s the first time he actually notices the stars, scattered messily in the night sky like shiny freckles. Or acne, he guesses. Shining sky acne.

“God,” John breathes in deep, letting it all out again, turning back to Dave when he can finally focus. He grins, but his throat is cracked dry. He looks all over Dave’s face, his best friends face--this asshole that he’s known his whole life--looks over his freckles and the curve of his jaw and his heart inexplicably and utterly shatters. Tears well up in his dumb eyes, and John wipes them away roughly with an embarrassed smile.

“I'm gonna miss you so much,” John’s voice finally cracks through his laughter, and then the stupid tears just won’t stop coming. They fall out of his face like a broken faucet, but he still can’t stop chuckling like an asshole. Dave instantly spins on his head against the mulch to face him, with amusement and concern spilling all over his expression.

“Oh my god,” he breathes out, chest falling into a steady rise and fall as he breaks into a broken grin. “Don’t laugh when you say sad shit like that, okay, that is downright heartbreaking.”

John laughs, wiping tears from his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Then don't move,” John mumbles through his smile, all quiet and tense, and it probably looks silly because his cheeks are bright red and tears are streaming down his face. He’s a total wreck.

“Just checking: you know that's impossible, right?” Dave smiles and he’s not helping, ok, he’s really not. His eyebrows scrunched forward, genuine concern playing in the light of his eyes, and John can’t handle it.

John laughs and just looks at him, all wobbles. Looks over his stupid face, red from breathing so hard, freckles visible even though it’s dark, and he kisses him. He kisses him, warm and clumsy and fumbling, pulling away instantly with a weak laugh. His fingers curve into Dave’s face, his fingers frosty and cold against the heat of Dave’s cheeks.

“Please don’t move,” he mumbles again, softly this time, inches from Dave’s mouth, sounding small and so sad when he finally drags his eyes back up to meet Daves’. He wipes his stupid tears with the heel of his hand with a dumb grin and Dave's lips fall into a soundless stutter.

Dave tries to respond, but nothing come out on the first couple of tries. “Holy shit,” he finally manages to breath out after a good minute, expression looking something crossed between holy shit and super holy shit.

“Ha,” John turns away with an embarrassed sigh. It just felt right. “Sorry, I just--”

“Dude.” Dave reaches over with a pale hand, yanking John’s shirt back, and suddenly he’s met with a pair of dry lips crushing into his own. It’s not soft like Rose, or playful like Jade, just sort of...really sad. Warm and desperate, crushing and sad, lips connecting harshly and clumsily.  John’s heart skips when Dave pulls away, and without thinking, John finds himself instinctually leaning forward.

But Dave groans, turning back to face the sky with his palm clutching his forehead. “This sucks,” he promptly announces, and hey, John’s not disagreeing, this kind of definitely sucks.

It’s silent. The stars are really bright, but there’s no moon in the sky tonight. John breaks the quiet with another quiet chuckle, nudging Dave’s shoulder softly.

“Hey,” he says when he opens them again, glancing slowly over to Dave. “Thanks for trying to console me.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Dave snorts, and John chews at his lips.

“I mean,” John mumbles out. “It’s sweet of you. You know. to try to make this better like this, and--”

“Are you trying to say," Dave cuts him off. "‘Thank you, Dave, for smashing my window and bringing me to the playground at three in the morning on a school night?’”

“Wow,” John rolls his eyes. “I hate your smug face so much.”

“You’re fucking welcome,” he laughs. His breathing is so slow and steady next to John’s, and he turns to face him. His face is still red from the heat of the kiss. “How are you feeling now?”

“Ugh,” John groans, flopping his head flat into the mulch dramatically. He drapes his forearm over his head and stares up at the sky, dark in color and bright with stars. He swipes his hands back over his tear-smeared face messily, head swirling with thoughts of chapped boy lips. “Gay and confused.”

“Aren't we all?” Dave sighs, his eyes are locked onto the sky.

The stars were something nice to look at, and it’s cheesy, but who cares. Something so seemingly stable when everything right now was just so chaotic and depressing. John lies on his back next to Dave in a bed of playground mulch, feeling the air prickle cooly over his skin, feeling the chill crawl up his spine. He wanted to capture this moment. He wanted things to stay like this so badly, to stay with these dumb kids he used to play on playgrounds with forever, and without warning John feels another batch of tears uncontrollably begin to surge.

but.

he traces the outline of his lips, still warm from Dave, with one hand clutched in the dirt.

and he does feel a little better.

 

~ ~ ~

 

 

Gardening. Jade loves that shit.

She loves intertwining her fingers into blades of smooth grass, the smell of mulch and filth and sweat, the heat of the sun warming her skin. She loves watching life spring out, grow, flourish and spread, and she loves the tiny pricks of thorns and vines sharply reminding her skin that it’s that time of year again. The smell of fresh dirt, bits of soft earth crumbling in her gentle fingers, the sun soaking into her skin and through her squinting eyes.

Weeds, though. Jade hates that shit.

Jade hates that shit so fucking much.

“Put your back into it!!” Jade shouts over to Rose beside her, on her hands and knees with tiny digging tools, but Rose only laughs at her. Jades fingers trudge through the endless weeds prickling at her dark fingers, smearing them even darker with patches of dirt. Her hair spills over her shoulder, and she gives Rose a firm look, cheeks puffed, smeared with muck. “You have to pull it from the _root_!! You’ve gotta _rip it out from the CORE!!_ ”

“I understand,” Rose rolls her eyes and does just that, because Rose is the best at ripping these jerks out. They found out fairly quickly as children, blades of grass tickling at their ankles in the sun, that Rose had an unnatural, ungodly talent at dismantling. It’s scary. It’s ruthless. It’s _perfect._ Jade sits up, breathing out in relief when she finally yanks another deep rooted motherfucker free.

Jade and Rose kneel skin to skin in Jade’s backyard, a beautiful, bright day in May, grass staining their knees a dirty green. Jade’s wearing her favorite sunhat, unruly hair struggling to stay pinned in a scrunchie behind her, fingers and forearms sore and scratched lightly by vines and thorns and prickles and Rose can’t stop laughing.

“Reign it in, Jade,” Rose smiles beside her, black lips curling into a grin. “We’re almost finished, here.”

“We better fucking be,” Jade squints, settling her breath into a steady rhythm as she slides the freshly unearthed weeds neatly into a plastic bag. “These infestations will cease their endless rule by the morrow, I swear it,” she hisses through her teeth bitterly, oh, how she despised these things.

“Jade, please.” Rose laughs, wiping the sweat from her forehead in one smooth motion. The sun shines through her violet eyes, through to her hair, warm and bright on her pale skin. She breathes, “Chill,” and Jade giggles.

“You know, a break would be welcome, I think,” Rose lets out an exhausted breath and wipes the dirt from off of her fingers and onto her dress. She gracefully pulls herself off the ground with a stretch and Jade huffs.

“Breaks don’t de-weed a garden, Rose!” Jade hums, rising herself to meet her, eyebrows scrunched and head tilted. “But, I’ll allow it. You know, because I love you.”

“You’re just too kind,” Rose coos in kind, swinging the plastic bag full of their water over her shoulder delicately. She plops it down on a tiny metal table in the shade, hugging the wall of Jade’s house closely, surrounded by hanging plants from above and grassy concrete crevices below.

Jade pulls out their water bottles in short sliding movements onto the table. The shade’s a refreshing chill after spending a good couple of hours under the sun, her skin practically screaming AT LAST, THANK YOU when she finally plops down to fan herself. She tilts her head from over the chair and lets her hair dangle to the floor, opening an eye to peak at Rose--and as always, she sits looking pretty and poised. Her legs crossed, water in her lap, and Jade sighs. She pulls herself back onto the table.

“Thanks for helping me with this, Rose,”  She flutters her eyelashes dramatically, cheeks propped up by her knuckles. “You’re a gem! A treasure! A gift!” She drags it out until Rose clucks her tongue.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she smiles, something curved to the side and pretty. She folds her arms over the table, staring off into the vastness of the garden with a heavy sigh. “Your garden is beautiful.”

“Aw, thanks,” Jade beams, because damn right, damn fucking right it is!! She leans back to take it all in, and really, it IS beautiful. Flowers from all types curl into stone garden pathways--grass creeps through wooden steps and cracked vases--plants hang in hand painted pots from above and below. It looked like something out of a fairy tale and Jade was endlessly proud of it. She smiles, tucking her hands tight into her lap. “It took a lot of hard work, but fucking look at this place, am I right??”

“It certainly is impressive.” Rose smirks, quirking an eyebrow up and sliding her eyes to the side. “However, Jade,” she starts, gently pointing a pale finger toward the farthest side of Jade’s garden--the newest side, freshly planted--over toward the--oh.

She completely forgot.

“That section seems very new,” Rose winks, and Jade’s eyes spring open in alarm. “Why, _Jade_ , are those roses for me?”

Oh god dammit.

She doesn't care if she’s joking. No one should be that fucking accurate when they’re joking.

“Maybe!” Jade tries to roll it off her shoulders, because they sort of totally are, but it was going to be a surprise. She huffs, crossing her arms tightly. “Or maybe I just like roses, geez. They’re common plants!”

“Jade,” Rose scoffs, parking her chin neatly on top of a pair of folded hands. “If you’re trying to tell me that you managed to plant four _entire_ rose bushes _without_ my watermarked head floating in the upper right region of your conscious, I’m offended. Your best friends name is _Rose_. It’s only polite.”

Jade rolls her eyes! Rose is terrible!! She is awful!! She is dirt!! Jade throws her hands in the air. “Okay! Fine!” she huffs. “They _are_ for you, actually, and it was going to be a really sweet and charming surprise. Seriously. I was gonna pop up when they bloomed and be all, look what i planted for your dumb face! Surprise! Roses! Woah! A whole section of my garden dedicated to you. But now you've gone and discovered them before they ever fully bloomed, which is very rude of you. Congratulations!! You are a butt.”

"Oh," was not the sudden reaction Jade expected to hear from Rose. She especially did not expect her eyebrows to shoot upward in surprise, and--good fucking god, her cheeks are pink, Jade sees it, she fucking sees it. Jade raises her eyebrows in turn.

“Did I..miss something?” Jade stares back blankly. “Isn't this what you’re making fun of me for?”

“Jade, I was being _facetious_ ,” Rose stammers, eyes rolling into her lap. Wow. This is fluster. This is real. “I wasn't actually _expecting_..."

Jade entirely gave her surprise away. She totally did. She could have just rolled with the joke, and she didn't. This is the price one must pay for honesty. This is the price.

"Anyway, this is...actually quite sweet." Rose laughs, cutting off her thoughts, voice small and simple. "Very sweet. You disgust me.”

Jade tilts her head up, somewhat relieved. Somewhat bewildered, but somewhat relieved. She breathes out, the warm air chasing her cheeks, and places her sunhat at the base of her chair. “Aw, Rose, gosh,” she beams. “I didn't realize that you’re such a fucking sap!”

“ _You_ planted them, I’ll remind you,” Rose snaps up, eyebrows knit together, and her lips are tucked into an angry frown. god, this is too fucking good. “But I know when I have been bested.” she grits her teeth. “You win this round.”

Oh no.

“This round?” Jade narrows her eyes. Realization clicks. “Oh, fuck, Rose, you are _not_ making this a competition. We’re not doing this.”

“Jade,” Rose flattens her skirt. Raises a perfectly arched eyebrow. “I’m afraid I so totally _am_.”

“Rose, no, you _leveled a building_ last time!”

“Don’t fight it, Jade,” Rose shakes her head, crossing her arms tightly to herself. “Don't even try.”

Jade groans, and Rose is ridiculous.They sit in the shade, chatting idly, taking short sips of water and gossiping about John and Dave until Jade eventually fumbles toward her pocket for music. She pulls out her ipod and plops it on the table, cold and bright green, setting it in the center.

“Hey, Rose,” Jade squeezes her thumbs against the play button, bouncing her eyes up. “Come on. Come _on._ Let’s take a dance break!”

She sets it on shuffle and  soon the sweet, sweet sounds of dance fill her ears. Rose pauses warily.

“Oh, God, you’re joking,” Rose scans her face quickly with a tight lipped frown and her eyes drop. "Ugh, never mind. I don’t know why I said that. You’re always so frighteningly serious about dancing.”

The beat kicks in and Jade throws her head up. “Dude,” Jade leaps up hurriedly. She juts her shoulders back, gesturing for Rose to get up. “Come on! This song’s great! Get the fuck up!!”

“Oh no, I’m good.” Rose laughs, folding her arms. She looks Jade once over, breaking into an amused grin as Jade carries on. Rose is undoubtedly certain of Jade’s ability to, in fact, pop, lock, and polka dot it all at once at this point, and she giggles. “Busting a move, are we?”

Jade nods enthusiastically, stretching out her hands to encourage her. “Yeah!! Come on!”

“I’m still exhausted from weeding,” Rose insists, but Jade can see her smiling, she fucking sees it. “But thank you.”

“Aww,” Jade scoffs, the music is infectious, she puts on her best frown and wiggles right into Rose’s face, grinning like wild. She dances next to Rose, swaying her hips side to side, making Rose snort with every bounce and kick.

“What,” Jade flips her hair, “Are you jealous because you can't dance like ME??” (she does a high kick and three belly wiggles in order to display her mad funk talent. It’s ridiculous. It totally works.)

Rose laughs, playfully pushing Jade’s bounce away with a cackle, struggling to protest through breathy giggles. “Ah ha! You've caught me!” she laughs. “If only I could wobble unnaturally with such undeniable sex appeal as you do, you dancing beast, you,” she mocks, smile wide with black lips, but it clicks to Jade like a snap. She throws her hands onto her hips.

“Oh my god,” Jade looks her in the eyes with a grin. “You actually don't know how to dance, do you.”

“I cannot confirm or deny that accusation,” Rose turns her nose to the side and Jade leaps up.

“Wow, Is this why you were so embarrassed about prom?!” She gasps, and Rose rolls her eyes with a smile, plopping her cheek into her hand.

“Oh, shush. I simply never had the opportunity to formally pursue that kind of--”

“Rose,” Jade darts down, sunny smiles and freckled skin. She squeezes Rose’s hands into her own and yanks her up, furrowing her eyebrows with a smile when Rose is on her feet. “We’re doing this.”

“What,” Rose laughs, standing flat on her feet, hands tucked into Jade’s. She tilts her head to the side. “And I suppose _you_ know how?”

“Yes!!” Jade laughs, and Rose’s breath catches when Jade yanks Rose’s waist close to her own. Jade struggles to remember the right hand positions, where to put your fingers, where to put your feet, Rose’s face close and waiting. She slides her eyes down. “John actually taught me all the formal shit when we were like, 12?”

“I hate that boy,” Rose rolls her eyes, but takes her hand anyway. She’s all smooth skin, fingers dusted lightly with dirt from the garden, like Jade’s. Jade's hands were rougher, though, more calloused and dirty. Ah! Got it. Jade flicks her wrist up, pulls it apart and spins her.

She pulls her into a dip, and while Jade holds her up, Rose is holding back her giggles. Jade wiggles her eyebrows. “But don't worry! All the fun shit is just my absurdly raw talent!!” She laughs, pulling her back to standing. Rose hums in content agreement, eyes traveling down Jade’s face softly, and Jade frowns with determination.

“Here, hold your hands like this,” Jade instructs, seizing Rose's hands. “We’re gonna go for waltzing today.”

Rose laughs and gestures openly toward the ipod. “Isn't this rap music?”

“Shut the _fuck up_ , Rose.”

Rose rolls her eyes, lips curved up to the side, but she follows Jade’s instructions regardless. Jade racks her brain to remember some of John’s instructions--he was mostly an asshole about teaching it for real--but she knows there’s something there. She curls her fingers around Rose’s waist--or was it supposed to be her shoulder--whatever, waist it is.

“I think this is the box step or something?” Jade hums, moving her feet forward. “See, there’s this 1, 2, 3, pattern or whatever--here.” Jade sweeps her feet back in a square pattern and Rose laughs in the attempt to keep up.

They dance like this for a little while, little side steps, little mistakes that turn into beautiful jokes that turn into real dance moves. She manages to get the basics down, quick movements and silly wrist flicks.

Eventually, the dance evolved so wildly from the actual format that it was practically an entirely new thing. They laugh, loud and careless, bouncing with hands pressed together and hips falling in and out to the rhythm of Jades ipod, full of high kicks and low squats under the sun.

“Aren't I supposed to be learning?” Rose twirls out of the shade, and Jade dives to catch her, eyebrows raised and smile wide.

“Are you saying you're not??” She snorts, and she doesn't think she’s wrong. She’s never seen Rose dance so carefree.

She mostly follows Jades lead, knees bending there, a little kick here, hands up, hands down, hands snapping Jade cackling and twirling them into the sunlight.

Things get slow when Rose trips over Jades feet and into her arms--and they’re laughing, surrounded by the smell of fresh dirt in potted plants, filling their space with dancey upbeat rhythm. Jade clutches her hands to catch her, and Rose snaps her head up with a smile, and Jade’s breath slows when her eyes catch the glint of the sun. She sighs, and they’re so so close, and--

“Fuck,” Jade mutters out loud through her grin, just inches from Rose’s stupid face. “I love you so much.” Rose parts her lips in surprise, tilting her head, and Jade’s eyes snap open.

She darts her head down, face starting to flush red and uh. oh my god. what the fuck. She blinks nervously. Wow. Wow, that is a mistake that literally never happens, ever, like literally only in dumb movies and shit, but she just did it. She just fucking did it. It's real.

But Rose just sighs. A light, happy sigh, closing her eyes.

She thumps her forehead against Jade’s shoulder, and a shiver shoots up Jade’s spine when he breath connects to her collarbone.

“Oh, disgusting. Affection.” Rose murmurs softly, all low and gentle into Jade’s skin. Jade’s heart beats just a bit faster when she starts to speak again. “The sentiment is returned. And the new roses are going to be gorgeous.”

Jade feels Rose’s fingers tighten around hers, and Jade’s palm instinctively clenches her waist.

Jade sighs, all heartbroken but warm, and she giggles. Her face feels warm and bright red with Rose resting her head so gently against Jades shoulder. They fall into a soft sway until the very of the song, Jade’s hands tight on Roses waist, Roses fingers pressed between them.

Jades eyes fall over the freshly planted section of beautiful red roses in her garden, swaying Rose lightly on her feet with the sunlight falling brightly over their faces and limbs.

She chuckles, soft and slow.

It’s not so bad.

~~~

On the last day of school, somewhere early in June, Jade finds the ladder to the school roof.

She's homeschooled. She doesn’t even go here, at all, whatsoever, but it's not like it was that hard to find! She snuck around the janitors office all the time, a room admittedly intimidating with how wide and totally off-limits it was, but  it’s the last day of school. Time to live a little!

She easily tracks down her friends in the lunch room and drags them out. “Jade, how do you keep getting in here?” they ask her, “Jade, every teacher in this building is literally being trained to keep watch for you and kick you out if they see you, this is ridiculous,” they tell her. “no, i’m seriously freaked out, you should theoretically never make it past the front door by now.” God, they’re so ridiculous. She shows them the ladder, and they sigh, but they climb up it anyway.

It’s honestly beautiful up there. Jade could see trees and fields and the parking lot, the occasional student or two rushing their busy way to the building. The sun is in the sky, there are bright, fluffy clouds everywhere, and honestly her friends can’t even be mad at her. They decide to eat their lunch there.

Dave lies flat on his back, frequently pointing out lewd shapes in clouds, John jitters excitedly with his legs crossed and his hands flying everywhere, and  Rose snickers into her sandwich at every terrible joke and jab they all throw at each other.

Jade flops into John’s lap. They take turn gossiping about classmates and making terrible jokes and stealing all of Daves gummy worms. Jade can’t stop herself from chattering excitedly about how much fun they’re going to have at her vacation home this summer ( _next week! can you believe it guys?!_ ) and how wow, she’s been gunning for a lifeguard job there so hard, and wow, she has so much to show them!

They fall into a happy, giggling quiet, staring at the clouds and people scurrying down below like they’re gods. John insists on being nostalgic, announcing that it’s been kind of a fun school year with all of them, which Dave laughs at and Rose winks lovingly toward.

They all laugh, and Jade loves them. She really, really loves them.

This summers going to be so great!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “how do you feel” “gay and confused” -synopsis of entire fucking story literally if anyone comes up to you and asks you what this dumb story is about, you look them in the eyes and you show them this.
> 
> also, i gotta warn you guys: theres only about 1 or 2 chapters left on this thing!! it's all very approximated because I tend to blend planned chapters together. either way, this story is almost finished, if not by next update, by the update afterward! (and thanks for getting this far, aw).


	14. the truly gay and confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all look at this beautiful piece of fanart this person drew i am astounded and floored and delighted???? what the fuck. that is so sweet. that is so god damn sweet. 
> 
> http://wintercourse.tumblr.com/post/113062287171/shoutout-to-quibbs-for-writing-rlly-good-and-rlly
> 
> anyways!! this is the second to last chapter!! sorry it’s been so long, it’s kind of a lot

The drive to Jades summer home was nothing short of hellish and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Jades sweet, sweet, menace, the lovely, slobbery Becquerel, somehow manages to sprawl out between the laps of absolutely everyone in the universe at once. It was a struggle: I mean, he’s a big fucking dog, there’s no room in the back, and a Harley never leaves a dog at home so what else could they do? He creeps into every crevice of every cavity like some kind of huge and hairy affection harlot. His handsome snout squishes painfully against Dave’s chin, his admirable, majestic tail swishes straight into Rose’s mouth, and the majority of his massive fluffy weight rests directly onto John’s bladder. Jade smiles back at them pleasantly from the passenger seat.

Because she is not a good person. Jade Harley is not a good person.

After roughly four hours of Grandpa English’s Top Hits from the 20’s and several near-collisions because of his “mighty short fuse with no-good hootin’ speeding ruffians,” they actually fucking make it to Jades summer house. Dave flings open the door the second the car sets to park and kisses the ground.

“Ah,” Rose steps lightly on the driveway, holding her head from the dizziness that always comes with being in a car with Grandpa English. John almost knocks her down in his great sprint to the bathroom in attempt to save his life and pants, and Rose wobbles, peering up at the house. She shields her eyes from a harsh sun and steadies herself lightly, like she's trying not to be human barf machine that is only mere seconds from malfunctioning or something. She composes herself with a subtle cough as she spins to Jade. “I had forgotten how lovely your summer home is, Jade.”

“Isn’t it great??” Jade laughs. She completely, wholey, entirely neglects each and every sign of pain emanating out of her friends and lovingly unleashes her dog into the wilds of her summer home. Of fucking course the first thing the thing does is trot dangerously close to the patch of grass Dave is face deep in and promptly urinate everywhere. It’s totally as if to say, _i’m not finished with you yet and I never will be,_ but in like, dog peeing language. Dave knows he cannot fight back, so nose deep in mulch inches from piss is where he lays.

Rose isn’t wrong. The house is downright gorgeous, a kind of giant vintage mansion overrun with a million plants and boarded by grassy hills. It was beautiful and large, serenely placed next to a lake that is also beautiful and large, and in fact, everything was so beautiful and large that it so sincerely made Dave question the source of Grandpa English’s income.

They take the same room they claimed when they were 13: The guest room in the basement with the biggest bedroom that has ever existed. It was simply the bomb. First things first, they dump their stuff in their respective corners and quickly claim their luggage dumping spots.

After an hour or two of unpacking, they all scattered like ants. Right now, Rose and John and Dave are in one of the bigger rooms and fearfully admire the terrifying line of terrible taxidermy to the point where Dave can’t feel his eyeballs.

“I think...” John squints at the heads inquisitively. “I think that ones a raccoon?”

“I’m not dealing with this” Dave squints and walks back right out the fucking door.

But when he walks back into the hall, it isn’t long until he is pretty much instantly greeted with a slap to the ass that would roar through the heavens and then some. He spins on his heels and--of course it’s Jade Harley why the righteous fuck would it not be Jade Harley.

“Dave!” She yelps with wide, excited eyes and leaping onto him like she’s aiming to kill. She looks fucking delighted, all big teeth and bigger giggles, and way too damn ecstatic for someone who just spent a four hour car trip with an elderly man, a drooling beast, three shitty teenagers, and a car that squeaks oh so mysteriously at every single left turn.

"Damn, okay." Dave stumbles against her weight, swinging her into an exact half circle back onto her feet before he has to chance to fall.  She lands on her feet and holy shit she’s almost out of breath from giggling. Her arms dangle over his shoulders with a grin that could light up the whole city, and Dave’s laughing, hands settling on her waist to smooth her out. “Alright, so whats your deal this time.”

She beams and unwraps herself from his neck to seize his hands. “Dude, I’m just  _really happy_!”

“You’re usually the picture of angst, Jade, I’m shock-- _guh,_ ” Dave barely has the time to make fun of her, because she quickly yanks him forward and twirls him in clumsy little circles.

“Not today!!” She grins, letting go of his hands, and Dave fumbles backward smack into the wall. It was just going to be one of those days. He looks up and she's parked her hands on her hips, smiling. “I’m spending a whole month with you guys!!”

“Jade,” Dave has to clutch at his head, reeling with dizziness when Jade pulls him back. “I think your feelings are showing.”

“No, they are definitely not!”

“Don't even try, man.”

“Okay, yes, they most definitely are!” Jade beams at him, and darts down to fiddle with her fingers. “I just…” she sighs and looks back up, all bright and bubbly. “You know, I just think it is possible that we might actually happen!”

Dave raises his eyebrows inquisitively, and Jade huffs.

“And even if it doesn't,” she explains, hands flicking into the air. “I still get to spend summer with my best friends and _I can not lose_!!”

Dave gives her a half hearted chuckle, folding his arms, but follows it with a sigh. He’s beginning to think that he will literally never have the heart to tell her he’s moving. He looks at her eyes, (which are SO bright and SO wide and making this SO hard for him), and his brain screams well fuck in like twenty different languages. But weirdly? He’s hopeful, too. Maybe it’s the fact that Jade had been feeding him nothing but relentless feel-goods and reassurance since they started the plan, but he actually wants this to work. He actually really, truly does. He feels so hopeful and it’s absolutely disgusting.

“Ugh, honestly?” He groans, and shrugs, and Jade’s ears immediately perk up. “I think you actually might be right about that.”

In an instant she gasps, sharply, slapping his arm in disbelief in a way that will definitely bruise. “Dave!!! Is that _optimism_ my keen ears are detecting??” She laughs.

“God, It might be,” Dave snorts with a wince and rubs his arm painfully. “Don’t get _excited_ or anything.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” Jade pushes him away lightly, all bucktoothed smiles, and oh sweet lord what has he done, what has he become. “Too late! Optimism?? In my house? From Dave Strider?? Frankly, how dare you!”

“No,” Dave sighs, thinking back to the playground, and he turns away so he wouldn’t have to look her directly in the eyes. “No, don’t look at me. You’ve used up all your Dave Optimism ration cards, thanks”

She’s half beaming half blushing and so hopeful and oh god he’s moving in like a month and a half. She hugs him tight with a giggle, strong arms wrapped around his middle, and skips hurriedly back to join John and Rose in the taxidermy room from hell. Dave sighs.

And hey, they get through the first week pretty easy. It’s not hard to adjust to each others sleep schedules and routines like clockwork. Rose is the night owl, Jade is the early bird, no one makes the decision to let Dave cook sober and everyone screams as John repeatedly takes up all the hot water over and over and over. It’s wonderful. It’s actually atrocious. But wonderful, too.

They sprawl out over their pillows and blankets every single night, softly giggling at 4 AM over and over at their own overused stupid jokes. That sweet summer laziness has already settled deep throughout their bones and summer vacation has officially begun.

 

~ ~ ~

Not even two weeks into Jades summer job as a lifeguard, she’s already shattering every rule ever conceived. She rushes Dave, John, and Rose through the door with quick pushes, quietly, barely holding back her laughter by the time they emerge on the other side.

They just broke into the public pool! They just fucking did that.  

“Guys!!! Shhh!” Jade closes the door behind them gently in hushed giggles, tossing worried glances behind her shoulder, and the smell of chlorine fills her nose instantly. It’s a warm night, tonight, and the air smacks against her exposed skin gently like an aggressive huff of breath from God. She clears her throat noisily. “Be quiet!! I could seriously get fired for sneaking you back here!!”

“Your fault for being a bad egg,” Dave laughs, and in what must be a blatant and unabashed act of defiance, he shouts. He sprints right for the pool, bare feet smacking against the concrete, and oh my GOD this boy. Jade lets out a sharp gasp as he promptly leaps off of the edge and springs into a tremendous cannonball.

He screams from the cold--god _DAMNIT_ Dave--and water from the splash flickers over absolutely everyone. John and Rose sigh. Jade frowns and begrudgingly wipes flecks of water off her cheeks. It is cruel, too cruel.

It wasn’t a big pool. It was just the tiny little public one, one that goes all the way from kiddie shallow to six feet deep, and has like, only one little diving board. There’s one lifeguard chair, Jade’s chair, and she can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt knowing she totally abolished her coworkers trust!! Only a twinge, though. This is kind of actually totally worth it, ha ha, nice.

Jade puffs out her breath and fiddles with the light switch in the dark, adjusting her swim shorts against her thighs sloppily, water dripping from her skin and blurring her glasses. Finally, her hands snag on the light and the pool so dark and murky instantly springs to life.

She takes a step back, and oh man oh man, she has to take a breath. It’s so pretty at night! The water glistens sharply in the dark, pool lights are shining brightly from each and every side, and there is absolutely nobody else here to say no don’t do that you crazy kids. Dave lights up from the center as the lights flicker to life around him.

“Oh my gosh,” she breathes, eyes wide behind her glasses. “I should betray my jobs established rules and faith in me more often!”

John snickers at her, brushing by her as he sets his things down by the edge of the fence, stripping down to nothing but his silly ghost trunks and flip flops. Jade turns to see where Rose had gone, and frowns instantly when she finally spots her. She watches her props open one of the neatly folded beach chairs with a clang and feels personally offended.

“Um, Rose?” Jade walks over to hover by her, hands on her hips. Rose only hums in response, plopping into her seat, and Jade furrows her eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to swim?”

“No,” Rose says simply and reaches elbow deep into her bag with an amused smile. Jade proceeds to watch in horror as she _opens her book_ and then _starts to read it_. Jade gasps sternly.

“Oh, no, Rose, fuck no! Come on!” Jade stomps one foot, flailing her arms into the air. “Not again! You have to swim! That’s why I brought us here!!”

“Nah,” Rose says with a tiny little shrug. “I don’t feel particularly obligated to do anything.”

“Ugh!! Why not?”

“This book is so very good, and I am so very dry.”

“Rose. It’s the rules,” Jade huffs. “Rules that I just made up, right now. Don’t be a rule-breaker!”

“I believe this pools closing time was seven?” Rose chuckles, adjusting her book over her lap and sliding Jade a smug, smug smuggy smug smile and oh my GOD Rose is terrible. “If anyone is breaking the rules, it is you.”

“Oh, don’t be a dick!!” Jade huffs, giving Rose’s chair a tiny kick and receiving only amused laughter in response. She frowns, spins on her heels toward the water, glancing back only once to glare at Rose. And she waves back! Wow!!!

She takes a deep breath. With a running start, she springs into classic belly flop formation over the water with a battle cry. Dave looks up from the water, squinting, but it’s way too fucking late and she smacks into him with all of her body weight and a cackle. Cool water (and a screaming Dave) instantly collide with her skin, something nice and freezing but still refreshing when she surfaces. She takes a big breath of air and gives Rose a mean look.

“Oh no, Rose, looks like I’m having fun!” She shouts, flipping wet hair out of her eyes like a dog with one hand cupped around her lips. “Fun swimming! Without you!”

Dave surfaces beside her, disgruntled-looking and damp, with his shades so horribly askew (why is he wearing them in here? Why does he do that? Who is he?). He chokes out water noisily, turning to Rose with furrowed eyebrows while simultaneously trying to breathe.

“Jade’s right, Rose, don’t be such a weenie,” He shouts through tiny chokes. Jade manages to forgive his ridiculous usage of sun protective eye wear if only for a moment.

Rose laughs. “You’re all very adorable,” she sighs, flipping a page of her book curtly with another one of her dumb smirks. “But I think I’m content simply watching you all flop about.” She shrugs. shrugs!!

“You’re accepting your weenie status??” Jade shouts back in disbelief, and Rose tilts her head up.

“Oh Jade,” She looks her sternly in the eyes. “I’m _embracing_ my weenie status.”

Jade is about to protest further, but then, oh then, Enter: John.

“That’s it!” he calls from the fence, and in that second, dressed in nothing but ghost print swim trunks and a warriors bravery, he stomps over to Rose. She parts her lips in confusion but he doesn’t even hesitate, he just straight picks her up, wrapping his arms around her middle and lifting her weight straight off the ground like Jade never knew he could even DO. “Rose, I’m sorry, but I won’t let you fall to weenie status!”

“Oh?” She frowns calmly, book dropping to the concrete, suspicion  subtle as it creeps into her eyes, but it’s too late. It is far too late. She is doomed. John runs toward the pool.

“HOLD YOUR BREATH ROSE,” He screams, Rose gasps, Jade can’t hold back her laughter and Dave is belting out the worlds biggest OHHHH SHITTTT because John is _decking_ it. He fucking LEAPS.

“OOOOOOOH,” Dave and Jade scream and flail when their bodies smack the water with a SPLASH. Jade sucks in the chlorine scented air through her smile  because oh my god John is so totally dead. He succeeded, she’s totally drenched.

But at what cost.

John flips out of the water first, shaking his head with a wild smile, clumps of black hair stuck to his forehead. Rose is next, all calm and cool when she flops out of the water, yellow lights illuminating her pale face in the dark.

“John,” she spits out water, pushing her boyfriend away harshly. “I’m breaking up with you.”

He laughs and snorts and jokingly leans in for a kiss but she viciously splashes him in return. He chokes ruthlessly on the water in his nose for at least ten minutes, chortling the whole time.

~ ~ ~

For awhile, they're just swimming. It's just calm. Peaceful, like nothing in the world could bother them, like Jade could totally not get fired over this. They just let the weight of the water carry them into a steady float, staring up at the night sky and talking about whatever they can. Twice now has Jade tried to navigate the deep end of the pool with Rose sitting on her shoulders. Three times now that John managed to smack the fuck out of Dave’s ridiculous shades down to the very pit of the bottom. Four times now that Jade has smacked someone upside the head for not keeping their god damn voice down.

“You know,” Jade starts, staring upward at the moon with a little twinkle in her eye. She's floating on her back, face pointing up and tan hands flat on her stomach. Hair floats around her like she has the genetics of a fucking mermaid and she takes a deep breath that sinks her down a little. “It’s actually really nice here when there’s not little kids peeing all over everything! Work really is a nightmare sometimes.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Dave snorts, legs crossed in the kiddie pool. “John is sitting, like, right over there.”

“Wow!” John rolls his eyes and roughly shoves a potato chip into his mouth that crunches when he chews down. He reaches deep into the bag to select the biggest one he can and throws it at him, but it unfortunately sinks very sadly about a foot in front of him. He is not deterred, and keeps chewing bitterly. “That one was really good, Dave! Wow!”

John sits at the edge of the pool, feet dipped in the water, a beautiful bag of Golden Flake thin and crispies tucked into his arms like a precious treasure to be protected. Rose leans against his shoulder sweetly, and she’s trying her best, he knows this, he loves her, but John can _see_ her trying not to laugh and she is not succeeding at all. He lets out a lengthy sigh.

“That isn’t even fair!” He grumbles with a mouth full of chip. “I always thought peeing in the pool was gross and immoral. _You’re_ the one who did that.”

Dave gasps flatly. “I told you that in confidence,” he says, pretending to be offended, and Rose snorts out stifled laughter from against John’s shoulder. Jade pushes him roughly with a tiny _blughh!!!_ noise and sends giant ripples through the whole pool.

“Ew, Dave!” She scrunches her nose and gives him another tiny push. “God, you are so banned! Get out of my pool.”

Dave looks her dead in the eye. “Get real, banana peel. I’m not going anywhere.”

Jade huffs and she’s all insistent, and she pushes him again as if she weren’t just told to get real, banana peel. “People who pee in the pool have no place here!!”

“Oh my god,” Dave rolls his eyes. “I know you, as a fucking fact, have done it ten times more than all of us. Because you’re disgusting. And raised by a dog.”

“Lies!!!” Jade shoves harder (but, in reality, John thinks they all knows that this is true). “Out of my pool, Dave!!”

They struggle for a second, John cheering on Jade wildly until Rose clears her throat. She puts down her book, and kissing John on the cheek, stretching upward till her fists curl into the sky. Water drips from her hair--it’s been growing out a lot over the months, hasn’t it?--and she’s drenched and beautiful.

“You two can fight it out,” she smiles, taking steps in short strides backward. “I'm going to practice what I like to call ‘sanitary restraint.’”

She doesn’t get much of a response, just a middle finger from Dave and a fart noise from Jade, but John watches her gracefully drips off to the bathroom with a grin.

Dave and Jade splash in the water for awhile, struggling in the water over who is, in fact, the biggest pisslord, all in endless bouts of laughter and pulled hair. John cheers on Jade as much as he is physically able, all while shoveling chips in his face, and it goes on for like, five solid minutes.

“Oh my god, at least I don’t do it _anymore!_ ” Jade’s tickling him, now, and Dave’s screaming.

“Are you sure?” He chokes out. “The water over here feels kind of warm right now, doesn’t it.”

“DAVE.”

She tries to tuck him into a choke hold, but in a moment of what seems like strategic distraction, Dave leans down to press his lips to her smile and then it’s just all over man, it’s all over.

John pauses mid cheer to groan, and hey, normally, their kisses are quick and stupid, but this one just. It kept going. It just kept going. It didn’t end.

“Hey,” John gags after a while, and he even clears his throat a couple times, but wow. Wow, oh my god, they’re still at it. It’s been like a minute now, holy shit.

John feels his cheeks heat up, and in a moment of unyielding panic and confusion, he pelts a single chip at them with all of his might.

“ _HEY_ ,” he shouts again, and the chip bounces slightly off of Jades bare shoulder and into the depths like the sad, salty disappointment it is. John pulls another chip angrily into the air, waving it like an elderly mans curmudgeonly cane. “PDA, you sluts!”

Jades arms still locked around Dave, and they spin to meet him with amused expressions. John suddenly feels like a deer in the headlights, and Dave tilts his head to the side.

“Wow, John, I had no idea you were such a prude.” He says, rudely, shaking his head ever so slightly with disapproval. Jade detaches from him and swims over, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah, John!” She hops up over the side of the pool with Dave in close pursuit, She parks herself next to him by the edge of the pool, soaked to the bone. Before he knows it, she’s completely in his space and it’s all tan skin and soaking wet hair and instant nerves spiking at John. She laughs, squeezing the water out of her hair tightly and dangling it into the pool.  “Are you…!”

“Dude, If you say jealous, I’m gonna lose it.” John chews on his chips efficiently and tries to lean away, but she’s like a magnet and leans back in. “This is a just a family friendly zone! No kissing allowed.”

“I can’t help it John!” Jade laughs, suddenly pinching his cheeks with a goofy grin and leaning forward with. _intentions_. John frowns. “I have to live my rebellious teen life.”

“Well can you do it with a little _less tongue??_ ” John scrunches his nose in retort, and he’s about to push her away, but suddenly he hears a dramatic gasp from above and he stops everything. He spins around and ROSE, HELLO ROSE.

“John, what might be happening here?”  She widens her eyes in pretend surprise. She leans over the two of them like a chaperone at a middle school prom, like she’s seconds away from pulling them apart and whispering _leave space for jesus_ , and John yelps so loudly.

In his scream, he jerks back a chip into his throat, and yeah, yeah, he’s choking now, ever so gracefully spitting out his masticated potato chunks onto the poolside. Chips are lodged into it’s airway and it’s really happening, man, it’s really happening. The bag flails out of his hands as he attempts to control himself, coughing and screaming and Jade and Rose and Dave are just laughing and everyone is terrible and the world needs to be purged. In his terror, the bag flails into the water, and his chips sink so sadly downward.

“Oh my god, my Golden Flake thin and crispies!” He chokes, but it is too late, they are gone, they are dead and sinking, golden flake thin and soggy. Also, he can’t breathe, which is also probably a pressing issue.

“Oh no, John.” Dave laughs, elbows propped up on the pools edge. “Are you choking? Damn. Sounds like a job for a lifeguard.” He nods over toward Jade like an asshole, who throws her head back into a vicious cackle, also like an asshole. Hell no. John coughs out bits of food chunk in the attempt attempt to shake his head furiously and the world is ending.

“Oh no, oh no, we’re not doing this again,” He coughs out sternly, rattling the last of the chips free. But then Roses hands sink down and seize his shoulders down in a tight grip.

“Why, John, would you leave me but a widow?” She gasps, and her fingers tightens, and wow why does this always happen like this. Why are they always doing this to him.

“Yeah John!” Jade laughs, and John is gone, he has withered away into nothing. “This looks like a job for a certified lifeguard, trained for cpr.” She flings her arms around his neck and launches into him, the inevitable, the terrible, and John steels himself for it.

She lands a kiss square on the mouth and she knows damn well that it’s not cpr. They all knew damn well that that is not cpr, and that it is not saving lives, but is in fact ruining them. But the force from Jade sends John stumbling backward into the pool anyway and she crashes down with him with a splash. He holds his breath and when he resurfaces, he’s surrounded by nothing but laughter, Jades arms squeezed around his middle, and surfacing soggy chips.

Jade has this infectious laughter, something that makes you smile even when you’re mad, and that’s the John Egbert dilemma of the day. Her arms squeeze tightly against his skin and her chin rests on his shoulder, and she lets out the worlds biggest chortle. He feels himself smiling back even if he doesn't want to, and she grins.

“Aw, John, you’re all gross and chip flavored!” She darts in and kisses his cheek, ruffling his hair like he’s a kid. “But good news! You’re breathing! I totally saved you.”

John wants to flick her away, say something, anything, to get the heat off his cheeks when suddenly, Rose jumps in with her. Dave swims back to his side, and Jade detaches from his arms. They’re laughing at him, high fiving and snorting, dripping with water and laughter, and John has never felt more in love in his life.

Which is like, totally normal, whatever.

~ ~ ~

 

They do all sorts of things to fill the weeks. Mostly, they’re just lying around and playing games or watching terrible television shows. But every once in awhile, they actually go out. Halfway through June they visit an arcade.

It’s one of those big ones, all modern looking, tons of lights and tons of people from all ages scurrying the floors like tiny gremlins to get their next fix of trivia wheel or racecar driving. It is promise and salvation wrapped in ecstasy and sugar and Dave could not be more thrilled.

About a third of the time, Jades mouth is hanging wide open. Her jaw has extended so far it has practically formed a strong and stable relationship with the carpet.  They all snicker as she scuttles around like a lost child, and gosh she just can't help it, shut up guys, she’s never been in one this _big_ before.  

The flashing neon lights and commercial value of it all burns her innocent eyes through to the sockets and they just let it happen, all with the promise of a million shitty paper tickets and cheap rubber prizes, and she will never be the same.

It isn’t long after she ventures off into the arcade ground beaming, her arms overflowing with enough tickets to kill a small squadron of children with intense papercuts, when she tells them to meet her back at the DDR board motherfuckers. No one knows how she’s doing it. She just keeps coming back with more tickets.

“Dave, come on!” She thrusts her tickets into John’s face, all smiling and goofy, who takes them all with an eyeroll. There are so many. “I’ve been wanting to get back at you for winning all of those Just Dance games. You have some swift justice coming for you!!”

Obviously, Dave accepts, but damn if he wasn’t expecting Jade to break it the fuck down. She gets fucking funky. She destroys the dance floor and gets down with her bad self so, so, down. Dave is outmatched, easily, terribly, actually. His ass is owned like four times in a row and he is left with nothing except to accept his defeat with grace.

She’s cackling and Dave is frowning, but then on the last game, without warning, Rose tugs at his arm. She looks way too amused to be legal.

“Excuse me, Dave.” She says politely, hands on her hips. “If you’re finished being absolutely decimated, I think I would like to try my hand.”

“Shit, yeah.” Dave gestures aggressively toward the DDR platform. “Kick her fucking ass, sis” he steps back and Jade is left vibrating with excitement in place.

Dave falls back next to John and watches his sister insert exactly three coins into the machine, and it is officially so on.

“May I have this dance, Jade?” Rose shoots through Jade with her stare, sneakers stepping confidently over the arrows. There's a tension Dave can’t quite place, and their eyes lock curiously. “I've been taking some lessons, after all.”

On the surface, there’s no impact of that statement to Dave at all. But the look in Jades eyes says there was very, very much was. She tilts her head down, a grin wider that the veritable circumference of Grandpa Englishes gut, and she wordlessly slams her foot onto the “Start” arrow.

Rose smirks and the game begins. They have three rounds.

“All the money in my pocket says Rose is so boned,” Dave stands back with John, folding his arms, sliding his eyes incredulously between the girls and him.

“Pft,” John shrugs and the overflowing tickets he’s cradling for Jade rustle with him. “Come on. How much even is that? Like fourteen cents?”

“Um, a _dollar_ and 14 cents, dude.”

“I don’t know! Still seems a little weak.”

“I’ll throw in a lightly crushed nacho that’s been in my pocket for awhile, but that’s as good as it’s gonna get.”

“Pft,” John rolls his eyes in return, nudging Dave’s shoulder lightly.  “Yeah, okay! The nacho totally threw me over and I am so totally sold. Rose is gonna kick Jades ass and your money is mine.”

They squabble over it for exactly one minute. the argument went, “my girlfriend can TOTALLY kick your sort of girlfriends ass”, and then “well my sort-of-girlfriend can kick your ACTUAL ASS,” followed by  “well your sort-of-girlfriend can kick pretty much kick ANY ass but that’s irrelevant dave oh my god Rose is winning okay please don’t fight this.” but the music starts and they instantly throw their attention back to the stage.

The song is starting, the arrows are flying, and wow, damn, Dave has never seen feet move so fast and so in synch before. It’s like some kind of unspoken thirst for blood on the dancefloor and limbs are _flying_.

Flickering, flashing lights dance on their skin in the dim lighting of the arcade as they dance on the metal mats, and fuck, Rose actually wins the first round. She’s panting, sweating, and John nudges Dave with his elbow oh so smugly, which Dave will punch him for later. Jade looks shocked, but delighted, out of breath, thrilled, but extremely determined.

The second song starts and she’s hitting just as as hard as she did the first round, she’s all grins, Rose is all grins, the ridiculously upbeat music kicks in and it’s the closest Dave has ever come to a spiritual awakening.

Rose wins two out of three, just barely, by like _three points_ , and by the end Dave is begrudgingly dumping everything in his pocket into John’s. (dave, no,  I was kidding about your crumbling nacho please keep that, DAVE, NO--).

With their tickets combined (80% of which were Jades), they blow approximately all of their paper on about 6 thousand dinosaur rubber toys. It was not at all a waste.

Out of the corner of his eye, right before they leave, Dave sees Jade breathe out happily. She’s stealing glances at Rose, one hand heavy on her face, cheeks flushed like she’s still out of breath from the game. He doesn't say anything, but he knows.

~ ~ ~

It’s a hot ass summer day today. It is just plain fucking toasty as shit. Every fan in the house is pumped to full blast, every window is open, and everyone is stuck sweaty in gloriously overheated misery.

Especially John and Dave. Because it is their turn to the dishes. And those dishes transcend the definition of misery.

John scrubs bits of soggy bread off of the plate vigorously, and it’s gross, and it’s wet, and it’s probably Roses fault. All of the shitty dishes are always Rose’s fault. She is ruthless and sloppy and it kills John from the inside out every single time.

Dave only looks mildly disgusted when John passes him the soggy dishes to load into the dishwasher, but then again, Dave always looks mildly disgusted, so he honestly can’t tell what he’s thinking.  From the kitchen window, they have a clear view of Jade touring Rose around the gardens--the sun shines bright over their skin, and they’re smiling, and laughing, not cleaning spoons whatsoever and John has never been more bitter in his life.

He hands Dave another plate, (one with tiny rifles painted all over it? god just fuck this weird house), shuddering from the feeling of chewed food coming into contact with his skin oh my god.

“I'm banning Rose from ever using plates and silverware again,” John frowns, his nose scrunching impulsively. “How can she be so gross!!”

“I know, man, I live with her.” Dave sighs, shoving spoons into the baskets with quick movements, and John tries not to look at the crusty lasagna slowly forming sentience on the bowls.

“I don’t know how!” John chokes. “God. You know it’s her, too, because she marks every single fucking plate with her dumb black goo lipstick!” he sticks his tongue out and hands the thing to Dave like a used tissue. Dave shudders as he takes it, and he starts to load the dishwasher.

“Yeah, it’s rough, man. Mom does it too.” He clanks the dishes into the racks sloppily. “I think they’re trying to peer pressure me into buying black lipstick, honestly.”

“Don’t give in, Dave, be strong.” John squeezes his eyes shut as he sponges down the crusty macaroni bits into the drain. Dave laughs, and there's another clank of dishes.

“It’s hard to resist the gothic charm,” he monotones, “It is so my color. But for you John, I’ll try.”

John laughs to himself, dragging rags across the dishes in clockwise motions, fingers brushing against the cold of the plates every now and then. From the kitchen window, he can clearly see Jade and Rose desperately try to play fetch with Bec, and hey, they weren't doing too bad. Rose was only tackled into the grass twice.

Grandpa English’s old timey music drifts through the hallways from over the rush of the kitchen faucet. For awhile, it’s all just the squeak of soap and the clatter of plates and soft melodies from the 1900's, all nice and actually pretty peaceful until Dave breaks their tiny silence.

“Oh sweet, a newspaper,” he chirps out when he spots it on the counter, casually sliding the paper into his hands. He clenches the edges tightly in his fingers. “Wanna hear the trivia of the day?”

John raises his eyebrows, but Dave points squarely into the page before he even has the chance to respond. “Well, damn, an elephant trunk has more than 40,000 muscles in it. And shit, looks like I have romantic feelings for you.”

“Woah,” John whips his head around to face Dave at the speed of lightning, because he is one thousand and ten percent certain he did not hear that right. “Um,” he chokes. “Wow.”

“I know, right? That’s a lot of muscles. Oh, shit,” Dave’s eyes widen and he whips the newspaper closer to his eyes. “Oh, man, look at this--says that you have romantic feelings for me, too. Whew, sure am glad that’s out in the open now.”

“Dave,” John coughs, fluster fucking up his voice. He clatters the plate he was scrubbing lightly down on the counter. “What are you doing?”

“About to do a crossword,” Dave scans the paper like he’s in deep thought, but John's not sure what he's actually thinking at all. “Man. This one’s tough, John, do you think  ‘John has repressed incestuous feelings for Jade” will fit into this box, or....”

“Daaave,” John swings his head down. “Maybe you should put the crossword down.”

“No, no, it’s good,” Dave folds the paper in half and then sets it lightly back on the counter. “I don’t think  ‘you have a massive crush on every single one of your best friends and don’t want to admit it’ would’ve been a better fit anyways.”

John scrubs the plate just a little bit more vigorously than he intends to and he snaps up.  

“Okay,” his eyes spin to the floor and then back at Dave, who folds his arms patiently. “Okay, yeah, I like you guys like that, I realize this. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile.”

“Really?” Dave snorts, leaning forward. “Well, fuck, thanks for mentioning that earlier.”

“Yeah, actually!” John whines. “The playground was an unwelcome awakening, thanks. I know. I've been thinking about it. But...can we just sort of go back to pretending like I don’t?”

“Uh,” Dave leans against the counter with a sigh. His mouth falls into an almost irritable frown. “Why?”

“Because you're moving in like, a month,” John groans. He’s having problems processing this. He’d been doing really well up until now at entirely neglecting the inevitable. “I don't want to think about my romantic feelings toward anything at all? I like Rose and I don’t want to complicate this with any dumb love triangle-squares.”

“Okay, but,” Dave pffts, seizing the plate John’s been scrubbing ruthlessly for five solid minutes from his hands and shoving it firmly into the dish rack. He shuts the dishwasher door with his hip and then leans against the edge in a smooth, fluid movement. “...Why aren't you talking about it?”

“Dave, you’re going to be gone.” John snaps to dodge the question so thoroughly and with such precision, diving back down into his dish. He feels himself start to choke up, but he doesn’t let himself cry. Because if he cries, he’s going to have to wash his hands from all of the soggy food juices, so that he can then take the time to dry his hands, so that he can then finally wipe the tears, and you know what, that is a lot of hassle for a boy but of 17 years. He cries a little anyway. “I’m not...I’m not going to _see you guys,_ and that’s really hard, but just dating Rose is simple and. _Ugh_.”

John has to stop mid sentence, clutching at his forehead painfully against the counter. It's just too much. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Dave frown.

“John,” he says, taking a tiny step forward with furrowed eyebrows, but John makes a _bluh_ noise in response.

It's something he really didn't want to think about. Something he wasn't ready to deal with.

But Dave ignores his bluh, very rudely, and elects to lean against the counter beside him instead. John can feel his dry ass elbows smoosh against his own, and when he looks down, he can see every single fucking freckle peppering up his stupid pasty white arms. Dave looks at John with a crooked frown and lets out this sort of lengthy exhale, and then it's like the room is dead quiet. Nothing but distant old time dancing music floating from Grandpa English's room so many floors away.

“Distance doesn't just magically stop feelings, man," Dave breathes out, leaning his cheek into the tips of his knuckles. "We're not done just because I'm going to be gone. You're my best friend. That's stupid."

John spins to look back at him, and he looks at him slow, feeling the tension and pounding in his head slowly dissipate. After a couple seconds, he straightens his back, clearing his throat to speak again.

“Wow,” he chokes out a tiny laugh. He feels himself crack into a tiny smile. “I think that that is actually the corniest thing you've ever fucking said to me.”

Dave scoffs and reaches out for him. “Oh please, I can do _way_ better," he laughs, and before John knows it, Dave’s grabbing his hand and pulling it to his chest dramatically. His hands are gross and soapy from the dishwasher but John is a little too close to his face to notice.

“John Egbert,” he starts, all monotone, all the bite of a dry sarcastic air. “My shining star. My beauteous, sweet little walnut. The funkiest of my towns. I am totally in love you and you’re gonna have to fucking deal with it.”

“Oh my god,” John rolls his eyes, starting to squirm his hand away with an embarrassed grimace, but then he pauses for a second. He stops himself and searches to find any semblance of joking in Dave’s expression, but he can't find anything. Then he shifts his eyes down, and his face getting too warm, so he wiggles his hand free. “Why the fuck do I hang out with you?”

Dave laughs back at him, and, in a surprising dash of movement, kisses his cheek lightly.

“That’s why you fucking skank,” he shouts on his way out the kitchen and down the hall, and John groans.

He turns back to the window, where Jades tripping over her own feet and Rose is laughing at her joyously to no end. He reaches up to rub at his cheek lightly and silently hates dish day.

~~~

It’s the middle of the night, now, and absolutely everyone has completely lost track of what day it is. It’s just another one of the countless goddamn days in the summer, they guess.

John is out walking Bec, in all of a t-shirt, Jades bunny slippers, and eyebags so deep they could carry groceries and operate as fully functional pockets. He carries this duty with a heavy grimace and a grumpy demeanor because Becquerel has a bladder deeper than the mariana trench and Jade is passed the fuck out as if she totally forgot that this is _her job, not his_.

Dave and Rose are flat on their backs in their room, too tired to move, too awake to sleep. So they're passing time playing twenty questions against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling, with nothing but Jades soft snoring just barely keeping them awake. Rose sighs, covering her yawn elegantly with one hand.

“Hm,” she squints at the ceiling. “Does this character don a primary color as a casual garment?” She tucks back a bored frown, hand perched on her stomach, waiting patiently for the response.

“You bet your sweet ass he does,” Dave says back, just as bored, just as lazy, and Rose rolls her eyes.

“Dave, you can't make me guess sweet bro and hella jeff for _every single round_ ,” she breathes.

“Fucking watch me. And fuck you, that one was Geromy.”

Rose groans. With a sigh, she shuffles her weight onto her side, hips pressed on it's side against the bed sheets. Wordlessly, she crushes her head against Dave's chest and sighs, squeezing her eyes shut and curling her fingers lightly into her palm.  It’s just calm. Jade’s snoring has fallen into such a steady snorty rhythm that it’s almost soothing.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dave pokes at her shoulder with a raised eyebrow and she doesn’t move a muscle.

“It’s called resigning,” she grumbles into his stomach. “I gracefully yield.”

“Your graceful yielding looks a lot like snuggling, Rose.”

“Oh, does it?” Rose deadpans, rolling her eyes behind closed lids. “How strange.”

Dave sighs, but doesn’t argue any further. She flutters her eyes close, and before she knows it, he swings a hand around her shoulder. She absentmindedly notes how calloused his fingers are when they press against her bare arms.

His breathing is a slow up and down. It isn’t long until she feels her eyes drop, her weight drop, and her head drop, and she’s so close to sweet, sweet sleep when suddenly the worst and weirdest happens.

“Hey,” he breathes out after a while, stirring Rose awake with a jolt, furrowing his eyebrows. “Okay, so, this is going to be a fun conversation, but do you wanna hear what Bros last word were?”

Rose's eyes fling open all traces of sleepiness.

“Dave,” She bolts upward and uses his chest to press herself upward. “Are you telling me you heard his last words and _you never told me_?”

“Yeah,” Dave sucks in air through his teeth and lets it all out and what the everloving good lord of fuck. He shrugs. “Wanna hear them?”

“Dave, what the hell.”

“Okay, so like,” He starts out, pressing himself up cross-legged to join her level, and Rose is absolutely astonished. Dave’s a pretty shocking dude but this is about four lines above that level of usual shock. “You know how when he tripped down all those stairs and stabbed himself with one of his swords and it was pretty horrifying, right?”

“Dave it was traumatizing.”

“Yeah, it totally was, but before he croaked he gave me like, this thumbs up.”

Rose snaps to look him in the eyes and she can’t spot one inch of facetiousness. She’s trying so hard, but no, she knows deep within that this is totally something that man would have done. Rose doesn’t know if she should cry or laugh or go excuse herself to vomit.

“So there I was, right?” Dave straightens his back, using his hands to speak and this is so fucked up. “I was like, _oh my god, no, you’re dying or whatever_ , all holding him in my shakey arms so sadly and shit. And blood is everywhere and he just like, muttered out while he was spitting blood--”

“Dave,” Rose frowns. “Can you get to the words, thank you?”

“Yeah,” Dave rolls his eyes. “Okay so he’s choking, right? He looks me dead in the eyes and croaks out, I shit you not, ‘ _that was so sick_.’”

Rose instantly pinches the bridge of her nose, sighing into her palm. She squeezes her eyes shut and looks up after a second to match Dave’s stare. She slides her eyes to the side, and parking her chin on her fingers, and she tucks back a smile.  “I hate that man,” she mutters fondly.

“Me too,” Dave grins, and its like all the gravity of it all unhooks itself from Rose’s shoulders. That was so sick. Dave gestures to continue, tilting his head.  “Man, he just said that with this terrible, triumphant smile, too, and I was like, dude, what the fuck. Then he just _dies._ ”

Rose can’t help it. She hides a faint smile with her hands, eyebrows scrunching in horror and fondness, and Dave leans back. “It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. Would not recommend it at all.”

“Ah,” Rose tightens her lips to press back her smirk. The memory of his death had softened into something that doesn’t burn her anymore, but this somehow...made it better. Made it easier. It’s like he’s still there, sort of, back to being that asshole semi-father figure watermarked ominously in the back of her mind. She slides her eyes down. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”  She shifts her hand into her forehead. “Why didn’t you ever tell our _mother_ that?”

Dave’s shrugs. “Literally no one asked me.”

“We thought he had died on impact,” Rose says slowly, eyes spinning to meet his. “You said he died on impact.”

“Yeah,” he shrugs. “I mean, he did, but also, he totally said that.”

Rose bites at her cheek with a laugh, and he sighs.

“It wasn’t even a real sword.” Dave mutters. “That is so outrageously arbitrary.”

“It really is,” Rose agrees. They’re silent for a second, but then Rose breathes out her tension into the air. She glances over to Jade sleeping peacefully and then back to Dave, raising a single sympathetic eyebrow. “Do you want to stop talking about this?”

“Yes, obviously.” Dave groans. He sits up with her, hands propped up on his knees to watch Jade. “I was trying to do that whole ‘let it out thing,’ and you know, I really don’t think it’s working for me.”

“I question your methods, your mindset, and your sensitivity, and your years worth of withheld crucial information,” Rose breathes. “But everyone runs at their own pace, I suppose.”

Dave smiles, so slight, nearly imperceptible and Rose exhales lightly. It’s actually kind of nice to talk about things like this with him when it’s not so bizarrely dark. He clicks his head up in an earnest attempt to melt away the tension.  “Have you seen Jade over there?” He says quietly, gesturing to her sprawled body entangled in blankets with his thumb and an amused smirk.

A smile tugs at Rose’s lips. “No,” she snorts, gesturing to Jade beside her. “It seems I have gone blind. I cannot see Jade anywhere.”

“Shut up,” Dave flicks her knee. “I mean she sleeps like a fucking truck hit her.”

“It’s true. It’s terribly endearing,” Rose laughs, rolling her head onto her shoulder. She bumps her shoulder with Dave’s, and he snickers along with her.

“Wow. Man, the drool quantity this time is fucking intense,” he laughs, “Just look at that shit.” They do look at that shit, and it’s true, it’s so true. She is sprawled out across everything, dark limbs twirled under blankets, under pillows, under bedsheets, and she has only one sock on. No one has any space and no one even remembers her wearing socks to begin with? Rose and Dave snort to themselves like cynics in a movie theater and hardly try not to wake her up.

“You know? I actually think John is the worst, though,” Dave laughs, and Rose instantly leans back with a vigorous nod.

“Without a doubt,” She snickers. “I mean, the _snoring_. You’ve heard it, I’m sure. I threaten to smother him in his sleep every day and he belts into this grandiose, nasally _crescendo_ every time. It’s horrendous.”

“God, what an _asshole_.”

“I know!” Rose laughs, Dave at her side, and he turns to face her and it’s like a little click of loving recognition. She can just barely see his eyes through the shades, heavy from exhaustion and laughter, and she parts her lips to the side in amusement.

On impulse, she wraps her fingers under his shades and lifts them, pushing them back into his hair wordlessly. He doesn't say anything, just watches her do it, and everything slows to a steady quiet. She feels like she should say something in a moment like this, tilting her head onto her shoulder with a thoughtful squint, but she doesn’t. Not until she catches his eyes flickering down to her lips.

“Dave,” she says after a while. He leans forward, softly, and is hardly subtle about it. “You look an awful lot like you’re going to kiss me.”

He gives a tiny indecisive shrug, but doesn’t move away.

“I might,” he says simply. "Not like i condone incest or anything." Rose does her best to hide her smile.

“Well, If you do, I'm afraid i'll have to tell on you,” she shakes her head fondly, and she tucks her hands tightly into her lap.

“Wow,” Dave snorts with a smile. “Trust me, I’m sure John of all people understands.”

She grins, small sounds of quiet snickering, only just starting to form the words to banter back when suddenly his mouth crushes against hers. His lips are dry and terrible, cracked with dehydration and exhaustion but Rose wraps her arms around his neck, pressing back anyway.

When the door clicks open, they stop to snap up, and there stands John, standing like every soap opera cliche demands he must.

~ ~ ~

“Hey guys, I’m back from--okay!” Johns eyes snap onto Dave and Rose and he closes the door. A second later, John reopens the door.

It was like they were all in a fucking soap opera and there he fucking stands, wide-eyed like he can’t believe it, dog leash still tucked in hand that drops to floor as his fingers steadily uncurl. Yeah, that’s Dave and Rose, and yeah they were just kissing. It’s not actually a big deal, for some reason. Especially after all his moment with Jade, no kiss is a big deal to him anymore. It’s just. Those two in particular. It’s really kind of shocking.

“Oh, excellent, you’re home.” Rose unhinges from Dave, shameless laughter creeping into her smile as her hands fall into her lap, calm and flirty, like she planned this or something. Wait. Dave starts to laugh against Rose’s neck, too, but before they can say anything, John throws his hands in the air. He feels his face heat up but he can’t stop himself, he was motivated as fuck.

It’s time to deal with it.

“I’ve kissed Dave too!” John blurts loudly, the truth pushing out of him as if he were mouth-birthing a large and angry word-baby. “More than once! More than twice! I really liked it, too, what the fuck is up!!”

He's practically screaming, he feels his face heat up, and it’s true! He would kiss Dave again. He would do it, like, fourteen times. Dave talking about them all together stuck in his head for weeks, the words repeating over and over, and the feelings stirring in his gut were only getting messier and grayer. The smirk Rose gives him tells him that she knows, which only fuels his rampage.

“So I’ll say it!” John flushes, and yeah, maybe it’s a good idea to just get it all out. Maybe not, but fuck it, it is like one in the morning and he doesn’t have nearly enough willpower to summon enough fucks needed to stop himself. He inhales all of the oxygen in the room and spills it all out in one breath. “I _love_ that asshole??”

Dave stammers out a word or two in surprise, lips parting downward, but John doesn't hear it over his shouting.

“And you know what?” John’s hands fly with him, and he doesn't stop to check for reactions.  “I don’t care that Jade’s my fucking cousin!” His arms fling in every direction and he just can’t stop himself, man, his words are men on a mission, and this conversation is a battlefield. His head feels so heavy it might explode. “Her ass is a genetic mystery and I would hold her hand so _fucking_ gently.”

Rose and Dave exchange wide-eyed glances, but John doesn't let them speak. “I just really like her,” he squeezes his eyes shut and presses his hands into his forehead, breathing it all out again. “Dude, fuck."

He clutches his head. "I just really like _all of you_.”

John presses his lips tightly together and silently prays for a train to smash into him so he doesn’t have to hear their reactions. He feels his pulse slow all the way down to a stop, and he desperately waits for the tension to dissipate. The room is completely quiet.

And then boom, like out of no where, Rose breaks the silence. She shatters it. He opens his eyes open tentatively, and Rose is grinning brighter than he had seen her for months, toppling over herself with snorty, breathy, uncontrollable chuckling.

“Well, what a coincidence!” Rose says through gasps of loud laughter, unwrapping herself from Dave with a grin that made her squinty with joy. She stretches out grasps for John’s hand. Something inside him soars with bubbles and sap at the contact, something warm in his chest, like a good kind of burning, a feeling that reminds him of sneaking into Rose’s room in the middle of the night to steal kisses. A feeling that reminds him of Dave chasing him on the playground, of his hands flat on Jades against cold piano keys. A feeling completely unrivaled by anything.

He briefly wonders if she knew he would react like this, or if it was all some kind of enormous gamble, but he doesn't have much time to reflect on it. Her fingers curl around his skin and tighten with a wink. “So do we.”

John feels his face heat up, from his cheeks to his ears, and Dave is all laughter and shrugs.

“Yeah man,” he rolls his eyes. “Join our gay incestuous poly train from hell.”

John parts his lips but doesn’t have any time to speak, because Rose is already yanking him into their pile firmly. He goes down with a yelp and sinks into a tangled mess of boney freckled limbs, cold lips pressing against his skin and laughing into his collarbone.

“Ah!” He laughs shakily, a flurry of lips pressing firmly to his skin. “Oh geez, Rose, what are you--” He tries to speak more through hazy and scattered kisses, four hands tugging him down, but Rose laughs.

“I think,” she presses another sloppy kiss to his forehead. “I think it’s time I joined this ridiculous circle of polyamory Dave and Jade are trying oh so very hard to initiate.”

“Oh, so you know about that?” Dave raises an eyebrow, one of his hands is curled around John’s wrist, and John finds it’s getting harder to think straight. Rose shrugs.

“Dave, I think at this point...” she starts with a chuckle. She pauses to kiss him firmly on the lips, something simple but something so weirdly intimate that John’s not sure if he should look away just to be polite or what. She pulls away first, tilting her head a little to the side. “I am fully capable of assuming.”

She smiles and dives back into John, and John lets out an uncontrollable string of laughter at all her kisses. He tries to blink his eyes open, bogged down with limbs and lips and fighting to find his voice to speak. “But...what about Jade,” he manages to mumble through Rose’s incessant kisses into his neck, through Dave’s tugging at his hands. “She doesn't know about the move yet, at all.”

Very obviously pretending not to hear him, John watches Rose give Dave a little eyebrow quirk. His stomach drops with anxiety and warmth when Dave starts kissing back, Rose blows a raspberry against his cheek, and that was the last time anyone speaks until morning.


	15. where it ends and stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i'm turning 18 tommorow. that's not a chapter summary at all but i dont play by the rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways this is it! the big finale! the end! curtain close! thank you SO MUCH FOR READING all of your comments and kudos mean the world to me. this has been such a tremendous experience for me as a writer and as an artist and my heart is so touched by all the warm reception this silly thing has gotten so THANK YOU!!!
> 
> i want to make it by 4/13 but I COULDNT. I FAILED, by like FOUR DAYS. take this unworthily timed thing anyways.

In the morning, Rose, John, and Dave make plans to surprise Jade.

It takes them awhile, too. A really, really long while. I mean a straight up fucking week. Literally seven full and entire days that came with seven full and entire nights and everything, and they spend the whole time squabble _relentlessly_. All of it over JUST how, when, and where they were going to do it, but Roses plans were too complicated, Daves plans were too not complicated, and Johns plans were just so sappy that no one wanted to even look at him.

“Okay,” John starts, fiddling with his fingers on the couch one lazy summer sunday. Rose raises her eyebrows begrudgingly and his eyes are wide with excitement and she loves him so dearly but it has to end. He takes a breath. “Okay, I totally have one.”

“We’re not serenading her with boom boxes on our shoulders,” Rose cuts him off promptly, twirling her fingers loosely through Daves hair in her lap. “That just...that doesn’t work, John. Besides, we’ll wake the whole neighborhood.”

John groans and sputters and parts his lips like he wants to argue, but Rose raises an eyebrow in just the right angle to let him know he need not. He sticks his tongue out.

“Okay,” Dave cuts in with a sigh, breathing out slow on Rose’s lap, eyebrows scratching tiny wrinkles in his forehead. “Alright, seriously, can we please just fucking write her a card or something? I’m so tired of arguing about this.”

Roses lips quirk into a tightly kept frown. She let’s go of Dave’s hair and exhales, tilting her head onto her palm heavily, and hey, maybe a card or something wouldn't be that bad. It wouldn't be that bad, yeah, but somehow It just didn't feel right.

She rolls her eyes upward, clucking her tongue and sneaking a glance through the open window to catch a glimpse of Jade in the sun. She’s helping her grandpa stack mulch today, and Rose can see her stretching in the open wind with her fists curled into the air.  Mulch bags lie heavy on her sun speckled shoulders and she’s grinning, dressed in nothing but a tank top and heart print pink pajama bottoms. Theres this little offended huff of air she takes a second later, eyes narrowed, when suddenly her grandpa cackles and smears her arm with a handful of deep brown dirt. So she screams and laughs before lunging back at him, and Rose sputters out a noise of quiet endearment and--no. No, no way, she decides. She just can’t give her a fucking card.

“ John is right,” she nods slowly. “His methods are questionable and overwhelming scented with the burdening stench of cheese, but this has to be done properly.”

Dave groans, John laughs and kisses her on the cheek, and it’s an argument that almost never ends.

And hey, they’re trying. Common ground is sought after time after time to no avail. They go everywhere and they avoid it everywhere. Anywhere. Three trips to the mall. Four trips to the beaches, and one terrible occasion of tipsy skinny dipping that will never ever be discussed again. Rose even tries to get John drunk enough to propose to Jade in public, which didn’t work, and John will never forgive her for it, but it was still pretty funny.

But in the end, they’re running out of time and they know it. It’s two weeks until they go back home. Three weeks until Rose and Dave move to Texas. Time is a thin motherfucker and these asswipes are just stretching it open.

So they continue their reckless lives as horrid procrastinators all the way up until one chilly summer night, tucked tight under the blankets, when they realize they have no choice. They have to make a decision. You know, like, as soon as fucking possible.

“Okay,” John starts, quietly, carefully, because Jade sleeping like right over there. It’s dark and quiet and sleepiness seeps into every limb and sinks them to the bottom like weights. “I think I actually have a winner.”

“T-shirts are too expensive and time consuming to make,” Rose sighs beside him, arms squished between him and Dave, but this time her expression is sympathetic. “I heard you talking about it earlier. Sorry. It’s an incredibly charming idea, though.”

“Oh, god fucking damnit,” John groans and throws his head back into the pillow face down. “Ugh, alright, it’s fine, I have a backup anyways.”

He rolls his eyes, switching the weight of his head onto his cheek, and he looks disappointed but his pout is so silly that Rose can’t help but laugh at him just a little bit. John frowns.  “This is something totally unexpected of me, and I would personally fight you to the death if you ever this this to me, but....we’re obviously running out of options.”  Rose raises an eyebrow. John bites his lip. “What if we just make her a fucking cake?”

There's a moment of stunned silence. Then, Dave snorts noisily all the way from the other side of Rose and it’s loud and ridiculous.

“I can’t believe you made me hear that with my own ears,” he mumbles, and he’s half asleep, but when the poly plan is being discussed sometimes you just gotta force it. He’s been getting better rest lately, but the dark circles under his eyes weren’t gone yet. He yawns. “Your dad would be so proud. You know what? Let’s fucking do it.”

“Yessssss,” John throws his hands into the air, a big sleepy grin on his big sleepy face. “Score!!”  

“Hm. We could write the message in icing, I suppose,” Rose hums, cheek squashed against John’s shoulder. She flutters her eyes shut and nuzzles deeper into the crook of his neck with a content sigh.  “It’s simple. But sweet.”

“So, you like it?” John pokes at her cheeks, Rose smiles and feels herself slowly drift away against the warmth of John’s neck.

“Yes,” she says simply. “I like it.”

 

~~ ~

The next morning, when Jade is out and away on the lifeguard job that she should not at all still have, they make it happen. They make the cake.

It takes hours and absolutely _obliterates_ the kitchen, mostly because it’s fucking massive, but also because it needed far more sugar and flour than all three of them could have possibly planned for. So after four grand, beautiful, messy as shit attempts, it is done. It is huge and bright green and dripping to the floor with frosting, it’s magnificent and beauteous, and it’s also slightly atrocious because of a slight dent in it from where Daves fat ass had accidentally descended upon it. But, you know what? Dave’s ass dent aside, it works. It totally works. It’s charming, they guess.

**  
**  


John frosts on top the beautiful words “Will you poly us?” perfect in white print, and it only took one go! These two could take some god damn notes. John is 100% convinced it’s gonna win her heart, and he is also 100% certain that he’s never letting Rose and Dave touch the oven ever again.

So once the cake was made, the rest was hypothetically smooth sailing. It’s all decided. They’re going to tell her tonight, bonfire night, and it’s going to work out so well because there’s no way this can go wrong.

When they’re done, John carries the cake in a compact box: something sturdy and too tall for Dave's ass to accidentally wreck again, but unfortunately also carrying with it the air of mystery and excitement. Jade gets home from lifeguard duty and hovers over it the second John carts it out of the kitchen.

“What's in the box, John?” She sneaks up behind him and whispers it, so suddenly that John instantly yelps out of his goddamn skin. Her arms wrap around his neck and her chin parks sharply on his shoulder, and his fingers instinctively grip around the corners, but he takes a deep breath.

“Oh, just bees wax,” John rolls his eyes, casually, cooly. He sets it down all gentle in the corner, releasing his fingers from it’s burdening pastry weight and desperately holding on to the fact that he just has to make it to the bonfire and then he’s free.

“Dude, if you finish that joke, I’m gonna snap.” Jade scrunches her nose and squeezes tighter, but Jade is a fool for it is TOO LATE!! John snorts.

“So much beeswax,” John laughs and Jade unwraps from his neck instantaneously. “And none of it is yours!! OH!!”

“I’m snapping!” She shouts, pokes him sharply in the stomach, and John keels over. She’s all jokes, groans, and grumbles, but there is thin veil of dangerous suspicion in her narrowed eyes that secretly scares the shit out of him. John feels fear down to his bones.

Regardless, they still make it to the bonfire without incident, and it’s still going alright, it’s going okay. It's a beautiful fucking day, too. There's this light sprinkle of rain and cool clouds, the air warm with light droplets of water sprinkling their skin as they approach the site. There were even like, cute little birds and shit flying over the sky in their strange little gaggles. Totally romantic. This is going to go over so well, with absolutely no hitches. They spend exactly forty minutes trying to light the bonfire before Jade does it for them.

They roast marshmellows the microsecond the flame is up, and everyone's burning them to a crisp, but Dave and Rose are weird and like it like that. And John's trying to have fun over here, he swears, but the goddamn cake box is staring him down with it’s stupid invisible cardboard eyes. It leans against one of the logs cast to the side like a jealous lover and Jade has been shooting it suspicious glares the entire while.

“This is the worst wedgie i've ever had, who wants details?” She squirms with a laugh against Johns side, her hands hovering lightly over the fire. Her eyes are lowered like she's never seen anything cooler in her whole life, with a huge grin and orange light flickering against her face. The sun was going down, but the fire’s bright enough that no one worries.

“Please share,” Rose laughs across from her, roughly kicking off her slippers into the grass. “Oh, theres nothing I've ever wanted to hear more!”

Dave has a faint grin beside her which signals Jade to proceed to elaborate grotesquely. Every once in awhile, John can see Dave and Rose giving each other anxious glances between each other and the box, and he knows the question is on everyone's mind: when, when, when.

They agreed that since John is the only person Jade hasn’t basically completely and explicitly made out with, the fitting responsibility of knowledge bequeath-ment should lie upon on his dutiful shoulders. And he’s trying. He feels the words form on the tip of his lips when Jades head falls against his shoulder so sweetly, but they choke themselves down and grind themselves up before he can even try to breathe life into them. Sweat gathers at his temples. He thinks about pressing kisses to her against his dads piano and his hands shake.

“Okay, ew, this is enough!” She groans, and is otherwise generally disgusting. “I’m going to pull it out hold on.” It is then when she reaches behind her choice ass ever so gracefully to pick out her wedgie clean out of her butt that John decides she is the most elegant creature on the planet.  

Shit plops back down with a cackle, and John swallows his breath. Dave looks at him with eyes that scream “ _SAY IT_ ,” and John swishes his head to Rose. She also looks at him with eyes that scream  “ _SAY IT_ ,” except with more gentle...eye motions, he guesses? But the words just won't come out. Jade lets out a lovely little sigh and wraps herself around Johns arm, closing her eyes and letting the heat of the fire wash over them, and the words are dead on Johns tongue.

“You’re gross,” he says instead, nose scrunched, watching Dave and Rose simultaneously  dive into their palms with all the second hand embarrassment he knows he deserves. Jade chuckles as she nuzzles deeper into his arm.

She spends another second watching the fire, orange flames reflecting in her eyes brightly, and no one says anything for awhile. The fire cracks and snaps, the smores drip and burn, and the steady sprinkle of light rain starts to pitter pat patter a little harder. John absentmindedly worries about the fire, but honestly, he has more pressing issues to concentrate on, so he swallows his fear and thinks about every cheesey love movie he has even seen in vain hopes of emulating their charm.

"Days like this, dude," Jade yawns after a little spell of fire crackling silence. Her hoodie is propped up snugly over her head, peeking a little before her eyes, but still not enough to fully contain her jungle of hair. Embers flicker by her bare legs and she lets out this soul-crushing, wistful sigh. "Don't they make you wish...that we could live like this every day?"

John smiles a little at that, a light sigh escaping his lips and into the air. Feeling nerves tug at his throat again, he locks eyes with Rose for reassurance, who then scans his expression with tightly knit eyebrows and a worrisome frown. Dave sits cross legged beside her, three crispy black smores pierced by the same stick. He’s got an anxious little head tilt, twitchy movements and tics of impatience riddled throughout the motions in his scrawny fingers. John lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He's gonna say it. He’s going to do it. He has to. He opens his mouth.

"Yeah, maybe someday,” he starts, pushing through the lumps in his throat, and Jade looks at him curiously. Now’s the time to shine, and the words are finally starting to come out. He’s doing this. He's doing this!!! “Maybe...someday we can move down with Rose and Dave when they….”

Wait.

“ _John_ ,” Rose cuts him off abruptly, harshly, eyes wide with hot alarm and warning, and Dave’s mouth is hanging open and shit, shit. Okay! Yeah! Shit. Shit!! Shit, right. John catches on his tongue, and his hands fly into his mouth. Jade raises her eyebrows. He can still save this! It’s not that bad. He can still save it!!

“They,” he stumbles, eyes darting from Dave and Roses shocked stares and Jade’s confused one. Jade lets go of his arm slowly and turns to frown at him softly, and it feels like game over, man. “Shit,” he stumbles, shifting his knees against the dirt. “Fuck, fuck, no I mean if Rose and Dave weren’t moving, I - “

“ _John,_ ” Dave's even more high pitched than Rose, now, frowning intensely, hands thrown in front of him like a warning and god damnit god fucking damnit.

Jade stares a hole through John.

“What?” She narrows her eyebrows, whipping her head from Rose and Dave to John, and John stutters out a million half phrases and full cliches, from a dozen _it’s not what you think_ s to even a few _you’ve got it all wrong_ s, but it’s too late. He can’t save it. Reality comes a knocking, swinging it’s meaty and undesirable fist directly in his direction with no holding back.

“No!” John shakes his head at last, crumbling his face into his hands desperately. “No, no, no, shit. Oh god. I’m so sorry”

Jade’s eyes are wide, and he can tell just by looking just how deeply he fucked up. Orange light flickers brightly against her face and she has never looked more sad and confused and disbelieving in her entire life, not even when Rose told her that Santa Claus wasn't real, like, for real . He winces. It’s feels like they were setting up to throw her a surprise birthday party except that the surprise was that they ran over her dog and also initiated the apocalypse.

It’s like they’re sort of sitting in the middle of a storm, John sliding guilty glances on the overlooking the beaches like the waves will reach out and save him if he just keeps staring. Its raining, drizzling sort of, and everything is just so quiet for a second. The beach looks calm but it’s still raining, a little harder than it was before. In a few seconds, the fire dims into a smokey stop.

Jade is as silent as the dead, her pursed lips lightly trembling as fat drops of rain roll over them. Suddenly, she spins her head to Dave.

“Are you really moving?” she practically whispers, eyes so wide and so green and so sad, and Dave bites at his lip. He grits his teeth with a wince and takes that deep, guilty, guilty breath they all knew so well, and it’s almost like he doesn’t have to answer. Rose sits pretty and looks terrified beside him with bright eyes still and locked into John like a crutch. Dave let’s out a sigh and adjusts his shades. “...Yeah,” he breathes out, and that was that.

“You’re moving.” Jade repeats, head tilting down, disbelief deep set in her eyes, and wow!! this is terrible!! John’s pulse is racing and this is really genuinely terrible.

“To Texas,” Rose interjects quietly, stony eyed, hair fluttering ever so slightly in the wind a little like paper when it gets wet. She pushes herself to stand up and jabs pale fists into her jacket pockets. “In two weeks. We’ve known for awhile. I’m...I....”

She looks away, over the shore. “...We should have told you.”

Theres a little gasp right before Jade chokes out a wobbly, breathy "Oh." Her eyes get glassy, her hands get shakey, and she won’t look at John at all which hurts in a way he doesn’t expect it to. A second later, and she’s pushing herself off of the dirt roughly by the palms, standing tall as a building and when she glares at Dave teeth bared like the world is ending. It really couldn’t get worse than this.

Except it totally does, because she then proceeds to lunge at him.

“ _The whole time_!” She screams, and John screams, and her fists wailing harshly against Dave's arm and this is looking really bad. John’s brain does like a tiny flip and slam dunks itself back into place. “God! You _asshole_ ,” she screams. “You knew the whole _fucking time_ , didn’t you!” Her face is red from screaming and exhaustion and her voice is strained.

“Yikes,” is the only noise Dave makes in return, combined with several nervous winces that in turn make John second hand wince, and then he just let’s her throw back a second one like it’s nothing.

It wasn’t a hard punch, sort of more like...a wobbly firm one. It’s a connection that drips with anger and frustration, but with all the soft instability of desperation. It looks harsh and harmless at the same time. Jade rolls her arm back for a third one, and with a scream, that’s about when Rose steps in. With eyebrows furrowed, she grabs Jade harshly by the arms and rips her backward to clutch her to her chest tightly, and Jade squirms in her grasp.

“Jade, calm down!” Rose yells through Jade’s wriggling, holding her back firmly, sternly, but Jades always been a fidgety motherfucker and keeps squirming. Staring back at her, Dave tightens his frown and John so sincerely wishes in that moment that he'd take off his glasses for once in his dumb life so that he can read his dumb expression. Then, suddenly, Jade stops wrestling and screams out a loud breath of irritation.

“I thought-” wet, glassy tears are streaming down her face like tiny rivers, now, and she angrily wipes each one away with tight fists. Her face is scrunched up and her lips are wobbling dangerously and John is absolutely helpless to the chaos he caused, motionless, fingers and limbs stiffened with fresh shock like he was a taxidermy project. Jade’s eyes are still locked on Dave and her anger gradually melts from this steamy passion into desperate wet tears. “I _really_ thought,” she chokes. “That this was going to be ok!”

“It will,” Dave tries to say, calmly, and the rain starting to really pick it up and pour it down. John's hair is clinging to his neck. Jade’s fit to burst.

“Not if you’re moving _halfway across the country_ ,” She screams out in a huff of breath and John notices her fists tighten at her sides, knuckles turning white. Rose grunts in irritation and fastens her arms harder against her. “Not when half of us are _missing_ you massive sack of wet dicks!!”

Dave stands up and a heavy sigh escapes his mouth. Jade's breathing hard, expression cracking into sobs now, and he raises his hands in a sort of surrender.

“Rose, it’s okay,” Dave sighs. “Here...just…god, I don’t fucking know, let her go. She can hit me if she wants, because shit, this is kind of awful.”

Rose fires him an incredulous look, but Jade is the one who responds.

“Ugh, no!” Jade’s fists unclench with her expression and her teeth are chattering. “God. I don’t _want_ to hurt you.”

“Bro.” Dave gestures sharply to his inflicted arm and Jade instantaneously groans.

“Okay, I really do,” she shouts, rolling her eyes. “I really, really do, but I won’t because I care about you and I'm not an asshole. Are you happy? God, you’re such a jerk.” She exhales harshly and leans motionless into Rose. Rose exhales. Hesitantly, with a few nervous glances to John and Dave, Rose loosens her arms to free her, and Jade steadies her out on her feet when she’s free. She quickly smudges angry tears from her cheeks before letting another deep breath out, sniffing back her pride.  

“Well, what do you want?” Dave's eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a little silence as the rain pours down harder.

Jade sighs.

“You to stay?” she mumbles, unsteady on her feet, and it strikes a familiar chord into John that unsettles him. He shifts in place uncomfortably, and Dave’s quiet.

In what seems like a complete gamble of action, Dave suddenly reaches out and takes her hands into his own gently. She gives him a sour look dripping with layers and layers of confusion and anger, but his thumbs smooth over her palms.

“Okay. I know I should have told you,” Dave sighs. The mean look Jade gives him when she stares up is more than enough to tell him this is true, but he continues anyway. “Seriously. I know. It sucks, I suck, and we can both hate the shit out of me in a second. But I mean it. You should really open the box before you explode.”

She frowns at him, narrowed eyes.  “Too late,” she mutters softly and wobbles ever so slightly on her bare feet. “I’m already exploding.”

Dave gives her a faint chuckle, and John searches their faces for any sign of forgiveness, but it’s mostly just hurt and silence. Finally, Rose snaps him a subtle pleading look between him and the box, and John’s shoulders instinctively hunch. Right. Loose tree branches snap under his feet when he reaches over the log to grab it, and his hands are shaking with anxiety when he pull the corners back roughly. With a few grunts of effort, he finally sets the box in front of Jade. He looks over her drooping limbs and tearful eyes when he steps back from her, and that harsh feeling of seizing guilt nags at his nerves again.

“This really wasn’t how this is supposed to go,” John coughs, helpfully giving the box a tiny shove toward her. “But...you know. Shit happens. Here.”

Jade stares at John for a second, hesitantly, eyebrows furrowed, and John goes to stand back with Rose and Dave. She gives him another look, chews her bottom lip anxiously, and with a sigh, finally reaches toward the box. She wipes away at her tears and with a deep breath, her dark fingers tear away at all the shitty taped cardboard and snag away the stickers. Rose and Dave watch nervously, Rose noticeably fiddling with her fingers when Jade flips open the cardboard flaps. But then suddenly her eyes widen and it’s like the air around them stops.

“Oh my god,” she mumbles when she sees it. from over her shoulder, John can see that it’s still in good condition, still frosted alright, and even despite Dave’s slight ass mark in the corner. In a flash, she spins to face the three of them as they huddle together with a mixture of embarrassed and saddened expressions. John watches Jade rub her knuckles, darting between the cake and the three of them. “Is this…” Jade clears her throat, wrapping her hands around the plate of the cake and tugging it toward her. She squints. “Am I reading this right?”

“I mean, probably not, John’s handwriting is shit,” Dave shrugs. John kicks him.

“And the little question mark is a little fuzzy because Dave fucking sat on it,” John rolls his eyes sternly “But, hey. Here it is.” John offers her a weak smile and Jade chokes back a laugh.

“Aw, geez,” she drags her hands to her cheeks. She sinks to her knees, she plops in the dirt to get a better grip on the cake, and she pulls it roughly into her lap. “Geez, am I...am I being poly’d right now?”

“Yes, Jade, you’re being poly’d right now,” Rose snorts out a cute little giggling sound with her black lipped smile concealed delicately with the cup of her hand. “Even despite the...morose circumstances.”

Jades expression melts instantly, from sad and crushed to bright and refreshing, and with a noise that sounded vaguely like a dying ferret, she sinks into her hands. “Oh my god,” she mumbles through toothy smiles, “Oh my god, I’m being poly’d right now.”

Dave pushes out a reassuring grin when he sinks to his knees beside her. He props his elbows onto his knees so his shoulder nudges into her, and she turns to face him hesitantly. John stands back with Rose, exchanging worried and sympathetic looks with each other, but Dave lets out a sigh.

“Hey,” he mumbles. Jade snaps to turn to him sternly.

“Oh, no no, I’m still mad at you!!” She let’s out an exhausted sigh, mumbling to herself.  “But,” she traces the rim of the cake platter with her fingers lightly and sighs. “But if you’re moving, how are we all...”

“Okay, what is with you and John about long distance, man,” Dave laughs, all light and simple, and John rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be hard, but like, the internet exists. We’re modern people in a modern world, dude. We can make it work.”

Jade doesn’t say anything at first, but she does smile a little and peers down at the cake in her lap. Rain falls on their heads a little harder. She pulls loose, wet black hair behind her ears and Dave smirks. His hair is beginning to stick to his forehead from the rain in clumps of blonde.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters. “About, you know, literally all of this? Literally this entire clusterfuck of a shit situation. I think we all have some serious, soap opera level communication issues to work through, here.”

John squeezes Roses hand with a snicker, but Jade snorts. “You think so, Dave,?” She laughs with a tilt of her head, raising her eyebrows sarcastically, but she’s smiling. She wipes away the excess tears from her eyes, and as she lifts her hands to drag him closer, her head thuds gently into his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he wraps his fingers into her sopping hair, and his voice drops to a tone so soft John has to strain to hear it. “You’re right, though. I was avoiding it and it was stupid and I should have told you.” John watches him take a deep breath. “It’s not an excuse, but you were just...so hopeful? Okay, nevermind, that sounds exactly like an excuse. I didn’t want your hopes to get, you know, completely squashed by the ass that is distance.  And the moving sucks an unholy amount of dicks and everything but--”

“Ugh,” Jade shoves him away lightly with one hand, sad laughter slowly lightening her expression. “It’s okay, doofus. I’m really fucking mad at you. But I forgive you, alright?” She looks down at the cake with a lost smile and links her arm into Dave’s. “You’re the worst person in the whole world and you’re not getting any of this cake, but I forgive you.”

Dave chokes out a laugh. “What the fuck, my ass made that cake.”

“Yeah, made a _dent_ in that cake!!”

“Hey, Rose is moving too, you know. Suspend _her_ cake-having rights. Where’s the justice in this world.”

“Oh, but Rose is prettier,” Jade sniffs, and Dave crushes his shoulder into hers with laughter. Rose lights up next to John, squeezing his arm dearly, and in a flash of beautiful expression she raises an eyebrow.

“So…,” She clears her throat, lovingly letting go of John’s hand to plop herself beside Jade in the dirt. “I take it we’re all an item, now?”

“We better be,” Dave snorts. “God, that was like, straight up 9 months worth of romantic tension.”

John instantly feels his face scrunch into a grin, and he drops to his knees beside Dave. “So, what, you’re the three lights of my life?” he grins, elbowing Dave roughly. “My three ones and only’s?”

“Shit. The three that I want, hoo hoo, honey’s,” Dave adds, breaking bits his sentences with bouts of laughter, and Jade falls into a squinty grin. Rose nods cheerfully alongside them, her eyes all serious and sparkling with mockery.

“The three fires of my loins?” She cocks a sarcastic eyebrow, all low and sultry and so fucking ridiculous that no one can help bursting into happy laughter. John’s breath settles, but a few seconds later, and Jades giggle fits don’t end.

Everyone just watches her go, watching as her giggles slowly melt into a hearty laugh, and it really is something to witness. Suddenly it’s like she can't stop, her laughs all big and snorty, all filled with air gulping sounds, noises too squealing, too happy, too full and far too bright. She laughs so hard that she actually chokes out a little bit of smore and even has to be patted roughly on the back by John, but even then, she just tosses her head back again with eyes squeezed shut and chortles away.

She keeps laughing, giggling, wild as she peers down at the beautiful butt-dented cake her friends made and  hunching as she sinks into herself. When she looks up, still laughing, John alarmingly notes the new tears in her eyes. Worry strikes into Rose and Dave’s expression when she let’s out a mournful, horrible weeping sob.

“Oh, don’t go,” she wipes them all away with her knuckles, shifting her glasses and letting out another tiny sob. “Oh god, please don’t go.”

~ ~ ~

The weeks pass by like a snap and they’re inseparable. Everywhere they went, they went like they were connected to the hip.

It was weird, too. It was like nothing changed. They were still best friends. They still shove each other over and laugh at each others expense to no end, except now with bonus smooching. Now...with a new layer of understanding to their dumb complicated teen emotions. It was a fumble to figure kisses and affection and it takes Jade forever to get used to the notion that Dave and Rose won’t be there forever.

She kisses John with no guilt, now, not just joke smooches, or revenge smooches, or fake cpr smooches. Real kisses!! Ones at three in the morning, where he laughs into it, tells her she’s gross and traces sleepy patterns into her skin. Ones with heavy weight to it that lead to low touches and light laughter. He says that she’s pretty and falls asleep with her hand clutched into his.

Rose adopted a habit of spinning her into loops. She tells her she’s been secretly  “taking lessons” from John in order to one up her, and it really really shows. She has completely defeated Jade on this and dances like a true professional! What a jerk.

"It's not a competition, Rose!" Jade laughs one day after Rose threatens to dip her, and Jade has never seen Rose look so genuinely puzzle in her life.

"It's not?" She arches an eyebrow, and Jade’s proud, but also filled with enough newfound passive-aggressive fuel to set fire to the world.

They’re completely inseparable on the road trip back home, on the final week back home, and all the way up to the actual moving date as the house gets more and more bare.

And then it’s over.

Mama Lalonde spends some final moments packing the final pieces in the car, and Rose and Dave leap on every opportunity to sneak a million goodbye touches, kisses, squeezes, but it never feels like enough.

They both swear through soft murmurs and harsh grumbles that they'll drive up every stupid fucking birthday, summer, and holiday and nothing short of divine intervention and shit gas mileage will stop them. Jade does not at all fail to point out that they do, in fact, have shit gas mileage. Dave does not at all fail to tell her to shut the fuck up.

Rose presses tiny secret kisses to Jades forehead, and it’s something almost too sweet to look at. Dave watches as she kisses every inch of John’s face, and it’s something almost too sad to look at. Dave gives John’s hand a final squeeze, Jades cheek a final kiss, and a grand wave goodbye wave to that creaking wooden front porch his stupid ass grew up on and that was it.

After a few more tearful hugs and quiet kisses, they finally pile into the car and just like that, those blond freckled fucks who used to chase them around the playground with pudgy fingers and the pink cheeks of childhood are gone with the wind.

Rose is tense beside Dave in the car, seconds from breaking, stoney faced, just like him. John and Jade wave from their car. They’re choked up, chapped lips parting in agonizing pain.

It’s a miserable thing.

They wave from the backseat of their car and in a few minutes, a few sympathetic looks from their mom, it was all over. John and Jade are specks in the distance.

~ ~ ~

Long distance is pretty weird at first. Its rough being severed from a physical connection you’ve had to someone your entire life.

So, they skyped everyday. They drove their phone bills to hell and back sending pictures, sending messages, calls from the a.m. to the p.m.. They drove the mailmen crazy with nonstop packages and letters and glitter bombs and they just couldn't stop themselves.

“Have you gotten your horses yet?” John mocks, laughing at the laptop resting angled on his skinny legs. He shugs. “You know, since you’re assimilating to Texan culture and all that.”

“Oh, yes,” Rose nods matter-of-factly from the skype window, pixelated and low resolution blocks of blonde but still ever so beautiful in pajama pants and a long t-shirt. “There are legal consequences otherwise, of course."

“Wow!” Jade leans over John’s shoulder, chin squishing painfully into his shoulder and arms wrapped around his middle. Her hair’s pulled back in a scrunchy and yet still manages to cloud John’s vision with it’s immense floof, and she’s grinning. “That’s pretty rough. Are there legal consequences for forgetting your cowboy hats, too?””

“Absolutely!” Rose’s eyes widen in pretend innocence. Her hands fly to her cheeks and John laughs when beautiful little Mutie pushes past her and rubs himself against the screen. Rose has to gently remove him before continuing.  “Not wearing cowboy hats is akin to nudity here in Texas. Completely essential. Fines and jail time for public indecency are the only suitable punishments.”

Mutie sits in her lap, now, purring wildly audible even though this shitty laptop speaker. Rose strokes him behind the ear and drops her voice low. “Oh, I cannot even speak of the lashings one might receive for forgetting your trusty sidearm!”

“That sounds horrible!” Jade laughs, and John pushes through her hair to show them that he is totally rolling his eyes right now.

“Okay, what about your southern accents guys?” He crosses his arms with his eyebrows raised. “I mean, come on! Where are they! I feel like I’m being cheated out of the true southern experience here.”

“Good fucking god,” John suddenly hears Dave yell from what sounds like rooms away from Rose. “I am feeling so discriminated against already and I’ve lived here, like, a week, come on." He continues, echoing slightly. “And for the record, the nudity fines for forgetting your cowboy hat aren't THAT bad.”

~ ~ ~ ~

 

“Jade broke into the school again,” John tattles on Jade all sing songy one day, and it’s late at night, a school night, so he’s trying to keep it down but he just can’t control himself. “I don’t know how she does it.”

“Holy shit, Jade,” Dave laughs softly from the other end. He's half asleep, rubbing at his eyes, and Rose is knocked out cold beside him. “Dude, when you get arrested I swear to god I won’t pay your damn bail.”

Jade sighs from her end of the call. She cradles a bowl of soup is in her hands and her hair is in a messy bun. “Look man!” She starts, taking a long, pixelated sip. “Sometimes being home schooled gets really lonely!! Sometimes you just gotta break into some schools so the _thrill_ fills the _emptiness!_ ”

“You didn't have to bridal style carry me out of class, man,” John snorts, and Dave bursts into laughter.

“You didn't have to date me, John!!” Jade narrows her eyebrows.“This is just the price you now must pay for being on the Jade train. Get over it!!”

~ ~ ~

~~ TentacleTherapist has sent a picture! ~~  


EB: rose is that  


EB: rose is that our sweet, perfect and innocent mutie defecating on our boyfriend  


TT: ;)  


EB: rose!!!! rose answer me!!!!  


EB: YOU STOP ENCOURAGING DELINQUENT BEHAVIOUR FROM OUR CAT CHILD WHEN I CAN'T BE THERE TO STOP YOU RIGHT THE FUCK NOW ROSE I SWEAR TO GOD  


 

EB: ROSE  


EB: ROSE!!!  


GG: lol  


~ ~ ~

Jade sits in her bedroom, pitch black and quiet, with the only source of light being the bluish pale flicker from the computer screen. She leans against the desk with a sigh, and Rose laughs at her.

“It seems the weak have fallen,” She gestures to the screen darkly with a sarcastic cackle. Jade looks at the skype window, and yeah, yep, John and Dave are knocked out cold in their dimly lit rooms, breathing steadily with their cheeks squished against their pillows because they’re tiny babies. Rose clucks her tongue. “And it’s only four in the morning. How sad.”

“Rose, it’s like, five in the morning here!” Jade rolls her eyes sleepily, and her bare toes curl against the carpet floor of her desk with an amused smile. Rose laughs, bright and happy, and she doesn’t even look tired. She’s fucking weird.

“Please,” she winks. She’s outrageous. “We all know whose time zone is the true time zone, Jade.”

Jade snorts and lets out a string of giggles, leaning over her mug of hot chocolate with a grin. She gazes lovingly into the skype window with Rose there, laying on her bed in a hoodie and sweatpants, and she smirks. Jade sighs and the nights a still quiet again.

“I miss you,” Jade whispers into her screen softly. “I miss you so much.”

~ ~ ~ ~

They spend months up to the ends of the night like this, whispering soft sappy I love yous and  chortled I hate yous in exchange of silly jokes and heartfelt intimacy before falling asleep, laptops, computers, and phones all propped open by their beds.

Almost every day and every night, this was the routine. Get home from school. Call Rose and Dave. Fall asleep.

Until, almost a year later.

Little umbrellas are slung over their shoulders, and they’re dressed in shit fancier than John had ever known them to dress in. But when John yanks open the door to answer the bell, he knows exactly who they are.

And they don’t even get to say a single word before Jade and John attack them.

“Oh my god!” Jade’s screaming, “Oh my god!” John is screaming,

“Jesus, my fucking ears,” Dave is screaming, but who the fuck ever listens to Dave.

Jade and John leap into their arms, and the weight is too much and everyone gets toppled into the grass like screaming children. It’s hard to hear things with John’s heart is pounding over any words, and Jade is yelping, arms squeezing around those two freckled fucks like her life depended on it. Wet grass slides against their limbs, but their skin is warm, and no one stops even when the cold rain soaks into their skin enough for their teeth to chatter.

“Did you drive all the way here?” Jade screams, eyes bright and wide, and her arms are locked around Rose’s neck like she can’t let go, hands flying through her hair over and over, and Rose is cracking up. She presses against her with a smile brighter than the sun.

“No, Jade, we walked,” was her snappy reply, dripping in joy, and god it felt good to hear her beautiful voice in person again.

They touch cheeks and hands, lips and skin, and for a moment  it’s like they never left. It’s that first contact again, man, smooth skin, dry lips, flashes of warmth and joy searing through every nerve and they’re back, they’re home, they’re here.

“We came here dressed to the nines for a reason, you know,” Rose laughs, kissing back, pulling back. “As much as I’d love to roll around in wet grass with you both all evening,  we’ve got places to be.”

“Yeah,” Dave nods in agreement and pushes himself up, offering his hand to Jade to to help her up. She takes it with a grin and yanks up with a laugh, steadied wobbling against his hands. Then Dave turns to John.

John shoots a hesitant look at Jade, who returns it in kind. Dave just snorts, dusting off blades of wet grass from off of his pants legs.  “Well?” He cocks an eyebrow. “Why the fuck are you all just standing there?  It’s prom. Come on.”

He holds out his hand to help John up, pale and outstretched, but all John can do is stare at it.

“You drove across the fucking country,” he starts. “...to try to take us to prom?”

“Yeah,” Dave rolls his eyes. “The surprise part was my idea. We’re only here for a day, John, and time’s ticking, so just take my fucking hand already.”

He does.

~ ~ ~

Well, they get kicked out because John is the only one who even attends the fucking school, but it’s not like that’s stopped them before.

So they drive back home and swing open the gates to John’s back yard, the sky pouring rain, and they throw the music on to full blast. It rains all night and they get soaked to the bone but that’s what they’re here for, honestly, and the nostalgia burns in such a good way. They dance, laugh, and shit man they even cry a little. They hold onto each other with skinny limbs and let cold water drip down their skin just like the year before, except with way less broken down car.

The music pounds through their pulse and their ears and shivers through their spines. The moon glimmers brightly over their faces, and even if it’s only for a day, and even if it’s only for now, they can’t tear themselves away from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so now that ive officially written more words in this one fanfiction than the entirety of a literal harry potter novel (that is not a joke. im actually 100% seriously about that. the philosophers stone was 76,944 words), it’s time to lay this giant fluffy thing to rest.
> 
> thank you so much for being apart of this!! seriously!! i love you all so much that i’m proposing. don’t worry, i’ve already sent all of you all invitations to our fantastic super surprise wedding. over 300 people gave this thing kudos so i’m pretty sure we’re going to shatter some marriage records here or something but it should be fun.
> 
> thank you again! for the fanart, for the nice words, for the fanmix, and for being so cool and so patient w my friggign seven month process. i mean it. youre all the best and you deserve the best!!


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